When had it started?
Perhaps when it was pointed out by Sai? The desperation she felt rip through her bones to save him when he lost control? Or was it when Yamato voiced it to her? His bluntness, to her cowardice. She could feel it, her swaying and her heart thumping so much and so hard as her brain struggled to catch up what was happening to her whenever those blue eyes would looklooklooklook straight through her with adoration and love and whiskered cheeks spread with a smile.
So many years. So much heartache and blood shed and arguments and oh my God – too many tears. All for her. Her smile. Her unrequited love and his promise and his best friend and they're a family and can't be abandonded or left behind. This was how it was supposed to be, she was supposed to stay in love with the dark-haired boy of her dreams, chase him endlessly to the ends of the earth while her supporter, her everything, her best friend - because that is all he is and all he could ever be and it will nevereverever change; stupid heart stop ruining everything – will help bring him to her.
She can't ruin this. She can't ruin their trio, their process, their roles. She isn't supposed to run after Naruto. This isn't how the story is supposed to work.
Sakura let a sob rip through her throat, her head in between her thighs as she sat in the corner of her room. Her sanctuary, the only place where she could really be who she is. She felt clausterphobic, but its okay. Its better to not breathe by her own means rather than to be seen through by a pair of blue eyes and blinded by vibrant blonde hair.
Would it be so terrible to let herself love the one person who never gave up on her? To love the one who encouraged her from day one, even when she thought of herself as an ugly alien with a giant forehead. To love the one who fought for her day in and day out to fufill his promise to her and only her and all for her. Because… "I like your smiling face the most."
The pinkette also had to take into account the one female who has expressed love and interest in her Naruto since they were children. The beautiful heiress of the Hyuga clan. One of her own close friends, because when you're a kunoichi, your numbers are few and you have to stick together because when you're alone, it is dangerous and its just so hard to find a friend like Hinata. Hinata cares, she listens, she supports, she understands.
Hinata has even put her life on the line for her childhood love, never giving up on him, even when Sakura turned around and tried to kill her love, her Sasuke, when things got rough. Hinata loved Naruto since the beginning, watching over him, taking him away from the darkness filling his heart when Neji was killed, when all Sakura has done is pull him into it with her useless and fruitless chase after Sasuke. That stupid, goddamn didn't deserve Naruto, not in this lifetime. Not when faced against someone like Hinata.
Its not fair to take Naruto away from Hinata, not when Sakura had been such a mess these past years. Swayed by kind words. By her golden boy, her source of happiness, her representation of everything right in the world when everything just fucking sucked and her world crashed around her. She wouldn't let Naruto make this mistake of staying by her side. She wouldn't trap him anymore, she would let him move on and be with someone who would be able to love him and make him happy.
Sakura stood up shakily, rubbing the tears off her face and snot off her nose with the back of her hand, rubbing them on the side of her pants. She let out a breath, letting the cool hair of her mouth blow her bangs up slightly. She walked to the mirror, determination set through her green eyes. She'd be able to do this, she'd be able to let Naruto go. She rubbed her stubborn hair down once more before cleaning herself up and walking out the door.
She had made her choice.