THE PROFOUND EVENT

Making no money, just having fun. Thanks again lostcowgirl.

Louie Fetters, who most people in Dodge City, Kansas would consider the town drunk, was shouting, Marshal, they are robbing the freight office, as he ran into my office. I, Matt Dillon, U. S. Marshal, had been doing paper work. I jumped up grabbed my gun and holster and started toward the two robbers. I shouted for them to stop but they shot at me.

I managed to kill both of them but not before I was shot twice. Lights came on all over town. Doc hurried down his stairs, Kitty Russell, came from the Long Branch, my Deputies Festus Haggen and Newly O Brien came running, and townspeople hurried from their homes. The doctor pulled out his stethoscope, listened, and told the men to take me up to his office.

Later I heard from Doc that Festus had stood next him as he removed the bullets and Kitty was holding my blood encrusted badge watching in the background. When he said, we were lucky, she dropped the badge, turned, marched out the door, walked down the steps without a word to anyone, went into the Long Branch and poured herself a drink.

In my 15 year career as Marshal I had many gunshot wounds but these were some of the worst. During the surgery I was in and out of consciousness. I could feel hands holding me down and vaguely heard Doc and Festus voices. I didn t hear Kitty s voice but she was always there because she never left me when I was hurt in town. I could hear Doc s voice and Festus speaking although it seemed to come from far away.

Where was Kitty? She was always there brushing my hair back from my forehead, touching my arm, holding my head in her lap. She is my touchstone. It kills me that I couldn t give her what she wants and needs; a home, husband, and family. Children adore Kitty and she loves them back. She knows how it has to be between us but that doesn t mean there haven t been fights about it over these 15 years. As much as I would want to claim her as my wife, the woman I love, I am afraid of putting her in danger.

I knew the operation was over when I felt myself being lifted and put in a soft bed. Doc covered me and told me to rest, Festus was telling me I would just fine, but there was no low melodious sound from Kitty calling me Cowboy or the soft touch of her hands. As the pain was taking over I began to doze. When I groaned I heard Doc ask Festus to help hold me up long enough to get some laudanum in me. It was Kitty usually cajoling to drink it all. Where was she? Then I was asleep.

Sometime in the night I awoke feeling like I was burning up. When I moaned Doc came rushing into the room and took my temperature and he said it was over 103. He called to Festus to help him give me some medication. They took turns putting cold clothes on my forehead and chest and remarked they were trying to make sure I didn t catch a chill.

I suddenly felt like I was floating. I was looking down and saw Doc and Festus feverishly trying to bring down the temperature of the figure in the bed. Suddenly I realized that was me lying in that bed, yet as I looked around I wasn t in the bed I was looking down on the scene. Then I wasn t there at all.

The next thing I remember was being in a beautiful garden. There were flowers, in colors I had never seen before. They were brilliant and vibrant. There was the gentlest breeze, and a large inviting bench to sit upon. I looked around but could not see anything beyond the garden. Just when I was thinking about getting up and following one of the paths a figure started coming toward me.

As I watched I realized it was a woman wearing a robe that changed colors as she walked. I was so mesmerized I didn t even think to wonder where I was. As she came closer I saw her strawberry blond hair, her heart shaped face, and sapphire blue eyes. It was my mother Mary Patricia Dillon, looking beautiful and healthy and her smile was radiant.

I will never forget her words as she sat down beside me. Matthew, my son, everything is going to be alright.

I asked, Mother, is it really you?

She took my hand and answered, Yes sweetheart it is I.

As I looked at her I realized her mouth did not move and we were communicated through mental telepathy. I wanted to know where we were.

A place so wonderful there is no pain, no illness, no violence, just peace and love. Some people call it heaven.

I was so glad to see her I had missed her so much. As if she were reading my thoughts she told me, I am so proud of you my son. Despite all your trials and tribulations you are a good, loyal, trustworthy man. You are making a difference in your world.

How do you know all of this? I wondered.

She looked at me lovingly, Why Matt, I can see what goes on in your life. I may have left you physically but I have always watched over you.

