Author's Note: I own nothing.

The first part of Chapter 1 is set when Lily was 11 but the story skips to Seventh Year before the chapter finishes. So don't be put off by what at first seems to be a story about Lily as a child, it is definitely not!

Lily had never been a patient child. At Christmas she was the first to rise or, more accurately, hurtle from her bed and pelt downstairs to the silent sitting room where her presents were haphazardly piled next to the rest of the family's. In school her arm could be seen frantically waving in response to a question the teacher had asked, the owner practically bursting with impatience to impart her knowledge to the class. She could only restrain herself for about two chapters before she would skip to the last page of the book- what she found there didn't even have to make narratorial sense as long as her impulse was sated. She always wanted to know why and how right there and then; Lily had a special frown reserved for individuals who were unable to satisfy her curiosity. Her brows would knit together, her small mouth pursuing in a moue while her remarkably expressive emerald eyes would convey the depths of her disappointment and frustration at your failure. Adults generally recoiled when confronted with such a forceful glare though Tom Evans, Lily's father, tended to break into peals of laughter, ruffle her hair affectionately and call her his 'little firecracker'. Of course, this only infuriated Lily more and she would stomp off in a huff to one of her special places, separating herself from people who 'didn't understand'. It was one of these exchanges with her father that had led Lily to her current location after his ignorance on the subject of the moon had been revealed, leading to glowering on her part and much amusement on his.

She was currently concealed in a small, leafy thicket poring over a hardback book that yielded far more information about the moon and its mysteries than Tom Evans could ever hope to produce. The hot summer sun filtered through densely packed leaves above her and a fly hovered for several minutes above her exposed freckled shoulder before lazily settling on its target, only to find itself tragically assassinated by a well placed hand a few seconds later. This is where the boy, wearing a shabby, faded blue shirt that fell mid-thigh on his too-short jeans, discovered her. She barely glanced up as he clumsily swept the leafy fronds that covered a naturally occurring entrance aside, seating himself heavily opposite her on the earthen floor. The only acknowledgement of his presence was a mumbled 'Hello Severus', as she flicked a page in her book, pausing to push some of her thick dark-red hair behind her ear.

'I got it.'

There was no sign that Lily heard his quietly spoken words. She was absorbed in her book, greedily soaking in some fascinating details about the atmosphere of moon. It sounded only slightly more suffocating than the ridiculously muggy air she was currently suffering through.

'Lily.' This time there was more force when Severus spoke and excitement was evident in his voice. She raised her head, fixing her green orbs on his intense black stare. 'I got it. My Hogwarts letter. It came.'

For a moment everything in the clearing seemed to freeze before Lily threw herself at him and he found himself being squeezed tightly around his middle. He awkwardly placed his arms around her, unsure of whether this was allowed, and his stomach lurched strangely as if he were falling from a great height. A moment later, Lily breathlessly drew back from the hug, sudden worry etched across her face.

'Oh, this is brilliant Severus but...' she tailed off, clearly troubled by her thoughts. He was able to discern them easily.

'Don't worry, I told you- you'll get someone who comes and explains it to your parents. To prove it's real and make sure they don't get scared. That's why your letter isn't here yet.'

She looked relieved at his explanation and her face shifted back to delight as she ran over his news in her mind.

'It is real then.' Lily seemed to almost be speaking to herself. 'I knew it was. What did your parents say?'

Severus shrugged noncommittally though a flash of distress appeared in his dark eyes. 'Not much... My mum seemed pleased. My dad wasn't home.'

Lily looked sympathetic and reached out a small hand to touch his bony one. 'It'll be alright.' She brightened, speaking in reverent tones. 'You'll get a wand.'

Severus was quick to remind her: 'So will you. We'll both get them, together.' He reddened at this comment though Lily showed no sign that anything was amiss and grinned back at him, her small heart shaped face lit up with anticipation at what lay ahead.

She suddenly pouted. 'I hope they come today. I absolutely hate waiting.' Severus gave a small wry smile, well aware of Lily's lack of patience and sought to assure her. 'They'll come before the thirty-first. That's when the letter says we have to reply by. They'll probably come today.' He noticed Lily's face had darkened and she looked unsure of herself. He could take a guess at what was bothering her and blurted out:

'You'll get in!' He blushed again and quietened his tone. 'You'll get in no problem.' He was rewarded with a beaming smile from the red-head and he quickly looked down at his lap as his sallow skin flushed a deep shade of umber. Consequently, he missed her picking up the moon book that had so entranced her and scrambling to her feet.

