12

Bro-down Bukake Party

"You're a fucking idiot, you know that? Actually, don't respond to that. I'd rather not know what shit brained comeback you'll retort with." Karkat Vantas wiped the milk off his face with a heavy set scowl that seemed imprinted on his face. Creamy white liquid stained his hair and clothes like he was the victim of a bukake spray, and Dave enjoyed the sight of it. He scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeve. "There's milk ALL over me you pupa grubbing mongrel!" He screamed.

"Shit dude that's a heavy insult you're throwin' around there." Dave put his hands up, barely keeping back a chuckle. "Don't hurt yourself tripping over those syllables."
"Fuck you!" His voice hitched on a gravelly snarl. Rage boiled inside Karkat like he was a volcano getting ready to erupt.
"Besides, what I threw on you was soylent, not milk. And you should be thanking me, that shit's like a meal in liquid form. 400 calories." Dave responded cooly, teetering on his sneakers back and forth. "I mean no offense, but you could use a bit of meat on your bones."

"Oh yeah?" He bellowed and whipped his head around, a bead of soylent struck Daves shades, but that was nothing compared to the glass of water that was splashed on him seconds after. "Well you gotta wash the fucking junk-jammed head!" Daves hair lie flat against his scalp, water dripping from the tip of his nose and past his parabolic frown. His distress squelched the Cancers rage, if only for a little bit.

"Would you two knock it off already?" Terezi snorted from the sidelines, legs propped up on the stool next to her and fingers twirling her cane leisurely. Neither listened however, as Dave apparently took severe offense to this and launched straight into a brawl with Karkat. He wrapped an arm around the troll in a clumsy choke hold, in return he began to kick and bite at him.
"Yes," Rose rolled her eyes and lifted her cup of coffee to her black lips and took a sip of the equally dark liquid. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you two were made for each other." She mused. Terezi burst out laughing, slapping her knee.

Karkat took the most insult to this. "EXCUSE ME!?" It took only a quick jab behind him to break out of the hold, as with a wheeze Dave collapsed to the floor. The troll crossed his arms and scoffed, resisting the urge to kick the Strider when he was down. He had bigger things to deal with, like retorting back to the two onlookers. "I would rather pail with a sleazy paraplegic imp than this fly." He looked down at Dave, huddled into the fetal position and groaning.

Rose shook her head, she knew this situation too well, even if they didn't. It had been nearly a full year and the two still bickered like rivals most of the time - most. For the small portion of time where they weren't at each others throats they were borderline cuddling on the couch playing games, or marathoning romantic comedies. It made moments like the one happening now all the more blatantly clear that their homosexuality levels were through the roof. Apparently, they were both too stupid to realize it though. One way or another it had to be brought up, Rose just supposed she would have to be the one to get that ball rolling.

A delicious smile kissed the side of her cheek. "Says the boy who's blushing like a plump cherry." She remarked coyly. Karkats eyes widened as he realized the burning sensation that had lifted to his face. By this point Dave was just getting his bearings and trying to get up. He placed one hand underneath him, yet tragically, underneath Karkats stomping foot.

"This is ANGER Lalonde and I have every right to be red in the face! So whatever you're trying to insinuate you can just shove it up your protein chute!"
"OW!" Daves cries went without recognition as he slowly reverted back to his huddled position. Rose stood up and gazed at Karkat through the steam of her beverage.
"Have you ever heard of the behavioral sabotage effect?"
"The what?"

Rose took a breath before continuing. "It's when you treat the person of your romantic interest poorly in substitute of affection. It's the kind of thing a child would pull on the playground, because they are too young and ignorant to come to terms with their emotions - that is if you can even understand my analogy. I don't know if your species had developed playgrounds." She rambled, all the while Karkat's confusion grew. Dave on the other hand, listened with perked ears. He knew where this was going. Knowing it was a bad idea, but doing it anyway, Dave raised his voice;
"Oh Karkat you're so tsundere."
"SHUT UP!" Dave learned his lesson from previous mistakes, and quickly rolled out of the way of Karkat's temper-tantrum lest he get his head smashed in.

