Disclaimer: I wish I was, but I'm not J.K. Rowling. This of course means that I don't own Harry Potter and Co.

Now that that's over with...

Without further ado...

Let us (better known as me) present...

Harry Potter and the Santa from Hell (typed specially for Christmas of 2004)

A 16 year old Hermione Granger drug her boyfriend, Harry Potter, through the over crowded mall one Monday afternoon, intent on getting a picture of the famous Boy Who Lived and the famous Santa Claus together.

Harry, well, was less than happy about this decision, but had no real choice but to follow along with it. "Please," he muttered," remind why I agreed to this."

Hermione laughed and kissed him on the cheek and found Santa's Palace at the middle of the shopping centre. "Because everyone needs to visit Santa at least once in their life, Harry, and since the Dursleys' never took you, I have to."

I bet Ron doesn't even know who Santa Claus is, Harry thought, trying to imagine his red haired best friend sitting on some old man's lap and failing miserably.

Hermione chatted happily as they stood in line to see Santa, though Harry wasn't really listening. He was trying to find out a tactful way of avoiding having to see some fake Santa dressed up in a big red suit and a fake beard. Before he could, though, Hermione was paying for pictures and a person dressed up like an Elf, smiling freakish-ly nice, was leading him to Santa.

His green eyes showing reluctance, he sat on the guy's knee.

" So, little boy," he greeted Harry too brightly, not appearing to notice that he was 16." Come and tell Santa what you want for Christmas."

" I'm really not that little," Harry told the man uncomfortably.

" Of course you're not, you're a big boy," he said instantly with the same freakish smile his Elves wore." Now don't be shy, tell Santa what you want."

" Er..." Harry shifted uncomfortably." I'm really just here for my girlfriend. Do you mind if we just take the pictures and I go?"

Santa apparently did mind. " Ho ho ho!" He boomed with fake good nature," a girlfriend? Well then, would you like me to leave something for her, too? A pretty ring or something?"

He winked at Hermione, who beamed and gave a slight wave of her hand, not seeing Harry's discomfort with the man.

" Sure... fine then," the raven haired teen said desperately. Anything to leave with place.

" Now, now, you still haven't told Santa what you want for Christmas?" Santa reminded him. Harry had a mad urge to yank off his fake beard and run, pictures be damned. Hermione probably wouldn't be too pleased with him, though, and he was staying with her and her parents over the Winter Holidays.

" Could I have a... " Harry thought hard for a minute. If he was a Muggle, what would he want? " a... er... new... CD?"

" You don't seem very sure about what you want," the fake Santa said in a gently scolding/ humourous/ Santa-ish voice.

Harry glared at the man for a second before finally talking, venom dripping off his lips." The only reason I'm hear is for my girlfriend, so why don't we just take the pictures and I can go?"

The guy's 'Santa' facade dropped immediately as he heard listened to the 16 year old brat on his knee threaten him." Look, kid, I don't know who you are and who you think you are, but I've got a bloody role to play here, so if you just play along, then we can both go home happy; you with your lovely girlfriend and me with my bloody pay cheque."

" Are you threatening me?" Harry growled, letting his hand drift towards his pocket, where his wand, as always, was kept.

Santa noticed this. Unfortunately, so did Hermione, who narrowed her eyes in anger and made a mental note to give Harry an ear-full later, and the Elves, who did something quite more drastic.

The under cover mall cops, thinking that the teen was about to pull out a gun, drug him from Santa's lap and pinned him on the ground while others pulled their guns.

" What the ruddy hell?!" Harry yelled, causing parents to cover their children's ears as well as eyes at the scenario that took place before them. The rent-a-cops ignored him as they checked his pockets, pulling out his wand.

" What is this?" An Elf asked him, suddenly not all that cheery.

" It's a good luck charm a friend gave me," Harry told her through gritted teeth." But apparently, it's not giving me must of that."

The Elves apologized after finding that he didn't have a gun and Hermione got her money back.

" I'm never seeing Santa again," Harry told Hermione as they got the Santa pictures from a profusely apologizing Elf and left the mall.

And he never did.

The End

Authors' Note #1: Well, there you have it people; the reason you never bring a 16 year old wizard to the mall to get Santa pictures! I promise that no Santas were harmed in the making of this story and that I give my sincere apologies to any Santas, or Santa relatives, that I may have offended because of this.

Well, Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!

C.H.I.C.K

PS. And this being such an idiotic and stupid story that I just had to write, you can flame it, I won't give a damn.