CHAPTER ONE
Ianto walked up the steps to Jack's office and knocked. He held the cup he had in his hand carefully, so as not to burn himself. He was the only other person in the Hub besides Jack.
Jack could hear Ianto's footfalls on the stairs, as he came up to the office. He smiled to himself. Was Ianto going to knock or just walk in? And just how long did he intend to stand outside the door anyway?
Ianto eventually took a deep breath and knocked twice before he walked in. "Coffee, Sir," he said with a forced smiled and walked forward placing it on the desk before Jack.
"Thank you, Ianto. Smells good. Another of your special blends?" Jack took a sip and closed his eyes. "Mmm, hits the spot." Jack leaned back in his chair, lacing his hands behind his head. He frowned and then spoke. "How are you Ianto?"
"Yes, it's another one of my blends and I'm fine Sir. Thanks for asking. How are you?" He put his hands behind his back to give them something to do and looked at Jack. He hated when he looked at him like that, it was almost if he was looking into his very soul.
Jack turned his head to one side and looked Ianto over. "Fine, huh? You looked a bit down earlier. Is there something you wanna share with me?" Jack pushed his chair back and stood up. Walking around the desk, he perched on the edge of the top a few inches form where Ianto stood, fiddling with his hands behind his back. Jack smiled at his shyness.
Ianto swallowed looking at Jack, seeing how close he was. His stomach was flipping. "I'm fine, Sir," he answered. He could feel his heart racing and swallowed again. "If that's it, Sir, I should get back to work."
"Stay a while, I need a little company." Jack walked to the door and looked out. "Everyone has gone home. Why are you still here? I told you all to go home an hour ago."
Ianto wanted desperately to leave. He turned to watch his boss. "I uh... there was some work needed to be done in the archives… filing. There is always stuff that needs doing down there," he added with a mutter. Truth was he had nothing to go home too, no one waiting for him, so he would rather work.
"Are you telling me the truth, Ianto Jones? I think not. You're like me, no one's home." Jack leaned forward, their noses almost touching. He could feel Ianto's breath on his face. He closed his eyes and leaned back. "I was wondering, maybe a little light refreshment. What do you say? Dinner. Bellini's. Now?"
Ianto was holding his breath and he had his eyes closed so it took him a moment to realise Jack wasn't that close to him anymore. He slowly opened them. "Yep, that would be great," It came out as more of a whisper.
"On me, of course." Jack sat back down behind his desk. "Just have a few more reports to sign and we can leave in about, oh…" Jack checked his watch. "Ten minutes."
"Ten minutes and counting, Sir." He used that excuse and quickly left. He walked down to the archives, went in and shut the door leaning against it. He let out the breath he'd been holding and tried to calm down his racing heart. He hated the way Jack could effect him like that.
Jack went to the window and watched Ianto's quick exit. Did he feel the same way as Jack did? He'd get around to that question tonight, hopefully.
Jack had loved Ianto since that very first meeting, though he'd never admit it to even himself.
Ianto was waiting at the bottom of the steps to Jack's office, exactly ten minutes after he had left. He felt less flushed now. The glass of whiskey he had just downed, possibly could of helped. He stood patiently and waited for Jack.
"Is that whiskey I can smell, Ianto Jones?" Jack tutted. 'Dutch courage.' He smiled, taking one of Ianto's hands in his. "I don't bite... not on the first date anyway." There, he'd said it... the 'date' word.
Ianto flinched when he mentioned the whiskey. Damn it He would be more careful next time. Then he said it date. Was this a date? Were they on a date? What the hell did that mean? Ianto didn't know what to say, so just remained silent and let him hold his hand.
"Are you as confused right now as I am? Hell, I shoulda done this weeks ago." Jack leaned in and placed a kiss on Ianto's lips. "Months ago!"
Ianto was about to answer when he kissed him and his breath caught. He had dreamt about doing this since he started working for him. He returned the kissed, caught up in the moment.
Jack put his arms around the younger man, drawing him closer. When they parted, Jack could feel the heat coming from the younger man. He was intoxicating.
Ianto opened his eyes to look at Jack, he didn't try to stop his heart from racing. He was sure Jack had always known what effect he had on him. "Wo..." he couldn't even finish.
Jack smiled, brushing a hand along Ianto's jaw line. "You are one sexy creature, Ianto Jones. You drive me crazy, and I love you so much... you take my breath away."
