"So Agent Tony. Do you think you are ready to take on this assignment?"
"Yes Sir, I am quite ready."
"Now remember, this mission might take years for you to complete. We want you to stay as close to your normal character as possible, to avoid slip-ups. We know someone in NCIS is making trouble, and it's going to be your job to figure out the who, what, why. Understood?"
"Yes sir, understood. What will be my new identity for the job?"
"From now on your name will be Anthony DiNozzo, or Tony for short. You will start work at Baltimore PD tomorrow. We have arranged for you to work a case with Agent Gibbs from NCIS. You will pretend to be a Detective, and get yourself hired this way. Director Morrow from NCIS knows about this, but he doesn't know what your mission will be."
"Yes sir. I'll work my magic then and hopefully we'll have this case solved soon."
7 years later.
Gibbs and his team watched as five men dressed in black walked out of the elevator and made their way up to the Director's Office. He had a gut feeling something big was about to happen. His gut proved to be quite right, but not in the way he thought.
Director Vance came out of his office, only to blanch slightly when he spotted the men in black. "Gentleman, what are you doing here?"
Tony grinned and stepped away from his desk. "Why my dear Director Vance. They're here to arrest you. Isn't this fun?"
Gibbs, Ziva and McGee all looked surprised. "DiNozzo, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Well, see Gibbs. Director Vance is responsible for killing Director Sheppard, indirectly responsible for the killing of about 5 NCIS Agents and directly responsible for the failed cases against 10 suspects ranging from theft of military issued goods to murder. I'd say those are pretty good reasons for arresting the man. Don't you agree?"
Before Gibbs could form a reply, or even ask why his Senior Field Agent knew about this, another man walked out of the elevator. He immediately came over to DiNozzo. "Good job Tony. It took you a bit longer than we all had expected, but you are definitely up for the promised promotion."
The man then looked over at Director Vance and grinned. Even Gibbs was slightly unnerved by the grin. "And for you Vance, we have a nice little spot in prison. As this is a matter of national security, we don't even have to give you a trial. Isn't that great? Oh, and you can stop thinking of killing me with that toothpick of yours. Tony was kind enough to replace the lethal ones with normal mint tasting ones."
Upon hearing this Vance went ballistic. He roared and struggled to get free. Unfortunately for him the five men that had him in their hold saw this as a great opportunity to subdue their prisoner. Vance was then quickly carried out of the building, never to be seen again.
The man who was obviously in charge, turned towards Tony again. "Tony, after seven years of undercover work as a Senior Field Agent I can now give you the promotion, as promised. I hereby promote you to Director of NCIS. Have fun, and make sure the office is still standing in a few years time, yes?"
Tony grinned, which looked amazingly similar to the grin from the man that had now also left the building. Ziva and McGee felt dread in their stomachs. This was not good.
Tony stood on the stairs to the Directors office and spoke up. "Alright everybody, just continue with your jobs. An in-depth explanation will follow by this afternoon. I do wish to clear up one thing though. I only took the DiNozzo name for my undercover operation. From now on you will refer to me as Director Bond. And no, that's not a joke. So get back to work all of you, except Gibbs, David, McGee, Abby , Ducky and Palmer. You will join me in my office."
Amazingly everyone did as Tony told them to. Sure, they thought for a moment that his name of Bond was a joke, but seeing the look in his eyes told them they had better not make a joke out of it. For some reason they felt as if they would be fired if they did.
Gibbs and the others made their way up to the office. Tony told them to take a seat, while he went and sat in the Directors chair. "Ah, I love this chair" he said.
The others looked at each other, not sure how to start this conversation.
Tony let them squirm for a little while longer until he decided to take pity on them.
"So, I'll start with the story then. Yes my name really is Bond. James Bond is actually my grandfather. The man that had just promoted me is my uncle, and he works for a very secret agency that I'm not allowed to tell you the name of. And no, you will not find any information on the internet about this. I also work for this organization. I have been working for them for the last 10 years. And yes, I am older than you all thought. Seven years ago I was told to go undercover as Anthony DiNozzo, to find out who was providing information for criminals who then killed Navy officers. As it turned out there was even more going on. There was clearly a power struggle going on. Director Morrow knew of me being undercover, but he retired before I could solve the case. As I later found out, he retired earlier than expected because of Vance. He brainwashed Morrow so he would retire sooner.
