Jumping back into writing for SWR! This is another prompt from the swrrequests blog.
PROMPT: Ezra meets Kenobi. Alternatively; Kenobi hides his presence in the Force but there's a side effect of hiding anyone around him so Kanan is just minding his own business when suddenly Ezra seems to vanish from the Force.
Big thanks to firelily-jade (on tumblr) for beta-ing this for me!
Enjoy.
Kanan has gotten used to the noise. The humming of the Ghost's engines in flight, the sounds of Chopper wheeling around to cause mischief, Sabine singing while she painted, the cheesy dialogue from Zeb's not-so-secret space opera holovid shows, Hera cursing while trying to fix some odd part of the Ghost nobody knew needed updating, Ezra's never-ending questions. It's a comfort, of sorts, to know that life still goes on in front of his eyes, even if he is no longer privy to it. Even on Atallon, the base is never quiet, not with the sounds of talking and laughing and planning, of ships and droids and the quiet buzz of the spider repellers. And now, alone in his quarters on the Ghost, the lack of noise is unsettling to him, to say the least. Especially the lack of Ezra-central noise.
Kanan sits on his bed and crosses his legs. He rests his palms on his knees and allows the tension to bleed from his shoulders with a deep breath.
If Kanan had known then just how entwined Maul's destiny would be with his Padawan's, they never would have taken the kriffing trip to Malachor. Even now, almost a year later, and Ezra is still dangling closer and closer to his grasp, and Kanan is powerless to stop it. Just as he was powerless to stop him from sneaking off to Tatooine to track Master Kenobi down.
Kanan clenches his hand into a fist and exhales sharply, releasing his sudden spike of irritation into the Force. That boy was going to be the death of him one day, and wouldn't they all know it?
Hera was irritated when she got the report of his unscheduled takeoff, but it was when the news that Chopper went with him got back to her that made her absolutely livid, mindlessly slipping back into Ryl as she muttered to herself under her breath. Zeb shrugged, when he found out, knocking shoulders with Kanan.
"If you asked me," Zeb whispered in his ear when Hera's back was turned, "it was coming."
And as much as he hates to admit it, Kanan has to agree.
He takes a deep breath and focuses, frowning slightly as he reaches inside for the part of his mind that's their training bond. It's distant right now; Ezra's probably focused on flying, or on what his plan will be when he finds Kenobi. He nudges at it, and Ezra's presence seems to brighten. He pokes back, playfully, and then he draws back and becomes distant again.
Kanan feels the corners of his mouth tip up into a smile. Force help him, he loved this kid, but that didn't mean he wouldn't take his ass down a notch when he got back to the base.
Throughout the next few days, Kanan periodically checks on Ezra's presence. Half the time Ezra doesn't respond; Kanan just gets faint traces of boredom and eagerness from his side of the bond.
Zeb teases him every time he does it, because the first time Ezra reached out to him he stopped in the middle of the hallway and was knocked over by an irritated AP-5. That hasn't really stopped him, though, and he knows that the rest of the crew secretly likes the updates, even if they won't admit it.
That night, Kanan meditates again. Based on the estimated hyperspace maps, Ezra should've arrived on Tatooine that morning, but he didn't check in. Hera agreed with him that that was strange, but she wasn't overly concerned. Zeb just shrugged and said that the kid probably forgot, and Sabine teased him for worrying and being such a dad.
They're probably right, but he can't get the feeling out of his mind that something is seriously wrong.
He's sitting in his bunk again, his hair loose and his mask resting by his side. He can faintly hear the others bumping around and talking in the living space, Sabine cackling at something that was probably at Zeb's expense.
He isn't even thinking about Ezra; honestly, he's just minding his own damn business when suddenly the little spark of his mind that's Ezra's vanishes, and his breath hitches in his throat.
"Ezra?" he whispers. There's nothing but radio silence in his mind. Desperately, Kanan reaches out for their bond, but there's nothing there. His stomach instantly drops, and if feels like there's ice in his veins.
He pushes himself up and stumbles out into the living room. The crew's laughter trails off; he probably looks like a wild sight - hair loose, mask off, wide eyes - but he can't bring himself to care; Ezra's in trouble. He grabs the doorframe and leans over, resisting the urge to dry heave.
"Kanan?" Hera says. Instantly, she's over to his side, resting a hand on his arm and tugging him towards a chair. Sabine crowds his other side, and he can feel Zeb crouching down in front of him. "What is it?"
"It's Ezra," he says, swallowing the bile down in the back of his throat. "Something's wrong. I can't feel him anymore."
