"Sorry" And with that she walked away. Away from everything she had worked so hard for. It was all her fault. She should've told Conner about what she was going to do, but she didn't even know she was going to do it until the moment came. Seeing Sam's face, looking like a lost puppy kicked to the kerb, she knew she couldn't leave him like that. She regretted it, not only because Conner saw them, but because she knew it was wrong. She loved Conner, and she would go to the end of the world to make him happy, and she knew that he did too, or at least used to. Now she wasn't so sure. In fact, she wasn't sure he would ever forgive her for this, he would probably hate her forever, and she couldn't forgive herself for making Conner hate her.
"Hayes!" Conner yelled, running to catch up with her. He was fuming with anger. He couldn't believe Hayes. He really thought she'd changed, but apparently not. This was just like Hayes, to finally have something good and then self-destruct.
"I can explain" she started
"What the fuck just happened Hayes?!" he yelled. He needed to know what just happened, but at the same time, part of him just wanted to give up. There's nothing he wouldn't do for Hayes, but he really didn't know where she stood and he wasn't sure he ever would.
"Conner, I'm sorry" she apologised, keeping a safe distance between them.
"Hayes, if you don't start explaining right now I am walking out of here" he said, still yelling at her.
"It's a long story, and it's really complicated"
"I'm waiting" he said impatiently, lowering his voice slightly, realising they weren't alone.
"I couldn't fire him" she admitted
"So you thought you'd kiss him instead? Makes perfect sense" he quipped
"That's not why. I did it so I didn't have to fire him" she tried to explain, knowing that it probably didn't make sense.
"You 'sexually harassed' him" he said
"How did…?"
"How did I know? I know how you think Hayes" he interrupted, changing his voice a disappointed tone.
"I couldn't fire him because it's all my fault. I took the Landon case to prove a point. I shouldn't have done that. It's my fault Sam did what he did. I couldn't fire him because of my screw up. I couldn't mess up someone else's life because of my mistake" she explained further. He looked down at her, his eyes filled with regret and sorrow.
"I can't look at you right now Hayes. Go home. We'll talk tomorrow, maybe" he told her. She got the idea, obeying his wish and she walked out, tears streaming down her face now she was out of sight. She was a mess, and she honestly couldn't blame Conner for being mad at her. Heck, she was even mad at herself. She shakily pulled out her phone, realising that Conner had driven this morning and she needed a lift. She scrolled down her contacts, her finger hovering over Jacksons name for a while before putting it back in her pocket, not wanting to talk to anyone, especially Jackson. She got outside, shivering as the winter air hit her, realising she left her coat in the office. There were no taxi's around so she walked home, crying uncontrollably every step of the way. Ever since she first laid eyes on Conner in that courtroom all those years ago, she knew she wanted to be with him, even though she didn't realise it at first. She reached her apartment quicker than expected, her thoughts distracting her during the walk. She fumbled around her bag for her keys, her hands shaking as she placed it in the lock, taking her three tries to unlock the door. When she finally got in she collapsed on the couch, curling up into a ball. She didn't move from that position until morning, time slipping away from her as she sobbed into a cushion.
"Hayes?" she heard Jackson call as he walked in the room. She looked up, her eyes red and puffy from crying all night. She hadn't gotten any sleep, only drifting off to sleep at some point after 5am.
"What time is it?" she asked, her voice cracking as she finally spoke.
"7:30. Have you been crying Hayes?" he replied, noticing her face.
"Shit! I gotta go" she cursed, scrambling off the couch and headed towards her room.
"You don't have to be at work till 9. What's going on?" he asked, walking behind her and into her room.
"I did something stupid and I need to fix it" she told him, washing her face in the sink.
"What did you do?" he pressed, handing her the concealer that she had thrown on her bed the previous day.
"It's not important, I just need to fix it before it's too late" she repeated, trying to cover up the dark circles under her eyes. "This isn't working" she sighed, setting it down on the counter.
"Seriously Hayes, why were you crying? Did you take something?" he asked again.
"No I didn't, and it's really not important. Just please leave me alone so I can get changed"
"Fine. See you later" he sighed, leaving the room. She made another futile attempt to make herself look presentable, but gave up, pulling on a pair of flats instead of her usual heels and heading out.
"Conner" she said, jogging to catch up with him as he was walking through the office
"Hayes" he said curtly, not turning to face her
"Can we talk please" she practically begged
"I have nothing to say to you" he replied, turning to face her
"Please, Conner. Can I please just explain?" she said, grabbing his hand to stop him walking away from her
"You already have Hayes" People were starting to give them weird looks so he pulled her into the elevator, closing the doors
"I'm sorry Conner"
"I know you are" He lent against the wall of the elevator, crossing his arms.
"Please forgive me" She pleaded, leaning against the wall on the opposite side.
"Just answer one question." He started
"Anything" She interrupted
"Did it mean anything?" He asked, looking down at her
"No. Not at all" she tried to convince him
"Really?"
"Yes. You're the only person I want to be with. The only person I want to kiss. The only person I love, the only person I want to love" she admitted, finally realising the extent of her feelings for him now she could lose him forever
"Ok" he accepted
"Ok?" She asked puzzled, moving to stand next to him
"I understand why you did it. Doesn't mean I like or agree with your reasons but I understand" he explained, taking her hand
"Do you forgive me?" she asked again
"I will. Just give me time. It's not like you accidently drank too much one night, you kissed someone else Hayes. I would never do that to you" She knew he was right, he would never do that to her. She was an awful human being for doing that to him, the only person who really cared about how she felt.
"I know. And that's one of the many reasons I love you. Let's face it, I'm a mess. I wouldn't blame you if you said you never wanted to talk to me ever again" She told him sadly, knowing it was a possibility.
"2 things. You are not a mess Hayes, well most of the time you're not. And second, I could never not talk to you. It would kill me. You're my mess Hayes." he assured her, hating it when she talked about herself that way.
"So you will forgive me?" she asked again, tears starting to well up in her eyes
"Yes, I will forgive you" he confirmed, pulling her into a hug
"Thank you" she said quietly into his shoulder, knowing he would hear her.
"No problem" he said, chuckling slightly
"I love you. Never forget that. I will always love you. No matter what happens"
"I love you too"