Pippin: Psychiatrist in the Making
Story rated PG-13 for the very real possibility (Knowing myself) that some vivid descriptions of violence are likely to appear at some point or another.
Disclaimer: You know the drill, I do not own anything!
Pippin had been slung over the back of the running Uruk-hai for three days now. His arms ached from holding all of the weight of his little Hobbit body. He looked at Merry. Still sleeping. Merry could have slept anywhere, even the rancid smell of the Orcs couldn't keep him awake. Or the hunger, or the thirst, or the pain in the shoulders. Pippin remembered the time Merry had almost drowned because he decided to take a nap while going for a swim. So at this point, with Merry sleeping like the dead, Pippin only had the babble of the Orcs for company. The Orc that was dead in front of Pippin's ride was complaining to the one carrying Merry.
"And then my wife said that if I hadn't plundered that village by supper time, she wouldn't let me eat my maggot pie!"
"Oh My Sauron! Jeez, Ugluk. That really is miserable! And this was right before you went off to war?"
"Why yes, dear Grishnakh. What I would give for some maggot pie now. All we've got is this bread. What monster expects us to eat this filth!"
The Orc that carried Pippin piped up, "Maggot pie! Ugluk, you'd plunder a village for just one pie! I'd demand a few tasty rats on sticks from my wife if I had to plunder an entire village myself!"
"Lugdush, you have the best wife of all of us. And your little monsters, how be they faring?" questioned Grishnakh.
Lugdush thought wistfully to himself about his disgusting family, which he had left behind in the Hithaeglir Mountains. "Well, young Mudslush had just gutted his first man when I left."
"Growin' up to be a fine Orc I wager," commented Ugluk.
Pippin shivered in disgust.
Lugdush continued, "Indeed Mudslush is. I am concerned about Nutglush though. A few weeks ago, he actually managed to catch an Elf! Well, of course I was proud as I could be, until I realized that he had no intention of killing the Elf! He kept it in a cage like a pet. He dressed it up and," Lugdush shuddered, "and he would BRUSH ITS HAIR!"
Ugluk gasped and Grishnakh gagged.
Lugdush didn't stop there, he kept going. "It was horrible. Plus, the Elf was one noisy bastard! He was all 'You can't feed me this! I'm an Elf!' and 'You can't brush my hair with anything less than sterling silver! You know I'm sensitive to steel! I'm an Elf for the love of Mirkwood!' Well, after a few days, Nutglush just let it go, he couldn't take the complaining any more. He didn't even kill it!" Lugdush sighed, then let out a strangled sob.
Pippin stifled a giggle. "So that's where Legolas disappeared to right after we left Rivendell," He thought to himself.
Grishnakh patted him on the back. "It's all right, man. You can't win them all."
Ugluk looked thoughtfully at Lugdush. "Well," Ugluk started carefully, "maybe what we need to do, is find an outside opinion on how to fix your boy to grow up into a proper Orc."
That was when Pippin got an idea.
Story rated PG-13 for the very real possibility (Knowing myself) that some vivid descriptions of violence are likely to appear at some point or another.
Disclaimer: You know the drill, I do not own anything!
Pippin had been slung over the back of the running Uruk-hai for three days now. His arms ached from holding all of the weight of his little Hobbit body. He looked at Merry. Still sleeping. Merry could have slept anywhere, even the rancid smell of the Orcs couldn't keep him awake. Or the hunger, or the thirst, or the pain in the shoulders. Pippin remembered the time Merry had almost drowned because he decided to take a nap while going for a swim. So at this point, with Merry sleeping like the dead, Pippin only had the babble of the Orcs for company. The Orc that was dead in front of Pippin's ride was complaining to the one carrying Merry.
"And then my wife said that if I hadn't plundered that village by supper time, she wouldn't let me eat my maggot pie!"
"Oh My Sauron! Jeez, Ugluk. That really is miserable! And this was right before you went off to war?"
"Why yes, dear Grishnakh. What I would give for some maggot pie now. All we've got is this bread. What monster expects us to eat this filth!"
The Orc that carried Pippin piped up, "Maggot pie! Ugluk, you'd plunder a village for just one pie! I'd demand a few tasty rats on sticks from my wife if I had to plunder an entire village myself!"
"Lugdush, you have the best wife of all of us. And your little monsters, how be they faring?" questioned Grishnakh.
Lugdush thought wistfully to himself about his disgusting family, which he had left behind in the Hithaeglir Mountains. "Well, young Mudslush had just gutted his first man when I left."
"Growin' up to be a fine Orc I wager," commented Ugluk.
Pippin shivered in disgust.
Lugdush continued, "Indeed Mudslush is. I am concerned about Nutglush though. A few weeks ago, he actually managed to catch an Elf! Well, of course I was proud as I could be, until I realized that he had no intention of killing the Elf! He kept it in a cage like a pet. He dressed it up and," Lugdush shuddered, "and he would BRUSH ITS HAIR!"
Ugluk gasped and Grishnakh gagged.
Lugdush didn't stop there, he kept going. "It was horrible. Plus, the Elf was one noisy bastard! He was all 'You can't feed me this! I'm an Elf!' and 'You can't brush my hair with anything less than sterling silver! You know I'm sensitive to steel! I'm an Elf for the love of Mirkwood!' Well, after a few days, Nutglush just let it go, he couldn't take the complaining any more. He didn't even kill it!" Lugdush sighed, then let out a strangled sob.
Pippin stifled a giggle. "So that's where Legolas disappeared to right after we left Rivendell," He thought to himself.
Grishnakh patted him on the back. "It's all right, man. You can't win them all."
Ugluk looked thoughtfully at Lugdush. "Well," Ugluk started carefully, "maybe what we need to do, is find an outside opinion on how to fix your boy to grow up into a proper Orc."
That was when Pippin got an idea.