"You weren't here when I needed you!" Alec's voice rose at the end and then quieted down. "I fucking needed you, and you weren't here."
Pained, Magnus stepped forward with an arm outstretched but Alec took a step back.
"What did I do?" Alec whispered. "Why aren't I good enough for your attention? What is it about me, why aren't I good enough?" Alec blinked rapidly and Magnus noticed how his fingers shook as they fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "Can I change it? What can I do?" He swallowed, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.
"Alexander, I'm so sorry." Magnus's voice broke. He didn't know how to tell him. "I-I didn't realize you needed me. I should have seen you weren't okay. I just-" He changed the direction of his sentence at the last minute and swallowed his words. "I'm so sorry darling, please forgive me. You're more than good enough, I promise. I've just, I haven't noticed you needed me, but please don't doubt your worth."
Magnus was the one who wasn't good enough. Alec deserved better and Magnus wanted to give it to him, but he couldn't.
He was always asking Alec to forgive him. They both knew it. Alec had forgiven him one too many times and Magnus couldn't go on like this but he had to, for Alec's sake.
"I can't deal with this." Alec ran a hand through his hair and his eyes swept round the room. "I don't know what to do, Mags." His eyes met Magnus's and he felt his heart break into pieces at the nickname. Alec was so precious, so pure and innocent- but Magnus no longer belonged to him.
Magnus stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Alec, hoping he wouldn't notice his arms were shaking. "Tell me how I can help, baby," he murmured into the boy's ear. "What can I do?"
He had to leave to protect Alec. But it would hurt him, it would fucking break them both. Alec was already breaking and Magnus was already broken, and together they made two halves of broken love that had faded. He had to stay to protect Alec. He was past broken, nothing could save him now. But Alec didn't have to turn out like him, and Magnus knew he would have to say goodbye sooner or later, but for now he had no choice.
"Can you just- hold me for a while?"
"Of course darling. You don't even need to ask." Magnus kissed Alec's forehead, an action that was all too familiar and yet felt so foreign now. He had to pretend. Alec would break without him. He felt Alec breathe in and he tightened his grip and as he wondered what the fuck he was doing he hoped everything would be okay and the words he'd been intending to speak all night caught in his throat.
I don't love you anymore.
REVIEWS WOULD BE FANTaSTIC (like all of you! You guys are great, I love you!)
This was inspired by Troye Sivan. Idk, it was originally a minor hurt/comfort thing where Magnus was out too much and neglected Alec and realized he fuck up and promised to be there for him always...but then I started listening to Troye as I typed it up and rewrote it. I listened to Bite (a lot), Wild, Fun, Gasoline, and The Fault In Our Stars. And then it turned into a major hurt/comfort thingy and idek just please don't kill me. Or do, I don't care. Death would be a relief lmao.