Blue Cove
Sydney's apartment
Wednesday
Shutting the door behind him, Sydney stormed into his living room. He didn't remember when when he was so angry the last time. Hell, he knew Parker 'wasn't an easy case' but he didn't think she could be so foolishy stubborn. And he had to admit, he underestimated her because he didn't think she could upset him so much. On his way home, he couldn't stop the scenes of their argument play over and over again in his mind. In fact it was a pretty ugly quarrel, ending up with shoutings and frustrated outbrusts -mostly from the young woman but he raised his voice himself.
"Who are you to tell me what to think?" He remembered her asking, frustrated.
"Parker, I don' t tell you what to think! I'm just saying *my* opinion!"
"But I don't give a damn about your opinion, Sydney! I'm not buying your smart shrink-bubble any more! I should never have! You're like them! You don't do anything else than manipulating me! In one minute you are deaf and dumb and then you're the wise to warn me not to make a fool of myself but the fact is, that you're doing that because you too have some dirt to wipe under the rug!"
That was the point when his rage broke free and things got odd. He shook his head, finally trying to calm down. It was 21.04 pm and he was finally at home. Sitting down on the couch, he tried to think of something else. It was only the middle of the week and they had a long week ahead. He decided to relax and clear his head. He intended to forget about the Centre until he had to go to work again. Forget about them, about the clash and forget about Parker.
He stood up and went into the bathroom. Half an hour later he was ready to go to sleep, ready to have a rest after that both physically and mentally exhausting day. Finally laying down in his bed, he tug himself in with the covers. Turning the lights off, he closed his eyes to relax but sleep didn't come. He raised his head to glance outside the window. He used to leave the window open during summer and although it was mid-september, he didn't draw the curtains. He was still angry and couldn't fall asleep. He was a psychiatrist and knew how to control himself but this time he couldn't remain calm. The problem must have been that several things really hit him, he mused, even if he wanted to admit or not. However it took him one and a half hour, the old man finally found sleep.
Blue Cove Sydney's apartment Thursday morning
Sydney awoke with a start and sat up to turn off the alarm. He was so deep in his dreams that it took him almost two minutes to hear the loud whistling. 6.46 am. It was early but he knew he couldn't be late that morning because. he remembered their argument and knew that it was going to be a hard day. Not only would Parker be angry if he was late but he knew he had to find a way to get to her in spite of the fact that he was still angry himself. And knowing that if he was still angry then Parker must have been furious. He took a vow not to get into fight with her again but knew that he wasn't going to humble himself just to avoid the clash with her. She had to learn that he didn't belong to the people who let her oppress them like one of her enemies. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself up and slowly got out of bed to get himself ready to work.
The Centre Main lobby
Slowly walking in the direction of the sim lab, Sydney prepared to face Parker. He was calm because he decided to let her take the first step. He wasn't going to apologize but he -as a psychiatrist with self-control- intended to try and keep their upcoming conversations in a low manner -if Parker was going to talk to him at all. Shaking his head, he let out sigh. All of a sudden Broots appeared in front of him and stumbled into his old friend.
"Oh Sydney! I'm so-sorry!" He said, trying to catch his breath.
"Are you okey, Broots?" He asked, his brows furrowed.
"Ye-yes, sure! Actually I was looking for you!" Judging by his expression, Sydney knew it had something to do with their boss.
"Let me guess! Miss.Parker?" Broots nodded nervously and Sydney look at him with sympathy.
"She left half an hour ago! She wants us to join her in Dover! She.uhm she didn't wait for you so she left. Alone!" Sydney nodded. He knew that Parker wasn't a patient woman but he had a feeling that if they hadn't had that argument, she would have waited for him to arrive because if they had a lead on Jarod in Dover then he must be long gone. Jarod was more careful than letting the Centre have any lead on him when he was so near. And Parker knew that. Letting out a sigh again, he turned to Broots.
"Let's go then! We don't want her to get angry, do we?" He asked and slowly walked away.
Dover, Delaware 30 minutes later
A frown appeared on both Broots' and Sydney's face as they got out of the car. They had been told that Parker left with Sam and ordered the other sweeper from her team to bring them there when he arrived. And now they were there, in Dover, in the uptown. He felt Broots standing close behind him. The scene before them was a bit bothering. They were in an alley that had -even in the morning -a dark effect. Suddenly they spotted Parker making her way toward them with strict, fast steps. Judgying by her expression, she wasn't in a nice mood. They watched as she slightly turned her head and talked to Sam. He nodded and left her side, waving at the two other sweepers who came out of their hiding places.
