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*Slash Lemon alert* but dw nothing too fckd up

I ran so fast; I needed to get away from here. I needed some eternal forest to consume me- some never ending highway- some bottomless ocean. All that was here was black… Bella was dead. And suddenly Forks was empty again. I could not feed off humans, and I could not love them anymore now that the one I could was gone… once more Forks was the useless ghost town of useless inhabitants that didn't matter. I just ran.

She was gone. I told her this would happen. I begged her not to take such a painful risk… pleaded with her to understand that as she threw her life away she discarded mine with it…and his. The one who had drawn her to that suicidal path. And now she was gone. It had been a week now, and each moment had grown more agonising. I hadn't been near the Cullens' since it had happened. And I couldn't bring myself to change that. If I saw Edward again I would open two potential outcomes. I would attempt to kill him and probably end up killing myself- that was the more attractive of the two possibilities. The other was that I would go insane. I would see him… the murder in his eyes and my brain would blow. This was not too painful an option either. They were both a means to an adequate end in the circumstances. Death and insanity would both, I hoped, smother the ache to some small degree at least. All in all… seeing Edward appeared to be a more appealing option than going on like this. But I couldn't drag myself there. I couldn't physically bring myself to meet him. So I ran. I found the forest and I tore through it, praying for it to swallow me up and end this torture.

I was running through the woods now, the forest throwing white hot memories at me as I pushed faster in the hope of seeing less. I ran faster and faster. I pushed my legs, numbed my brain, switched off my lungs- until…

Suddenly I was on the ground. What? Why had I not heard the approach, seen the obstacle, and what the hell was in this forest that could smash sufficiently into me to knock me down? I heard a swish of air and felt the floor shake very slightly- then a fumble of material.
"Edward." A cold, winded voice murmured, inches away from me.

I got to my feet swiftly to see him, not enough strength in me to greet him in reply. As I turned to face Jacob… a strange wave of congealed warmth and pain glided ominously over me. I frowned at him, waiting for his attack.

"What are you doing?" he asked distantly.
"I- Jacob. I can't stay here." I choke meeting his eyes reluctantly.

Fate? Whatever; here he was. As I united my gaze with his, the fire seared through Edward's black, wounded eyes and through mine, into my brain. As if his pain was burning me along with him, adding to my own grief with the presence of his. Perfect. No. Of course he couldn't stay here. Just like I couldn't stay here… I wanted to hate him right now. I wanted to avenge the beautiful girl that I loved- that he had slaughtered. But as I tried to channel the fierce emotions pulsing through me into a defined and chiselled hatred for the man in front of me- I couldn't. He was dying too- and he had guilt. On top of all this desperate, desolate agony… this emptiness… this removal of any rhyme or reason to the world- he was drowning in guilt. And he deserved it. But I could not kick this monster- I could not bring myself to aggravate his pitiful predicament.

He stared at me, pity etching his dark face beside the lines of stress and misery. How he must have hated me. I had taken away the girl he loved. The girl I loved. I had killed Bella. I would never understand anyone who did not hate me for it.

"I'm… I'm so sorry Jacob." I whispered.

He frowned heavily but did not respond. I was thankful; sorry was pathetic next to what I had done. I could see what it had done to him… his eyes sheltered two deep black rings, his short hair spiked wildly out at different angles and he looked so empty. I almost wanted to embrace him… to throw him some desperate gesture to demonstrate my regret... to try and explain just how unendingly sorry I was.

He was a mess… his weakened, shipwrecked frame screamed for someone to wrap their arms around him. He looked as if he would fall apart if someone didn't do something quickly… someone needed to hold him together.
"You don't look good." I shook my head at him.

He raised his eyebrows in response… either to return the remark or to ask 'what did I expect?' It was probably a bit of both. I knew I was just as inevitably dishevelled as he was.

"Jacob…" he began, swallowing heavily- as if what he was about to say would take a lot of effort.

"Do you need to… to talk about… you know… things. I mean… Bella?" He winced as he yanked her name from his protesting throat.

I shook my head quickly, cringing in unison with him. He nodded, understanding, and grateful.