Ianto looked at him and he was sure he'd heard it wrong. How could someone like Jack love him. "You... you love me?" he stuttered.
"From the moment I set eyes on you." Jack looked away for a moment. "I know I've done some really bad things. I know I've hurt you, but it was all for your own good. I would never hurt you intentionally, you know that, don't you?" Jack searched Ianto's face for any sign of mistrust or disgust.
All that was in Ianto's eyes were confusion but most of all love. "I love you, too," he said, inhaling Jack's sweet scent, "You're all I can think about."
Jack smiled, his heart filled with love. "You complete me, Ianto. I have never loved anyone the way I love you." He moved closer. "Stay tonight… please."
Ianto felt him move closer again and even though he was scared of the unknown, he nodded. He knew Jack would look after him. "Okay." He nodded again.
"We don't have to do anything. I just want to hold you, okay?" He wanted Ianto to know that it wasn't just about sex. He wanted to share the secrets of the night with him, but on his terms.
"Okay." he was glad he had said that. He loved him, he really did, but he didn't know if he was ready for everything that bought with it. Ianto lifted his head up finding Jack's lips and kissed him again.
Jack found himself drifting off to a magical place with this Welshman in his arms. He didn't want the night to end. Didn't want anyone else intruding into their special place. He wanted Ianto to himself for the rest of the young man's life, however long that might be. Jack was going to be selfish, and keep him all to himself.
Ianto didn't even feel himself being steered back up to Jack's office and taken down to Jack's bunk. He was so lost in this world. His world. His world with Jack. He hadn't felt like this for so long. He felt so alive right now.
Jack carefully removed Ianto's jacket and placed it over the overstuffed chair. Then he loosened his tie, watching to see if Ianto felt nervous. "We can go out for something to eat later, if you'd like."
Ianto nodded and let Jack undress him. He felt light headed. He felt so happy, so alive. It felt like a dream. They always turned out to be dreams. He lifted a hand and put it on Jack's waist.
Jack's eyes never left Ianto's face. Never once made him feel used, inferior. He undid Ianto's waistcoat, slipping it from his shoulders, then started on the maroon shirt. How he loved that shirt.
Every time Jack's fingers brushed his skin, it was a like a spark of electricity shooting through his body. It made his hair stand up. He watched Jack's face.
Jack could see the love shining in the younger man's eyes, and in no time the shirt had joined the jacket, tie and waistcoat on the chair. Jack brushed Ianto's chest, taking a deep breath and holding it for a few seconds. "Mmm, I could eat you alive."
Ianto smiled a little. "Wouldn't be a good idea, I would only have to clean up afterwards anyway." he took Jack's hand.
Jack laughed. "Yep, you would, and I'm a messy eater." Jack let Ianto slip his braces off of is shoulders, loving the feel of the young man's hands on his body. "Mmm, feels good. Don't stop. I have way too many clothes on right now."
Ianto smiled and started to undo his shirt, his fingers slipping because of his nerves. He wasn't nervous about what he was doing, just the situation. He couldn't believe it was happening. Ianto finally got his shirt off and his eyes were on Jack's chest.
"Breath Ianto," Jack said and laughed, taking one of Ianto's hands and kissing it. "It'll be okay. you'll see." Jack watched as Ianto pulled down his fly and undid the button.
Ianto let Jack's trousers fall to the floor and he stepped towards him and kissed him again, He smelt so damn good. Where as before, he would always walk away after being so close to him, but not this time. Jack was his. He kissed down his jaw, his arm around his waist.
Jack let Ianto push his trousers down and stepped out of them. He wanted to show Ianto just how much he loved and trusted him. Jack didn't love this deeply that often, and never with an earth man. He wanted this to last forever. Didn't want anything or anyone to come between him and this vision of beauty before him. He closed his eyes, feeling Ianto's hand against his skin. It was magical.
Ianto was happy to stay in this moment, he didn't want it to end. Feeling his heart beat against his chest, he felt himself be pulled down onto the bed, but he managed not to break the kiss.
Jack pulled Ianto down into a sitting position on the bed. He didn't want to move too fast. Didn't want to scare his Ianto away. They continued to kiss. It was soft, sensual, passionate. It was long, wet and their tongues battled for control.
Ianto had imagined this for so long, what Jack's kiss would feel like. What his skin would feel like against his own. How it would feel to be with him… naked. Ianto eventually pulled back, his forehead resting against Jack's. Hhe breathed deeply.
