So this is a little drabble I thought of after reading some Vampire Knight. It seems to be a theme for Yuuki, this seeing red. Both as a physical thing like blood and as a metaphor for death. I'm merely prodding into this realm, so let me know what you think. All rights go to the creators of vampire Knight, not me. I'm just stretching my writing style a bit. And I'm thinking about doing a longer fic for Yuuki, like in diary style. Let me know if you think that's a good idea, or super lame. I'm still on the fence, so your input might just topple me over the edge. lol Anyway, enjoy!
Red, why is it always red?
It plagued me every night in the beginning. I tried not to let anyone know, but the headmaster would always come running when he heard my screams. Silly man, he always tried to cheer me up, even offered to let me sleep at his side to chase away the bad dreams. But they never went away. No amount of comfort would ever change that.
Then he told Kaname, as if he could help. My savior had protected me once from the effects of red, but he could not stop it from infesting my head. The vampire who protected the child from the evil of death.
But even he couldn't understand. His arms around me, his whispered promises, even his accepting eyes never could stop the dreams that ate me up night after night. At some point, I figured it would be safer to not mention it anymore. Pretend it didn't exist. Because the more I tried to tell them that red followed me in my dreams and that it always tried to smother me, the more they worried I was going crazy. Little girls who snap aren't left to grow up normal lives, even if they can't help but see what they do.
So I held in the fear, accepted it. Tried to force it away. In some ways I succeeded. I managed to stop it from overtaking me. I could sleep a whole night without waking up, and if I did it wasn't from screaming and thrashing. A few year's passed, no one the wiser. Then Zero came into our lives and the red came back full force. Do you remember, Zero? How I stood as wide eyed as a doe, while you stood there covered in blood? I touched you, but only after asking each time. I did that for both our sakes. I knew you were just as fragile as I was. Because the red had gotten to you too.
Was I wrong, to hide it from you? To face you everyday from then on with only smiles and cheery welcome? Our wounds were far deeper than any doctor could see. The red had made sure of that. You were a little more forthcoming with your displeasure when I introduced you to Kaname. To you, he was the source of the red. The reason it tortured you so. But we were misguided children who didn't know any better. Our world was still so small.
And so together we fought the red that raged within us, trying to make us insane. We fought the death that surrounded us while those that died haunted our subconscious. And we found strength in each other, a way to fight. But the red needed no ally, nor did it tire or have mercy. We could not hold against it forever.
Red, always always it is red. This feeling that festers within. Despair is nothing but a rainy day compared to the epitome that hides the core of red. And in it springs forth a painful knowledge that it comes for me. At the cost of everyone I hold dear.
Soon I know that the red within me will spill out. And the world will both cry and rejoice. For I will be free to see beyond the filter and the world will be free of my torments.
The other colors should only be so jealous.