I could see he was in the same place as me; poor guy. I didn't want to be responsible for destroying another person… that would bring the death toll up to three once I'd dealt with myself. I walked towards him… searching wildly for a way of salvaging his shredded soul.

"Jacob" I pleaded… knowing that no desire of mine for his survival would have any impact on his decision.

"She- Bella would have wanted you to keep trying… she would have- the idea that she was responsible for killing you- she wouldn't have been able to…" I tried agonisingly.

"Edward, please…" he whimpered, his hand clutching my shoulder for support as I scratched unwillingly at his wounds. I took both his shoulders in my hands, my thumbs wandering independently to his jaw in apology for what I knew I was doing to him.

"I- Come on Edward. Just don't- don't play that one," he shook his head, defeated.

"I can't deal with that. It's too much."

I looked to the ground and nodded in understanding; it wasn't fair to ask him to do what I knew was impossible for myself.

His hands clutched my shoulders; this broken little feather attempting to hold me together. I allowed his thumbs to caress my jaw remorsefully as he demanded the impossible of me. I looked into his burned-out eyes… watching the dying embers remaining there flicker occasionally as they tried to burn after air was gone. I brought a hand to his face… wanting stupidly to revive them- but knowing that Edward was gone beyond rescue now. And then… as I stared at his dying eyes…something changed in them- they didn't resurrect- more like a different fire seared within them. I felt my own eyes widen as the power of this fire called me forward. I opened my mouth, horrified, confused, but- impossibly bound to this senseless phenomenon. Just as I parted my lips- lips suddenly inevitably obedient to the master of this moment, his eyes expanded… crazed, terrified, but so certain. His cold, reeking hands followed their ghostly thumbs to my jaw then, and I felt my hot palms squeal at the eerily smooth chill of his neck as they marched magnetically over his hard flesh.

Then his lips were there. Jacob Black's lips- hot, stinking, canine lips beckoning silently to my own ludicrously contrasting mouth. He tasted dreadful and beautiful all at once… my tongue at first received the act as what it was- a violation of every law ever written that meant anything to me. A violation of the inevitable feud between our kind, the feud between Jacob himself and I, a violation of my beautiful dead wife who had loved us both in her different ways. It was absolutely, undeniably wrong. But beneath the thousands of vampires and werewolves on each of our tongues that howled in protest, was a truth. A need, a desire, a reverent salvation. We were so connected… Bella's lips had travelled over each of ours at some derailing, vital moment in time. And they were their now as we resurrected her with out united grief, our united love, our united cry for survival.

Edward Cullen. I didn't want to think about what grotesque crimes against nature I was committing now. What betrayal of Bella, not yet cold in her grave, this monstrous act was. All I knew was that it was crucial, I didn't have an option; I had to fuck Edward Cullen. My hands wound in his lustrous, bronze hair, my fingers catching around twists of it occasionally as our lips fell over each other's. Edward grunted angrily, lustfully, pushing me furiously into the nearest tree. His mouth moved to my neck, and I cried out at the loss of a distraction from what this was. I closed my eyes as his teeth worked furiously at my neck- but I was not afraid. There was a filthy vampire with his fangs tearing hungrily at the surface of my throat, but I grasped his head in my hands and grunted in desperate encouragement; he would not kill me.

Jacob seemed to tire quickly of remaining inanimate while I divulged the history- the loss- the sorrow of his flesh. He pulled my head from his neck and returned my lips to his, as he kissed me, he turned our embrace so that I was now the one pinned to the tree. Our hands grasped each other's heads to the kiss desperately, praying that no rain checks would be ordered by the other to contemplate what was happening. We both knew that this had to persist if we were to survive. After a while Jacob took the turn of trailing a gust of kisses down my throat… as I stared into the sharp reality of the forest around I understood his eagerness to resume an occupation. His mouth moved longingly from my neck down my hard body; down my chest, down my stomach, down to my belt. He tore is fiercely undone before returning to my shirt and ripping it open, sending buttons soaring through the air. His mouth found my chest and drank it up, his weeping tongue tearing through the veils of my skin in a bid to find the lost key to both of our strung up hearts. As his head moved higher, my chest entertaining his parched mouth, I fell to a crouch opposite him. I let my arms wind desolately around his bare chest; an orphaned child screaming for love. I pulled him angrily into me, praying that he would not make me relinquish my hold.