"I guess that's one way of putting it… Regardless, I would advise taking a shower or something quickly." Rose started. "Soylent cakes when it dries." That was excuse enough to give Karkat a reason to fret over something else. Dave pulled himself shakily to his feet and foolishly beckoned more of Karkat's rage by giving him a silent eyebrow wiggle.

It wasn't worth flipping his shit over. Regarding Dave with only an annoyed scowl, Karkat held up his middle finger, (a form of sign language he was thankful aliens and humans shared) and stomped out. When he turned the corner his anger depleted, replaced with a now rapid sense of unease. Bullshit. I know romance and quadrants like I was the God damn creator of them or something. Wrote that shit down in a book thousands of sweeps ago, and some brainless trolls found it and were like "hey let's build a culture around this." If there was any sort of implications of red-rom tomfoolery I would know it before anybody. He assured himself, walking the rest of the way to the master bathroom with confidence.

The bathroom was polished, mostly thanks to the efforts of Kanaya and Rose. It was chrome and nearly reflective in appearance. The walk-in shower was easily large enough to accommodate 3 people, making it the perfect measurement to lay on the floor and obsess over the weight of life's problems - a practice Karkat took to like a damn savant.

He lifted his shirt up over his head and discarded it on the floor, taking a moment to assess how his wounds were healing. Lethargically he ran his hand over the jagged, light grey bumps across his arms. He grimaced at them, looking away and wiggling out of his tight jeans. The water was running warm in no time, and Karkat had taken up the practice previously mentioned. The water streamed a large beam over his body that rolled over the layer of white, and spiraled it down the drain.

But what if I do?
You don't, shut up. He's a moronic, smug little asshole and you have higher standards. Remember the shit he pulled with Terezi?
Yeah but me and her weren't exactly a thing at that point, or any other point.
Whatever. Even without that, he has no redeeming qualities.
…. Hes hot?
THERE ARE A LOT OF HOT PEOPLE WHO ARE ALSO DICKISH. DOESN'T MAKE THEM ANY LESS UNBEARABLE.
I wonder what he's like naked… Do you think he's ever had sex with anyone else? I bet he doesn't disappoint.
STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!
Karkat threw his hands to his head and clutched his wet hair. Images of the enigma of Daves naked body flashed through his head. What even did he look like down there? It didn't make sense for them to have the same anatomy, so what was there? Was it another, smaller mouth that vomited up their seed? Did they look like those stick-like drawings the idiot would scribble all over the place? Curiosity, and a growing amount of dormant lust began to nag at him.

Karkat tried to ignore it for the rest of his time in the shower. He scrubbed every bit of soylent from his hair and face until there wasn't a drop of it left on him. When the water began to turn cold he waddled out of the shower, reaching blindly for the towel that was supposed to be draped over the side. Only thin air met his finger tips. With a groan the troll stretched open his eyes.

"You're shitting me…" He stood, soaking wet and naked on the bathmat, not a towel in the whole place. None in the cupboards, none in the cabinets, none underneath the sink. Why did God hate him? Why was he the universes jizz-rag for everything?

He knew there was a washing room down the hall, but that was a long ways to run with his ass visible for the world to see. What if someone saw him? He was not in the mental state to handle that kind of situation, he could scar the mayor for life - or even worse, if it happened to be Dave who caught a glimpse of that plush rumpus, he knew he would never let it die. So, it was with great reluctance, but assuredness, that Karkat cracked open the door, body leaning to the side and head crammed in the space between the wall and door frame and screamed; "HELP!"

Dave was so startled by the plea that his hands fidgeted and he knocked over the spire of cans he was constructing. Thousands of tax dollars gone to waste, the likelihood of a rebellion from the citizens of can town skyrocketed. Dave took a moment to silently apologize. He'd have to get the mayor to hold a meeting to properly make amends for this egregious misfortune… Well, that was enough of that. The Strider pushed to his feet, recognizing the gravelly tone of voice and who it belonged to, so he figured he'd take his sweet ass time resolving the problem.

"Hello?! … Kanaya?" Karkat hollered, peeking around the corner. He began to chew on a fingernail. "Rose?" Silence, spare the slight reverberation of his own voice. "Terezi?" He was grasping at straws as to who he wished would come to his aid. He rested his forehead against the wood frame. He couldn't believe he was about to yell this… "Gamzee?!"

