To whom it
Dea
To
Forget it, I already know who's reading this.
Let's get one thing straight: this isn't my will or anything. I've had some...I dunno, blackouts? Relapses? lately and I'm starting to think maybe somewhere down the road my brain's gonna check out for good, and I guess what you do when you think that's gonna happen is write down somethin' for yourself or your family. So this is just in case you can't get me back one day. I don't wanna get corny, but there's some stuff I want you all to know if I ever forget about you. Or if I die, whatever comes first.
Ford: Don't flatter yourself cuz you're first. You're just in the same room as me right now. Anyway, sorry again for gettin' you banned from airlines and married to a statue. I divorced him it, but that's probably still gonna raise some questions if anyone sees it on, like, your legal record or something. I dunno where that kinda thing would show up. And I guess it doesn't matter anymore so I won't bring it up talking to you, but your science fair project, that really WAS an accident. But hey, we both turned out alright. Mostly. Also, if it hadn't been for that you probably wouldn't know McGucket, so you're welcome.
By the way, I don't know what happens when my brain takes a break from, ya know, working, but I can tell you're beatin' yourself up about it every time. You suck at hiding it. I'm not sure if you really think it's your fault or if you just wanna blame somebody who's still around. Either way, you gotta knock it off. If you're not even gonna try to just live your life, then I brought you back for nothin.
Mabel: I'll just do this by when I met everybody. Yeah, I was introduced to you and your brother at the same time, but you did show up first.
I remember when you were younger you used to change your answer whenever me or your Grandpa Shermie asked what you wanted to be when you grew up - which kinda took a load off me. I didn't know what other smalltalk I could manage with a couple of 4-year-olds. I'm pretty sure you wanted to be a waffle at some point. I don't know if you've decided on something now, but whatever you wind up doing, you're gonna knock everyone dead.
I'm gonna level with you, pumpkin. All that cutesy glittery neon stuff, I always hated it. Still can barely tolerate it in general. But it's a lot of what lets you get that massive heart of yours out to everybody, so I love it for that. And I gotta admit, for someone who's all about being nice and honest and positive with everybody, at first I thought you were gonna wind up hating me. Turns out it takes a lot more than scamming a few dozen jerks to turn you against an even bigger jerk. Your good side's got a lot of space and it's always filling up more, but I'm proud I made the cut.
Di (P.S. Give your brother a break now and then, ok?)
Dipper: Full disclosure, your brain's pretty impressive. Sure, it makes you a nerd, but that's not all bad. I only give you a hard time for it to keep your ego in check. You always did the same for me, I'm returning the favor. It's actually a good thing you're a nerd. Means you're not too much like me. I don't wanna get all grim about it, but a lot of the stuff you and I have in common is stuff that I never li always got me in trouble. Come to think of it though, we both don't listen when anybody tells us how delusional we are. Guess that might get ya somewhere if you know how to use it.
So get your nerd degree, start your nerd ghost show, achieve nerd happiness. If anyone puts ya down for it...well, you've gotten pretty good at punching lately.
Soos: First off, if you really do wanna have, like, 10 kids, I say go for it. But maybe cut some more corners around the Shack. Also check if that number works for Melody.
Okay, I guess I promised you stuff I probably wouldn't actually say, so here goes: I have no idea why you looked up to me when you were a kid, but it looks like bein' around me didn't turn you into a deadbeat criminal, so that's a win for both of us. You were always a good kid, and I gotta admit, I'm glad I g it was kinda nice seein' you grow up. I remember once I tried to give you boxing lessons and you could barely get a blow to the punching bag. Too afraid you would break your hand somehow. You didn't change a whole lot, but if ya ask me, your old man missed out.
Wendy: You really were the worst employee I ever had. If your dad asks, the hotwiring is just for emergencies. In case you ever get caught in some shady part of town and you have to take your dea buddy's sedan and then ditch it in the woods so they can't keep track of you. Hypothetically.
Guess that's it. If you're reading this, sorry.