I cried out; in pain, in thanks, in longing- as Edward's stone arms clamped furiously around me. I was inexplicably thankful that my cry didn't have an effect on his action. My hands fought angrily through the locked embrace to his head and clasped him closer to my face. I moaned as our lips collided in our senseless mechanics; our crazed endeavours to resurrect all we had left of the girl that had meant everything to both of us. I pushed him to the ground, determined to fulfil the holy mandate, this alpha command! I tried to blot out the image of what the pack would really think if they saw this… but the wave of dry horror just added to my determination to finish this now. I forced him flat on his back and brought my desperate mouth to his stomach where I kissed him fervently as I unbuttoned his pants. I felt tears fight furiously at my eyes as I committed a thousand sins in this one unspeakable act. I wound my arms around his neck and leaned forward onto his torso as my mouth pleaded sadly with his. My arms moved down him then, pulling his pants to his knees. My mouth swiftly followed, praising the solidness of his underwear with my lonesome tongue. He lifted his head then and, looking me bravely in the eye proceeded to literally shred my sweat pants from me.

He was completely naked now… it didn't turn me on in the way that Bella did- it was so different. But I was harder than I'd ever been. I knew it was more than physical attraction- I didn't know if that even featured at all- but I knew that all the forces of the universe would be cooperating fiercely to help this act proceed. It didn't make sense… but I knew that it was right. I knew it had to happen. His mouth left my underwear then and he tore them away fiercely, panting as he gazed intensely at me. I wondered if it would happen now, if the moment had come for the deal to be ultimately sealed. I honestly didn't care which way around this went; it made no difference. His mouth returned to my naked crotch then… his lips so soft, his saliva so warm. I moaned deeply, closing my eyes as his mouth caused my body to convulse responsively. My hands flew to my deeply lined forehead as his tongue began to move faster, his mouth closing firmly over me. I let out a long, cry and released into his throat.

He came quickly, apparently anxious to fulfil the key act. And I wasn't going to let the milestone present an opportunity to stop; this wasn't finished yet. I quickly returned my mouth to his, my arms sliding beneath his to meet briefly at his cold back and then pulling him into a kneeling position. I kissed his neck roughly, communicating that it had to happen soon now. Then I pushed him onto his stomach; he did not complain. My heart hammering wildly, I positioned myself behind him. I leaned forward, my arms entwining with his torso, my hands flat against his chest as I pulled him to his knees. I slid my hands down to his stomach then, and pushed heavily forward. He cried out at the penetration, and I began to thrust frenziedly into him. He felt so hard against me, it hurt- but it was such a vital pain… such a necessary pain; the icy ache of his tight inside felt good. We decorated the air with our cries- our moans- our helpless hallelujahs. I don't know who we were petitioning to exactly; to each other… to God…. to Bella.

After what felt like an age, Jacob came. As our cries of exaltation and of pain and of lustful longing began to subside I felt the dampness of the face pressed tightly to my back. He clung to me fretfully, shaking as his face buried itself in my cold, hard body. I moved away from him then, letting him retract from me slowly. I wrapped my arms fiercely around him as he wept bitterly. I guided our tightly tangled forms to the tree that had supported us both as the ghostly power of the moment had first engulfed us. I threw my back against it, and arranged Jacobs trembling body over mine, his head resting against the rock of my shoulder. My arms wound more tightly around his chest and his arms clutched for them helplessly, gripping my wrists tightly in his hot, dark hands. Bella was there in that moment. Jacob and I– physically united… and Bella. I could taste her trail on his warm lips- feel the ghosts of her footsteps suddenly alive and dancing. Bella was back with me again for that short moment- she was there- and almost tangible. But I wanted him too- needed him… and I could feel his longing for me is the silence of his hungry lips against mine. He was suddenly vitally important too. Something had lifted us both up… had given me a tiny flame to follow in this blackness. For a second I had come to life again- in the blissful phenomenon of fucking Jacob Black.

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