I'm not really sure where it started this time. I suppose I could say it started with the first time I looked at him, but that wouldn't be true at all. I could say it started with the first time he spoke to me, with that smile in his eyes like he would never give up. But I'm just not sure. It started, I suppose, with the rain. It was raining that day... the day my mother died.
Screaming; desperate, hungry screaming. A hunting scream. Searching for a listening ear as much as I was searching for a hiding place.
"Hinata, go! Hide now, before-" it was already too late. We could both see the figures through the trees as the icy drops began to fall from above. She was scared- even I could see that. I was only five, I really had no idea what was going on. It was just so scary, and I had to hide, Kaa-san said so. The figures were getting closer now, I could hear the twigs snapping carelessly under big, grown-up feet.
"Hinata, sweetie." He voice was different now. Was she more scared? I looked at her. No, she was calm, smiling at me as she swam closer to my end of the pond. Kaa-san would know what to do. Everything was going to be okay. "Hinata, you have to listen to me, honey." I understood. She wanted me to be grown up. But I didn't want to grow up right now! I wanted her to protect me from the scary men! I could see they were ninja now, carrying weapons and wearing headbands like Mother and Father did.
"Hinata, when you see your father again, be sure to tell him what you see here, alright? Sweetie, do you hear me?" I nodded, too afraid to speak. Suddenly, my mother smiled. She smiled right at me. It was her 'everything will be fine' smile, and I relaxed. I was only five. I couldn't have known. She was in the middle of the pond now, and she started treading water for stability as... as she made signs with her hands. I'd seen her do it before, but never so fast! She blurred through a series of finger-contortions that I only half knew the meaning of, then jabbed her open hand in my direction, almost splashing me. The earth swelled up in front of me, forming a little sideways bowl, cupping me into the middle and shoving me toward the tree. It was hurried- I felt my body collide with the tree and began to cry. Not loudly though- I never did anything loudly. Otou-san complained about that.
The men came. They were dressed in grey and black, wearing shiny headbands and weilding knives. They asked questions I didn't understand, and did things I didn't want to see. But Kaa-san had told me, I needed to watch so I could tell my father. I watched. And I never forgot.
The rain never fails to remind me of that day. How Otou-san had come with his guards as the water fell from the sky. Kaa-san was cold by then. And I was crying still. It was the longest I'd ever cried in my life. They didn't believe me. 'There is no hidden village that uses that symbol,' they insisted, and tried to get me to identify it as something else. But I wouldn't. I couldn't. Kaa-san had told me...
The rain came again. The village was far behind and I didn't know what to do anymore. I knew what had happened to me. Just as I know what happened to my mother. But this time, I didn't tell anyone. Kiba was just so happy to see me in one piece that I couldn't ruin it. If I said something, then they would all have to do so much extra work. No... I didn't tell them. Naruto was back though. I hid from him. I was sure he would notice. If I stayed around him too much, of course he would notice. I wasn't clean anymore. I was spoiled, like a piece of meat. Not that there was much to spoil. I guess I was being selfish. No one would have noticed. But Naruto did. He came to me, found me in the rain. His eyes... the color of a smile, the shape of pride.
"Oi, Hinata!" He must have seen me, because I heard his footsteps halt suddenly. That kind of stop only came from surprise. "Hinata? What's wrong?" I curled tighter, shielding myself from the cold rain, and from his piercing gaze. I didn't want him to see what I had done. Though I said nothing, he came closer. A hand landed on my shoulder, gentle and comforting. Oh, I wanted nothing more than to lean into his warm embrace and cry. But what a disgraceful thing to do. Even if I wasn't the Hyuuga heir anymore, I wanted badly to show my father I was worth something.
'See Otou-san? See how I don't cry, even though I want to? Doesn't that make me strong?' No... the want to cry made me weak. I knew that. Real strength was in not needing to cry. Not feeling weak. Not just acting strong.
"Hinata? Please tell me what's wrong. I want to help." His voice was so close. I could feel his breath on my neck. But I didn't turn. I couldn't, even if I had wanted to. I was so scared, I couldn't even blush.
"It's... it's nothing, Naruto-kun." I forced myself to speak, to lie. I tilted my head a little more, encouraging my hair (which Otou-san said was too long and got in the way) to hide my face. "I'm f-fine. Don't worry ab-bout me." Damn that stutter! How I wished I could be rid of it! But Naruto pulled me closer, instead of leaving.
"Is it something about your dad?" The top of my head touched his chest. I could smell his jacket, a blend of woodsmoke and ramen, through the musk of unwashed hair. It occurred to me that I should take a bath when I could... "Hinata? Talk to me. Please." There was a note of despair in his voice now. I looked up. I couldn't help it. What I saw in the rain shocked me. Tears. Tears in startlingly bright blue eyes. Tears for me.
"Oh, Naruto-kun." I had to choke back the sob that struggled to get out of my chest. My throat ached. I felt my eyes grow wet and buried my face in his chest.
I hugged him. For the first time ever... I hugged him. And I cried. I am ashamed of my weakness, but I don't regret crying that day. I told him nothing of what happened, but I'm glad that I cried to him. It made me feel better. Not so alone.
Thank you for listening, Diary. I don't know what I would do without you. Please keep my secret safe. Though I haven't even told you... you know more than anyone else.