Wierd things at Hogwarts 2
MeowthHB
Disclaimer: WEEEEEEE WHOOOOOOT that was fun. I don't own anything. So nyah.
----
Trelawney was walking through the halls one day looking very fat. Just then Harry walked up and
poked her tummy. "Does it kick when I do this? Does it kick when I do this?" He said annoyingly.
She grabbed his hands and held them to his sides. "Stop poking the fetus, Potter, you wouldn't
want to kill your own baby, would you?" She said seductively (don't ask, cuz I don't know).
"OH MY FREAKING GOSH!" Somebody screamed from down the halls and fainted with a thud.
"Wow, all this attention..." Harry said for no reason. "Reminds of the time when you and me on
the school grounds..." he trailed off as Snape walked by wearing his usual black outfit. How-
ever it was different this time because he had a sign taped to his back that said 'Me. You. No
clothes. On the floor. Now.' Unfortunetely for Snapie, he had no clue that the affectionate hug
Ginny had given him was related to it, since he didn't even know that he had a sign on him.
"Uh, Sev..." Harry said. The professor stopped and ballet-twirled around to glare at him.
"What do you want?" He snapped.
"On your back..."
"Huh?" Snape said as he felt his back by twisting an arm around his neck. "HEY! THat's it you
stupid kid! Time to DIE!" He screamed as he leapt at Harry. Sybil jumped in front of Snape and
they both tumbled onto the floor with Snape on top. A long, awkward moment of silence followed.
"Get off my chick, pig." Harry said, but his words fell on deaf ears. Snape and Trelawney were
making out in the halls. Feeling sick, Harry ran to the boys' bathroom located two feet away and
puked repeatedly.
"Gee wilikers, Harry, two gallons of it!" Came McGonagall's voice from the bathroom.
"Minerva what the **** are you doing in the boys' bathroom?!" Came Fag's and Coil's at the same
time.
"Oh, this is the BOYS' bathroom? So that's why everyone's got their barn doors open." She said.
Just then Ms. Know-It-All was walking past as she usually does in these awkward situations, and
upon seeing the professors making out she said snoggishly "No, you're doing it ALL WRONG. Tre-
lawney, I have plenty of experience in this field, let me show you how to do it." She then grab-
bed Snape and gave him a passionate kiss on the lips, then threw him back to the floor.
"Gadzooks!" He screamed. Sybil was just as surprised as he was. Just then, of course, Draco
happened to walk by. "Herm! I thought you loved me!" He screamed and ran off, bawling like the
baby he was, because Drab and Foil weren't around to make him look tough.
She shrugged and walked into the boys' bathroom, where her and McGonagall noted the changing
colors of Harry's vomit. Sybil and Snape went into the girls' bathroom and made out.
Ron happened to also be walking down the halls and found Draco sobbing into a teddy bear and
talking to it, too. "Oh Fuzzy Buzzy, you're the only one that understands my needs!" He cried.
"Awww, Draco, poor you. Let's have a pity party." Ron teased. Suddenly the teddy bear's eyes
glinted an evil purple color, and the thing grew to the size of a Hagrid, along with big fangs
and claws, and then prodeeded in chasing Ron through Hogwarts.
At lunch that day, Dumbledore cleared his throat. Alot. It turned out he was gagging on his own
beard, so Pomfrey gave him the heimlich manouver, and a big gray hairball flew across the room
to land in Justin Finch-Fletchley's goblet.
"Oh, darn, that'll cover up the dead rat flavor." He whined. Then, meeting eyes with Madame
Maxine (who conveniently had come to Hogwarts for a shore leave) said "You're hot." She looked
disgusted and said something French to Albus, who nodded. "I've expelled him twice already, but
he keeps coming backing. He's like a cockroach or something." He said.
"CHILDREN!" He yelled. Nobody paid any attention. "OKAY YOU LITTLE BRATS, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP
IN 2 SECONDS I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE VET AND HAVE YOU ALL NEUTERED!"
Everyone silenced and looked to him. At that point Severus accidentily coughed. Albus slowly
turned and leered at him. "You're going to the vet first thing tomorrow." He said evilly. Snape
game a little whimper.
"Okay, tonight is a ball! Not the yule ball, just a ball. So everyone better have good dance
moves! And there will be alcohol..."-a loud cheer rose from the kids-"...and games." Dumbeldore
said.
"AHHHHHH help me!" A terrified scream came from behind a door, and Ron burst through it with the
evil teddy in pursuit.
"Elektronius!" Seamus Finnigan shouted, whipping out his wand. A lightnigg bolt flew from it
and hit the bear, blowing it to bits. "NYUUUUU!" Draco screamed tearfully. "FUZZY BUZZY!" and ran
off.
"You people are all mental!" Maxine cried out in horror. "What's wrong with you?!"
Meanwhile, at a random dark and scary dungeon thing...
"I am the cliche bad guy, while you are my cliche comic relief sidekick!" Voldemort said to Worm-
tail, who stood next to him.
"I have spent a year concocting an evil plan which obviously can't fail! Although all my recent
perfect evil plans did...but this one won't! Grrr, all my other plans could have worked too, if
it wasn't for those pesky kids! Now we shall commence with pointless evil-sounding laughter.
MUAHAHAHA!" Voldemort said.
"M-m-master, have you considered a sh-shrink?" Peter said timidly.
"Hisssss!" Voldemort said, and then got on all fours. "Moo! Neigh! Oink!"
Staring wide-eyed at his psychotic master the whole time, Wormtail slowly backed out of the
dungeon.
----
Okayyyyyy then...hee, is this funny enough for ya? Tell me!!!! PWEEEEZ r/r! (That means Reader
Review, right? I hope so!)
