A/N: so this is right after shadow kissed. When rose goes looking for dimitri in Russia. Except she has a little surprise that should have never been possible. This first chapter is going to jump around quite a bit but only for this chapter.

********************************
It happened in an instant. And he went down. I didn't realize till later that it was me who was screaming as my mother pulled me away.

I lost the man I loved. The father of my child that i didn't even know i would bring into the world. And an instant was all it took.

************
Leaving wasn't the hardest part, that is till lissa stopped me at the gate. The tears that spilled from her beautiful emerald eyes.

"Do you love him more then me?" The question fell hard on me and I truly didn't know how to answer it so I repeated "he needs right now"
The statement looked as if it broke her and I could feel her pain through the bond.
"I need you he's gone, rose"
"No" I said "but he will be soon"
I handed her the chotki that she gave me during Christmas.
"I can't wear this it's for a Dragomir guardian..I'll take it again when I come back" I turned away and left her there. Her begs for me to stay feel on silent ears as I walked away from the only life I'd ever known.

I was sitting in my booth at the nightingale when the feeling of nausea came over me. I ran to the nearest bathroom and threw up the few contents of food I had eaten through the day. It's been about a month since I left the academy and over the past few days I've been emptying my stomach on a normal bases.

I walked back to my booth and pushed away the caviar that i had ordered. Caviar is by far one of the worst foods I have ever eaten but every now and then I get a craving for whatever reason I don't understand. I sipped at my water and looked around at the other people around me. I didn't spot any moroi men only a cluster of women who I really didn't want to ask 'where the village and all your husband's might be hooking up with blood whores at?' I took it as my cue to leave and get some real food back in my system.

I was on the train with Sydney headed to Siberia when the sudden craving for chocolate. I sat upright and looked over at Sydney whom was watching some Russian show on our small cabin TV. "I'll be back" I told her she gave me a curious look before turning her attention back to the show. I made my way down the corridor to the small bar "Do you have anything with chocolate?" I asked him. He looked up and me and gave a grunt and a minute later produced a glass of chocolate milk of which I finished in seconds. The chocolate was rich and smooth and tasted amazing.
"Ordering chocolate milk at a bar is strange" I heard and looked to my left. A man sat beside me now with a humored look on his face. "It's what I wanted" I said and put the cup down.
"Well let me treat you to another" he said looking at the bartender with a smirk. "I'd rather not thanks" I turned and walked away while the bartender chuckled.

We were in the house when the feeling of nausea swept over me except this time it was different. It was the nauseous feeling that meant Strigoi were around. I got up and grabbed my stake before leaving the room. I creeped around making sure not to be heard ready to strike.

I came to be in the home of Olena Belikova after I blacked out in the barn at the house. When I found out I was with them I was in shock. And then I threw up. I grabbed a tray that held water that I believe was for my cuts before the contents of my stomach where emptied.
Olena held back my hair and Sydney made gagging noises from the other room. Guess she doesn't do to well around sick people. Funny.

I stood on the back porch of the belvikoves house with a cup of what I presume was a vodka. I sipped at it but had no dire Feeling that I should drink it all in one big gulp. "They treat me like I'm his widow" I told Sydney as she approached. She laughed a little "Well you might as well be to them..it's not hard to see how much you cared for him" I smiled at this statement and set my cup down.
"How long have you been sick?" Sydney asked and elbowed me a little like we we're old friends "I don't really know..it hit me when I first came to Russia and hasn't really stopped" I answered her and looked back inside to see some of the people leaving.
"Well maybe you should hang back and not leave till you start to feel better" she said I looked at her. I shall in her eyes something curious "what?" It came out of my mouth more concerned than I meant for it to.
"Have you ever had sex?" The question stumped me and I felt a little embedded when I nodded my head.
"Do you think you could be pregnant?" The question burned me. Five seconds ago she was telling me I might as well be Dimitri's widow and now she's asking if I've screwed around with a moroi.
"No of course not" I looked at her like she was crazy "there is approximately no way I'm pregnant" she looked at me and pondered my words.
"When was your last period? I mean vampires get them to right?"

