you're not a bad person for the ways you try to kill your sadness
unless you run to the devil and ask him to help do it for you.
-unknown
On any given day, Lilyheart enjoyed watching the sunrise. Especially in leaf-bare, when the snow coats the ground, clearing the way for a canvas for the rising sun to paint with. Vibrant colors of red, orange, pink, purple, melding together in a symphony of vibrant tones. She would always lay on her back and admire the sky as it fell victim to the endless masterpieces the sun could possibly create.
But today, it was a distraction. Just a point of stress that she needed to pick up the pace if she were to finish her task soon, lest others would figure out what she had done.
So there she was, trudging her way through the snow while dragging the body of the limp tom behind her, the stray droplets of leftover blood from the now-crusty wounds staining the white snow behind her, the only trace of her actions.
This certain outing had given a lot of time for her to think, mostly to fantasizing what was at the end of her damnable journey. In the end, she would be happy, once again cuddling under the tender grasp of her once-deceased mate once again as they returned to the happy life the two of them had. Happiness always came at a cost, she had been told, and Lilyheart guessed she had drawn the short straw from the haystack.
She finally got to her destination, a small waterfall several tree-lengths from anywhere that could be seen from the Clans which had frozen over and now was temporary home to icicles big and small that cast rainbows around the frozen river it stood over. It looked...beautiful.
Lilyheart almost laughed. Oh, the irony, she thought as she dragged the body behind the waterfall.
The small gully under the waterfall was the antithetical version of what she had just seen outside. The cavern was wrought with cobwebs, vines and the intoxicating musk of death caused from the dead cats lying packed in a corner. Lilyheart had gotten use to in since she had made many visits to this very cave in the last moon. The only time it was different was when she was sent here to prepare the cavern. This visit was no different than the last seven. This was business as usual.
She dragged the dead tom to the pile of bodies she had created over the last moon and tossed it on top. Then she gave herself a quick wash and left the cavern behind.
Though she was alone, she spoke a couple of minutes after leaving the cave.
"Was that better?"
Moments later, she felt a dark yet familiar chill as the spirit formed beside her.
"ωєℓℓ, ιт'ѕ ¢єятαιиℓу αи ιмρяσνємєит fяσм ℓαѕт тιмє…"
"I'm flattered, Sparrowheart," she retorted, rolling her eyes as the form of a decaying dark russet tom joined her in stride as they walked in the direction of the Clans, "Am I done with this now? Can I get my end of the bargain?"
"ωну тнє ѕυ∂∂єи υяgєи¢у, ∂αяℓιиg?" said the spirit Sparrowheart with an eerie, crusty chuckle, "αяє уσυ ιи α яυѕн?"
"As a matter of fact, I am!" snapped the she-cat, coming to a stop near a small, leafless fir tree, "I've been doing what you asked, murdering cats that you want dead for an entire moon! I've been following your selfish demands! How much more do I need to do?" her voice turned from annoyance to dry stale desperation, "How many more do you want dead?"
"σн, тяυѕт мє, ∂αяℓιиg, тнєяє'ѕ α ωнσℓє вυи¢н σf ¢αтѕ тнαт ι ωσυℓ∂ ρяєfєя ∂єα∂," said Sparrowheart lightly, "вυт уσυя ∂єѕρєяαтισи ιѕ ναℓι∂, ѕσ тσ ѕρєαк. ι ωιℓℓ α∂мιт ι нανє мα∂є уσυ му ρυρρєт σf ѕσятѕ, αи∂ вєℓιєνє мє ωнєи ι ѕαу ι'νє єиנσує∂ ιт νєяу мυ¢н." he leaned in, giving Lilyheart a yellow-toothed grin. "тнєяє ιѕ σиℓу σиє мσяє fανσя ι иєє∂ тσ αѕк σf уσυ."
Despite what he was going to ask, Lilyheart felt her heart soar. At last, she would get to see her beloved Nightstorm again! After suppressing herself, she calmly began her walk again. "Who is it this time?"
"тнєяє'ѕ α ¢αт ωнσ ℓιкєѕ тσ ѕρєи∂ нєя тιмє ѕтαяιиg αт нєя яєfℓє¢тισи. ∂яσωиιиg нєяѕєℓf ιи ѕєℓf-ριту αи∂ ѕєℓf-яєgяєт. ιт'ѕ нσиєѕтℓу gσттєи σи му иєяνєѕ, αи∂ ι тнιик уσυ αи∂ ι ¢αи αgяєє..." he cut himself off, cuing for her to complete his sentence.