"Geez man, I'm the last person you trust?" No. It couldn't be. He had to be a phantom.
"FUCK OFF STRIDER!" Karkat exploded, spit flying from his mouth and travelling an astonishing distance just to fleck the carpet in front of Daves feet. "What were you stalking me or something? Waiting to catch me naked?" He shrunk further behind the door.
"Look dude, you were the one who yelled for help." Dave shrugged, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. "I can't ignore a damsel in distress. Sort of a knight thing if you catch my drift." He subtlety bragged.
"Fuck off…" Karkat snarled. "Just go get a towel… Where'd they all go anyways?" He mumbled the last part under his breath, not intending for an answer but Dave piped up with one regardless.
"Oh, me and Ragman were using them for a uh… project."

Karkat furrowed his brow. "Ragman?"
"Mr. W.V, the big cheese, you know." Dave waved it off.
"Whatever, just go get my towel already!"
"Jeez kitkat, no reason to yell,"
"And stop with the nicknames!" He shouted after him as Dave absconded.

The Vantas allowed a long exhale to escape from both his nostrils as he left the crack in the door and turned back to the mirror. "Oh fucking hell…" Karkat didn't have to look up to know his face had just then flushed at the sight before him. His bulge had curled out of hiding from the confines of his nook. He shot his hands down to cover it, cursing himself. This thing had a mind of its own, and seemed to just love to dick him over. The tip of his bulge weakly licked between the cracks in Karkat's fingers. A thin trail of genetic material covered his hand as the troll pulled away with a sigh.

He snapped his legs shut, wary of Dave returning and happening to see him. Speaking of which, the Strider had just stepped back onto the carpeted floor, a blue towel slung over one shoulder and mouth half open, prepared to gutter out some playful insult when he was stopped short. He glanced in between the crack of the door. His eyes were carried to the naked alien as if he had his own gravitational pull. He couldn't see much from here, just a small red, wiggling… thing. He couldn't help himself, even though ALL of him new it was a bad idea, he stepped closer.

Karkat had his back turned to the door, gazing down at his own bulge and shyly fidgeting with himself. Dave could see the slim muscles of his back shift as his hand sunk lower, cupping the weird red thing. His middle finger crept down, and Dave leaned even closer as he watched it glide along the slit of something between his legs. Blood looked like it was leaking out of it, which first rose alarm in him until he heard the stifled little moan that left Karkat.

He was becoming increasingly aware of the tight feeling in his pajama pants, a feeling that could be plainly seen from the loose fabric. Suddenly Dave remembered he had the perfect excuse to barge in. He kicked open the door, gallantly, level headed, proud; proud to be doing something so stupid. Karkat whipped around, hiding his crotch with both hands. His lip wavered in a tilde of embarrassment. "Wh-What the fuck?!" He barked, shuffling backwards a bit.
"Brought you your towel man." Dave cooley said as if there was nothing weird about standing in front of a naked alien popping some galactic boner. Also as if there was nothing gay about it. He tossed the towel at him, though Karkat had no available hands to catch it with so it just kind of collided with his chest before hitting the floor.

"MOTHERFUCKER GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" While still hiding himself he tried to kick at the Strider, which was suffice to say pathetic to witness. Dave closed the door behind him with a nudge of his foot, a sheen of light reflecting from his shades. Karkat paused, panic flushing through him and jump starting his heart. "Why'd you close the door?"

Although Dave wouldn't admit it, he was just as panicked. "Well you freaked out so much about me seein' you in your birthday suit, wouldn't want anyone else doing the same."
"I'm going to ignore the fact that I have no idea WHAT a 'birthday suit' means and cut to the chase and ORDER you to get out!"
"Yeah," Dave scratched the back of his neck. "here's the thing though," his coolness was faltering ever so slightly. "Rose wanted me to document - or whatever - your guys' anatomy. And by your guys' I mean mean the God Aliens." That was a smooth enough excuse, right?

"What?! Bullshit! Why didn't Rose just figure it out herself with Kanaya?" Karkat backed up so far that he hit the counter.
"Uh," Dave paused. "well you see, Rose isn't as good a smooth talker as I am, she wouldn't know what to say to Kanaya in such a heated moment. You get the drill."
"So you expect me to just SPREAD myself for you like some red-district slut?"
"That's the plan." Dave shrugged.

