So…I have been watching far too much Sanctuary, and I've had time on my hands due to being ill. Hence new fic, I haven't decided whether this will be a one shot or whether to carry it on. I just think that there was never enough exploration of how Helen dealt with losing Ashley…

The italics are her dream. Reviews make me very happy. Thanks. Tasha. Xx

(P.S Contains scenes that some readers may find disturbing)

Reality Check.

"Hush darling." Gently she rocked the baby in her arms. The little girl was swaddled in a pale pink blanket. As she slowly rocked the cries from her baby grew gentler. "There we go…" She slipped her little finger around to rest it gently on her daughters lip. The little one started to suckle against it and Helen smiled as she gently pushed her finger in. She adored the feeling of her daughter suckling against her finger, there was something about it that made her feel they were un believably close.

Holding her close Helen walked over to the chair in the corner of the nursery. Sitting down she managed to manoeuvre the now sleeping baby around to rest against her chest. The little girl curled her tiny fingers around her mothers chest and snuggled further in. Smiling Helen started to rock back and forth on the chair. Slowly she felt the sleep coming over her, and her eyes finally closed.

As her eyes snapped open she automatically knew that something was wrong. The warm weight she had been rocking in her arms was gone. "Ashley…" She whispered her daughters name as she stood from the chair. Walking forward she frantically scanned the room. The walk turned into a run as she held out for a sign or noise that would tell her where her daughter was. Then she saw the bundle on the floor. The pale pink blanket was covering the still mound. Shaking Helen crouched down. She took a deep breath before lifting the blanket. Stifling a scream she scooted backwards and away from the motionless baby on the floor. "No." She bought her legs around to wrap her arms around them. Shaking her head she tried desperately to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

Eventually as the tears had stopped she managed to stand again. Taking three deep breaths she walked back over to the bundle and knelt in front of it. Blinking the last of the tears away she once again lifted the blanket. She couldn't scream…or make a noise. She didn't understand. No longer was the body on the floor a baby. Instead there lay a blonde haired toddler. Her straight hair fanned out below her. The normally peachy coloured skin had lost all of it's colour, and her face was wiped of any past emotion. Helen felt the fresh tears rolling down her cheek. "No…" This time she barely managed to choke the word out through her sobs. "What was happening to her?"

As she watched the small body she began to realise that it was still changing. Every time she blinked or looked away for a moment the body became older. Within a couple of minutes she was looking at a small child and within a few more the body of a teenager lay in front of her. "Ashley." The tears were rolling thick and fast. "Stop it…please stop it." But none of her pleading worked. Very quickly the body in front of her had become the Ashley she had lost. The daughter she had last known. Slowly Helen realised that the 'ageing' had stopped. Moving forward she reached out a hand to stroke the pale cheek. "I can't lose you again." She lent forward and down in order to place a kiss on her daughters cheek. She could feel her tears rolling down and landing on Ashley's cold skin. "Come back to me darling…"

"Mom…"

As the warm breath of the word brushed against Helen's cheek she wanted to scream. She couldn't do this anymore. Forcing herself to open her eyes she found herself looking straight into the perfect blue ones she knew belonged to her daughter. "Dear God…Ashley…" Moving quickly she lifted her into her lap and held her close to her chest. Just as she had done with the baby only minutes before.

"Mom…" This time the word was quiet but definite. As Helen watched she saw a single tear roll down her daughters cheek as she carried on speaking. "You promised that you would save me Mom. You promised." With that her head rolled back.

"No." This time the scream left Helen's lips. She shook the lifeless body.

…

Her eyes flew open. She managed to hold the scream she could feel fighting to leave her lips. "Ashley…" She whispered the name before gently sitting up. Leaning over she took a minute before turning on her bedside lamp. Looking around she saw her bedroom. Everything was still in place…nothing was missing. There was no extra noise save her own shallow breathing. "Bloody hell." She had intended the words to be angry, but she knew that they were merely desperate. She wanted to be angry, she wanted to be angry with herself. It was a year since Ashley had died, and co-incidentally the same time as the first Ripper killings. Instead of trying to relax she had been working herself harder than usual. It had always been likely to lead to a number of disturbances in her sleep.

It was only then that Helen reached a hand up to her face. She could feel the tears rolling down her cheek on onto the duvet below her. Taking some deep breaths she tried to calm the racing of her heart, but no matter how hard she tried, or how much she calmed herself. The tears wouldn't stop. She may have woken up from the nightmare, but the reality still existed. She had still lost her daughter, and that wasn't going away.

Taking a shaking hand she opened the drawer of the table beside her bed. They were still there. In the place she had left them. Normally she would have tried to wait longer, given herself some more time to make a decision. However, she was tired and needed some sleep. She twisted the cap off before popping out two white pills. Replacing the bottle she took her water glass and swallowed them quickly before she could change her mind. She settled herself back down before letting the drug induced sleep take her. There would be no more nightmares tonight.