Mental… Am I mental? Really? Me? Maybe… Maybe I am. Perhaps I'm off my head. Crazy, poof, insane, maybe that's me. Deranged or deluded or demented? D words. I hate D words. Demented... Dementors… No, don't think about them. Cold… No hope. No happiness. Can I really blame myself if I have gone crazy? Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Oh but I'm not! I'm not that bad, am I?
"No, you aren't that bad, Bella," says Cissy, walking in.
Oh. I must have said that out loud. Oops.
"It's good having you home again." She says in a pained voice, setting a tray down on the table in front of me "you aren't a problem at all. Eat."
Her eyes are far away and her expression is unreadable. My sister cries a lot these days. I don't think she likes me to see she's been crying. She tries to hide it from me, scurrying out of rooms whenever I say something that upsets her. Right now, however, she is looking at me expectantly so I glance at the meal. Ugh. I'm not remotely hungry but she seems to feel the need to feed me up with hearty soups and meaty pies. Not that she cooks them of course. Mrs Malfoy would never do such a lowly task. So that falls to the accursed house elves. I hate the creatures, myself. Not sure why witches and wizards would want the unintelligent scum in their houses but obviously it caught on.
"I'm not hungry." I croak.
"Please Bella. You're so skinny."
"I'm not hungry!" I manage to raise my voice.
I haven't used it in so long. No need. Other than muttering to myself. But you don't do much of that when you're so stuck in your own mind you can't even remember how to speak. I don't know how I managed. Actually yes I do.
The Dark Lord.
"Bellatrix!" hisses Cissy, snapping me back to reality "I'm not asking you, now I'm telling you. Please eat something. You expect he'll let you straight back into his service in this state?"
Trust Cissy to bring that into it. The only thing she knows will break me.
"Fine!" I snap.