Karkat was a reckless ball of nerves by this point. He bit his lip, honestly not believing he was contemplating about it - but he was. The longer he stood here in front of the cocky human the more energetic his bulge got. Jesus Christ he was going to hate himself for this later, but… "Fine…"

Dave was flabbergasted. His eyebrows lifted above the frames of his glasses in clear disbelief but he ran with it. He stepped closer to Karkat until the gap between them was tight enough to run a thread through. Karkat looked like a wild animal pinned against a fence post. Dave cautiously placed his hands on Karkat's waist, his skin was boiling hot under the convex of his grub marks - which Dave didn't understand, or bother to question at the moment. "What are you doing?" Karkats voice wavered.

He lifted the smaller body up and set him on the marble counter. "Helping you get comfy." He didn't intend for his tone to be so sultry, but it was anyway.
"This isn't a SHOW Strider!"
"Hey I never said it was," Dave removed his hands with a shrug and took a step back. He took in the sight before him, and wished that his eyes could take a picture that he could keep forever. A haze of red dusted the trolls shoulders, his legs were hugged close and his hands were hiding himself. With hair ruffled, and lips pursed and nervous - God he looked straight out of a dreary sexual fantasy. He was so hot that he wasn't even off-put by the fact he had no nipples - not that he was focused there anyways, no he was fixated on his hands. Good thing he had a shred of patience, if he didn't he'd remove them for him.

Karkat second guessed himself… The mirror pressed against his back was cold, sending an armada of chills to attack him. He sat there in front of the human feeling like he was on trial, intimidated by those emotionless specs that reflected back at him. Come on Vantas, you can do this… Slowly, his legs cracked open and his hands pulled away from his wreathing bulge. Liquid dripped from the tight slit of his nook, pooling under him a bit.

Dave bit down on his tongue behind his closed lips, eyes widening. What the fuck was that wildly wiggling thing, and holy shit why was it turning him on so much? Now that he saw it this close, Dave could definitely affirm that entrance had to be something identical to a female's. He was so confused, but didn't want his questions answered by mouth. He wanted to find out for himself.

But before he could reach out and quench his curiosity Karkat snapped his legs shut again and covered himself. "There, happy?" He growled.

Fuck Karkat, why do you have to be so tsundere? The human smiled between grit teeth. "It's a little… Different, that's for sure." He combed a hand through his hair.
"How?" Karkat grumbled, gaze shifting down from Daves face to his firm chest, and down to the strange tent in his pajama pants.

Dave looked at Karkat, then at what he was staring at incredulously. A devious idea lit up his head. He put his hands on the hem of his pants, hooking his thumbs into the elastic band. "I can show you what I mean, if you want." He invited with as deadpan an expression as always. Karkat lit up like Rudolph.
"Uh…" He stammered. "I mean, whatever, sure." Karkat cleared his throat.

The Strider smirked, crossing his arms over his waist and pulling his shirt up over his head. Now Dave was no masterpiece, but wielding a giant, shitty broken sword had its advantages on your abs. And no matter what, alien or human, chick or dude, every one loved hot abs.

"What the fuck are those?" Karkat interrupted his sexy strut. Dave looked down, then touched one of his nipples.
"What, these?"
"Yes CLEARLY those." He exclaimed.
"Those are my tits dude. My man tits."
"What do they do?"
"Uhm… Nothing?" Dave was getting a little uneasy, this wasn't going how he imagined.
"Can I touch it?" Karkat lifted one hand that was covering himself and reached out, but Dave quickly slapped it away.
"No fair, I didn't get a free sample."

Karkat looked taken aback for a moment, but then he snarled and shot his hand back down. "Fine, whatever, continue." Dave obliged, stepping out of his bottoms and left only in his record print boxers. "Here…" Dave murmured, placing his hand on top of Karkats carefully. The troll shyly looked up at him, letting him guide his hand to his boxers, where Dave then let go. Although a part of him screamed to stop, Karkat gulped down his fright and pulled them down. Daves dick sprung up from the band, hard and stiff. A bead of precum rolled from the tip, and as Karkat gasped and pulled away slightly he could have sworn he saw it throb.