Then he also provided information about Jenny to the Frog, so she could be killed. He then convinced Jenny she would be quite safer without me and Ziva. You all know the results of that action. Ever since Vance became Director (a goal he had been working on for more than 10 years now) he also provided important information to criminals, which cost the lives of 5 NCIS Agents. And he made sure some of our suspects got cleared from all charges. He also tried to kill some of you with his poisonous toothpicks. Nasty habit that was, by the way."
Tony paused for breath and took a drink of water. He looked at his former team mates to gauge their reactions. Seems they were stumped.
"So, now that I have solved the case and provided ample evidence I can finally stop playing the stupid Senior Field Agent and do the job I was promised seven years ago. In this light there are going to be some changes." Again he grinned. It started to freak the others out.
"Palmer, you're a good guy, so nothing will change for you. Just make sure to come and have a chat with me once a week. You can go back to your work now." Palmer left, feeling quite relieved. It wasn't until half an hour later that he realized he would now have to face Director Bond every week alone!
"Ducky, I think you do a good job, but you talk way too much. So, from now on you will only be allowed to tell me the things I need to know for my job. You can go and talk lots outside of work, or to any new Agents, but you leave the rest alone." Ducky looked shocked. He loved telling stories, and now he wasn't allowed any more.
"Oh, don't worry so much, Ducky. If you have showed me that you can follow this rule for a month, I may allow you to talk some more about non-work related stories."
"Abby, I don't like your music, the way you look or the way you behave around Gibbs. However, I also know you work best if you feel good, so…. You will be allowed to dress as you like. We will make sure your music volume won't be able to go up so much though. And I am restricting your access to Gibbs. It's just not healthy the way you cling to him all the time. Oh yes, and I am putting you on a rehab program. No more Caff-Pows for you. Also, you cannot leave this job without my permission. I'm not giving it to you, so stop thinking about resigning."
Abby burst into tears, while Ducky tried to console her.
"McGee." McGee swallowed. This could not be good. "I can't even count the number of times I have had to correct mistakes that you made out in the field. Most, you never even noticed. Once I even retyped your report for you. If I hadn't done all that you wouldn't have made it past your first week as a Probie. So, what to do with you?"
Gibbs and Ziva looked at McGee in astonishment. He didn't deny the allegations, and in fact looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"I know. For the next two years you will be the Probie for each and every team we have. You are not allowed to do much more than what they allow you to do. You will follow their instructions to the letter, and maybe, just maybe, after those two years I will allow you to become the Probie for just one team."
McGee just mumbled. Two years of being a Probie, with not even good prospects to look forward to. His mind slowly started to shut down. Within a year he would be locked up in a mental asylum.
"Ziva, you are great at shooting people, and not trusting us at all. Also you were quite the backstabber when I was Team Leader and you just decided to call Gibbs for help. So you will train the incoming Probies for the next year. If you learn to trust other people a bit more, and maybe even show you are just a human after all I might allow you back in the Field after that. Oh yes, you will train the Probies communication and co-operation techniques."
Ziva's eyes widened and her lower lip started trembling slightly.
"Hum, I see you recall there are no weapons whatsoever involved in those lessons. That's okay. You can hand in all your guns, knives, etc on your way out of this office."
Ziva burst into real tears then.
"And now, on to the last one, Gibbs. I have had to put up with your crappy attitude from day one. Heck, even before day one, because you started with that attitude before I even joined NCIS. Your stupid head slaps only caused me a migraine, and you will learn not to give those out to anyone anymore. Also, you will get a completely new team assigned to you, handpicked by me."
Gibbs groaned inwardly, that could never be good.
Tony smiled even more. "I also get to do this from now on." He stood up and walked over to Gibbs. He then smacked him hard on his head.
"There, that will teach you who is in charge here from now on. If you overstep your boundaries, or did anything wrong whatsoever I will head slap you. I will also do this if you did anything I think merits a head slap." Just for the sake of it, Tony gave Gibbs another head slap.
"What was that one for?" Gibbs asked, slightly pissed already.
"That was for your inwardly groaning you just did."
Damn, Gibbs thought, his years to retirement suddenly didn't look so nice anymore, after all.