There were so many things I wanted to ask her but she interrupted me. Sweetheart, She explained, you are not staying here it isn t your time. Yet there are some things I want you to know that may help you through the difficult times ahead and help prepare you for your future.

I didn t want to lose her again. I began, Mom, let me stay with .

She shushed me. Just listen Matthew. This job you have please know you were destined to be in this place, doing this work. You wanted to make difference and you do. Your friends are all there to help and guide you, let them. You don t have to be so self-sufficient.

I need to keep them safe. I protested. She smiled at me and there was such gentleness in her words Just as you think you are protecting that beautiful redhead who has your heart? You know she loves you with all her heart and soul.

Mom! I exclaimed.

Loving someone is no crime darling. She explained. However denying yourself and her the chance to live your life to the fullest is the crime. She has made her choices and knows the dangers of loving you. It doesn t matter to her. Not everyone gets to be with their soul mate. Please don t deny yourself the opportunity to have everything this relationship can offer.

But what if I die and leave her a widow and possibly with children to raise by herself?

Matt there are no guarantees in human life but you lost both your father and me and see how you turned out. I hate to see you throwing away such happiness. Life goes so quickly there you have to take hold of it and get the most out of every day. Not everyone is lucky enough to have the love of another as you do so never squander it. There is no weakness in letting someone know how you feel; have no regrets.

I looked at her in wonder. Her words had touched my heart. There was so much to think about. What if something happened to me and Kitty never knew what a difference she had made in my life.

Now it is time for you to leave but know how much I love you and I will always do my best to guide you.

I didn t want to leave her, to lose her again, and the love she exuded but suddenly I heard Doc s voice say, His fever has broken. Then they were cleaning me up.

Opening my eyes I saw the smiles and looks of relief on Doc s, Festus and Newly s faces. My throat felt scratchy as I asked, How long have I been here?

Two days, Doc told me.

He interrupted me by saying I needed to rest that at one point they thought they had lost me. When I tried to ask about Kitty he changed the subject. That went on for five days before I finally confronted him. I told him it had been five days and she had not been up to see me. He didn t want to talk about it or the pounding from across the street. Finally he broke down and told me she was selling the Long Branch and leaving town.

I was devastated but I couldn t let it show even as Doc continued to harangue me about stopping her. As long as I couldn t offer her a normal life I had no right to ask her to stay. I kept thinking of the strange dream I had when there was the high fever but maybe it was my imagination. If people knew how we were involved it could only put her in danger.

When the day came for her to leave I had trouble thinking. Even if I could get up and see her off I had no right. Surprisingly I heard her footsteps and she had come to say goodbye. We could barely finish our sentences and all I really wanted to do was beg her to stay. When she left I pushed myself out of bed, hobbled to window, and watched her ride out of my life.

Then the dreams began. Every time I fell asleep there was my mother. She reminded of what I was losing. There was the plea to not waste this opportunity for happiness. It was said with such love and concern. I am a practical man but it seemed so real.

Reading an out of town paper I saw that Kitty had gone to Ballad. It was a tough town and I was concerned. At least that was my excuse for deciding to go there. The real truth was the night before leaving I was awakened from a sound sleep and there was my mother standing at the end of my bed.

She said firmly, Go get her son. She is the best part of you.

That shook me to my core. Yet I couldn t tell anyone what had happened they would think practical, down to earth, reliable Matt Dillon was crazy. Those simple words from my mother struck a chord with me. I had been involved with other women but no one could compare with Kitty. I was miserable without her and snapping at anyone who came in my path. It was time to take action.

I left my deputies in charge but wise old Doc knew what I was doing and I could hear him say, It s about time.

I really pushed Buck and myself to get down to Ballard. To say she was not thrilled to see me was an understatement. Her, what you doin here Matt, certainly set the tone for our meeting.

Her friend, Claire, was much friendlier. It was soon evident things were not well in this town. It was run by a man name Steiffer and he was a tyrant. He was sure Kitty had sent for me to challenge his authority. He would do anything to get all of us to bend to his will.