'Come on Sev...' Looking up he saw Lily was now standing, impatiently tapping her foot on the floor. 'What if my messenger is there already? I should get home.' Severus stood up too, brushing his too-long hair out of his eyes and followed Lily out of the clearing.

On the way home they chatted energetically about something Severus called 'Wizard Chess.' Lily learned it was like normal chess except:
'The pieces actually move? And talk?'

'Yes, and they don't like it when you lose. I'd show you, but Dad threw away our set. He didn't like the noise.' Severus' face soured. 'But I'm sure they'll have it at Hogwarts.'
By now they had reached the junction that separated the way to Spinner's End and the street leading to Lily's house. She turned to face Severus and impetuously hugged him briefly again, saying 'Goodbye Sev! See you tomorrow!' before turning to run down her road.
'Wait!'
Lily paused and pivoted, with a quizzical look on her face.

'Just...just, good luck.'

She broke into a wide, joyful grin and his heart soared in his chest. She waved again; he watched go until her shining red hair had disappeared around the corner and she was no longer visible.

Lily noisily banged the door upon entering the house, startling her mother who peered out from the kitchen to see which of her offspring had created the disturbance. 'Oh Lily, I wish you'd be just a bit more considerate sometimes' she sighed as her youngest daughter burst into the room, knocking over some precariously perched pans as she did so. The clatter startled a tabby cat that lay basking in the sweltering rays of the sun on the flagstones beyond the French doors, causing the animal to right itself and haughtily stalk off down the garden path. Lily stared for a moment. 'Mum, when did we get a cat?' Her mother's answer was swallowed up by Lily's next question as her famous impatience made itself known.

'Has anyone been in to see me?'

Her mother's blank look was evidently not the answer the child had been seeking and the famous frown began to form on her face.

'Oh wait! There was one young man for you...' Her mother shot her a sideways glance, mischief sparkling in the blue eyes that she and Petunia shared.

Lily looked eager. 'Who was it?'

'Someone from your school.'

Lily was practically hopping with excitement. 'Yes, and?'

'And... he asked if you would like to go to the park with him and his family tomorrow! David Hitchings really is a lovely boy Lily and so pol-'

But the rest of Rosemary Evans' praise for David Hitchings was drowned out by the sound of a chair hitting the tiles and pounding footsteps on the stairs as Lily stormed out of the kitchen.

'Well...11 is a bit young.' mused Mrs Evans.

Lily poked her head around her sister's doorway and spotted her target sprawled on her bed, scribbling furiously in a A4 spiral-bound notebook.

'Tuney-' she began.

'Gah!' Her sister noticed her presence and looked guilty- intriguing. But she'd worry about that later. Right now there were more pressing matters at hand.

'Have you seen anyone a little bit strange near the house today? Anyone a bit, urm...different?'

'No, I haven't, sorry Lily.' She thought for a moment. 'Though that boy in your class who picks his nose and eats it was here. David Hitchings.' She made a face. 'He had a good root around while waiting on the doorstep. I saw him from the window.'

Lily's heart sank and she turned to go. 'Thanks Tuney, it's ok.'

'Hold on!' Her sister had jumped off the bed and was tying up her feathery blonde hair in a ponytail. 'Do you want to go to the swings?'

'I can't, I have to wait for someone.'

Petunia's pale blue eyes narrowed. 'Is it that Snape boy?'

'No, I was with him just now.'

Her sister pounced.

'So you'll go off with him but not with me?' Her pretty pale features were angry and pinched, showing hurt at the perceived rejection.

'No, it's not like that, he got his Hogwarts letter tod-'

'Hogwarts again!' Petunia laughed bitterly. 'It's not real Lily! He's lying to you! You're so silly!'

Lily stiffened. 'It is real! Someone's coming today, you'll see!'

Petunia scoffed. 'No it's not! It's just a silly fairy story for babies. You're such a child.'

'You're one year older than me. And it's not silly!'

'Oh go away Lily, leave me alone. Go and play with your dolls.' Petunia's voice had taken on a curiously tight, sneering quality as if she were caught between tears and manic laughter.

'I'm sorry Tuney, I don't want to argue-'

'GO!'

Lily took the hint and fled to her room.

