Well hello there, if your reading this then you have stumbled upon my first fic. Just going to say that I'm sorry if it sucks, really and truly sorry. This will be updated, I'm trying for every other day but school just started for me and I suffer from terrible procrastination.
Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin, BBC does
WARNING: Contains self-harm, suicidal thoughts and may just be sad to read.
*Kisses and all that*
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The pale skin was deprived of color, only to be stained with crimson blood. The knife glided over the ivory colored flesh like butter to be spread, it was taken away only to be brought back like a moth to its flame.
"No," the pale man muttered to himself, "only one more time." He was seeking comfort, comfort in a sharp blade that could only bring pain, which could only bring the thing that made him feel so alive. He had to feel the release, the comfort for all the things he has done, even if they were for good intent; they had cost too many.
"It's my fault, my fault, my fault," he whispered, "Everything is my fault." The last part of it was said in a strange wail that only cause the blade to be brought to his skin once again. "Everything is my fault." Was all he said before drifting off into unconsciousness.
-{-
Merlin woke to a pounding on his head and dried blood on his arms. He quickly changing out of his blood crusted shirt and into another. Stepping out of his room, he met Gaius at the table for breakfast.
"Are you alright?" The old man spoke to his ward, noticing the waxy shine on his forehead. But Merlin didn't hear him, he was only staring distantly into his porridge, "Are you alright?" Gaius repeated a bit louder.
"Hmm?" Merlin finally looked up as Gaius repeated his question once again, "Oh yeah, just fine."
"Are you sure? I could give you a tonic," the old man suggested noticing his wards leg was bouncing uncontrollably, "It could ease your nerves."
"I said I was fine," but Merlin said this with false consent, "I have to go." He mumbled the last part while standing up, leaving his porridge untouched and waiting to be consumed by flies. While walking out of the physicians chambers Merlin kept his head down, only looking at his feet as he opened the door and fled to bring Arthur his breakfast.
The truth was; Merlin was lost, with the summer fading and winter coming he only felt sadness as the life was drained from the world, as the magic was drained from the world. He had a feeling, deep within himself that this winter was going to be troublesome, and filled with terror. The feeling was suffocating him, as was his so called 'destiny' and even though the suffocation was worse than it has ever been, he had never felt so alone. He had gone quiet, even Arthur has missed his usual banter. For Arthur there was no more happy voice greeting him in the morning to wake him up, now there was just a man who opened the blinds letting the sun shine in and cringed away from it. Merlin was just a shell, even the cook missed his usual ways.
Arthurs morning started the same it has every morning for the past month and he was getting fed up with it.
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Whelp! There it is, and just repeating myself, I am going to try and update every other depending on how I feel. I am going to try an use this story kind of as an emotional outlet so bear with me here.
Reviews and criticism are welcome, so smash away!
*Kisses*
D