"We're out of here!" They heared as she said to the sweepers, only several steps from the tech and the old man.
All of a sudden they heared a loud bump and as Sydney raised his head he saw a man roughly open a heavy door on the upstairs on one of the alley's sides. Then he felt the air freeze around them as he watched the scene. Everything seemed to happen in slow-motion as the man raised the rifle in his hand, aimed and shot. Sam was the first to react and as soon as the man fired, a hole appeared in between his eyes and he fell down from the stairs, lifeless.
Sydney turned to Parker and saw a distant look in her eyes. The whole world stopped existing for him as he spread his arms and took a step toward her. He just stared into her eyes with panic. He remember when he felt this way the last time. It was decades ago in Dachau. He tried to speak to her but he just couldn't. He watched as her eyes slowly closed and she fell. The next thing he felt was her light body in his arms. He tried to mutter a silent 'no' but he still couldn't. He felt Broots standing frozen in place as he kneeled down, lowering Parker as well. From one second to the other he felt her weight go even lighter. And it was strange. It was like feeling the life slipping out of her and for a moment he just held her close.
"Parker!" He finally managed to whisper and lowered her even more to look at her. But she didn't hear him. Her eyes were closed and as he lifted her to get her more comfortable and caught sight of his palm he knew it. But he didn't want to. He didn't want to acknowledge it. His hand was covered with blood. With her blood and most of all.dark blood. Broots watched as his old friend raised his blood covered, shaking hand and slowly touched her neck. He wasn't a doctor but knew what he was looking for. Almost half minute passed but Sydney still waited, Parker in his arms, his fingertips gently against the skin of her neck. Broots chocked back a gasp and slowly shook his head, whispering a barely audible 'no'.
The old man finally raised his head and looked straight into Broots' eyes. The tech didn't say a word, just slowly fell to his knees, covering his face with his palms. Sydney lowered his head, looking down at the woman in his arms. There wasn't any pain on her face, she seemed just sleeping. But the bloodstain under them was getting bigger and bigger and he couldn't do anything. He was helpless. He tried to talk to her, even tried to shout at her to wake up but nothing came out of his mouth. He knew the blood must have ruined her long, white coat but it didn't matter now. She looked liked an Angel. A sleeping angel. He saw Sam stepping in front of him and he could have bet he talked to him but he simply didn't understand what he said. But he didn't even care. Almost ten minutes must have passed when he reacted again. He stared at her face for a moment before he collected all his strenght. He ran a hand down in her hair before he slipped his other arm under her knee and lifted her up. He saw the surprise on Sam's face. He wasn't young anymore but he could easily lift her up without effort. Without a word he stared at Parker's sweeper who nodded after several seconds. Sydney knew that Broots watched as Sam opened the car door for them and he slipped inside with her.
Blue Cove Cemetery Sunday afternoon
Standing straight among the people in front of her coffin, Sydney remained calm. They didn't see but he had taken a good look at everyone. It was one of his specialties. Being watchful even when he didn't seem to take any notice. The coffin was white, the perfect fit for her, he thought. She may have been stubborn, the Ice Queen, hard on people but inside she was an angel. And he dared to believe that God needed an angel next to him because he took her. It was ironic but everyone who attended the funeral had feelings for her. Either ways. There were only Centre employees around but -what gave him and probably would have given her the big satisfaction was that- she had more friends then she could have thought. Her secretary, her sweeper-team, Sam, who looked worn-out, assistents and. her 'family'. He would have never thought but Lyle seemed to be touched. In fact he was shaken by the events but Sydney knew that he or Raines wasn't her real relatives. Genetically maybe but. in heart it was Broots, Debbie and. himself.
Sydney glanced down at Debbie who stood between him and his father. She was on the verge of crying and saw as her hand shook in Broots' but he wasn't sure that it was only hers that trembled. He gently bent down and took a hold of her other hand too. Sydney watched as she raised her head and looked at him with eyes full of tears. He tried to smile reassuringly but failed. She reminded her of the woman that they were just about to bury. The big, desperate eyes full of fear and sadness seemed to haunt him through all his life. He raised his head and just stared at the coffin again.
Even Raines was there. He seemed more angry than sad. It was obvious he had plans for Parker in his own mind but four days ago his long planned intentions broke into pieces.
But one person did miss. One person that he figured must have been hit a lot harder than anyone else in the world. Sydney was sure he was nearby, silently watching from a distance. Just like always.