What could have happened? Did Maul get to him? Did he crash his ship? Did the Empire find him? He doesn't know, and he hates not knowing. All he wants is to feel Ezra again and know he's safe, but he knows that won't happen again. Last time he lost the sense of his master, she'd been shot, and she died right in front of him. He puts a hand on the side of his temple and tries to reach out to Ezra again.
He can hear Sabine asking something, but it sounds, far off, like he's underwater, and he can't quite make it out. Hera says something too, but Kanan is so far back into his mind that he can't comprehend it. He feels something shaking him, and it jerks him back from his focused search.
"Kanan!" Zeb says, his gruff voice filled with urgency. Kanan distantly connects the too-tight grip on his shoulder to be his. "What does that mean?"
There's still no sign from Ezra in his head, and Kanan can feel his shoulders start to sag. "He's gone," he says, voice tinged with disbelief. "Ezra's gone."
It's chaotic after that. Hera coms Chopper for a response, but either the little droid is just ignoring them or something really is wrong. Sabine stays up dealing with AP-5, trying to figure out which ship he took and if there was a tracker on it, or if something had destroyed it. Zeb even goes so far as to start planning a rescue mission, just in case. Kanan stays up that night, just waiting.
Nothing happens, of course.
He moves from the Ghost to HQ, right in the middle of Zeb's planning session. He works with him, volunteers to go, bites and forces his way in to getting Sato to give him access. He ignores the whispers of pity and curiosity from his fellow rebels whenever he speaks up. They, in turn, ignore the moments he goes quiet and disappears into his head, searching and searching for that lost connection. He refuses to give up on Ezra.
He falls asleep at the table when Hera joins his side, worn out and emotionally drained.
He dreams that night of Ezra. Of the snarky, floppy-haired boy who'd stolen from them on Lothal, of the way his eyes lit up when he first revealed his lightsaber, the way he scowled whenever Zeb teased him, the way he smiled, the way he laughed.
It's almost too much, and he wakes up with his heart in his throat. He sits up blearily, realizing that the room is quiet, and that everyone has gone back to their quarters. He feels his way back to the Ghost and into the kitchen to make some caf. There, he sits with his eyes closed, trying to focus on the Force. He doesn't remember falling asleep again, but when he wakes the next morning, he can hear Hera sitting across from him and tapping on his mug of cold Caf.
"I tracked Chopper," she says, voice hoarse and scratchy. She sounds tired, and he wonders if she even went to sleep last night. "He's on Tatooine. But he still hasn't responded to the signal yet. Has Ezra-" she trails off into silence.
Kanan rolls his shoulders back and winces, taking his mask off and rubbing his hand down the side of his face. "Nothing," he practically spits. His shoulders tense, and Hera reaches out to grab his other hand, squeezing.
It's mid-afternoon on Atallon when something changes. He's honestly debating making the trip out to the Bendu to see if he feels the imbalance when it hits him. What once was empty space is teeming with, well, Ezra.
He inhales suddenly, freezing for fear that it'll disappear again. The connection strengthens and reasserts itself, and Kanan basks in the familiarity of Ezra's mind.
Ezra reaches out and pokes at him, and Kanan can sense the apology behind it. He pokes back, harsher than he really intends, and Ezra draws back a little. He doesn't distance himself from the bond completely, leaving Kanan distracted by his mixed thoughts and emotions.
Kanan really can't tell whether he wants to laugh or cry, and he settles for doing an odd mix of the two before going to find the rest of the crew.
Days later, they're all waiting on the landing pad for Ezra to arrive home. Kanan's ponytail whips around and hits the side of his face as the ships land, and Hera has a gentle hand on his upper arm. He can hear the landing ramp hit the dust, and Ezra and Chopper hop down, arguing over something foolish, no doubt. He bounces on the back of his heels, impatient.
Ezra walks up, with what Kanan can picture as only a sheepish grin. Kanan wrinkles his nose at the smell, an appealing mix of dirt and dust and teenage body odor. He can hear Ezra shift his weight on his feet in front of them; Hera must be crossing her arms, imposing, with her best 'You're grounded for LIFE young man' expression on her face.
Kanan can't take it anymore. He lunges forward and envelops the kid in a hug, one hand clutching his shoulders, the other on the back of his hand. Ezra's face squishes up against the side of his neck, and he jumps a little at the surprise contact. After a moment, he relaxes, and he brings up his arms and pats Kanan on the back.
"Uh, am I missing something here?" Ezra asks, voice muffled against Kanan's shoulder. Zeb snorts from somewhere behind them.
Kanan takes a measured breath. Yep, he's definitely going to kill this kid.
Will I ever stop writing Kanan angst? Nah, probably not. R&R!