I sat with my head in my hands and Sydney stood in front of me holding a pregnancy test she had grabbed me from the market.

Positive.

How could this even happen!? Dhampirs can't have children with each other! But I've only ever been with Dimitri. The thoughts were reeling in my head.
"Well congratulations" Sydney said and threw the stick away "this isn't possible" I said again "apparently it is" Sydney said and say down beside me I looked up at her and couldn't help but cry. Till I fell asleep.

When I woke up Olena informed me that Sydney was gone and handed me a note.

Rose,

I'm sorry that I had to leave so quickly but when the alchemist tell you to jump well...I jump. I didn't want to wake you do to the fact that after last night you needed your rest and if you say dimitri is the father then I guess I'll believe you even though it is totally crazy. Now I wish I could tell you more about Abe and what he wants and even if I were aloud there's not much to say. But that doesn't mean he's not someone to look out for. Take care of that little evil creator of the the night and if you go hunt any more strigoi in the cities don't leave any body's laying around!

All the best,
Sydney

Her cell phone number was scribbled at the bottom. I folded it up and put it in my pocket "thank you" I told Olena Before making my way back up stairs.

It's been a few weeks since Sydney left and Victoria's words from earlier keep running through my head 'you could stay we could be like sisters' I smiled at the thought and held my belly that has now formed a small barely noticeable bump. I could stay and if they would allow I could raise the baby here. It would know it's family and know how amazing it's father was. I thought of dimitri and the promise. Could I go through with it now. Could I risk our baby our miracle. I sat there for a while in wonder and smiled to myself.

*********************************
"YOU'RE NOT A PART OF THIS FAMILY AND YOU DIDN'T LOVE MY BROTHER AND I WANT YOU GONE" the words stung as Victoria slammed her door in my face. We had just got back from seeing the Moroi she's been so infatuated with and well...I messed things up royally it seems.
I walked back to my room and packed up a bag quickly with hot tears streaming down my face. I promised Abe I'd leave the village not Russia in general. I thought of where to go. I took a deep breath in and calmed myself before I walked away.

I was walking with Denis to Tamaras when I shall this woman "you two go in I'll be right there" I said. They shrugged and walked away while I walked across the street. I helped the lady up (crazy lady) she wasn't hurt. She'd apparently decided just to lay down. I laughed a little under my breath before turning to talk away; before the sickening feeling hit me.
There were strigoi around. I pulled out my stake and armed myself ready, I'd never been safe letting Tamara walk home alone but I've never considered danger right outside-
My thoughts stopped as I looked into his eyes.
Oh those eyes that I loved now red ringed but still the hint of dark brown. I studied his face and took in everything, the pale skin the shoulder length brown hair. Everything.
I knew that I could make the hit before he who what was coming but...god those eyes I just want to stare into them for a little while longer before I killed him.
"Roza" he spoke with the same wonderful lowness, the same accent "you forgot my first lesson: don't hesitate" I barely shall him strike me than it easier all dark. The last thing I thought 'I wonder if our baby will have his eyes'

I awoke in a room with a headache that wanted to kill. I didn't know what happened or where I was. But I did know I bad to get out. I had to protect myself and my baby.
I got up and looked around the room. I was lying on a bed that sat in the middle of the room, a way off was a desk and a chair and a door that Looked like it lead to a bathroom.
I walked into the kitchen/living room area and scanned over what I shall. A fridge with some different types of food. A couch a coffee table and a television.
I walked back into the bedroom and looked at the window. It was tinted but i could see enough out of it to realize I wasn't in Novosibirsk anymore. I looked around and ended up slamming the desk chair into the window. On about the fifth try I felt a warning. Strigoi. I spun around still with chair in hand and charged at the door when it opened.

It was Dimitri.

