Growing up is not easy. When we finally start developing our personalities, we become miserable; we find flaws we never saw before and wish to go back to our younger years. We hold on to tightly to when it was okay to run crying to our mothers, we spend too much time wishing that we could spend a few more hours with that one friend we never saw again. We become selfish. Selfish in the sense that we stop showing how much we care for those around us, our parents stop receiving drawing from us, gradually we stop giving our mother a good night kiss and suddenly you are yelling the words 'I hate you' from across the living instead of sweetly telling her we love her. We forget they are humans, too. They have feelings just like us, and sometimes we don't realize that until is too late.
Emma couldn't get her eyes off the paper, her own words; her own feelings were too overwhelming.
She remembers being 12 when she had her first big fight with her mother. Her mother was driving when they started arguing, being the cautious woman her mother had always been, she pulled over the side of the road while she tried to calmed herself down. Emma, on the other hand, had had enough from her mother and yelled: "I can't believe you would do something like that to me … You are making things so much more complicated than they really are. I hate you." The next thing she remembers is getting out of the car and walking the mile and a half from where her mother had pulled up to her best friend's house.
Now that she thought about it, she couldn't remember the exact reason why they were fighting but she was more than certain that it was over something stupid. Her mother did not deserve that.
Feeling as someone sitting across from her, she finally ripped her eyes off her journal. "Are you okay, Emma?" her best friend Ruby asked as soon as she got her attention.
"Um … uh, yes, just working on something." She lied, Ruby could tell but decided to let it slide.
"Anyways, I have some great news that might get your head off the whole … you know," she said cautiously. "Because of my promotion, the company has given me permission to take 3 friends to the destination of my choice. Everything will be paid for." she finished excitedly.
"That's fantastic! Who is coming and where are we going?" Emma's eyes lighted up like a Christmas tree. A vacation, to get away from reality, she thought.
Ruby couldn't help but smirk mischievously at her. "Well, there's this guy I've been sort of dating," she paused. "And Regina." Ruby saw her friend's face change from excitement to confusion and finally settling in fear.
"I am not going. I–I can't," Emma could feel the knot in the pit of her stomach forming. She was going to be sick. This could not be happening.
"Emma. You are going, you need to grow the hell up and speak to her." She moved closer to her and hugged her. "She's been worry sick about you, she is doing just as bad as you. She has been trying nothing but her best to give you the space you need," she whispered while comforting his friend.
"I don't deserve her."
"None sense. Now, let's gather your stuff from the hotel room. You will check out, go back to your home -to your girlfriend- pack everything you need. We leave tomorrow morning; we are going to Thailand." She said as she stood up took put on her coat, put Emma's notebook and pen back in her bag, and lead her to the door of their favorite coffee shop.
Emma couldn't bring herself out of the car. Ruby had walked back to the hotel with her, helped her pack and didn't leave until she was sure Emma had checked out. Probably for the best, Emma thought.
Now, she just needs the courage to get out of the car and get inside the house. How did I fuck up this much? Regina deserves better than who I am today, she deserved someone who isn't broken.