After he had me arrested, on a phony charge, even Kitty succombed to his will to get me out. I went to her saying I had this man right where I wanted him she should have stayed out of it. She didn t want to hear it and we had words. I left her standing in the doorway.

I walked to the stairs and then turned around. I marched back to her, pulled her into my arms, and kissed her passionately. She was so surprised she didn t fight me. When we finally had to take a breath I let her go and walked away. What I really wanted to do was throw her over my shoulder, get on Buck, and start for home.

Instead I saddled my horse getting to leave without her. Steiffer was waiting for me trying to seem calm and reasonable. That made me immediately suspicious. I didn t realize Kitty had followed me outside and was standing on the porch of the saloon. When one of the bully s men was preparing to shoot me in the back Kitty called out and I was able to shoot him. This tyrant was taken to jail by the local didn t run to me we just stood across the street looking at each other. I needed some sign she still wanted me in her life. When neither of us moved I finally broke eye contact and finished my preparations to leave town. I never really believed your heart could break but that was how I felt. It was a long lonely ride back to Dodge.

When I got back I had trouble concentrating. I snapped at everyone especially when there was no news from or about Kitty. Everyone wanted to know what happened but I couldn t talk about it. Festus tried to lighten the mood by telling his usual incredible stories. I was so on edge the night he began on the chicken story I quickly sent him to bed.

The office door opened again and I whirled around and there she was as beautiful as ever. I could hardly get my words out as I stupidly told her I was wondering when she would be coming back. Of course she wanted to know why I would think she would be coming back the way things stood between us when I left. I told her she was missed but was afraid to say I missed her the most.

I wanted to welcome her back with a drink but had nothing to offer. It was decided to go open up the Long Branch and have that welcome home drink even if it was after hours. After all there are some perks to being the Marshal. I tried to walk slowly to the saloon when all I wanted to do was get her inside and show her how glad I was she was back.

Once she had a light going and was headed for the bar I took her arm and gathered her into my arms. I had missed her softness and how naturally we fit together. She eagerly matched me kiss for kiss.

Smiling at me smugly she said, I guess YOU missed me too Cowboy.

Kitty, I began. I should never have let you go. I have been miserable to be around. Doc and Festus will tell you.

She touched my face, I couldn t believe it when you walked through those barroom doors.

I was puzzled, why were you so surprised?

We have had other disagreements and I ve left saying I didn t want to see you and your damn badge ever again. Yet I always relented and came back. She explained. This time you came to get me, you actually came to get me.

I realized, Kitty, what a profound effect you and our relationship have had on my life. I have done a lot of thinking and realize that I can t lose you and I ll do whatever it takes to make you happy and content with me. I haven t been able to think sraight and I don t sleep well without you.

She put her hand on my forehead and asked, Do you have a fever Marshal?

No, I told her. There some things worth fighting for. Some people who come into your life and change it and you forever. Kitty, I know I don t tell you enough how much I love you but I do. Your being in my life gives me more happiness than I ever thought possible. It s time to talk our future and make plans.

Walking behind the bar she got two glasses and a bottle. She took my hand and led me to the stairs. Now I know something is wrong mister. You ve never been this talky before about feelings. So why don t you tell me what has happened.

I put my arm around her waist and brushed my lips across her flaming red hair as we climbed the stairs. Kit I ll tell you but I m not sure you will believe me.

As she closed the door of our room behind us she sighed. I took her in my arms and just held her as if I would never let her go. Finally she said, I m not even sure where to begin this conversation.

Taking her over to the settee and pulling her onto my lap I explained, When I tell you what happened hopefully you will understand why things seem to have changed yet nothing has really changed in what my heart feels for you.

Brushing her lips gently across mine and looking into my soul through my eyes this incredible woman whispered. Then my love that will be enough for now.

Fin

In November 2014 I was in a terrible automobile accident and it was a miracle I survived. During that time I had a near death experience. It was the most profound thing that ever happened to me and it changed my life. I wanted to see how such an experience might change Matt Dillon. I hope you enjoy my version although it is only partially what happened to me.