Her bedroom was located at the far end of the hallway, marked by a large wooden sign that hung on the door proclaiming 'Lily's Room, Keep Out!' She'd had it up there since she was 8 and had realised how much she valued her privacy. Once inside she flopped on the bed, despondent at the lack of messengers and/or letters that had arrived at the Evans residence. Rolling over, she faced a large corkboard that displayed various pieces of evidence of her existence. A ribbon for spelling, a certificate for swimming a length in the local pool, a 'calender' made out of felt from Year 1... In the corner there was a battered, wonky drawing depicting a lopsided castle with red sparks apparently shooting from its highest turret. Underneath were the carefully printed letters that spelled 'HOGWARTS'. Rosemary Evans' careful handwriting informed the viewer that this particular piece of art should be attributed to 'Lily, aged 7.' Lily reached out a hand and gently traced the outline of her castle. 'It is real.'

She spent the rest of the day in her room trying, and failing, to remain interested in her moon book. The moon was so far away and Hogwarts was so near... There was really no contest between which would occupy her mind. She remained on edge, racing to the top of the stairs every time the doorbell sounded, only to traipse back to her base when the visitor disappointed her. Slowly, the hours passed, shadows on the outside pavement stretching and merging into one as darkness took over.

Lily sat sullenly at the dinner table, poking at the spaghetti her mother had coaxed her downstairs for. She felt a lump in her throat and quickly swallowed, shaking her hair in front of her face to cover her distress. Petunia was telling a story about a cat she had seen teasing the neighbour's dog. '...and then it just stalked away! It knew what it was doing Mum, I swear.'

Lily wasn't listening. She had been so sure that it was today, that they would come and it would all change. Severus had said so and he knew. Oh, why hadn't they come? Maybe Tuney was right, maybe it was all a big lie, maybe Hogwarts was just a story thought up by a lonely little boy who wanted a friend. Maybe-

But she wasn't able to finish the thought. A sharp rap at the door cut through her melancholy. Tom Evans frowned. 'Who on earth is it at this time?'.
The knock sounded again, more impatient than before. Tom extracted himself from the table and the family heard his soft footfall padding down the carpeted hall. There followed the unmistakable sound of a door opening and a low murmuring as Tom conversed with whoever had been standing on the other side. A sudden silence was broken by Tom's voice which contained a note of disbelief.
'Lily? Lily, there's someone here to see you.'

And Lily knew that this was it.

6 YEARS LATER

A hand was shaking her shoulder gently. Woozily she pulled herself from deep slumber and tentatively opened her eyes. She could see leather, red leather and lots of it. She must have fallen asleep on the train which meant-

'Crap!'. She had missed the prefects meeting and was still in the muggle garb she had boarded the train in. She wondered if any previous Head Girls had managed to so successfully botch the job before they had even reached Hogwarts but it seemed like a task only she had the unfortunate luck to achieve.

A chuckle pulled her from her musings. She directed her gaze towards the opposite seat where a lean boy with tawny hair sat, his amusement at her predicament obvious.

'Shut up Remus.'

'Be careful now... You have an example to set.' His words were warning but the accompanying smile said he meant nothing by them. She met toffee eyes, lit with warmth.

'You seemed pretty far gone. I was nudging you for a good two minutes before you moved.'

Lily passed a hand over her face, yawning as she did so. Despite her nap she felt incredibly tired, weariness that somehow reached into her very bones. She just wanted to curl up and sleep forever. But this wasn't an option. She had things to do, people to avoid.

'Lils? You haven't said anything.'

She gave Remus a small smile in an attempt to placate him. It didn't work and his expression grew worried, the premature lines etched around his mouth becoming more pronounced. He leaned forward and fixed his gaze on hers intensely until she could take it no longer, breaking the stare shamefacedly.

'Lily... You didn't write back. Not once. Not to any of us. Marlene's going crazy, none of us know what's been happening.'

'I'm sorry Remus, but the funeral and then I had to organize some things-' she stumbled over the words, breaking off as the ball lodged in her throat grew too large to speak.

'We're here for you Lils. If you'll let us be.'

She wished he could look at her without pity. It was an awful thing to see in someone's face. She was still Lily, nothing else had changed. Yes, she was sad. But how could she begin to feel normal again when her friends treated her like fragile china? And they wondered why she hadn't answered their letters.

'I'm fine Remus.' He looked skeptical and she gave a small laugh. 'Well I'm not, but I will be. I promise. Scout's honour.' As a half blood she knew Remus would get the reference and sure enough his answering smile demonstrated her lame joke had convinced him she was ok. Or that she could at least maintain the pretence of stability while in public.

'How much longer have we got?'

'We've been travelling for about 3 hours, so a good 45 minutes I'd say.'

'I should change.'