I slammed the leg chair into him and he stumbled a little before grabbing it and throwing it to the side. I threw a kick and a punch of which he blocked efficiently.
"Rose. Stop you're wasting time" I stopped and took a few steps back only to find myself throwing the DVD player at him. "Rosa stop I'm not going to hurt you" I kept fighting though which annoyed him even more. He got the upper hand and pinned me against the wall.
"Stop fighting me" his breath was warm against my neck and he let me go.
I slid down the wall.
"I'm not going to hurt you you have to understand that, if I wanted you dead you'd be dead" he said as he Walked away and sat down in a chair. "Aren't you afraid I'll escape" he laughed and looked down on me "of course not" just then the door opened again and a woman came in with a tray of food.
"You should eat" he said pulling the top off to reveal a pepperoni pizza. And damn did it look good.
"I'd rather starve"
"Please rose we both know that's not true" and with that he left.

****** (I'm going to skip to her killing him on the bridge. He doesn't find out about the baby and I'm making it where she stays kinda a shorter time)

I was on the bridge with Dimitri standing in front of me eyes wide. I stood on the ledge ready to jump. I've decided it would be better for me and the baby if to die if our face was to be a monster. "Rose don't" I heard true panic in his voice. I looked at him with sympathy "please" he begged "we need to be together" I took a deep breath and placed my hand on my tiny baby bump "why?" I breathed out ever so softly. "because I want you" he gave a sad smile which I returned "wrong answer" I hold him and jumped.
He sprinted at me with insane speed and grabbed my hand, only part of me had made it over the rest was in the river.
"Stop fighting me" he said trying to pull me back over.
"Let us go" I yelled at him. He stopped for a moment there was no struggle no fight and that's when I decided the only way was for one of us to die right here right now.
I gripped my stale with my free hand and plunged it into his chest. I looked into his eyes "I will always love you" the struggle stooped "that's what I was supposed to say" he gasped out before he fell.
I crawled back onto the bridge and looked out into the dark water. He was gone. The love of my life and the father of my baby. Gone.
****** (the Avery thing did happen)
I spent the next two months in Russia with Oksana and Mark from whom I found out during my healing times that I was five months along right before I left. I think It was hard for them to believe the baby was Dimitri's especially his family but Oksana said that oras tell many things and mine said I was speaking what I believed was the truth. A lot of words got tossed around strange, lier, miracle. But it didn't change that fact that it did happen. Abe came to visit a lot. He'd make jokes about how I should name the baby after him because of how much of a help he was and that when I get home I could get an appointment to the the gender of it. It made me laugh.

"You're really going back now aren't you" Abe asked at the airport. I smiled at him "yes, I'm going back to St . Vladimir's if there except me" I told him "of course there except you" he patted my back "thanks for everything" i said and started to turn away "is that all you're wearing?" He asked looking at me I looked down at my tight pants and loose shirt. Most of my cloths have been scattered throughout Russia and it's kinda hard to keep up with them "I don't need anything else" I told him "I won't let you get sick and hurt Abe junior" he said and took off his scarf and his henchman gave me his jacket "I really don't-" he shushed me and smiled
"Now go before you miss your plane"

When I arrived back home I was meet with hugs and oh my gods and then even more hugs. "A baby" liss said looking at my stomach "I'm going to be an aunt" I smiled at her and her excitement.

Later when I was called on by alberta she told me what I did was stupid and irresponsible. She was shocked to see I was having a baby and even more so when the father's name was said. She didn't say anything about dimitri and went on with how I could finish my last three months of guardian training and because a guardian if that's what I still wanted. She said the training would be easy on me and that my trials later and still have requests to be a guardian of which I happily agreed.
And then three months later the big day came and Raven Abe Hathaway Belikova was brought into the world. The first time they handed her to me I looked at her and shall that she had her father's eyes. I had a moment of weakness and cried. Olena asked me before I left to give her the last name of her father of which I agreed. She was happy and it wasn't even a month after her birth that I received the paper and the package with the silver stake letting me know that dimitri was still alive and coming for me. I stared at the stake for a long time till l lissa came over with raven whom she took for the day. I looked at my sweet little girl and decided right then and there that if I couldn't change him back in time that I wouldn't hesitate. I'd keep us both safe.

Did you rike it?

Let me know! Review!