MeowthHB
Disclaimer: WEEEEEEE WHOOOOOOT that was fun. I don't own anything. So nyah.
----
Trelawney was walking through the halls one day looking very fat. Just then Harry walked up and
poked her tummy. "Does it kick when I do this? Does it kick when I do this?" He said annoyingly.
She grabbed his hands and held them to his sides. "Stop poking the fetus, Potter, you wouldn't
want to kill your own baby, would you?" She said seductively (don't ask, cuz I don't know).
"OH MY FREAKING GOSH!" Somebody screamed from down the halls and fainted with a thud.
"Wow, all this attention..." Harry said for no reason. "Reminds of the time when you and me on
the school grounds..." he trailed off as Snape walked by wearing his usual black outfit. How-
ever it was different this time because he had a sign taped to his back that said 'Me. You. No
clothes. On the floor. Now.' Unfortunetely for Snapie, he had no clue that the affectionate hug
Ginny had given him was related to it, since he didn't even know that he had a sign on him.
"Uh, Sev..." Harry said. The professor stopped and ballet-twirled around to glare at him.
"What do you want?" He snapped.
"On your back..."
"Huh?" Snape said as he felt his back by twisting an arm around his neck. "HEY! THat's it you
stupid kid! Time to DIE!" He screamed as he leapt at Harry. Sybil jumped in front of Snape and
they both tumbled onto the floor with Snape on top. A long, awkward moment of silence followed.
"Get off my chick, pig." Harry said, but his words fell on deaf ears. Snape and Trelawney were
making out in the halls. Feeling sick, Harry ran to the boys' bathroom located two feet away and
puked repeatedly.
"Gee wilikers, Harry, two gallons of it!" Came McGonagall's voice from the bathroom.
"Minerva what the **** are you doing in the boys' bathroom?!" Came Fag's and Coil's at the same
time.
"Oh, this is the BOYS' bathroom? So that's why everyone's got their barn doors open." She said.
Just then Ms. Know-It-All was walking past as she usually does in these awkward situations, and
upon seeing the professors making out she said snoggishly "No, you're doing it ALL WRONG. Tre-
lawney, I have plenty of experience in this field, let me show you how to do it." She then grab-
bed Snape and gave him a passionate kiss on the lips, then threw him back to the floor.
"Gadzooks!" He screamed. Sybil was just as surprised as he was. Just then, of course, Draco
happened to walk by. "Herm! I thought you loved me!" He screamed and ran off, bawling like the
baby he was, because Drab and Foil weren't around to make him look tough.
She shrugged and walked into the boys' bathroom, where her and McGonagall noted the changing
colors of Harry's vomit. Sybil and Snape went into the girls' bathroom and made out.
Ron happened to also be walking down the halls and found Draco sobbing into a teddy bear and
talking to it, too. "Oh Fuzzy Buzzy, you're the only one that understands my needs!" He cried.
"Awww, Draco, poor you. Let's have a pity party." Ron teased. Suddenly the teddy bear's eyes
glinted an evil purple color, and the thing grew to the size of a Hagrid, along with big fangs
and claws, and then prodeeded in chasing Ron through Hogwarts.
At lunch that day, Dumbledore cleared his throat. Alot. It turned out he was gagging on his own
beard, so Pomfrey gave him the heimlich manouver, and a big gray hairball flew across the room
to land in Justin Finch-Fletchley's goblet.
"Oh, darn, that'll cover up the dead rat flavor." He whined. Then, meeting eyes with Madame
Maxine (who conveniently had come to Hogwarts for a shore leave) said "You're hot." She looked
disgusted and said something French to Albus, who nodded. "I've expelled him twice already, but
he keeps coming backing. He's like a cockroach or something." He said.
"CHILDREN!" He yelled. Nobody paid any attention. "OKAY YOU LITTLE BRATS, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP
IN 2 SECONDS I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE VET AND HAVE YOU ALL NEUTERED!"
Everyone silenced and looked to him. At that point Severus accidentily coughed. Albus slowly
turned and leered at him. "You're going to the vet first thing tomorrow." He said evilly. Snape
game a little whimper.
"Okay, tonight is a ball! Not the yule ball, just a ball. So everyone better have good dance
moves! And there will be alcohol..."-a loud cheer rose from the kids-"...and games." Dumbeldore
said.
"AHHHHHH help me!" A terrified scream came from behind a door, and Ron burst through it with the
evil teddy in pursuit.
"Elektronius!" Seamus Finnigan shouted, whipping out his wand. A lightnigg bolt flew from it
and hit the bear, blowing it to bits. "NYUUUUU!" Draco screamed tearfully. "FUZZY BUZZY!" and ran
off.
"You people are all mental!" Maxine cried out in horror. "What's wrong with you?!"
Meanwhile, at a random dark and scary dungeon thing...
"I am the cliche bad guy, while you are my cliche comic relief sidekick!" Voldemort said to Worm-
tail, who stood next to him.
"I have spent a year concocting an evil plan which obviously can't fail! Although all my recent
perfect evil plans did...but this one won't! Grrr, all my other plans could have worked too, if
it wasn't for those pesky kids! Now we shall commence with pointless evil-sounding laughter.
MUAHAHAHA!" Voldemort said.
"M-m-master, have you considered a sh-shrink?" Peter said timidly.
"Hisssss!" Voldemort said, and then got on all fours. "Moo! Neigh! Oink!"
Staring wide-eyed at his psychotic master the whole time, Wormtail slowly backed out of the
dungeon.
----
Okayyyyyy then...hee, is this funny enough for ya? Tell me!!!! PWEEEEZ r/r! (That means Reader
Review, right? I hope so!)