Jack took in Ianto's scent. He would remember this for the rest of his life. Long after Ianto was gone, he'd remember. Parting, Jack bent down, taking Ianto's shoes and socks off, then he kissed each foot.
Ianto giggled and then quickly cleared his throat. " Sorry, I'm ticklish," he bit his lip watching him. He was being so gentle with him, so careful.
"I learn more about you each passing minute." Jack released his feet, moving
up the bed to capture his lips with his again. The fell backwards onto the pillow. Jack sighed.
Ianto noticed, but didn't say anything. He had been learning about Jack's moods as he went along. They were complicated. Ianto moved close to him. Jack was so warm, so tender, "Is something wrong?" he looked up at him
"I have never had feelings like this before. I've loved, yes, but not like this. Not so... deeply, so intense." Jack wondered if it would last. It was Ianto's first encounter with a man after all.
Ianto smiled resting his head on the pillow next to Jack's. "Oh," he muttered and kissed his temple. "I feel the same way," he said and put an arm over his chest.
"We can stay like this, it's okay. I know you might feel a little uneasy being naked." Jack kissed the top of Ianto's head.
Ianto nodded thankful that he understood,. He did just want to stay like this, with him. He hoped he wouldn't wake up back in his flat on his own. Ianto fought sleep for the next couple of hours, not wanting it to wake up in his flat…alone again.
Jack finally succumbed to sleep, fighting it was useless. His eyes were heavy, but his heart was full.
Ianto saw that Jack had fallen asleep, so with his head just above Jack's heart listening to his heartbeat, he followed suit, safe in his lover's arms and his heart.
Jack opened one eye and smiled. Ianto had fallen for his 'I'm asleep' routine. He was now lightly snoring in Jack's arms. Jack kissed the top of his head and fell asleep for real this time
Ianto slept until the morning. When he woke up, he didn't open his eyes just moved a little and smelt Jack underneath him and smiled. He was still there it wasn't a dream, he opened his eyes.
"Morning, beautiful," said Jack, brushing a stray strand of hair off of Ianto's forehead. "Sleep well?"
Ianto looked up at him and couldn't help but smile. "I did, I slept really well." and he had, In fact, he hadn't slept that well since well, since Lisa.
"I'm glad. You look a lot happier, I must say." Jack changed position, leaning on his elbow above Ianto. "I'm sorry for all the hurt I've caused you. But...it was for the best."
Ianto looked up at him and took a deep breath. "It's okay, I understand, I might not have at the time but I do now." He shrugged. "I owed it to Lisa to try."
Jack kissed him. "It had to be done, Ianto." His heart went out to the younger man, his blue eyes held nothing but love for Jack.
"I know," he replied and cuddled into him. "Did you sleep well?" he didn't want to talk about it.
"Mmm, best nights sleep I've had in a while. I'm usually out walking most of the night." He hugged Ianto to him. "But not last night. I had company, and I slept like a log." He smiled.
Ianto smiled and turned his head to look at the small clock on the night stand. He hated to get up, but the others would be in soon. "Want a coffee?"
"Mmm, great idea. The others won't be in for another hour or so. We can have coffee. But you can take a shower first, if you like." Jack looked at Ianto and smiled. "Or we could take one together...save water."
Ianto took a deep breath. "Coffee first." he got out of bed and pulled on his trousers. "I'll go put the coffee maker on."
Jack smiled. "You know the way to my heart, Ianto." He watched as Ianto put on his trousers and climbed up the ladder to the office above. Getting out of bed, Jack put his trousers on and followed Ianto. He watched from his office and his new love turned on the coffee machine and worked a little 'Ianto Jones magic'. He was sure Ianto would try out a new blend on him today. Ianto always managed to impress him with his coffee blends. He couldn't wait. Love and pride filled his heart until he thought it would burst.
Ianto took his time concentrating on the task in hand. He was working on a new blend today. He mixed three different types of coffee beans and then waited for the machine. While he waited, he got two cups and smiled as the coffee filled them. He turned with them in his hand and walked back towards Jack's office and up the steps. He still knocked.
"Come on in. Sit," said Jack pulling out a chair for Ianto. Jack watched as the mug was set on the desk. "Mmm, smells good, as always." He picked up the mug and took a sip. "Arh, that is good."
Ianto tipped his head a little and smiled. "Thank you." He sat down and wrapped his hand's around the coffee cup. "It is good."
