"You can go if you don't want to be here," she said. Kara was putting in no real effort, but was surprised how quickly Lena had given her an option to bail out. Kara was staring down at her coffee.
She stirred the liquid in the cup simply for an excuse to look at something other than the woman in front of her. It sat there barely touched and now the miniature whirlpool she had created started to die down. A solitary drip had made its way over the rim and was sliding to freedom. She watched it glide down to the bottom of the cup and make its way to the saucer below. The brown liquid sat there, waiting for its chance to disperse underneath when the time came.
"No Lena, it's fine," she said finally looking up from the table. The truth was she did not want to be there and had been ignoring the rest of the world as best as she could for the past few weeks. Doing the bare minimum at CatCo to get by was a new experience for her, especially as there was plenty of work she should be doing.
"You've been ignoring my messages for weeks, so I was pleasantly surprised when you finally decided to respond." Lena tilted her head slightly, looking right into her eyes.
"But now we're here and I feel like I'm still getting no response," she said. There was no contempt in her voice, speaking in that soft, concerned way Kara had become accustomed too. It was usually soothing for her but it felt strained here, everything did. Alex's persistence since she spiralled into this pit of hers had finally got her out of the apartment and sitting opposite Lena now. She was still unsure if caving was a good idea but if anything she had to try and engage properly or it would be an entire afternoon of watching coffee slosh around her cup in front of a frustrated Lena.
"I'm getting nowhere with this mysterious new murderer who's rampaging through National city's underworld. They're leaving nothing behind but charred corpses and a weird skull symbol, so forgive me if I'm not as chipper as usual" she said. Lena hesitated slightly,
"Well, what do you know?" she said. Kara decided she would humour her, it was the most she had spoken to someone besides Alex for a while.
"The symbol's Kryptonian, that's all my research has managed to muster," she said.
"Have you asked Supergirl?" Lena said. Kara rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed.
"Yes. She doesn't know much about it either," she said. This was met with silence from Lena, Kara was happy to let it sit as she took in the ambient noise from the patrons around the coffee shop. Lena had stopped looking at her, those eyes of hers contemplatively looking into the distance. Kara took a sip of her coffee, placing the cup back down in the spillage she had created before.
"I haven't seen much of Supergirl recently," Lena said. She was impressed with Lena's perseverance in trying to keep some sort of conversation alive. Kara had not seen much of Supergirl either, very little had happened since the Daxamite invasion and her adventures lately had just been showing up to crime-scenes where this mysterious new Kryptonian had already struck. D.E.O. efforts to track this person down in any capacity had proven fruitless so far.
"Supergirl's still out there fighting the good fight," Kara said. Lena's response was just a non-committal noise.
"Something you want to say?" Kara said, Lena would normally gush about Supergirl whenever she got the chance.
"What? No," she said.
"Right." Kara said.
Lena leaned forward and held her hand. Kara considered pulling away, but left it be.
"I'm here for you Kara, I've been worried about you," she said.
"You don't need to be, I've just been busy okay?" Kara said.
"You've always been busy before and it's never brought you down like this. I don't want to force you to talk about it, but I think I know what this is really about," she said. Kara pulled her hand away, her nostrils flared. The pity from Alex and J'onn was bad enough but hearing it from Lena as well touched a nerve.
"I'm not justifying that with a response," Kara said. Lena took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry. It's not my place, but you have to let me in at some point. Or if not me then someone, you haven't been yourself lately," Lena said. Once again Lena was looking right at her, Kara broke the eye contact quickly. She was tired of being told how different she had been recently, as if it acting down was something she was not allowed to do.
"You're right it's not your place and it's not my fault you're upset that I'm not acting in a way you want me too," Kara said. Lena looked deflated, looking back down into her own coffee. Kara put her head in her hands, she had said that more accusingly than she had intended. The humdrum of the shop seemed to pick up as silence once again fell between the two of them. She let the ambience wash over her, trying to revel in the idleness she had sought solace in these past few weeks. It was an attempt at a respite from the situation at hand, it was not working. Her general agitation and the aroma of the barely touched coffee kept her mind firmly in the present.
