Home is behind
The world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow to the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight...
-A Walking Song
Darkness. Darkness, and hunger, and hope, and loss.
That was all Nico had known in the past few weeks. Which, speaking as someone who'd lived for what seemed like a thousand ages, was long enough to make it feel like it was all he had ever known.
Okay, so maybe it wasn't just a feeling. It was no secret that Nico's life had been hard. The son of Hades sat alone in his cabin at Camp Half-Blood. The war with Gaea was over now, thank all the gods. They'd only lost one. Only one demigod, and yet it seemed like the whole group was dead. All of them were mourning, even Nico. And especially Percy.
They'd lost Annabeth to a group of giants too far away to reach in time. Through the empty shell of his anger and loss and fear, Nico felt the sadness. It wasn't just for Percy. But he wouldn't deny that a large part of it was. The look on Percy's face, the terror that flashed in his eyes when he realized that his Annabeth was gone. The poor son of Poseidon had looked like his soul was being torn in half. And in turn, Nico felt the same. He had thought his feelings for Percy had faded. Fooled himself into thinking it. But it wasn't true. It was never true.
And now, more than ever, Nico just wanted the old Percy back. When he had at last delivered the Athena Parthenos to the Greeks, he had been so weak he thought he wouldn't be able to stand. But he did, and more than that, he fought with the other demigods against Gaea. There had been Victory. But it had left Nico hollow, an empty shell with all his emotions bared. Whenever he was with anyone else, he acted normal. Acted like his strength was back, and he was fine. The truth was, he was still just as weak as when he brought the statue. So much shadow travel, with so little rest and so little food, had made Nico seriously ill. He could barely stand, his bones were thinning, he couldn't eat without throwing it back up. He was too thin but wore baggy clothes to cover it up. It took all of his strength to be with the others and act normal. Act strong. As soon as he entered his cabin each night, nothing stopped him from immediately blacking out and sleeping until the breakfast bell woke him and the whole stupid cycle started again. A part of his mind was whispering to him, saying You can't keep doing this, you can't go on like this, you're going to die. But another part, a stronger part, told him But the others will be worried if you tell them, and they won't be able to get on with their lives. You'll only be in their way. And so it went on, on and on until Nico barely even felt alive. He was sitting here in his cabin now, and he was done for the day. Nico was about to lay down when a knock sounded at the door. The son of Hades sat up with a vicious curse and pulled a sweatshirt on. He dashed into the bathroom and smeared some cream on his face. He'd stolen some liquid foundation from the Aphrodite cabin and used it to cover up his white marble skin, even paler from sickness. It felt silly at first, but now it was just necessity. No one needed to know he was sick, not now. After he was done, he straightened his posture and opened the door. He was expecting Hazel, most likely, perhaps Jason. What he did not expect was for the son of Poseidon to be standing outside his door. Nico blinked exactly once.
"Nico?" Percy looked tentative. Nico hated it when people were tentative around him.
"Yeah?"
"Um...could I talk to you for a sec?"
"Sure. Come on in." Percy followed Nico inside the Hades cabin, and di Angelo flicked on the lights. He figured Jackson wouldn't appreciate hanging out in a cabin that literally felt like death. The lights helped a little. The two demigods sat at the only table in the cabin, a rudimentary wood table painted black accompanied by two straight backed chairs painted the same color. Nico tried not to be nervous. Percy, however, looked like he wanted to disappear through the floor. Nico raised an eyebrow as if to say, Dude, are yougonnasay anything? Jackson took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and spit it out.
"What did you think of Annabeth?" The son of Hades felt his eyes widen. Percy hadn't so much as said his girlfriend's name since she died. No one had tried to force it.
"I...what do you mean?" Percy opened his eyes, and they were moist.
"What...I mean, you...you liked her?" Nico gave him a small smile.
"Yeah, of course. Everyone did." Keep it small. Keep it true. Nico was so weak right now, all he wanted to do was fall on the floor and sleep.
"I know, it's just...I...I'm not sure she was real anymore." Nico frowned.
"What do you mean, Percy?"
"It's just, I can't see her anymore, I feel like I'm forgetting...I feel like everything was a dream and I'm just the stupid guy left behind."
"It was real, Percy, trust me. She loved you." Nico knew he was speaking the truth, but the words hurt to say. He noticed Percy was trembling, and he looked a little pale. "Look, Jackson, maybe you shouldn't be talking about this..."
"No," Percy said reluctantly. "I can't pretend it didn't happen anymore. I have to talk...to someone."
"Then maybe you should talk to Rachel, or I don't know, Hazel. I'm not exactly the best person to talk about this. Why did you want to talk to me?" Percy tugged at his hair tiredly and sighed.
"Gods, di Angelo, I honestly have no idea." Jackson shook his head and was silent for a moment. Nico watched his expression guardedly.
"She used to think you had a crush on her, you know." Nico inhaled sharply and stood up in shock.
"What?!" The sheer irony alone made him speechless. Unfortunately, Nico had stood up too quickly and hit his head on the shelf overhead, which, lucky for him, held a pot of water. He cursed at the sharp pain, and his head was doused in water. He rubbed his head.
"You okay, dude?" Percy asked worriedly.
"Yeah," Nico muttered weakly. He pulled out his chair and ignored the fact that his whole body was shaking. It took his a moment to realize that Percy was staring at him, all the color slowly draining from his face. "What?" He demanded.
"Nico," Percy said quietly, "your face." Alarm was building in his sea green eyes. Nico touched a finger to his cheek and looked at it. A droplet of skin-colored water rolled off his hand.
The foundation.
Nico closed his eyes and cursed at himself. Of course all the water had washed off the foundation. He put a hand on the back of his chair to steady himself and tried to get his strength back. The cold water was making him shiver and he was already so tired. He didn't even realize he was falling until Percy jumped from his chair and held him up. "Whoa, dude, take it easy." Jackson helped him across the cabin and pushed him gently onto the bed. Nico stared wearily as Percy looked down at him with fear. "Have you always been that pale and I just didn't notice? Please tell me I didn't notice." The son of Hades just managed to stay awake.
"All the...shadow travel...was too much, made me sick." Percy's brow furrowed.
"Why on Earth would you not tell us? Jesus, di Angelo, I'm going to get some ambrosia-"
"Doesn't work," Nico croaked. "Tried it, but I'm just tired the next day. I'm using too much energy. I don't know what to do, Percy..." Jackson sighed and sat down on the bed next to Nico.
"Give me your hand." Percy's serious expression wouldn't allow argument. Nico held his hand towards the son of Poseidon, palm upwards. He winced at how pale and bony it looked. Jackson took it and closed his eyes as if he couldn't bear looking.
"Man, what did you do to yourself?" Percy felt Nico's middle finger. "Where's your ring?"
"Doesn't fit very well anymore. I stopped wearing it." Percy dropped Nico's hand.
"I'm going to help you."
Nico sighed. "Jackson-"
"No, di Angelo, I am going to help you, and you are not going to argue." Percy stood up and walked towards the door.
"Why?" The son of Poseidon looked at him like he was insane.
"Don't be stupid, Nico. You're like a brother to me. Besides...I owe you. Get some sleep." Percy stepped onto the porch and shut the door behind him. Nico raked a hand through his hair and listened to his receding footsteps.
You're like a brother to me.
Nico laid down and tugged the blanket over his head. So Percy did care about him...
The son of Hades closed his eyes and fell into a sleep like death.