The Leave-taking

I wonder if I'm allowed

Just ever to be…

"Tornado," Jonsi

I don't want to do this to them. I stare at my phone, a war being waged between two loyalties.

"They'll want to know. You need to tell them."

"I can't—not now, anyway. Let them believe you're fine for a while. They don't deserve to be hurt sooner than necessary."

"They already knew something was wrong. They're waiting for news from you—and you can't lie to them."

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. Who would I call first? Or was there some way to tell them all at once? That would be much better. I pick up the phone to call Miles.

"Hey James, how'd the tests go?"

"It was fine. Listen, do you and Bill and Davy want to go have lunch at the park?"

"Bit late for lunch, isn't it? 3:30?"

"Yeah, well, I'm hungry and bored."

"Oh, anything for you, dear," he replies, his voice sarcastic and effeminate.

"Shut up. Okay, I'll see you there."

I hang up, letting out a sigh of relief. I hadn't lied to Miles—I'd just avoided the truth. For now.

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My stomach turns as I walk toward my friends. They were setting up our picnic, each in his own way—Miles tackling Bill to the ground as he spread out the blanket, and Davy laughing at them while actually setting up the picnic. This may be the last time I see them like this—carefree and happy. After today, everything would be different.

Would I ever walk like this again? I was striding quickly across the grass without a twinge of pain, thanks to my newly-prescribed meds.

I will make this as short and painless as possible.

I take a deep breath, then greet my friends. Everyone seems perfectly happy—except Miles. He keeps looking at me like he knows something's up. I do my best to give him a genuine smile, but he probably sees through it anyway.

We wolf down all the food, then get out the Frisbee. Frisbee has always been our favorite. I run and jump and laugh and breathe, absolutely pain-free. God, I'm going to miss this.

Everything is going spectacularly—until I fall hard on my right side. My hip hits first, of course. The pain shoots through my entire body, causing me to convulse and cry out in pain.

"What happened?"

"You alright there, mate?"

"I saw it—he landed on his hip."

Davy was the last to speak. I couldn't replay through the shock and pain. They all knelt next to me until I got hold of myself.

I sit up slowly, still panting. Three pairs of hands were instantly on my shoulders, there to support me if I fell backwards. I waved them off, but was grateful all the same.

"James, there's something you need to tell us, isn't there," said Bill in a low, serious tone.

I can't look him in the eyes.

"Yeah. There is. Hang on…"

I shift my position so that we form a circle. I still cannot look at them. Instead I stare at the grass, but I can feel their gazes boring into me. The pain has completely subsided. Nothing but numbness remains.

Deep breath.

"I…er…had some tests done, as you know, and…the results were…not good."

I take a risk and glance up at their faces. Davy and Bill look as I expected, fear and apprehension laced in their expressions. They stare at each other in a panic. Miles, however, sitting directly across from me, does not take his eyes off mine for a second. He just stares at me, propping his head up on his fists—he's preparing for the worst. It makes me want to vomit.

"I've been diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma," I say rapidly. "I've got cancer."

Now I look them all in the eyes. Shock is written on all their faces. Only Davy manages to speak up.

"It's not…it's not lethal, right? You'll get better?"

Oh, Davy. So full of hope.

"I'm afraid not. I…I've got less than a year."

I've tried to keep my voice steady, but seeing their faces causes my voice to break.

God, I'll miss them so much.

Bill stares at the grass opposite him, shaking his head in disbelief. Tears are already streaming down Davy's face. He's staring at the sky, muttering, "Oh God…oh God…oh God." Miles continues to stare directly into my eyes, mouth open, and with a horrible sadness.

"No."

His voice breaks, and he drops his forehead onto his fist.

Everyone falls apart.

Davy immediately clutches onto me, sobbing into my shoulder. Tears begin to slip down my face, unheeded. I hug him back tightly—Davy is the most sensitive of the lot; he needs this. Miles and Bill immediately follow, sobbing—even Miles. I let them.

They hold onto me as if they never want to let me go. The force of their hugs eventually knocks me down, and we all lay next to one another on the grass. After a while, we lay quietly. We watch the clouds together. We watch the sunset. Night falls.

I know my meds are wearing off. My chest begins to get heavy. The pain in my leg is coming back.

Oh God, I can't breathe.

I can't let myself get out of control. They haven't seen me recently; they don't know how much worse it's gotten. Or that it's spread all over my body.

I can't hold back anymore.

I let out a hacking cough, and the force of it compels me to sit upright. Hacking, wheezing, choking—I can't stop. I'm dizzy. Everything's gone blurry.

I suddenly realize that my friends are desperately trying to help me. They're patting my back and offering me water. On noticing this, I grab it and drink it greedily.

I can breathe again.

I set the water down, still gasping for air. That's when the pain hits me full-force. The effort of movement and the lack of medication have made a couple of themselves, it seems. I wince and let out a gasp of pain.

"Please…take me home. Meds…wearing off," I rasp between each breath.

"Okay. We've got you. We've got you, James."

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Hello, everyone! This is my first Third Star fic. Let me just say that THIS MOVIE...words can't even begin to describe my feeling towards it. It crushed my soul, but it was beautiful. It hurt, yes, but it was a good hurt. It is truly a beautiful story. If you haven't seen it, GO SEE IT NOW. RIGHT NOW. )

Anyway, enough with the chatter. I am American, but I did my best to sound as un-American as possible. Please let me know if you spot an American-ism and I will fix it. Let me know what you think! Drop a review my way. I'm curious as to how this turned out. More chapters are to come.

Thanks! Hope you enjoyed!