She sighed. "...that she'd be better off dead. I know. You've said this for every cat you've told me to kill." Sparrowheart gasped in mock flattery. "ωну...ιт'ѕ ℓιкє уσυ ¢αи яєα∂ му мιи∂, ∂αяℓιиg!"
"Ha ha." said Lilyheart, "Do you know where she will be?"
"тнє мσσиρσσℓ. тσиιgнт. ѕнє'ѕ αℓωαуѕ тнєяє. ιи fα¢т, ιf ѕнє'ѕ иσт тнєяє, ι мιgнт נυѕт gєт уσυя вєℓσνє∂ вα¢к тσ уσυ яιgнт αωαу." He grinned again, solidifying the exception into the promise.
Lilyheart rolled her eyes. "And the catch is…?"
"σн ∂єαя, αм ι gєттιиg ρяє∂ι¢тαвℓє?" he asked in mock shock, "ιf уσυ'яє иσт тнєяє ву тσиιgнт, ι вяєαк тнє ∂єαℓ. иσ мαтє fσя уσυ." Sparrowheart wound around her ominously, " נυѕт уσυ αи∂ уσυя α¢тισиѕ тσ вє נυ∂gє∂ ву αℓℓ fσя тнє яєѕт σf уσυя ℓιfє."
"I thought so. You had me worried for a second," said Lilyheart, smirking ever so slightly.
"ιт'ѕ вєѕт уσυ gєт gσιиg…" said the spirit as he began to fade away, "уσυ'νє gσт α ѕυиѕєт тσ вєαт." Moments later, he vanished into the frigid air.
Lilyheart relaxed, rolling her paws before setting off back towards the Clans. As she walked, she let her mind drift to try and take the edge off the cold. She never put much thought into his orders since the first time, thanks to how enticing the reward was. Besides, all of the orders were the same: A gender, a place, a time. That was it. She learned by this that she never needed a name. Not even a description. That's how helpful the time and place were. And the smell in case they were from a group.
But giving her the Moonpool seemed odd, even for Sparrowheart. Why would he want to kill someone who was likely so depressed they had to retreat to StarClan for solace. It just seemed...cruel. Though, she did admit that she lost the right to judge others of cruelty long ago.
As she passed hills, moors, trees and frozen lakes, her mind replayed the question over and over again, hoping that she would come up with an answer that made sense to her.
But alas, she came up empty as she approached the entrance and found Sparrowheart waiting for her. Same as he had always been. Ungroomed fur, wrinkles of age and a wicked smile always plastered to his face.
"Am I in time?" she asked, knowing the answer. Sparrowheart nodded.
They sat at the edge of the tunnel, just staring into the inviting blackness for a moment before Lilyheart broke the silence. "Why here? Why the Moonpool?"
"ι тнσυgнт уσυ ωσυℓ∂ fιи∂ ѕσмєтнιиg αѕкєω αвσυт му ¢нσι¢є…" said Sparrowheart, "тнιѕ ιѕ уσυя fιиαℓ тєѕт. ι ωιℓℓ яємαιи συтѕι∂є, αи∂ ιf уσυ яєтυяи ωιтн α вσ∂у, тнαи уσυ gєт уσυя вσуfяιєи∂ вα¢к αи∂ ωє αℓℓ gσ нσмє нαρρу," Sparrowheart leaned in to whisper in her ear, "αи∂ ι'м ρяєтту ѕυяє уσυ киσω ωнαт нαρρєиѕ ιf уσυ ∂σи'т"
She had heard this many, many times, but Lilyheart still had to suppress a shiver. She was so close!
"ωєℓℓ, ωнαт αяє уσυ ωαιтιиg fσя?" he said, "gσ!"
"What if you're lying?" she blurted out spontaneously, "How will I know you'll keep your end of the bargain?"
"∂αяℓιиg," said Sparrowheart turning to her with his best effort of a sugar-coated smile, "тσ ρυт ιт fяαикℓу, ι ℓσѕт ιитєяєѕт ιи ℓуιиg мαиу, мαиу уєαяѕ αgσ."
Lilyheart eyed him suspiciously for a couple more moments before turning back to the tunnel. "Very well," she said, "I'll trust your word."
And with that, she turned tail and headed down into the darkness.