"See what I mean?" Dave started.
"What the fuck… Is that?" Karkat reached out to touch it again.
"That's how I feel with that thing." A breathy chuckle left Dave as Karkat hand glided down the shaft. He prodded at it as if it was some alien device, fingers twisting along the width and palm messily running along it. "Dude." Dave laughed harder.

"What?" Karkat snapped, whipping his hand away hastily. Dave had to take a moment to recover from his laughter.
"Here," he managed past a rather goofy smile. He took Karkats hand again and smoothed it up and down his shaft. Karkat shivered, following Daves movements, fingers closing around it when he made him. He held it in a loose grip, looking up at him briefly as if to ask if he was doing it right, then began to pump his hand slowly back and forth. The tip rocked in and out of the palm of his hand as he tugged, making a light slapping noise that he didn't think could be recreated any other way. This had completely stifled Daves laughter, and now left him stiff-lipped.

"Is this right…?" He asked quietly. Dave groaned a bit as he exhaled, shoulders shaking slightly.
"Yeah…" He opened his eyes from behind his aviators and combed a hand through the trolls thick, slightly wet hair. Karkats bulge curled against itself, desperate for attention.
"Hahn…" Karkat moaned as it squeezed itself almost into a knot, a splash of liquid hitting the counter.

Dave slid his other hand forward and placed it on Karkats inner thigh. Karkat bit his lip to keep back any noise, spreading his legs for him as a silent assurance to continue. Oh great, now it was Daves turn to be clueless. He quickly checked his memory banks of porn and tried to find something similar to this, but weird hentai shit was always Roses thing, not his. Shakily, he touched it with his index and middle finger. Quickly, the red tendril uncoiled from itself and licked up against both digits. It was dripping, and even though it was loose and small, the pull from the thing was stronger than expected. He tried moving his fingers, which elicited a high pitched squeak from his partner. There was a brief moment of eye contact before Dave looked back down to his handy work.

"Nn…" Karkat was too distracted to focus on working Dave over, his hand went limp, not that the Strider minded much. He pushed closer until his chest was pressed up against the counter between Karkats legs. His heart began to pound, carnal lust making his head foggy. His thumb rubbed up against his horns before rapidly dragging past his chest and to the entrance of his nook. The red liquid was practically gushing from out of the slit. Dave ran his middle finger along it, adoring how the troll gasped. Jesus he wanted to jump right to it, his cock was throbbing, but he took it as slow as he could manage.

Pushing in was easy, seeing as how Karkat was soaked for him. The walls were tight, and warm, the flesh curved under his touch. He watched it go in, meeting only small barriers that he could easily push past. "Shit!" Karkat wailed, slapping his hands down on the counter. His eyes were barely cracked open, peering at the reflection of himself in Daves sunglasses. Humiliation ate at him, so why did he feel so good?

Dave remained mute as he played with him. The fingers occupied with Karkats bulge seeme to know just what to do; he hooked two fingers around it and tugged it. The response was exactly what he wanted, Karkat moaned his name so loud it echoed around the bathroom. Later, he would suppose he lost himself in this lust, and it made gm do baffling things that he wouldn't do in any other scenario - like lean forward and kissing him. What scared him the most was how good it felt. He might just get addicted to this. Their lips needed no warning, they parted and their tongues grazed along each other's, rolling messily.
"Ah…! David!"
"Karkat…" Dave whispered, pressing his forehead to his collar bone. He pulled back his middle finger until it reached the cusp of his nook. Tentatively, he added another finger, meeting more resistance as he tried to force it into the tight entrance. Karkat wrapped his arms around the human's shoulders, pulling him into a squeeze that nearly popped his back. "Fuck…" He wheezed, gritting his teeth and trying to work his fingers in. He used the other hand to press against Karkats stomach, trying to keep his writhing body still. Karkat shifted his legs so they opened wider, which led Dave to sink his fingers in all the way.

