Ash; 17 Brock; 20 Dawn; 14 Cynthia; 18 Strong language ahead. Enjoy ;).

"Holy balls Ash, you lost again. You sure are shit house of a trainer." The Pokémon centre was buzzing with people from all over the globe, nursing their Pokémon from injuries sustained at the Lily Of The Valley Conference.

"Fuck you Brock, I fingered a Nurse Joy that one time you were off bumping uglies with your Geodude." Ash shouted back at the ethnically ambiguous Breeder. He sulked in a corner, mumbling something about how it was "only that one time" and he "didn't even enjoy it."

Dawn, who was rightfully horrified by this language, piped up. "What the heck guys? I've never heard you guys talk like this!" She was in general mortified. She'd just seen Ash lose 6-2, to a ridiculously powerful trainer that she was pretty sure wasn't even allowed to enter Darkrai and Latios. She was almost certain they were Ubers, and like, that's totally unfair dude.

Okay, so Latios was apparently OU according to Smogon - um, her Pokédex, but it still felt like a cheap shot. That dirt-bag Tobias running out there with his Uber Darkrai and his 4 set Dark Void, Dark Pulse, Shadow Punch, Jerk Off, rinse, repeat and she was kinda surprised the old fart Goodshow let it slide.

"Me and Ash do it every year! Every time he gets knocked out of a tournament, so like twice a week, we go on the piss up and roast each other till we can't feel pain because there's too much Jynx Daniels in our blood!"

"Wasn't he like eleven at the Indigo Plateau?!" Dawn's face contorted into one of worry, despair, and confusion.

"Yeah, that's why he's never full developed. Ain't that right Ash, your little Pokécock is only about three inches."

Ash snorted. "Yeah, three inches off the ground. Meanwhile you can't even get Brock hard."

"I told you about my Sudowoodo dysfunction privately!"

"Yeah, well, tough shit."

"Can you two just stop? It's only 4 in the afternoon Ash, aren't you gonna vow to do better in Unova and get on the next flight to Pallet so you can visit your Arceus forsaken Mother for a total of six minutes before jumping back on the 'I wanna be a Pokémon master' bandwagon and hauling your ass across to a different continent while neglecting all your Pokémon and previous companions until the vicious cycle starts again?" Dawn drawled in a monotonous voice, taking a deep breath afterwards.

Suffice to say, Ash looked at her with a bored expression. "Not right now tuts. Now get your pretty little ass over here and let me stick a hand up your skirt. You're less plump than May, but you'll do." He reached a hand out grabbing at her. Dawn scurried out of arms reach while Brock scolded Ash on women wanting romance and not just another greasy guy.

Ash told him to fuck off and put his fedora back on, greasy, ethnically ambiguous neckbeard he was. In his words: "Women already have a Skitty, they don't need another one."

"Hey Ash! Congratulations on making it to third place in the conference." The new voice of Cynthia rang out to the group who seemed generally uninterested in her arrival. "The guy in fourth place forfeited the semi-final match, so ta-da, you get a by. Here's your bronze medal and complimentary pat on the back, maybe you'll do better next time. You know I won the Sinnoh league and became Champion the fifth time round. Maybe you could go back and do Kanto."

"Cynthia, shut the fuck up." Ash said in an annoyed voice.

"Hey!" Cynthia pouted, while Brock and Dawn were wondering why he didn't have a Garchop biting off his goddamned face at the moment.

"I at least deserve a complimentary handjob!" Cynthia snorted. He grabbed her by the cuff of her back coat and brought her in within an inch of his face.

"Listen here ya little slut, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do." He pointed a finger with his other hand at her and looked her dead set in the eyes. "I'm going back to Kanto. I'm going back to my mom and I'm gonna cry for like at least four to five business days. Then, I'm getting the entire team back together, and we are going round Kanto. And I'm not doing it with NO bullshit this time."

"That's a double negative!" Someone shouted it the background.

"Shut the fuck up!" Ash barked back. "I'm gonna beat all of the gym leaders in like two weeks, including your little gay-ass brother Brock," Brock shrugging in slight agreement, "And Misty with her dyke hair cut."

"Still bang though." Brock chimed in.

"Still bang for sure." Ash affirmed. There was a short space of silence. Ash finally released Cynthia, who straightened herself out and fought off a blush.

"I'm not even a slut! I'm a virgin!" Cynthia protested.

"Boohoo, Slag McSlagface, you've still got your Do Not Consume If Fresh Seal Is Broken intact. Too bad your Best Before Date is, like, FAST approaching. Aren't you like 40?" Ash retorted.

"I'm only a year older than you!" She protested.

"So you're an 18 year old champion who dresses like she just walked out of a Goth's wet dream. You ever heard of like, an H&M or something? Earth tones? Ripped jeans? Literally any shade that's not dark black?" She shrugged. "I need companions. Brock, you're in right?" He nodded.

