Making A Statement

by Pishivee

This is just some humorous story full of run on sentences. FF IX, FF VII, and FF IV characters in it. Zidane has to help a mysterious, otherworldly group get to Treno to do an investigation...

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the FF series, names, characters, slogans, what not, chocobos, and other stuff. blah blah

Make A Statement

Okay, so one day I was minding my own business when Steiner's like "Zidane, stop that foolishness!" and I was like "are you gonna make me?" and he was like "some weird people are at Castle Alexandria I fear for the Queen's safety." And I said "okay man, I got it." So I went over there to check it out.

So I am at the castle, and these strangely dressed people are there, but one of them was making Garnet laugh, so I didn't get my defenses up. I was like, "Garnet my love, who are they?" and first she said "don't talk to me that way in public, Zidane my dear" and I said "sure, honey" and then she said "they say they are on a mission to find someone in Treno but they don't know where Treno is Zidane, why don't you take them?" So I said "sure, honey" and then those guys introduced themselves: Reno, Rude, Tseng, and Elena.

I said "what's up?" and the red-haired one called Reno says "not much, how bout you?" so I answer "I'm good." "Respect" he says. Then Tseng, the uptight one, is like "we need to do an investigation in Treno" and I said "why?" and the bald one named Rude says "classified" so I was like "wow, dude…" then I took them to Treno.

First we stopped in a chocobo forest, cause I raise chocobos for that lazy moogle and you know I have gold chocobos for flying and all, so we went to get gold chocobos to fly to Treno. These people looked so funny, on the way I asked "where do you come from", but then they said "where do you come from" and I was like "a different world. Isn't my otherworldly simian tail so cool?" and Reno was like "I'll say" but Elena said "no." So I said again "where are you from?" and Tseng said "a different world. Don't you think our otherworldly suits are so cool?" and I was like "no way, man." And Reno and Rude said "Respect."

So we got to Treno, where for some otherworldly reason it is always nighttime there. So we walked into the city, and Rude said "the man we want comes to the bar a lot" and Elena said "we'll wait for him there" so I said "okay, I'll take you there."

So we're at the bar now, and people walk in and out, but I guess not their guy. I got an idea, so I said "if you tell me what he looks like I can help you find him." So Tseng thought about it, and he said "okay monkey-man, the man has white hair and wears a cape" and that made me think a moment, then I said "well, I know one guy, but he doesn't come here" and Reno said "think carefully, there are a lot of dudes with white hair and capes in Final Fantasy" and I said "boy do I know that's true."

Okay, I was thinking it was Kuja, so I said "hey I am thinking it's Kuja" and Tseng said "no" and I said "thanks for being so descriptive. I'll keep looking" and presently a white-haired man in a cape walks in to the bar. Elena said "it's not Sephiroth we are after, right?" and Tseng said "no." So this Sephiroth character ordered something and left, never noticing us.

Soon another white-headed villain (cause we all know it's the villains with the white heads) walked in and Reno went up and asked him something and the guy nodded and followed him back to our group. Tseng was like "so you are Cecil Harvey" and the man said "indeed" and Tseng said "Zidane, is there somewhere private we can go?" and I said "yep I'll ask the bartender" which I did, and he pointed us to the back room.

I said "hey guys can I watch you do the investigation" and they looked at Tseng but Tseng said "yes" and I was like "score!" So we sat down in the room. Tseng said to Cecil "so I have some questions for you" and Cecil was nervous, but he said "okay shoot" and Tseng said "you realize you are the only white haired non-villain" and Cecil was like "I'm making a statement you can go from bad to good in the middle of a game instead of always at the end" and in the distance I heard Kuja say "wow, really?" and Cecil answered back "of course, you just need to be bold" and Tseng was like "why did you allow gamers to know you and Rosa got married?" I said "hey, are you from another world?" and Rude said "don't interrupt Zidane we can throw you out" but Cecil said "Of course, man. Don't you think my otherworldly Lunarian descent is awesome?" and we all said "dude, once again, no." Tseng said "okay answer the question" and Cecil said "uhh, Rosa and I were making a statement. Also, we wanted to be with each other and we didn't want to be in weird pairings like those perverted fanfiction authors put you all in" and Elena said "but I think you are in weird pairings anyway" and Cecil was like "say it ain't so!"

Tseng said "okay last question: why does your game get to have such a fickle character?" and Cecil was like "you mean Kain?" and Reno said "that's the one." So Cecil was like "he's making a statement. You can change sides as many times as you want and the good guys will still trust you" and I was like "wow" and the Turks were like "okay, we're done, thanks for your time." And then they said "take us back to Alexandria, Zidane" and I was like "sure whatever" so we flew back to Alexandria.

They left as suddenly as they appeared and then Steiner was like "Zidane, stop this foolishness, and yes I will make you" and I was like "what?" and then I woke up.