'I am not gay,' Ishida muttered in open rebellion.
'Of course you are not.' Szayel Aporro purred, crossing his legs and sensuously leaning back on the bed. 'Neither am I.'
'No, seriously,' the Quincy snapped, shoving his hands in his pockets, and looking up in fury, just as a crimson blush spread over his pale cheeks. 'I am so not gay.'
'How wonderful!' the Arrancar exclaimed. 'We can be not gay together.'
Ishida smirked horribly, crossing his arms over his chest.
'I think you are missing the point,' he grunted.
Szayel Aporro's shoulders slumped – not in dismay, but in academic impatience. The Arrancar sat up, sighed and adjusted his glasses.
'My dear Quincy,' he began, in a thoroughly bored tone, 'according to the Oxford Dictionary of 1965, homosexuality implies exclusive sexual and romantic attraction towards the members of one's own gender. I cannot speak for you, of course, but, as far as I am concerned, this is thoroughly untrue, since, in fact, I am attracted to...'
He hesitated for a second, thoughtfully tilting his head to the side.
'I believe listing what I am not attracted to would be an easier endeavour,' Szayel Aporro had reconsidered, in all seriousness. 'Thus – I am not attracted to most plants, some minerals, children and animals... Come to think of it, this explains why Grimmjow never presented any interest to me,' the pink haired Arrancar added, in the chipper tone of one who had just solved a century old dilemma. 'He belongs to a variable combination of any of the three of the listed categories...'
'Hm,' Ishida muttered.
'Look,' the Arrancar patiently explained. 'Mammals are, by nature, designed to derive pleasure from the act of procreation. It is a useful trick, since it encourages species to reproduce. It is because of this that, somewhere in the instinctual corner of our brains, we see sexual pleasure and reproduction – thus, the opposite gender – as being intrinsically linked.'
'However, as rationally superior creatures, we are by now able to divorce the notion of sexual gratification from the notion of reproduction. The fact that some of us continue to stubbornly link it to the opposite gender alone is just a manifestation of the fact that they are still led by their brain stem, and not their cerebral cortex. In short words, that they are dumb, and artificially reduce the number of individuals they can derive pleasure from, or, indeed' the Arrancar seductively purred, looking at the young human over the rims of his glasses, 'that they can, in turn, pleasure, by half.'
He leaned back on his bed, and ran his fingers through his hair, before inevitably concluding 'That is simply irrational behaviour.'
The archer considered the notion for a moment.
'I am not irrational,' he said, simply, then finally unbuttoned his jacket.