His mind drifted back to that Wednesday. He remembered arriving back to the Centre, then seeing Lyle's shocked face. then Raines. Sydney didn't leave her side even for a minute. But Broots neither. They both just remained in the room in Renewal Wing, staring at her lying form. She was -once in her life- totally still and calm. But he rememberred as well the knot that formed in the pit of his stomatch because he knew Jarod was going to call. And he had no idea what to tell him.
But the time came and he couldn't avoid talking to him. He was finally back in his office, staring at his bloody hands and clothes. The ringing of his phone startled him and not caring with it, he picked it up, the receiver sticking to his palm.
"Jarod?" He remeberred asking.
"Maybe I'm not the only genius!" His protege joked but he didn't laugh or smile this time.
"Maybe!" He replied.
"You sound.so strange, Sydney! Did something happen?" Jarod asked seriously.
"Yes, Jarod, something happened!"
He was brought back to reality when he saw the people around him slowly slip away. The priest had left, and after the last honour at her coffin they slowly walked away. Debbie's hold on his hand got tighter and the images of Catherine Parker's funeral flooded into his mind. He couldn't save that little girl whose only comfort on that day was his firm grip on her hand. Trying to regain his composure, he took a deep breath.
Broots finally turned to him with deep red eyes. His daughter was already crying, she wasn't so strong yet as they were however he wasn't sure they were going to be able to take it. He nodded at his younger friend, neither of them able to speak. Debbie let go of the psychiatrist's hand without resist and followed her father. They stopped in front of the white casket and the young girl placed a single white rose on top of it. She was silent but her cheeks were wet from her tears and she was shaking. Broots suppressed his own tears as he gently caressed her head before he threw a last look at Sydney and walked away with Debbie.
Sydney didn't know how long had he been standing there without moving but after some time he collected all his strenght and stepped forward. Placing a hand on top of the coffin, he ran his hand along the side of it. Everything was white. The coffin, the flowers, the ribbons. He couldn't stop blaming himself.
"Do you think, Parker, that you're the only one who had wounds?" He remembered himself half-shouting when he lost his control the last time they actually talked. "You say I hide things from you? You do the same! Don't expect me or Broots tell you anything when you're full of secrets yourself!"
"Oh, great! Now comes I'm-the-rude-you're-the-victim!" She bit back, the rage evident in her voice.
"You're not the only one who lost your mother! And you're not the only one who lost loved-ones!" He knew he hit a nerve with this one and he wished he could have taken those words back. "Life has been hard on you but you're not the only one!" He said, slamming his fist down on top of the table.
"I'm sorry!" He whispered, quickly blinking away the tears. "I was wrong, Parker, I was wrong!" He said, closing his eyes as he leant his head on top of his hand on the coffin. The last time when he felt that pain was when Jacob died. It was Parker who comforted him then but this time he was mourning her. And it wasn't only similar to losing a family-member. He had lost another family member indeed.
He finally straightened up again and placed a kiss with his hand on the casket and stepped back. He knew he had to give someone else some time with her alone as well. It wasn't their time yet to talk about it. First his protege had to say good-bye. With his hands in his pockets, he turned around and left.
The Centre Tuesday Miss.Parker's office
Sydney silently stood in front of her desk, staring at her chair and a memory attacked him. He had just regained his eyesight and stepped in. She was sitting at her desk, nonchalantly scribbling something. He came to warn her about her father's and Lyle's arrival but she was more interested in him when he told her that he could see again. That genuine smile on her face burned into his mind forever. Suddenly the vision of her disappeared and the emtpy chair took her place. The smile at the memory left his face and he slowly made his way around the desk.
He discussed with Broots that he was going to pack her belongings. He talked about it with Lyle and he tried to pretend not to care with her things but he behaved unusual. He wasn't rude, no. He tried to avoid every topic about her. Raines told life went on but Sydney wasn't sure how exactly he meant that. But he didn't want to think of it. He didn't give a damn about the Centre. about their interests. He lost someone who was much more than an employee for him.
Slowly lowering himself down into her seat, he placed his arms on top of the table. The photos of her, her mother and Mr.Parker brought back the feeling of her. Everything was in order, no one touched her desk since. since it happened. Everything suggested that she could be back at any minute, ready to work. But he knew she wouldn't come. Looking up he remembered how many things had happened in that office. How many times he tried to comfort her, how many times did they felt some kind of safe and. privacy there. It was the spot of weak moments, angry outbrusts or when she prepared to shoot Raines. And it was the spot of their biggest and. last argument.