"There we go…" Dave made quick work of him, losing a scrap of patience and thrusting his fingers in and out harder. Karkat bit down on his own fingers to try to keep himself from screaming, not that Dave would have minded much if he did. Testing a new theory, Dave sunk his fingers further until it was at the hilt, and curled them forward to the walls and began to rub in a beckoning motion.
"Nnaah!" Karkat let his grip go, head thrown back against the mirror. It was like the human had flipped a switch from Karkat's normal bitchy self to a full blown crazy person, so he supposed his theory worked. And fuck, seeing Karkat like this with eyes half lidded and saliva on the corners of his mouth - he couldn't take it anymore.

His cock pulsed as he retracted his fingers and pushed his hips forward. It bobbed against the open, dripping slit, and before Dave pushed in he glanced up at Karkat for some sort of say-so that it was okay. Karkat panted, shakily raising one hand and nudging it in the grip of the Striders. Dave swore in that moment that his heart leaped. He gripped onto the smaller grey hand, holding Karkats hip with the other as he guided the head in. Fuck he was tight…

"You alright…?" Dave breathed. Karkat nodded, teeth clenched.
"Keep… Keep going…" It sounded like he was speaking past a weight on his chest. That's all Dave had to hear. He looked back down and watched the shaft slowly push inside. An erotic breath billowed from Dave as the warm wetness engulfed him. Every wall of the troll hugged his dick tight, he didn't know how long he could last and he hadn't even started moving yet.

Karkat clutched onto Daves bare skin, finger nails digging in like a feral animals claws. "Fuck me fuck me you straight faced idiot motherfucker!" Suppose he should start. Dave pulled back and shoved in, their hips smacking together. If Karkat wanted it so badly then fucking hell he was going to make him numb.

Without even thinking Dave shoved two fingers into Karkats mouth to silence the moan he had begun to form. He wasn't sure what he would do if someone walked in and saw them like this, best to try to avoid it. And if that meant dealing with Karkat chomping his nubby fangs on him then fine. He began to grind his hips back and forth, biting his bottom lip. A few small, muffled moans seeped from the pile of shaking limbs on the counter.

"This is what you asked for Kitkat." Dave chuckled, assuring himself that those words were sexy. But they didn't have the desired effect on the troll. Suddenly taking control of his body again, Karkat ripped Daves hand from his mouth.
"FUCK YOU!" He snarled, glaring at him. "You initiated it in the first place!" He stammered slightly, trying to keep his composure as Dave continued to grind.

The blonde dropped a spare hand onto Karkats bulge, giving it a sharp squeeze. "Yeah…" He smiled widely. "That's cause I'm a considerate bro." The tip of his cock slammed into the hilt of Karkats nook. That shut both of them up. Daves knees locked in place as he begun to thrust harder, picking up the pace until he began to lightly pant. Karkat's head rolled back, hips twitching up with every pound. His dick begged to cum already.

His thrusts began to grow more wild as pure adrenaline pushed him toward the edge. "Strider!" Karkat wailed. Dave buried his head in Karkats neck, breath hitching between pants.
"Karkat…" He moaned quietly. Shit he couldn't hold back… His brain was so fried he couldn't even think of cumming anywhere else; he gripped the troll in a tight squeeze and pulled Karkats hips down to fit his entire length in as cum pumped out of him and filled his nook.

"Hahn!" Karkat froze, a pulsating throbbing feeling making him melt. He turned into putty in the human's fingers. Exhausted, Dave took a moment just to breathe before he pulled his limp dick out, a gush of liquid following. It washed over him in waves, what he just did… He had sex with an alien. A guy alien - but he had a vagina like thing so it was okay - right? Sure he played with his tentacle thingy but that shouldn't count because it wasn't phallus-esque right? Oh God! Dave gasped, pulling back from their soft embrace. Karkat tiredly grumbled, head rolling to one shoulder. "What?"
"I'm.." He looked at his hands, hunch backed. "GAY!"

Karkat lifted a brow. "Uh… You're what?"
"You wouldn't understand." Dave dramatically turned away.

"What's the big deal then?"
"I just got like 5 times less cool. Now I'm no longer the guy chicks would come to talk to, trying to get in my pants. I'm the gay guy chicks hang around and make watch Seinfeld with them while they paint their toes and gab about their boyfriends problems!"
"Guess you better get used to Jerry Seinfeld's terrible jokes…"
"Is there anyway to reverse this…?"
"Nope." Karkat pulled Dave back into a half-slumped hug.

The End