"Blow your own trumpet, why don't ya," Jack smiled. "I better drop you home so you can change." He sipped his coffee. "How do you feel about telling the others?"
"Telling them about what?" he had no idea what they had between them. He knew what it was to him, but he didn't want to mess things up, if all he was to Jack was a part time shag.
Jack moved to kneel beside Ianto. "I love you and I want everyone to know that. I don't want to sneak around all the time, pretending."
Ianto looked down at him, his heart racing again. "Oh... Okay," he smiled a little. "Well I don't know. Do we just tell them?"
"I think it's best. Don't want Tosh barging in when we're, er, kissing, do we?" Jack laughed. "I just want us to be together. No more pretending."
Ianto nodded. "Yeah, me too. So, we tell them. I don't care what we tell them, we just do."
Jack was glad that Ianto was cool with the idea of telling the rest of the team that they were in love. He could just see Owen's face now... office shag Ianto was not. Never would be. Jack was in love, pure and simple. Now he had to make sure that his lover stayed safe, and Ianto wouldn't like that one bit.
Ianto sipped at his coffee looking at the wall, both his hand's wrapped around the cup enjoying the warmth it gave him. He smiled to himself, not looking at anything in particular. He was imagining the team's reactions. Tosh would be happy for him, Owen would make some quip about just being a shag and Gwen... well would she be jealous.
Jack sat in his office, looking down at Ianto. They decided it would be better if they were apart when the rest of the team finally came in to work. He imagined what they would say. 'Just the part time office shag' Owen would say. He never thought Jack could stick with one partner for more than a few weeks. Pot. Kettle. Black came to mind. Tosh, she'd be happy for us, Ianto in particular. Gwen, well, that was going to be hard to watch. Jack had always thought of Gwen as special., and she was, but she had Rhys after all - and Owen on occasion -. Jack had Ianto. Needed Ianto. Loved only Ianto.
After drinking their coffee, the two men quickly showered together, before dressing. Jack drove Ianto back to his flat so he could change, and then they drove back to the Hub.
Jack looked towards the sliding door as he heard voices. They're here...No! It's too early!
Ianto heard the door rolling open, his heart was racing. He took a deep breath to calm himself concentrating on making some more of his 'special' coffee. He took longer than he normally would, placing the cups on the tray and then turned towards the entrance to the Hub from the small kitchenette. He took one more deep breath and then walked out. "Morning," he said to no one in particular, sometimes he wandered if they would notice if he was there at all. Jack would, but the others probably not. But they would miss his coffee before they missed him. Yes, they'd miss his coffee. "Coffee?"
Jack stood at his window watching Gwen and Tosh as they chatted amongst themselves. He heard Ianto speak, but no one answered him. Jack felt angry. They were taking him for granted. Not anymore. Not after today, he'd see to that.
"I think Ianto asked you ladies if you'd like coffee," Jack said, smiling. Gwen smiled and nodded. Jack went back into his office and came out a few minutes later when Owen arrived. "Okay, once you get your coffee, Boardroom, please." Then Jack went back into his office. The other three members looked from one to the other and then at Ianto, who just shrugged, raising an eyebrow, just to confuse them.
Ianto handed them each of them a cup of coffee and left Jack's on the tray. He would take it up to the boardroom with him. Ianto leaned against the door, his heart was pounding out of his chest. He needed to calm down or he was going to pass out. He breathed deeply trying to calm himself. He wished he had eaten now. He didn't do nervous well on an empty stomach. He walked up to the boardroom and, going inside, and stood awkwardly by the door, staring down into Jack's coffee cup.
"Okay, come on in Ianto." The rest of the team sat around the table drinking their coffee. Jack was watching Ianto. He could sense how nervous he was. "I.. we have something to tell you, and it isn't open for discussion." Ianto cleared his throat. "I...Ianto and I are…" "Shaggin'" finished Owen, laughing.
"No yet," said Jack. "But we are together."
Ianto just put the coffee down by Jack and eventually he had to sit down. He felt like he was going to pass out, as he sat down next to Jack and kept his eyes on the desk. He wasn't embarrassed. He would shout it to the world how much he loved him but he was scared. They were supposed to be his friends. Since Torchwood One, they had been his only real friends, almost family and he actually cared about their opinion.
He flinched when Owen spoke. What else was he expecting from him, of course he would go there. 'Mind in the gutter' he thought.