"Yes, you are right, I'm not the only one, Sydney!" She growled back angrily. "But at least I don't go and disturb you with annoying fake attempts to talk about your so-called wounds!" She hissed and for the first time in his life he had seen hatred in her eyes. Hatred against him. And that was when he realized that he did the only thing that he always tried to avoid. He hurt her. "I don't want to stir up the pain and try and make you open up just to satisfy myself with the pride of making another patient for myself! I'm not a fucking weak-minded, shattered-souled wreck Sydney but you're trying to make me believe that!"
"That's not true and you know that! I never said any."
"You don't have to *say* it! You lost your godammit Lab Rat and now you need something to be occupied with! You are hurt because Jarod found his father and he doesn't turn to you as often as before! You are selfish and jealous because *he* moved on! Don't think I'm blind enough not to see what he means to you! But you know what? You failed, Sydney! You missed your chance because you rejected him when he reached out for you! But your regret is late! You can't make it up for him by keeping me back in the hunt! He knows he has a family and for once in my life I really can't blame him for trying to reach something that seems more available than you! It's so incredibly hard to decide when you say the truth and when you lie that no one's sure about you. And you. are. alone." She said, her last sentence sliding into his soul like a knife.
He closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind. Since last Wednesday this whole scene had been playing over and over again in his mind. He couldn't stop thinking of it. That was the last time he talked to her. And -of course- this place was also the spot of her suffering as well.
She came back day by day, facing her demons. Her 'father' had a reason why he called her Angel, he had to agree on that one. She was like a lost angel in the world of the darkness and shadows, facing many many cruel and horrible things through her short life.
He slammed his fist down on top of the desk. He was so angry. He was angry at himself, he was angry at Parker and he was angry at the whole world. It would have been much. easier if he could have blamed anyone. Anyone, especially the Centre. But -as it came out- that man who shot wasn't Centre related at all. He was just an insane, wanted patient who escaped from the psychiatry. An insane who believed the sweeper-team was the u.s. army, trying to kill him because he discovered aliens did exists, in fact he communicated with them. The shot was an accident. nothing more.
And he wished he could have said sorry. He regretted every single word he told her the last time because -surprising himself- he talked from anger. But it wasn't the average case when someone let out what he thought. No. He said foolish things because he wanted to hit back. He wanted to hit back for every single word that she said because they were true. Everything she threw at him was.true.
The door opened up and he caught sight of Broots. He cleared his throat as he slowly walked inside with a packge in his hand. He stopped in front of the desk and for a moment they just stared at each other. It was like. standing in a holy place, afraid that if they broke the silence, her presence would disappear. Sydney put on his usual façade and raised his head higher.
"Tell me Broots!" He said in a gentle tone.
"I.uh.they.brought this up from.from the Renewal Wing!" He said in a whisper.
Sydney noticed the change in his attitude in the last few days. He was mourning. It hit him very hard. He wasn't scared of Lyle anymore but he didn't provokate anyone of course. He didn't even talk. He just sat at his computer, silently doing his job. He noticed that he still often glanced at the direction of the door as if he had been waiting for someone. It was obvious that he was tired, he couldn't leave the problems at work. Because the same feeling welcomed him at home when he went to his daughter. Together with Debbie, there were two people who missed her.
Sydney reached out a hand and took the package from him, after uttering a silent 'thank you'. Broots nodded as response and was just about to turn around when he caught sight of the photos. The old man watched as his younger colleague picked up the photo of Miss.Parker and Mr.Parker. He stared at it for long moments before he spoke, his voice barely audible.
"They didn't know who she was! And they never will!" With that he placed it back to it's place and with his head cast to the floor walked out.
There was nothing for Sydney to reply. It was true. And it was just too hard to say anything. It was incredibly hard to be in her office but her absence was the same unbearable and he needed a place where he could still feel her. And one was her office. He glanced down at the small bag in his hand. With a frown he opened it and emptied it's content on the top of the table.
His hands started to tremble a bit and he had troubles with his tears. He just dumbly stared at the items in front of him. With a sigh he picked up one of them. Her Smith & Wesson. 9mm. One thing that she never left behind. Her best friend. A dry chuckle escaped his lips at his thought. A gun, a lethal weapon was her best friend when she could have had others. Others who were in front of her. He just wished she knew that she wasn't really alone. He placed the gun back to the bag. He noticed her necklace and earrings as well and dropped them back as well. Only one item remained on the desk. He closed the package, picked up the small thing and took it into his pocket.
He was going to have time to gather her belongings. Later. It had to wait. First he needed to talk to her. His soul couldn't take it any longer. He had plently of time to put her things away when he was going to return. Leaving the bag on the desk, he picked up the photo of Catherine Parker and her beloved baby-girl and walked out.