She felt the walls close in on her until the frosty stones were brushing up against her cream-mottled pelt. She didn't mind, in fact she welcomed the sensation as she felt a chilling sensation dancing slowly back and forth along her spine. She welcomed it, let it embrace itself around her as she paced through complete darkness.
At last, she saw light, signifying the end of the tunnel. As she approached the mouth, Lilyheart slowed and crouched, prepared to spring should she be caught unconventionally. Step by step, she eased her way through the end of the passage and unsheathed her claws, preparing for what would hopefully be the final kill she needed to open the gates to her happiness once more.
She silently peeked around the corner to the grand shrine and she was quite confused to see that nobody was there.
She refused to let her guard down, peeking around the sleek walls and doing a double take on the tunnel behind her, but she got the same result. Nobody was there. She was completely alone.
"What the hell…" she muttered to herself as she quietly leaped down from the ledge, stalking towards the pool while still keeping herself wary of attackers. Her perplexity didn't lessen as she arrived at the edge of the Moonpool, even giving it a poke in her bewilderment.
The majestic, frosty pool filled with ripples, snagging Lilyheart's attention for a good thirty seconds as the reflection of the moon and stars wavered back and forth, created a sort of dance that entranced the she-cat with their simple yet uniquely majestic steps. The sign of imperfections. The sign that everyone shows signs of wavering no matter how strong they seem to others.
It was only then when she felt a presence behind her, and she whirled round, claws drawn, only to find that it was Sparrowheart waiting patiently behind her.
Both were silent for a moment before Lilyheart broke it. "H-How long have…?" she stammered, uncertain for the first time in a while.
"ℓιкєℓу ℓσиgєя тнαи уσυ єνєя ωαитє∂ мє тσ, ∂αяℓιиg," he said casually, his posture dulling the patchy chagrin he let drip through his tone, "уσυ киσω, ι ωαѕ иєνєя ιиfσямє∂ σf уσυ єνєя fαитαѕιzιиg αвσυт ωαтєя, ∂єѕριтє нσω fαѕ¢ιиαтιиg ιт ¢αи вє."
"Can you drop it!?" she snapped uncharacteristically, "What are you even doing here? You said I would do this alone! And I wasn't dawdling for long! She's just not here and-"
"ѕανє уσυя вяєαтн," said Sparrowheart, casually brushing it off, "fσяgєт αвσυт ωнαт ι ѕαι∂. уσυ ραѕѕє∂."
Pause.
"Wait, what?" said Lilyheart after flicking both her ears to make sure her hearing was still functioning.
"ι мєαи ωнαт ι ѕαι∂," said Sparrowheart, turning to her with an unusually stern gaze, "уσυ fυℓfιℓℓє∂ уσυя єи∂ σf тнє вαяgαιи. иσω ιт ιѕ му тυяи тσ fυℓfιℓℓ мιиє. тнαт'ѕ нσω ρяσмιѕєѕ ѕтιℓℓ ωσяк, ¢σяяє¢т?"
This time, Lilyheart didn't bother to respond. The excitement stopped her from being able to form anything that would be comprehensible. Joy lit up her expression for the first time in longer than she gave effort to remember.
Sparrowheart was hunched over the Moonpool, drawing figures that meant nonsense to the she-cat over it. "ι ¢αииσт ѕαу тнαт ι αм тняιℓℓє∂ αвσυт тнιѕ fιиαℓє," he said, tracing a spiral with his right forepaw, "вυт иσт αℓℓ ¢ℓιмαχєѕ ¢αи вє єитняαℓℓιиg, ι gυєѕѕ."
Lilyheart didn't bother to respond. Not much would be appropriate for it, anyway. After all this time, all the suppression, all the hate, all the murders.
It would all be worth it.
"нє ωιℓℓ вє нєяє ѕσσи," said Sparrowheart, "ι ¢αи σиℓу ѕυммσи нιм ωιтнσυт σνєяѕιgнт σf тнє ℓινιиg. ѕσ ι иєє∂ уσυ тσ ¢ℓσѕє уσυя єуєѕ." Immediately, Lilyheart shut her eyes tight and held her breath, wanting to hear every sound that might give away Nightstorm's arrival.
For those elongated seconds, she felt her breath on her whiskers, she felt the stone beneath her feet, she felt the drafts of frigid air coming in and swirling around her as light as a leaf. Then, Sparrowheart spoke once again.
"fєєℓ fяєє тσ σρєи уσυя єуєѕ иσω."
Lilyheart wasted no time. She opened her eyes wide and faced the Moonpool, hoping to see him.