Then Tosh spoke next. She looked at them both, a smile on her face " That's lovely" she said. "I'm happy for you."
Ianto actually lifted his head and met Tosh's and smiled a little at her.
Jack gave Owen a harsh looked and he raised an eyebrow.
"Sorry."
Gwen didn't say anything.
"We are both committed to this relationship. I guess I've loved him for a while. Just didn't want to admit it."
Gwen looked at Jack after he spoke. "I'm really happy for you both," her words held venom.
Shivering, Ianto quickly looked away. He had heard the venom in her words and he knew it wasn't going to be easy. He stood up quickly. "I better get back to work, you know, the tourist centre." He walked out of the boardroom closing the door quickly. He was glad to be out of there, to be able to breathe without being watched.
Once outside the secret door leading from the Hub into the Information Centre, Ianto unlocked it and headed straight for the outside door, opened it for a moment to let some fresh air in and cool him down..
It was typical Welsh weather - pouring down with rain and cold.. He knew it wouldn't be busy but he wished he was. He stepped outside and closed the door, the rain drenching him within seconds.
"That wasn't called for Gwen. There was never anything between us. You have Rhys. Ianto deserves to be happy and I make him happy." He looked at Owen, then back at Gwen. "Please allow me to be happy, too." Jack left the boardroom and made his way to the tourist office. He couldn't see Ianto, so looked outside. Ianto was standing by the railing, drenched. "Ianto," Jack put his arm around his lover, turning him to face him. Tears fell down the young Welshman's face. "Ianto, don't let her upset you." Jack kissed the tears away. "It won't change how we feel about each other." Jack steered Ianto back inside and into the main Hub area where he got towels to dry Ianto off a bit.
Ianto let himself be steered inside when he actually wanted to stay outside. He hated the power Jack had over him. Anyone else he would of told them no, told them he wanted to stay outside, but with Jack there was no choice, it was always his way. Ianto dried his hair with a towel not really making an effort. He didn't care about being wet. He lived in Cardiff, he was used to wet clothes.
Once dry, he went back to the tourist office, followed by Jack. He sat on the high wooded stall and started fiddling with leaflets on the desk "Stop fussing I'm fine." he muttered to Jack, not looking at him.
Jack looked away just for a second, but saw Ianto close his eyes and sigh deeply. "It's gonna be hard for a few days, but we can get through this. I know we can. Be strong, Ianto.. Hang in there."
Ianto looked up at him and watched him. "I expected this. I knew Owen would come out with that. I even knew Tosh would be happy. I knew Gwen... It doesn't matter. Can I go home and grab some of my things Jack, change my clothes?"
Jack turned him so they were facing each other. "So, Gwen is a little jealous. So what? I'm with you, not her." Jack shook his head. "The whole world could disappear tomorrow, but as long as I had you, I wouldn't care. I really wouldn't. I love you that much." Jack took a step back. "Go home and change. Stay there, if that's what you want. Come in tomorrow. Think positive. Fuck them!"
Ianto looked at Jack and nodded, this had all been a bit to much to take in. He grabbed his coat and kissed Jack's cheek and then left, walking out in to the rain and disappearing around the corner.
Ianto went home and showered, then got in to jogging bottoms and an oversized t shirt and curled up on the sofa with one of his own cups of coffee and flicked on the television. The next thing he knew it was nearly 12.05 am, he must have fallen asleep. "Dammit!" He walked over to his coat and pulled his phone out stretching.
Jack was still in his office working, when his phone rang. When he saw the caller ID, he smiled. "Fell asleep did we Jones?" Jack chuckled. "Want me to come over? I can be there in five."
"Yep, I fell asleep. Sorry." He sat on the arm off the sofa rubbing his face. "Why aren't you sleeping?" he asked, before he realised he probably knew the answer already. "And yep, come on over." He glanced around realising Jack had never been to his apartment before. "Give me 15 minutes though, okay?" He needed to clean, even though the place was spotless.
"That's 15 and counting, Ianto Jones." Jack laughed. "Don't wear yourself out tidying up. I won't be looking at your apartment."
Ianto cursed mentally, he defiantly did know him too well. "See you soon Jack." He hung up and immediately got up and started tidying. Ianto didn't need to clean, the place was spotless. He was hardly here to make a mess. He just gave it a quick tidy. It was done in five minutes and Ianto went around the rooms checking. He quickly sprayed down the counter and wiped it.
