There are a lot of things Maria doesn't understand. Don't get her wrong, she knows the facts, the actions, the basic thoughts, but how people can get from point A to point B has always confounded her.
Especially if that person was Tony Stark.
On more than one occasion she has found herself at war with the man mentally – as assistant director physical attacks are frowned upon within the agency- but before this point she had always been able to control her blows, she's beginning to wonder if her luck and patience have run out.
The words that have floated through her head like a mantra in Tony-related situations explode and bounce within her mind, How the hell does Pepper deal?
If you were to ask Hawkeye, Maria's issues started just after the Avenger's tower was rebuilt, when the Avengers were all brought to live within the tower more often than not. At least, that was when his own issues with the man had surfaced.
For Natasha's answer, well, it depends. First if you are a friend; second if you are Tony or Tony related (a group Bruce and Pepper find themselves in); and finally if you attempt to sneak up on her and ask (the medical wing has requested to inform all personnel who would like to retain use of their limbs to never utilize this approach). The first circumstances will usually earn you an eye roll, or a "take a guess" combined with a smirk. The second will be replied with a raised eyebrow and pitying smile, before she'd excuse herself or vanish. The last...well...let's just say there's a reason Agent Rosk is still in medical.
Now, no one has made it to asking Maria, but after tonight she's beginning to think it should be clear.
Officially it started years ago, when Natasha (then Natalie) was sent undercover to work as Pepper's assistant and collect intel on Stark. They may not have the most well-known, or usual relationship but the trust Maria and Natasha share is unbreakable.
The funny thing about jealousy is it doesn't tend to care about trust or reality. Natasha's undercover flirting and how it was received was the first check in Stark's ever-growing count of annoyances.
The remaining checks filled in throughout the stories and instances she had encountered every few days concerning Natasha's stay in the Avenger building.
First, Tony had seemed to have "forgotten" the number of his teammates, and instead failed to have one room furnished. As a compromise, Clint and Natasha had found themselves pushed into a nicely furnished room with one glaring issue.
One bed.
Now Maria was not so far gone that the green eyed monster would know no reason, Clint and Natasha were friends exclusively. But her protectiveness and annoyance at the information had seeped into the room as Natasha spoke to her using the secured video frequency. She had watched as Natasha's smile turned into a smirk as her own mouth continued to spew out vacant threats for the man, all the while hearing Clint telling good night stories through his own phone.
That was a few weeks ago, and the continued beating of Stark's heart can only be seen as a brilliant show of the amount of restraint Maria, Natasha, Clint and even Laura have been able to muster. A certain instance surrounding a locked training room and Clint's missing status during their nightly call time causing fear and a truly concerning amount of anger to be pulled out of the usually calm and kind woman.
Something had to be done.
Unfortunately -unbeknownst to the two couples- this sentiment had been running around Tony's own head, after his stunts came up with no results.
Just this afternoon, Maria had found herself in her office, her anger and annoyance at Stark only simmering at the usual eighty percent, oh to have it that low again! Pepper had called to invite her to an Avenger dinner, to welcome Thor back to Earth. After a bit of arguing and glares directed toward her paperwork, the promise of free food and drinks (as well as the silent promise of seeing Natasha) had her agreeing with a sigh.
She will be the first to acknowledge the fighting was mainly at the annoyance brought up by seeing Stark, but as usual Maria planned to get lost in Nat's proximity and perhaps sneak her away from the tower for the weekend. A weekend alone, she never thought she'd want anything more.
Now, Maria's not so sure. A weekend alone with Nat seemed to be neck and neck with her want to murder the man in front of her.
The dinner turned out to be a fluke. Another plan to "get the love birds together" as the soon to be dead Stark had phrased it.
They sit around the long table, Thor nowhere in sight, with Bruce and Pepper flanking Tony's sides from his position at the head, her own seat at the opposite head, with Nat and Clint on either side of her. Natasha, Maria and Pepper talk amicably for the start of dinner, but the prickly feeling of caution climbs her spine -only quelling a bit at Natasha's hand sliding to her knee.
The dinner is awkward to say the least. Between the suspicious glares toward Tony and general air of annoyance and regret clouding Pepper, it was easy for MAria to see where this meal would be going.
Lord help him she has a knife.
To say Tony was subtle would be a filthy lie.
"So what're you two crazy kids doing?" He says eyes glancing with childish glee between Natasha and Clint -bypassing Maria's death glare
"We seem to be eating, Stark. It usually inhibits people from saying stupid things, you should try it." Natasha answers with a tight smile, cutting into her chicken all the while. Clint hmms in agreement, mouth full to a concerning level.
"You know what I mean..the hanky panky, the horizontal tango, you were a dancer weren't you Widow?"
"TONY!"
"It's alright Pep, I'm just trying to get to know the team. Bonding and all that." He says unphased, eyes still darting between a cool and annoyed Nat and mirth-filled Clint.
"I only dance with my wife." Clint replies before continuing eating
Only the scrapes of Nat, Maria, Clint's silverware could be heard as the others freeze.
"Oh.. . We didn't know you two were married, congratulations." Bruce says moments later, digging back into his food
"Nat and I? Oh god no. Nu-uh, gross."
Tony begins to speak only to be cut off by a teasing voice from Maria's right. "And why the hell not? I'm a catch! -"
"Nat." Maria stopped the train of thought before that jealousy from before could take an illogical turn resulting in their best archer out of commission.
Nat rubs her thigh soothingly in reply.
"If you're married, and believe me we will get back to that," Tony states eyeing Clint like a puzzle he needs to solve, "what about Bruce here? Besides the whole angry, green big guy- or I mean if you're into that sort of-"
"Stark!" Maria's commanding voice cuts through his sentence, "Natasha will not be dating Bruce, sorry Bruce." Bruce's reply of a shrug and lopsided grin, tells her he has figured it out before the so-called genius in the room.
"I don't think that's your choice, Commander. Women have needs."
"How about," Natasha starts, voice dripping with threat, "you never think about nor mention my 'needs'. Or I can assure you, you'll never be able to fulfil your own."
"Pepper?"
"You're on your own."
Tony's silent muttering spanned the next few minutes, while the rest spoke amicably. Clint lit up mentioning his children and Laura.
"What about Thor? You've seen his muscles, I've seen his muscles- muscles galore! I can see it, little ninja hammer babies." Stark blurts out as if breathing is a thing of the past
Maria's hands clench tightly around her cutlery, her eyes fixed on the pieces of chicken still on her plate. Looking up would only lead to murder.
"Believe it or not Stark, I can find my own dates." Maria hears, as Natasha's had regrettably slides away from her thigh, only to move slowly to her arm in a more open calming effort. "If you're so curious and since I'm sure you know I could kill you with or without that suit of yours-" A quick glance of assurance between Maria and Natasha passes almost unseen, "Maria and I are together." She finishes
"Before you say anything, Stark." Maria clears her throat, words coming out tight and strained, "Keep in mind the weapons I have and the amount of times you just tried to set my fiance up within the last few days. Then never speak again."
"FIANCE? SINCE WHEN? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME THESE THINGS, NAT! ARE OUR GIRL TALKS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?"
Sufficient to say it would be a long night, but with her hand clasped with Natasha's. Maria would find the strength to survive. Besides, Tony's fear-filled eyes were a great mood lightener for her.