To be continued.
Shutting the door behind him, Sydney stormed into his living room. He didn't remember when when he was so angry the last time. Hell, he knew Parker 'wasn't an easy case' but he didn't think she could be so foolishy stubborn. And he had to admit, he underestimated her because he didn't think she could upset him so much. On his way home, he couldn't stop the scenes of their argument play over and over again in his mind. In fact it was a pretty ugly quarrel, ending up with shoutings and frustrated outbrusts -mostly from the young woman but he raised his voice himself.
"Who are you to tell me what to think?" He remembered her asking, frustrated.
"Parker, I don' t tell you what to think! I'm just saying *my* opinion!"
"But I don't give a damn about your opinion, Sydney! I'm not buying your smart shrink-bubble any more! I should never have! You're like them! You don't do anything else than manipulating me! In one minute you are deaf and dumb and then you're the wise to warn me not to make a fool of myself but the fact is, that you're doing that because you too have some dirt to wipe under the rug!"
That was the point when his rage broke free and things got odd. He shook his head, finally trying to calm down. It was 21.04 pm and he was finally at home. Sitting down on the couch, he tried to think of something else. It was only the middle of the week and they had a long week ahead. He decided to relax and clear his head. He intended to forget about the Centre until he had to go to work again. Forget about them, about the clash and forget about Parker.
He stood up and went into the bathroom. Half an hour later he was ready to go to sleep, ready to have a rest after that both physically and mentally exhausting day. Finally laying down in his bed, he tug himself in with the covers. Turning the lights off, he closed his eyes to relax but sleep didn't come. He raised his head to glance outside the window. He used to leave the window open during summer and although it was mid-september, he didn't draw the curtains. He was still angry and couldn't fall asleep. He was a psychiatrist and knew how to control himself but this time he couldn't remain calm. The problem must have been that several things really hit him, he mused, even if he wanted to admit or not. However it took him one and a half hour, the old man finally found sleep.
Blue Cove Sydney's apartment Thursday morning
Sydney awoke with a start and sat up to turn off the alarm. He was so deep in his dreams that it took him almost two minutes to hear the loud whistling. 6.46 am. It was early but he knew he couldn't be late that morning because. he remembered their argument and knew that it was going to be a hard day. Not only would Parker be angry if he was late but he knew he had to find a way to get to her in spite of the fact that he was still angry himself. And knowing that if he was still angry then Parker must have been furious. He took a vow not to get into fight with her again but knew that he wasn't going to humble himself just to avoid the clash with her. She had to learn that he didn't belong to the people who let her oppress them like one of her enemies. Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself up and slowly got out of bed to get himself ready to work.
The Centre Main lobby
Slowly walking in the direction of the sim lab, Sydney prepared to face Parker. He was calm because he decided to let her take the first step. He wasn't going to apologize but he -as a psychiatrist with self-control- intended to try and keep their upcoming conversations in a low manner -if Parker was going to talk to him at all. Shaking his head, he let out sigh. All of a sudden Broots appeared in front of him and stumbled into his old friend.
"Oh Sydney! I'm so-sorry!" He said, trying to catch his breath.
"Are you okey, Broots?" He asked, his brows furrowed.
"Ye-yes, sure! Actually I was looking for you!" Judging by his expression, Sydney knew it had something to do with their boss.
"Let me guess! Miss.Parker?" Broots nodded nervously and Sydney look at him with sympathy.
"She left half an hour ago! She wants us to join her in Dover! She.uhm she didn't wait for you so she left. Alone!" Sydney nodded. He knew that Parker wasn't a patient woman but he had a feeling that if they hadn't had that argument, she would have waited for him to arrive because if they had a lead on Jarod in Dover then he must be long gone. Jarod was more careful than letting the Centre have any lead on him when he was so near. And Parker knew that. Letting out a sigh again, he turned to Broots.
"Let's go then! We don't want her to get angry, do we?" He asked and slowly walked away.
Dover, Delaware 30 minutes later
A frown appeared on both Broots' and Sydney's face as they got out of the car. They had been told that Parker left with Sam and ordered the other sweeper from her team to bring them there when he arrived. And now they were there, in Dover, in the uptown. He felt Broots standing close behind him. The scene before them was a bit bothering. They were in an alley that had -even in the morning -a dark effect. Suddenly they spotted Parker making her way toward them with strict, fast steps. Judgying by her expression, she wasn't in a nice mood. They watched as she slightly turned her head and talked to Sam. He nodded and left her side, waving at the two other sweepers who came out of their hiding places.