Jack hung up and chuckled to himself. He really did know Ianto Jones. He could picture him now, running around his apartment, making sure every pillow was plumped up and just right. Every glass and ornament was in it's place and straight. Jack would only have eyes for him.
Ianto then got changed into tidier black trousers and a white t shirt, looking at himself in the mirror. He flattened his hair down, and quickly brushed his teeth and put some aftershave on and then sat down trying to act casual.
Casual, right
Jack drove as fast as he could to get to Ianto's. He parked the SUV and made his way to the apartment. He was quite excited, as he'd never been there before. Taking the stairs two at a time, Jack was outside Ianto's door in no time. He gently knocked on the door. He could hear Ianto's footfalls inside. Ianto opened the door. Jack checked out his casual, yet understated clothing.
"You look good," he said, kissing Ianto on the cheek. Ianto stepped aside and allowed Jack to enter. Ianto led the way. They walked through to the living room. Jack smiled at the neat and tidy appearance.
Ianto was a little tense. He stood in the entrance so Jack could have a look around. "Do you want a drink, water, coffee, something stronger?" he asked as her walked into the kitchen.
"Coffee's fine, thanks." He smiled, trying to put the younger man at ease. "Didn't go to too much trouble for me, did you? I'm here to see you, not your apartment." Jack looked around while Ianto was making coffee. "I love what you've done with the place. It looks..." Jack shrugged. "Nice."
Ianto smiled a little as he looked for something to describe his apartment, it was basic. He had what he needed, his couch, TV and bookcase, a bed and wardrobe. The kitchen had the most in, he enjoyed to cook to make things, it was how he escaped when he was alone at home He made a coffee for Jack and walked back out handing it to him. "It's basic but I don't need a lot."
Jack took the coffee and smelt it's rich aroma. "Mmm, just as I imagined it would smell." Putting the cup down, Jack snaked his arms around Ianto's waist. "I missed you this evening. Thought you might fall asleep. But...I guess you needed it. Gwen apologized after you left, by the way."
"Did you make her?"
Jack shook his head. "She was out of line, and she knew it." Jack picked up his cup and took a sip, his other arm still around Ianto. "Even Owen was cool with it."
Ianto watched him drink. "I'm sorry for just... walking out, it all got to much and I panicked and I needed fresh air and then I came home and fell asleep. I didn't mean to coz I was planning on just watching this show I like and then texting you around 7 to see if you wanted dinner. I was even going to cook for you. I'm sorry," he rambled on.
Jack put his cup down and took Ianto's face in his hands. "Hey, slow down. It's okay. I understand." and he did. "I know it's not easy for you. It's all new. Take your time. There's no rush. I know you love me and that I love and adore you." Jack smiled. "We have time, Ianto. Go at your own pace, please. Tell me if I'm going to fast for you." They kissed. "I don't want to push you into doing something you don't want to." He smiled.
Ianto looked at him, his eyes he had noticed them the first time he had seen him, so startling, so honest when he looked at him. Full of love. He felt his stomach flip. "Thank you." He leaned in and kissed him again resting his head on his shoulder. "For everything"
Jack returned the kiss. "I should be thanking you. I am what I am because of you. You touched my soul, I know that now. The first time I saw your face, I knew that I'd fall in love with you, but you were also straight. A no-no for me." Jack stepped back, to take in Ianto's form. "You are beautiful, Ianto, and you just don't see it. You think you're plain, acceptable. To me you're much, much more. I get tongue tied when I look at you. My heart beats faster. I smile more...because of you."
Ianto smiled a little. "I couldn't even breath around you. I was sure you knew the effect you had on me, when you would lean in to look at something or call me in to your office. It would leave me tongue tied and I would feel like I was going to pass out. I thought you were just playing at flirting. I always needed to get out of there before I did something stupid. But even now, you know how I feel and I know how you feel, my heart's still racing. My stomach still flips. I still get light headed." As a demonstration he took Jack's hand and lay it above his heart, which was racing.
Jack felt Ianto's heart beating and he smiled. Taking Ianto's hand, he placed it against his chest. There they stood for a few minutes, each with a hand on the other's chest.
"Looks like we both have the same effect on each other." Jack smiled. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."