"I was gonna do some gay shit like become a Pokémon Doctor so I could perv on the Nurse Joys, but that can wait till like next year or something."

"What's the age of consent in Kanto again?" Ash asked the breeder. He'd know, the pervert.

"15."

"Shit, Dawn, you're only 14. You can join back once your birthday rolls around. Or, like, you can go play pokédolls with Kenny or something?"

"Fuck you Ash Ketchum."

"One more year before that's legal baby." He clicked finger guns style.

"I'm going back to Twinleaf, anyway, then I'll do the Hoenn festivals."

"Say hi to Johanna and her busty rack for me while you're there." She shot him daggers. "Well Brock, it's me, you, and this fat piece of shit." Cynthia was about to throw a tantrum when she realised he was pointing at Pikachu being brought over in a tray, fully healed. Dawn was pulling Brock back from groping a Nurse Joy who seemed half way horrified, but somewhat complimented.

"What do you say, buddy. Ready to go fuck some Indigo Plateau up? Ready to get some Pokétail while we are at it?" Pikachu responded with some form of a Pikachu "hell yeah", so Ash was pretty much decided. "Alright, We'll leave tomorrow. They won't let me on the ferry when I'm plastered like I am now." Brock agreed, doing another shot.

"We still don't have an attractive female companion though." The ethnically ambiguous -do you know what, he looks Asian. I'm gonna go ahead and say Japanese, since ethnically ambiguous is way too long a word. Cynthia looked hopeful, anyway.

"Of course you would worry about someone to perv on, ya dirty Filipino." The South Korean shrugged. "Hmm, let's see...Misty's got a gym, May's off bumming Drew- or wait, is Drew gay.." He wondered into the air. "Dawn's kind of boring..." The Bluenette made an annoyed sound. "Daisy Oak is quite fit, but she's Gary's older sister and I don't know how contagious chlamydia is...do you reckon an STD and softcore porn fetish runs in the family?"

"A Nurse Joy or Officer Jenny would be a fine addition to finish a trio." Brock pitched in. "But they all have full time jobs."

"Claire is too busy shagging her Dragonair to leave Blackthorn, Sabrina's too fucking weird..." Ash pondered.

"Hey guys?" Cynthia pitched in.

"Erika is freaky and she smells kind of weird. Annabelle is literally obsessed with you." Brock said.

"Guys?" Cynthia tried again.

"Flannery is too hot headed, Lorelei is too cool.."

"GUYS!" Cynthia shouted.

"Fucking what mate?" Ash shouted back at her, trying not to break his train of thought.

"Could I travel with you?" Cynthia asked. Brock and Ash magically transformed into detectives.

Brock lifted a magnifying glass.

"Name: Cynthia. Occupation: Champion."

Ash put a hand to his chin. "Bra size: 34D. Colour of panties currently wearing:...bright pink. Didn't expect that from a goth. Oh, and little frilly bows. That's cute. Are they Victini's Secret? Why, yes they are."

Cynthia put one hand to cover her bosoms and the other her lower half. "How the fuck did you know that? I'm clothed, you pervs!" She blushed hard.

They took little notice.

Brock took a deep breath in. "Advantages: Powerful. Nice ass. Good to train with. Nice ass. Could increase the experience in the group. Nice ass. Could help wingman us with other girls. Nice ass. Disadvantages: Boring as a wet-wipe. Old enough to have started her period, unlike the other minors. Well, not Misty. She was constantly on the rag. Anyway - if I get caught sniffing her panties, her Garchomp will Draco Meteor the shit out of me. But." He paused.

"She has a nice ass." Ash finished his sentence for him. He'd somehow teleported behind the blonde and slapped her on the left butt cheek, watching it jiggle, while she let out a small squeal in surprise. "I like her bitch noise." Ash said to Brock, who nodded his head in agreement. "Don't you have like, Champion duties or something better to do than traveling half way around a country with one sexy raven haired fellow and his ugly Thai best friend?"

"Nah. I'm bored as shit. Plus, there's ruins in Kanto to explore."

"Disadvantage: likes rocks." Ash said.

"That's an advantage to me." Brock countered.

"Advantage: she'll get me rock hard." Ash said over Dawn muttering he was a pervert.

Ash shrugged. "Alright, you'll do, as long as I get a nude on SnivyChat off you like twice a fortnight. No filters."

"No screenshots." Cynthia countered.

"No promises." Ash pointed out.

"Fine, I'm in. Now, sober up so I can murder you both for your comments on the ferry to Kanto."

'Sup, bitches. Yeah, this is a new story that I'll probably never finish. If you like it and want to see more, review you bastards.

*faint voice* "What about Electrifying Ash?"

Shut the fuck up, that's what. God that story is trash. If I ever get round to it I'll edit like every chapter and cut out all the unnecessary dialogue and complicated plot twists that I thought of when I was 12, and finish that fucker off once and for all. Bane of my life.

Peace out motherfuckers.

S