PART 2 - A Shallow Space
Well, I've decided to make a series of short stretches of dialogue, which might link together, might not, depends how I feel really. Just mail me with feedback, (yes, you) at chris_allan669@hotmail.com.or just R&R. Just tell me what you think!
(Opening Credits)
Starbug Cockpit
All in usual places, generally fiddling with equipment
Rimmer: Well, there's nothing on long range, we're safe for now, unless some big horrible squelchy thing mysteriously appears, as they always seem to do whenever we're around.
Lister: I know it seems that way...
Cat: What you talking about? It is that way.
Kryten: Mr Cat has a point sir, everytime we think we're in the clear, something big, bad and squelchy that makes a bowel clenching noises jumps out at us from an asteroid.
Cat: Planet.
Rimmer: Dimensional Tear.
Kryten: Space Anonomaly.
Lister: Ok,Ok, I get the idea.
Rimmer: You sure Listy? We could go on for a lot longer, let's see, Kryten, what did you say?
Kryten: Uh, Space Anonomaly
Lister: Guys, just drop it.
Cat: Aww.. and we were having such fun.
Lister: What are you talking about? You're idea of fun involves either you changing clothes, or meeting a women.
Cat: Just one woman? Maybe you ought to recheck your facts there buddy. Try ten or twelve, and you've got me having fun, but don't forget, the extra-large mango and cherry pizza at the end.
Rimmer:(nostalgic)I had pizza with MacGruder once,
Lister: Oh god, the concussed one who called you the wrong name all the time?
Rimmer:(still nostalgic)Yeh, what? No!
Lister: Ahh! you admit it!
Rimmer:(ratty)Anyway it wasn't my only time, and what about you, you don't stand much chance out here in Deep Space do you? Unless you plan to meet up and have family with your missus.
Lister: Don't mention her Rimmer, I only did it for the posse.
Cat: Why's Deep Space called 'Deep Space, wheres 'shallow space' then, that bit of space between your buttocks when they're clenched?
Kryten: Sir, I believe that is called a 'small space', or even a 'such a mind-boggling-small-bit-of-space-it-can't-really-be-called-space-at-all', but definitely not a 'shallow space'
Lister: So where is 'shallow space'?
Rimmer: Listy, think about it, 'space' is the bit around the solar system, and 'Deep Space' is the stuff further out still, so therefore 'Shallow Space' would have to be much closer to home.
Cat: Exactly! Between your clenched buttocks!
Rimmer: Oh shut-up.
Lister: Aww... Rimmsy is loosing his argument.
Rimmer: Lister, it never fails to amaze me, your supreme stupidty overrides every other sense in your body doesn't it?
Lister: How'd you mean?
Rimmer: You fail to understand that I can hurt you in any number if mindboggingly painful ways, you ever had a light-bee up your left nostril?
Lister: No.
Rimmer: Right nostril?
Lister: No.
Cat: Shallow Space?
Kryten: Sirs please, all this bickering, is it really necessary?
Lister, Rimmer & Cat: YES!
Kryten: Good, I just thought I'd check on that simple factor.
Rimmer: Anyway, I wouldn't call that bickering mister bog bot. It was merely a rapid interchange of ideas, in a frank and slightly unnerving manner.
Lister: Anyway, we weren't really arguing, just kind of talking.
Cat: Yeah, bird-tray head, you are so stupid, you almost as dumb as me!
Rimmer: Steady on there, thats pretty stupid.
Cat: I know!
Kryten: Anyway, I thought I just saw something on the scannerscope, so, with all due respect sirs, could we get back to piloting the ship?
All turn to their respective duties, Rimeer and Kryten start doing things on their stations, whilst the Cat pilots, and Lister looks over the console. All the following is very calm, but with a sense of urgency.
Cat: Switching to manual, got it.
Rimmer: Ok, nothing on the sensor banks, Kryten, you got anything?
Kryten: Not yet sir, rescanning.
Cat: No nasal vibrations yet.
Lister: Nothing on this console either.
Rimmer: Lister, thats an intership console.
Lister: I knew that! I was just checking!
Cat: Gimme some more power.
Lister: We're on full!
Kryten: Still nothing but some frozen flatulence 3 klicks away.
Lister: Keep scanning.
Cat: Still no nasal action here, and I'm sniffing hard as I can, all I can smell is Lister.
Lister: Thanks man
Cat: Just looking out for dangerous smells, and yours is dangerous!
Rimmer: Excusai moi, but is it just possible that our beloved 'Birdtray head', made an error?
Lister: Hurry up, cos my shallow space is getting smaller by the minute.
THE END (of part 2, part 3'll come soon, sorry, it has to come sometime, I'd appreciate some feedback, so just mail me at chris_allan669@hotmail.com