"We're out of here!" They heared as she said to the sweepers, only several steps from the tech and the old man.
All of a sudden they heared a loud bump and as Sydney raised his head he saw a man roughly open a heavy door on the upstairs on one of the alley's sides. Then he felt the air freeze around them as he watched the scene. Everything seemed to happen in slow-motion as the man raised the rifle in his hand, aimed and shot. Sam was the first to react and as soon as the man fired, a hole appeared in between his eyes and he fell down from the stairs, lifeless.
Sydney turned to Parker and saw a distant look in her eyes. The whole world stopped existing for him as he spread his arms and took a step toward her. He just stared into her eyes with panic. He remember when he felt this way the last time. It was decades ago in Dachau. He tried to speak to her but he just couldn't. He watched as her eyes slowly closed and she fell. The next thing he felt was her light body in his arms. He tried to mutter a silent 'no' but he still couldn't. He felt Broots standing frozen in place as he kneeled down, lowering Parker as well. From one second to the other he felt her weight go even lighter. And it was strange. It was like feeling the life slipping out of her and for a moment he just held her close.
"Parker!" He finally managed to whisper and lowered her even more to look at her. But she didn't hear him. Her eyes were closed and as he lifted her to get her more comfortable and caught sight of his palm he knew it. But he didn't want to. He didn't want to acknowledge it. His hand was covered with blood. With her blood and most of all.dark blood. Broots watched as his old friend raised his blood covered, shaking hand and slowly touched her neck. He wasn't a doctor but knew what he was looking for. Almost half minute passed but Sydney still waited, Parker in his arms, his fingertips gently against the skin of her neck. Broots chocked back a gasp and slowly shook his head, whispering a barely audible 'no'.
The old man finally raised his head and looked straight into Broots' eyes. The tech didn't say a word, just slowly fell to his knees, covering his face with his palms. Sydney lowered his head, looking down at the woman in his arms. There wasn't any pain on her face, she seemed just sleeping. But the bloodstain under them was getting bigger and bigger and he couldn't do anything. He was helpless. He tried to talk to her, even tried to shout at her to wake up but nothing came out of his mouth. He knew the blood must have ruined her long, white coat but it didn't matter now. She looked liked an Angel. A sleeping angel. He saw Sam stepping in front of him and he could have bet he talked to him but he simply didn't understand what he said. But he didn't even care. Almost ten minutes must have passed when he reacted again. He stared at her face for a moment before he collected all his strenght. He ran a hand down in her hair before he slipped his other arm under her knee and lifted her up. He saw the surprise on Sam's face. He wasn't young anymore but he could easily lift her up without effort. Without a word he stared at Parker's sweeper who nodded after several seconds. Sydney knew that Broots watched as Sam opened the car door for them and he slipped inside with her.
Blue Cove Cemetery Sunday afternoon
Standing straight among the people in front of her coffin, Sydney remained calm. They didn't see but he had taken a good look at everyone. It was one of his specialties. Being watchful even when he didn't seem to take any notice. The coffin was white, the perfect fit for her, he thought. She may have been stubborn, the Ice Queen, hard on people but inside she was an angel. And he dared to believe that God needed an angel next to him because he took her. It was ironic but everyone who attended the funeral had feelings for her. Either ways. There were only Centre employees around but -what gave him and probably would have given her the big satisfaction was that- she had more friends then she could have thought. Her secretary, her sweeper-team, Sam, who looked worn-out, assistents and. her 'family'. He would have never thought but Lyle seemed to be touched. In fact he was shaken by the events but Sydney knew that he or Raines wasn't her real relatives. Genetically maybe but. in heart it was Broots, Debbie and. himself.
Sydney glanced down at Debbie who stood between him and his father. She was on the verge of crying and saw as her hand shook in Broots' but he wasn't sure that it was only hers that trembled. He gently bent down and took a hold of her other hand too. Sydney watched as she raised her head and looked at him with eyes full of tears. He tried to smile reassuringly but failed. She reminded her of the woman that they were just about to bury. The big, desperate eyes full of fear and sadness seemed to haunt him through all his life. He raised his head and just stared at the coffin again.
Even Raines was there. He seemed more angry than sad. It was obvious he had plans for Parker in his own mind but four days ago his long planned intentions broke into pieces.
But one person did miss. One person that he figured must have been hit a lot harder than anyone else in the world. Sydney was sure he was nearby, silently watching from a distance. Just like always.