Ianto stood there feeling Jack's heart beat under his hand. He couldn't believe that he had this kind of effect on Jack. He'd heard stories, read things in the archives about Jack. He knew Jack loved him but he didn't understand why. After all, he was Captain Jack Harkness, he could have anyone. "Wow"
"Wow, is right." Jack walked Ianto into the living room and they sat down on the couch. Jack sat sideways so he could face Ianto. "There are a few things I ought to tell you about me." He took a deep breath. "I have a daughter, and grandson. I don't see much of them. Alice doesn't like me to be around Stephen. He thinks I'm his Uncle," Jack smiled sadly. "She doesn't want him to see that I don't age. That he couldn't handle it. I suppose it's true. But...I miss them." He touched Ianto's face. "I lose people I love and it hurts. It never gets any easier. But it always happens."
Ianto sat watching him and he listened in silence. His heart broke for Jack, when he told him about Alice. He really wished that it could different for him. As an after thought, Ianto thought that it should bother him, that the man he loved had a grandson, but it didn't, it really didn't. "Okay." he said softly and took his hand.
"I have been married a couple of time, but Alice is my only child. Her mother died of cancer in 1987." Jack sipped his coffee. "Maybe I'll try something a little stronger, if you don't mind."
Ianto nodded and getting up, walked in to the kitchen and pulled out an unopened bottle of whiskey. Then he got one glass down and carried them back in and poured Jack a glass. Leaving the bottle on the table, he turned back to him.
Jack drank the whiskey down in one. Placing the glass on the coffee table, he poured himself another. "I've loved before, you know that. But I've never loved enough to want that person to live forever, like me. Not until now. You're that person, Ianto." He took a sip of the whiskey. "But it will never be, and that hurts, here." He tapped his chest. "I want so much for us. But...who knows. Torchwood is a hard taskmaster."
Ianto watched him. He didn't know what it was like for Jack to go through what he had. He himself lost Lisa and that had nearly ripped him apart. But Jack had lost some many people he loved. Ianto wasn't naïve. He wasn't stupid enough to think he was going to live into his 60's. Hell, he would be lucky if he reached 30 working for Torchwood. Before Jack he expected that, almost welcomed it but now it scared him.
Jack watched the emotions play over Ianto's beautiful, young face. "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. You just need to know a few things about me. I feel I keep too much bottled up inside, and it's good to let it out." Jack watched Ianto. "I know you don't think we'll have a lifetime together. I'd be naive if I thought that. But we can be happy together, I know we can. I want to give you the life you never dreamed of. I want to make you happier than you ever thought possible...because I can."
Ianto looked at Jack his eyes focusing and he listened to his words and he didn't doubt it for a second. "I know and your not upsetting me. I'm just thinking." He leaned over and put his head on Jack's shoulder.
"I want to spend the rest of your time on earth just loving you. I want everything for you. I want nothing for me, but your love." Jack kissed Ianto's forehead. "When we go into work, we'll hold our heads high, and we'll tell them how we feel. I don't care anymore. My priority is you."
Ianto nodded and smiled. " Okay, okay, I'm sorry. We'll do that. I love you so much."
Jack kissed Ianto's forehead. "You wanna stay the night? Pointless going back to the Hub now."
They slept in Ianto's double bed, arms around each other until morning.
"We better get ready for work. No sneaking around. I'd hate that." Jack put his glass in the sink and turned back to look at the younger man. "I know it's gonna be strange at first, everyone knowing, but you'll get over that, you'll see."
Ianto took a deep breath and looked at him. "Well they know now, right? What's the worst that can happen?" he walked over to the sink and washed the glass then dried it and put it away and turned back to Jack.
Jack laughed. "Gwen is gonna get used to it." Jack took Ianto's hand in both of his. "You do know I never slept with her, don't you? It ...never went that far. I admit, I did feel something for her. But when I was on the Valiant, all I could think about was you." He let Ianto's hand go and walked to the living room door, his back to Ianto. "You were all I could think about, night and day. Coming back to you." Jack turned. "Only you. I had to say all of you. You see that, don't you? I couldn't play favourites. Not when I didn't know how you felt about me." He eyes the young Welshman.
Ianto walked over to him and put his arms around his waist. "Jack, I understand, I understand all of this. You don't need to tell me all of this. It's a fresh start, that's all I need to know. If you love me and I know you do."
"I have never loved anyone...anyone, the way I do you. I never will again." He pulled Ianto into him. "I can't bare the thought of losing you. It's too painful." He kissed Ianto's forehead.
"Then don't think about it." Ianto kissed him.
TBC