Lena was visibly upset and doing a poor job of hiding it. Kara had snapped at her when all she was doing was trying to help. She had to at least reassure her in some capacity.
"Look, I loved him, now he's gone. It isn't something I want to talk about right now," she said.
Lena perked up slightly. "Just know, when you're ready I will always be here for you," she said.
"Thank you," she replied. Whether she would take Lena up on that remained to be seen, she was doing her very best to avoid thinking about Mon-El and needed to get out of her own head again.
"Of course that works both ways," Kara said, she wanted to shift the topic to Lena. It might do something to calm herself down a bit and dig herself out of this hole she had just created with Lena.
Lena laughed slightly, "everything you're going through and you're still more concerned about me?"
"What's bothering you Lena? I'm guessing it involves Supergirl." she said.
"Am I that obvious?" she said.
"Well when we spoke about her just now. How should I put it? You didn't seem like yourself," Kara said.
"It's just... this can wait another time you know," she said.
"Helping you feel better will help me feel better, now come on," Kara smiled, it was mostly genuine. Though she was also curious to see what it was that changed her attitude towards Supergirl. She could see Lena trying to put everything together in her head, several times she looked like she was about to speak but then held back. After what felt like a long time of watching Lena stalling she spoke out.
"It's about that weapon I made," Lena said.
"You mean with the Daxamites?" she asked.
"Yeah..." Lena shifted in her seat. "Kara did I do the right thing?" she said.
"You helped save the world," Kara said, slightly perturbed.
"I know, I know." Lena paused, clearly uncomfortable. "I trust Supergirl's judgement, but it's just been playing on my mind," she said.
"Why?" Kara asked.
"When my mother tried to activate it and I so proudly announced I had given the trigger to Supergirl, it felt like such a victory. Like I had bested her in a way she simply couldn't stand. But then..." Lena trailed off.
"It's okay, I'm here" Kara said, fearing she knew where this was going. Lena half-smiled, seemingly only partially reassured.
"I put that thing together as a last resort and so quickly after I smugly put my mother down, Supergirl uses it herself," Lena said.
"She did what she had to do," Kara said, poorly disguising her annoyance. This was an attitude she had grown all too familiar with but hearing it from Lena was a particularly hard to stomach.
"I understand that, there was just so little hesitation," she said.
"She had no other choice, Rhea was ruthless and refused to honour the agreement of the duel they had," Kara said.
"I guess, in truth I don't know what else I was expecting. It's just been weighing down on me," she said.
"Don't let it, it was the right call," Kara said.
"I guess, I just thought you'd be able to see where I was coming from," Lena said.
Kara squinted her eyes "What makes you say that?" She asked.
"Never mind, I misspoke." Lena said.
"No. Finish that thought." Kara said.
Lena sighed. "It's the decision that forced Mon-El out of your life,"
Hearing this from Lena was more than she wanted to deal with right now, it brought back the memory of loading Mon-El in that ship and exiling him forever. She refused to think about it any further, picked up her bag and stood up.
"I'm sorry, please don't go," Lena said, Kara ignored her. Lena may have been unaware of it, but she had crossed a line. She stormed off without looking back, but had only made it a few meters before she felt a tug at her arm. She turned to see Lena had gotten up to stop her.
"Kara... please, there's more I need to tell you" Lena said, there was a brief moment between them where nothing was said. Kara contemplated staying, but could feel her anger getting the better of her. It would be best for both of them if she left now before making it worse.
"I told you I didn't want to talk about that," Kara said. She pulled her arm away and walked off, leaving Lena behind. Lena had no idea that her criticism of Supergirl's choice to sacrifice Mon-El was so personal. It did however serve as a good enough reason to get out of there, preferring to leave whatever this was with Lena unfinished rather than hurt her any further.