His mind drifted back to that Wednesday. He remembered arriving back to the Centre, then seeing Lyle's shocked face. then Raines. Sydney didn't leave her side even for a minute. But Broots neither. They both just remained in the room in Renewal Wing, staring at her lying form. She was -once in her life- totally still and calm. But he rememberred as well the knot that formed in the pit of his stomatch because he knew Jarod was going to call. And he had no idea what to tell him.
But the time came and he couldn't avoid talking to him. He was finally back in his office, staring at his bloody hands and clothes. The ringing of his phone startled him and not caring with it, he picked it up, the receiver sticking to his palm.
"Jarod?" He remeberred asking.
"Maybe I'm not the only genius!" His protege joked but he didn't laugh or smile this time.
"Maybe!" He replied.
"You sound.so strange, Sydney! Did something happen?" Jarod asked seriously.
"Yes, Jarod, something happened!"
He was brought back to reality when he saw the people around him slowly slip away. The priest had left, and after the last honour at her coffin they slowly walked away. Debbie's hold on his hand got tighter and the images of Catherine Parker's funeral flooded into his mind. He couldn't save that little girl whose only comfort on that day was his firm grip on her hand. Trying to regain his composure, he took a deep breath.
Broots finally turned to him with deep red eyes. His daughter was already crying, she wasn't so strong yet as they were however he wasn't sure they were going to be able to take it. He nodded at his younger friend, neither of them able to speak. Debbie let go of the psychiatrist's hand without resist and followed her father. They stopped in front of the white casket and the young girl placed a single white rose on top of it. She was silent but her cheeks were wet from her tears and she was shaking. Broots suppressed his own tears as he gently caressed her head before he threw a last look at Sydney and walked away with Debbie.
Sydney didn't know how long had he been standing there without moving but after some time he collected all his strenght and stepped forward. Placing a hand on top of the coffin, he ran his hand along the side of it. Everything was white. The coffin, the flowers, the ribbons. He couldn't stop blaming himself.
"Do you think, Parker, that you're the only one who had wounds?" He remembered himself half-shouting when he lost his control the last time they actually talked. "You say I hide things from you? You do the same! Don't expect me or Broots tell you anything when you're full of secrets yourself!"
"Oh, great! Now comes I'm-the-rude-you're-the-victim!" She bit back, the rage evident in her voice.
"You're not the only one who lost your mother! And you're not the only one who lost loved-ones!" He knew he hit a nerve with this one and he wished he could have taken those words back. "Life has been hard on you but you're not the only one!" He said, slamming his fist down on top of the table.
"I'm sorry!" He whispered, quickly blinking away the tears. "I was wrong, Parker, I was wrong!" He said, closing his eyes as he leant his head on top of his hand on the coffin. The last time when he felt that pain was when Jacob died. It was Parker who comforted him then but this time he was mourning her. And it wasn't only similar to losing a family-member. He had lost another family member indeed.
He finally straightened up again and placed a kiss with his hand on the casket and stepped back. He knew he had to give someone else some time with her alone as well. It wasn't their time yet to talk about it. First his protege had to say good-bye. With his hands in his pockets, he turned around and left.
The Centre Tuesday Miss.Parker's office
Sydney silently stood in front of her desk, staring at her chair and a memory attacked him. He had just regained his eyesight and stepped in. She was sitting at her desk, nonchalantly scribbling something. He came to warn her about her father's and Lyle's arrival but she was more interested in him when he told her that he could see again. That genuine smile on her face burned into his mind forever. Suddenly the vision of her disappeared and the emtpy chair took her place. The smile at the memory left his face and he slowly made his way around the desk.
He discussed with Broots that he was going to pack her belongings. He talked about it with Lyle and he tried to pretend not to care with her things but he behaved unusual. He wasn't rude, no. He tried to avoid every topic about her. Raines told life went on but Sydney wasn't sure how exactly he meant that. But he didn't want to think of it. He didn't give a damn about the Centre. about their interests. He lost someone who was much more than an employee for him.
Slowly lowering himself down into her seat, he placed his arms on top of the table. The photos of her, her mother and Mr.Parker brought back the feeling of her. Everything was in order, no one touched her desk since. since it happened. Everything suggested that she could be back at any minute, ready to work. But he knew she wouldn't come. Looking up he remembered how many things had happened in that office. How many times he tried to comfort her, how many times did they felt some kind of safe and. privacy there. It was the spot of weak moments, angry outbrusts or when she prepared to shoot Raines. And it was the spot of their biggest and. last argument.