And there he was. The handsome black tom with vibrant green eyes, the love of her life she sacrificed everything for, returned from the dead and standing before her.
"Nightstorm!" she squealed in a kit-like voice, running to her mate and slamming into him, wrapping herself around him and covering him in tender, loving licks.
That happy reunion moment ended abruptly when Nightstorm shoved Lilyheart to the ground.
Lilyheart got up to see a nightmarish sight. Nightstorm was standing over her, not with a look of love, happiness or anything that resembled positivity. Rather he stared at her with purely disgusted horror.
Lilyheart felt ice cold.
"Who are you?" he whispered, his voice just barely beating out the drifts of winds.
"Nightstorm, it's me!" she said desperately, "Lilyheart! Your mate! Don't you recognize me?"
Nightstorm backed up a couple more steps, ending up on the edge of the Moonpool. "No," he said coarsely, "Because the Lilyheart I know wasn't a monster."
Lilyheart froze.
"W-What?"
"The Lilyheart I knew didn't deliberately shame her entire Clan. The Lilyheart I knew doesn't make deals with the devil. The Lilyheart I knew doesn't kill innocent cats in spite." Nightstorm was shaking with intensity, "I don't know who you are, but I know damn well that this isn't the Lilyheart I loved,"
Lilyheart was shocked. She swore she could feel her heart tearing itself apart inside her chest.
"B-But I sacrificed everything! I did everything for you!" She rushed to him and tried to grab him. She needed to make him understand! "I missed you! I couldn't go on living without you! I needed you!"
"You did everything for you!" growled Nightstorm, "You think of me as a compensation method! Nothing else! Or have you blinded yourself too much to understand that!?" He paused to take a breath before turning away, "You said you couldn't live without me. Maybe that was the better decision you refused to take."
Nightcloud faced the Moonpool, refusing to look back at the heartbroken shell of the cat he once dedicated his life to. "Take me back," he said, his voice about to break.
"αѕ уσυ ωιѕн," said Sparrowheart, holding out his paw. Immediately, Nightstorm's body was filled with incandescence, and he slowly began to fade away.
"No! NO! NIGHTSTORM!" yowled Lilyheart, leaping to grasp her mate and hopefully keep him here. But it was no use. Lilyheart grasped air, and by the time she hit the ground, her mate had faded away completely.
He was gone. Forever.
Lilyheart panted, emotion poisoning her brain, and she turned to face the Dark Forest spirit with a look of rage that would send kits running to their mother.
Sparrowheart was obviously not shaken by this. "ι'м нσиєѕтℓу qυιтє ѕυяρяιѕє∂ уσυ ∂ι∂и'т єχρє¢т тнιѕ. нє ωαѕ αвℓє тσ ωαт¢н σνєя уσυ ѕιи¢є нє ιѕ ιи ѕтαя¢ℓαи…"
"YOU!" yowled Lilyheart, leaping at Sparrowheart.
Sparrowheart decked her with a swipe of his paw. Lilyheart hit the ground hard, her breath expelled from her body and physical pain being added to her emotional chaos.
"уσυ киσω," said Sparrowheart smoothly, "ι'ℓℓ ℓιкєℓу вє мσ¢кє∂ αѕ α нуρσ¢яιтє fσя тнιѕ, вυт тнє тσм ιѕ яιgнт." He walked round Lilyheart, who was now coughing and gasping for breath again. "уσυ'νє ¢σмρℓєтєℓу fσяfєιтє∂ ωнσ уσυ иєє∂є∂ тσ вє fσя ωнσ ι ωαитє∂ уσυ тσ вє. ѕєℓfιѕн, ѕριтєfυℓ, αραтнєтι¢. уσυ тяυℓу αяє α ѕнαмєfυℓ мєѕѕ уσυ'νє мα∂є σf уσυяѕєℓf."
Lilyheart staggered to her paws, but Sparrowheart cut her off before she could get a word in. "уσυ'νє ѕυяρяιѕє∂ мє ¢σитιиυσυѕℓу ιи му тιмє киσωιиg уσυ. ι тнσυgнт уσυ ωσυℓ∂ ρυѕн вα¢к αgαιиѕт му σя∂єяѕ, єνєи gσ αgαιиѕт му ∂єαℓ αт ѕσмє ρσιит. вυт уσυ ∂ι∂и'т, αи∂ иσω нєяє ωє αяє."
"This is your fault…" growled Lilyheart.