'Well, unless McGonagall's suddenly altered the uniform regulations to Muggle clothing, I would. Mind you, I think Sirius would have no objections if the female population suddenly began sporting such attire.' Remus gave a wolfish grin but showed no signs of moving.

'Uh, Remus...' Lily plucked at her top and raised an eyebrow questioningly.

'Oh right!' He blushed deeply and stood, making his way to the compartment door. 'I'll see you later. You didn't miss much at the Prefects meeting by the way, just a small speech by the Head Boy about what to expect in the way of duties. I said you had a headache to explain your absence.'

Lily was touched by his kindness and showed it in the genuine smile she gave him. 'Thanks Remus. I'll see you at the feast.' He left then, taking the comforting feeling his presence imbibed with him.

Lily swiftly changed into her robes, not wanting to linger. Slowly she took out the foreign object she had stored in the pocket of her jeans. The badge sat in the palm of her hand, its shiny embossed surface winking at her. 'Head Girl' it said. She had worked for this for so long and now... It felt like an empty title, one devoid of meaning or value. Head of what? Hogwarts could no longer provide protection from outside horrors. She was unable to ignore the threat that had been simmering for so long. How could they expect her to write Prefect schedules and plan Hogsmeade trips when people were dying?

Lily sighed and attached the badge to the front of her robes. It occurred to her that she had failed to ask Remus who the Head Boy was. She was surprised- she had expected the quietly authoritative boy to be awarded the title. She supposed his lycanthropy had made it impossible for him to fill the role and felt a rush of anger on his behalf. Equality seemed unreachable whichever world she inhabited, Muggle or Wizarding. She had no intuition as to her opposite's identity and did not care so long as it wasn't Sev- Snape. Anyone but him. Even Potter would be better.

She let out a snort. 'Potter, Head Boy! That's it Lily, you are genuinely mad.'

After checking the corridor was clear of people, she entered a bathroom with the intent to at least make herself look presentable. Lily didn't like seeing her reflection these days, it just reminded her of what she had lost. The dark-red hair and emerald eyes that stared back triggered a flood of memories of her father. Not only had he shared these features, he had been most proud of how they manifested in his daughter. 'Lovely, lovely Lily' he had called her. She could hear his laughter in her mind, teasing her. 'I'll have to buy a gun soon to keep those boys away Lil! Does a gun work against a wand? We'll soon find out!'. She felt faint suddenly as the realisation smacked into her again- he was really gone. A tear escaped her eye, rolling slowly down one smooth pale cheek, trembling on the curve of her lips. She could taste salt.

An angry hand dashed against her mouth and she wiped her eyes to protect against the threat of more teardrops. 'Stop it!' she whispered harshly. 'Pull yourself together!' Two gulping deep breaths helped her regain control of herself. The time for tears was over. She didn't have a choice anymore, she wasn't in the privacy of her room. The option of weakness was gone and it was time to start behaving like the adult she had been forced to grow into. Taking out a hairband, Lily pulled the silky strands into a loose ponytail- there. That at least looked decent. A bit of mascara here... Some blusher there... It was a costume, a mask of normality that would prevent probing questions but it was all she had at the moment. Soon she would have to face her friends. Remus had evidently covered for her, just one in a long list of selfless acts he performed for the people he cared about. The thought of seeing the others made her stomach churn with nervousness. She missed them, it was true, but there was a space between them now. The war was changing everything and the dynamics had shifted beyond repair. She only hoped they would understand her behaviour towards them, though this was improbable. She didn't think Remus had exaggerated when he said Marlene was 'going crazy'. It was just like her fiercely loyal friend to go mad if she was kept in the dark about Lily's welfare.

The train jolted to a standstill, interrupting Lily's ruminations. Outside, excited voices chattered as compartment doors opened and students poured in the corridors. She heard snatches of conversation as people passed:

'... she slept with him anyway. Apparently the whole 'might be gay' thing didn't matter.'

'Do you think Slughorn will notice? It's awfully conspicuous.'

'I think I'll die if Sirius Black doesn't ask me out. He's so beautiful!'

'Helga Hufflepuff! That's so unfair; I've been looking for her for ages!'

Lily snorted a little at the comment about Sirius, glad he couldn't hear such ego-swelling praise. One day his head would blow up like a helium balloon and he'd float off into space. Maybe he'd do her a favour and take Potter with him. Anyway, she was getting distracted. It was time to return to the real world. Exiting the bathroom, she grabbed her luggage from the compartment and made her way to the nearest door. Taking a deep breath, Lily stepped off the train.

She was back.