"Yes, you are right, I'm not the only one, Sydney!" She growled back angrily. "But at least I don't go and disturb you with annoying fake attempts to talk about your so-called wounds!" She hissed and for the first time in his life he had seen hatred in her eyes. Hatred against him. And that was when he realized that he did the only thing that he always tried to avoid. He hurt her. "I don't want to stir up the pain and try and make you open up just to satisfy myself with the pride of making another patient for myself! I'm not a fucking weak-minded, shattered-souled wreck Sydney but you're trying to make me believe that!"
"That's not true and you know that! I never said any."
"You don't have to *say* it! You lost your godammit Lab Rat and now you need something to be occupied with! You are hurt because Jarod found his father and he doesn't turn to you as often as before! You are selfish and jealous because *he* moved on! Don't think I'm blind enough not to see what he means to you! But you know what? You failed, Sydney! You missed your chance because you rejected him when he reached out for you! But your regret is late! You can't make it up for him by keeping me back in the hunt! He knows he has a family and for once in my life I really can't blame him for trying to reach something that seems more available than you! It's so incredibly hard to decide when you say the truth and when you lie that no one's sure about you. And you. are. alone." She said, her last sentence sliding into his soul like a knife.
He closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind. Since last Wednesday this whole scene had been playing over and over again in his mind. He couldn't stop thinking of it. That was the last time he talked to her. And -of course- this place was also the spot of her suffering as well.
She came back day by day, facing her demons. Her 'father' had a reason why he called her Angel, he had to agree on that one. She was like a lost angel in the world of the darkness and shadows, facing many many cruel and horrible things through her short life.
He slammed his fist down on top of the desk. He was so angry. He was angry at himself, he was angry at Parker and he was angry at the whole world. It would have been much. easier if he could have blamed anyone. Anyone, especially the Centre. But -as it came out- that man who shot wasn't Centre related at all. He was just an insane, wanted patient who escaped from the psychiatry. An insane who believed the sweeper-team was the u.s. army, trying to kill him because he discovered aliens did exists, in fact he communicated with them. The shot was an accident. nothing more.
And he wished he could have said sorry. He regretted every single word he told her the last time because -surprising himself- he talked from anger. But it wasn't the average case when someone let out what he thought. No. He said foolish things because he wanted to hit back. He wanted to hit back for every single word that she said because they were true. Everything she threw at him was.true.
The door opened up and he caught sight of Broots. He cleared his throat as he slowly walked inside with a packge in his hand. He stopped in front of the desk and for a moment they just stared at each other. It was like. standing in a holy place, afraid that if they broke the silence, her presence would disappear. Sydney put on his usual façade and raised his head higher.
"Tell me Broots!" He said in a gentle tone.
"I.uh.they.brought this up from.from the Renewal Wing!" He said in a whisper.
Sydney noticed the change in his attitude in the last few days. He was mourning. It hit him very hard. He wasn't scared of Lyle anymore but he didn't provokate anyone of course. He didn't even talk. He just sat at his computer, silently doing his job. He noticed that he still often glanced at the direction of the door as if he had been waiting for someone. It was obvious that he was tired, he couldn't leave the problems at work. Because the same feeling welcomed him at home when he went to his daughter. Together with Debbie, there were two people who missed her.
Sydney reached out a hand and took the package from him, after uttering a silent 'thank you'. Broots nodded as response and was just about to turn around when he caught sight of the photos. The old man watched as his younger colleague picked up the photo of Miss.Parker and Mr.Parker. He stared at it for long moments before he spoke, his voice barely audible.
"They didn't know who she was! And they never will!" With that he placed it back to it's place and with his head cast to the floor walked out.
There was nothing for Sydney to reply. It was true. And it was just too hard to say anything. It was incredibly hard to be in her office but her absence was the same unbearable and he needed a place where he could still feel her. And one was her office. He glanced down at the small bag in his hand. With a frown he opened it and emptied it's content on the top of the table.
His hands started to tremble a bit and he had troubles with his tears. He just dumbly stared at the items in front of him. With a sigh he picked up one of them. Her Smith & Wesson. 9mm. One thing that she never left behind. Her best friend. A dry chuckle escaped his lips at his thought. A gun, a lethal weapon was her best friend when she could have had others. Others who were in front of her. He just wished she knew that she wasn't really alone. He placed the gun back to the bag. He noticed her necklace and earrings as well and dropped them back as well. Only one item remained on the desk. He closed the package, picked up the small thing and took it into his pocket.
He was going to have time to gather her belongings. Later. It had to wait. First he needed to talk to her. His soul couldn't take it any longer. He had plently of time to put her things away when he was going to return. Leaving the bag on the desk, he picked up the photo of Catherine Parker and her beloved baby-girl and walked out.
To be continued.