"мιиє? σн-нσ иσ, ∂αяℓιиg," Sparrowheart advanced closer and closer, causing Lilyheart to back away until she was at the edge of the Moonpool. "ι иєνєя мα∂є уσυ ∂σ αиутнιиg. ι иєνєя мα∂є уσυ α¢¢єρт му ∂єαℓ, ι иєνєя мα∂є уσυ яєвυкє уσυя ¢ℓαи σя ѕтαя¢ℓαи, ι иєνєя мα∂є уσυ кιℓℓ αиу σf тнσѕє ¢αтѕ. αℓℓ ι ∂ι∂ ωαѕ тємρт уσυ, ωнι¢н ωαѕ му נσв, αи∂ уσυ נυѕт мα∂є ιт єαѕу. вє¢αυѕє уσυ ¢αмє яυииιиg тσ уσυя σωи ∂ємσиѕ тσ αѕк уσυ fσя нєℓρ."
"So I'll go to the Dark Forest, then. Big deal! Why does the fact that this is my fault even matter right now?"
"вє¢αυѕє ιт α¢тυαℓℓу ∂σєѕ," sneered Sparrowheart, gesturing for Lilyheart to look behind her. She did, and she was terrified at the sight she saw.
The Moonpool had begun to freeze over, ice forming around the edges and working it's way towards the middle of the sacred pond. It was happening so fast that by the time the she-cat turned back around to face the tom, the ice around the edges was as thick as the width of her paw.
"What have you done?" she whispered.
"ωнєи ѕтαя¢ℓαи ѕнσωѕ υиαиιмσυѕ ∂ιѕαρρяσναℓ σf α ¢αт, тнє мσσиρσσℓ fяєєzєѕ σνєя, иσ мαттєя ωнαт тнє ωєαтнєя. σf ¢συяѕє тнιѕ ѕєємѕ σвνισυѕ, вυт тнє яєαѕσи ωну ιт'ѕ ѕσ яαяє ιѕ вє¢αυѕє ιт σиℓу нαρρєиѕ ωнєи ѕтαя¢ℓαи αи∂ тнє ∂αяк fσяєѕт ¢σмє тσ α ¢σиѕєиѕυѕ; тσ яєfυѕє тσ тαкє ιи α ∂єα∂ ¢αт'ѕ ѕσυℓ."
Lilyheart's eyes widened. "No…"
"уσυ'νє αℓωαуѕ нαтє∂ вєιиg αℓσиє, ѕσ ιи тнє ℓσиg яυи, ι тнιик тнιѕ ρυиιѕнмєит ιѕ qυιтє fιттιиg."
Then, Sparrowheart grabbed Lilyheart by the muzzle and held her up over the freezing shrine, and Lilyheart found herself screaming, yowling, pleading for mercy.
"NO! PLEASE, NO! DON'T DO THIS! I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING! PLEASE!"
Sparrowheart didn't respond to her pleadings, he just looked her right in her terrified eyes and smiled.
"gσσ∂вує, ∂αяℓιиg. мαу уσυ иєνєя вє ℓσνє∂, яємємвєяє∂ σя ѕєєи єνєя αgαιи."
And with that, the Dark Forest spirit threw Lilyheart, forever damned, into the freezing pool. He watched her crash through the ice, and it freeze over her almost immediately. Then he closed his eyes and listened to the desperate thumps of Lilyheart's paw against the ever-thickening ice.
Slowly, the sound got weaker and weaker, until eventually the Moonpool fell silent once more.
Sparrowheart sighed, licking his paw and drawing it over his head. As he watched the Moonpool slowly defrost, he spoke once again.
"ι'м ѕσяяу уσυ нα∂ тσ gσ тняσυgн тнαт."
"It's okay," said Nightstorm, walking up behind and sitting next to him. "I guess we're all to blame to an extent."
"σн?" said Sparrowheart, raising an eyebrow, "αи∂ ωнαт αяє уσυ тσ вℓαмє fσя?"
"Not realizing this might happen," he said, looking across the Moonpool, completely clear once again. "I know she loved me, but I should have known from the start that her heart was already frozen."
GUYS RES WROTE SOMETHING FOR ONCE!
I hope you enjoyed this short story. I wrote this back in the end of February, and it actually got featured on Amino Apps, which is awesome! I don't know why I waited so long to post it here, but here you go!If you have any ideas on how I can improve my writing, feel free to leave a review! It will be much appreciated!
Thanks for reading! StarClan be with you always!
~Res