Author's note: This is the prequel to my story Bury The Pain. I had originally intended this to be a stand alone one-shot, but I kept thinking about the premise and it seemed really interesting to me. I decided to post this here as well as on my art account on another website.

I rated this 'M' to be on the safe side. A few disclaimers: I do not own any rights to the Kingdom Hearts franchise. This story does discuss death (not graphically), and makes references to sex (non-explicit). There is drinking of alcohol, smoking of cigarettes, and a little bit of coarse language. If you are sensitive to any of these things, please read with caution. Thanks for taking a look, and if you feel so inclined, please review/praise/give constructive criticism.

I hope you enjoy!

"One, two, three-drink!"

Riku squeezed his aquamarine eyes shut and put the small glass to his lips, knocking back yet another shot of tequila. He actually hated tequila, but right now he did not care what alcohol he consumed, as long as he got drunk. He was currently becoming intoxicated at Dream Eater, a popular club in Light city on the Destiny Islands. Tonight was another night to get wasted with his friends. This time, he was out with Sora, Leon, Paine, Yuffie, and Lea. He asked them all out on this night, because he knew they could hold their liquor. Well, all accept for Sora, but the brunet was always willing to try, so he asked him along.

"Ugh, that was disgusting!" Sora made a face and placed his glass down on the bar's counter. Apparently, he was not a fan of tequila either.

"I know, it was horrible," Riku shivered, "let's do another one."

"Another shot? Riku, you've already had like, five," Sora pouted, his voice loud over the music that as playing.

"So now you're keeping count? Look, I came here to get completely shit-faced, and I'm not stopping until I'm throwing up under the table," Riku said. He whistled loudly to call the bartender over.

"Come on, Sora, I thought you could keep up!" Riku's petite friend Yuffie laughed and pinched Sora's cheek.

"I can keep up!" Sora's pout persisted. He folded his arms.

"Then stop being a fuckin' wimp and down 'em," Riku responded. He leaned over the counter as the bartender came up to him. She was pretty cute, with long, maroon hair, brown eyes, and a slender figure. She wore revealing clothing and a hat on her head. Riku, after coming to Dream Eater on multiple occasions, had learned that her name was Shiki.

"Back for more, I see," Shiki smiled at him, "What can I get ya, Riku?"

"Hmm...what do you all want? The rest of the rounds are on me," Riku looked over at Paine, Leon, Yuffie, and Lea. The three dark-haired twenty-somethings shrugged, but the red head raised his hand.

"Oh! Oh! Let's do blow job shots," Lea grinned, his green eyes lighting up with mischief.

"Alright," Riku nodded at the suggestion, showing he approved, "six blow job shots."

"You got it, cutie," Shiki winked at him and busied herself with preparing the drinks. Riku smirked, eyeing her up and down. Hmm...he wondered what time she got off her shift...

"Um, what are blow job shots?" Sora asked as he watched Shiki pour Kahlua and Bailey's Irish Cream into six shot glasses. She quickly topped them all off with whipped cream.

"There ya go!" She smiled, "have fun."

"Oh, we will," Riku winked. He said to Sora, "watch me." Riku took his drink and placed it in front of him. Then he leaned down, carefully wrapped his lips around the rim of the glass, and lifted his head up and back, gulping down the liquid as his friends cheered him on and whistled.

"That's a blow job shot," Riku took the glass out of his mouth, "alright little piggies, time to follow the leader. Drink."

"Don't have to tell me twice," Lea snickered. Everyone did as Riku did, swallowing their shots without using their hands. Luckily, the glasses were small, so no one had any trouble.

"What's another drink we can have?" Yuffie asked, wiping some whipped cream from the corner of her mouth.

"Deep throat!" Lea shouted.

"What is your preoccupation with oral sex tonight?" Leon shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"So I like drinks with Kahlua in them, so sue me," Lea rolled his eyes, "plus, it's fun to drink with no hands."

"Sounds good to me," Riku said, "but before that-anyone up for another shot of tequila?"

"You still buying?" Paine asked Riku, raising a dark, slender eyebrow.

"Naturally."

"Tequila it is, then."

"Did I hear someone say 'tequila'? I can provide!" Shiki popped up to the group again.

"Thanks, Shiki," Riku smiled, "make them double shots! And after that, can we get six deep throats?"

"Ooooh, we feeling naughty tonight, Riku?" The bartender grinned.

"You know it..." Riku gave her a seductive smile and winked at her again. She giggled and cleared off the counter, preparing six more shots.

"I'll put it on your tab," Shiki said as she lined up the filled glasses in front of the group, and Riku nodded. He fished around in his wallet for a small bill and placed another tip into the jar near him. He could honestly care less what his tab was going to add up to at the end of the night. At this point, he just wanted to be so drunk that he would not be able to remember this night's events the next day. Bring on the inebriation!

"Ready?"

Everyone nodded, though Sora seemed a little apprehensive. Riku could not blame him. He did not like the liquor as it was, and now they were about to consume a double shot of it. However, Riku was a little too buzzed at this point to really sympathize with the younger man.

"Okay. One tequila! Two tequila! Three tequila! Floor!"

"Five tequila! Six tequila! Keep 'em coming! More!"

Everyone who knew the rhyme (which turned out to be everyone but Sora) finished it for Riku, before they all downed their drinks. Sora tried to do the same, but ended up coughing halfway through swallowing. He set his shot glass down, and Riku patted his back as he waited for Sora's coughing fit to end.

"How do you guys do this?" Sora gasped, trying to catch his breath.

"We've had a lot of practice!" Yuffie chirped, "Don't worry, Sora! You're only twenty-one, you'll get the hang of it eventually."

At the mention of the number "twenty-one", a bolt of pain shot through Riku's chest, but he ignored it.

"I doubt it..." Sora took his shot glass and drank what what left of his drink, "what's next...?"

"Six deep throats, just for you!" Shiki giggled as she handed out the shots.

"Yay," Riku took his glass, and did the same thing he did with the blow job shot. Look mom, no hands!

"Next," He laughed. He needed more liquor.

"You sure about getting drunk again this week, Riku? You're gonna have a huge headache in the morning," Sora looked at his best friend with a worried expression.

Riku did not meet his deep blue eyes. Instead he looked away and shrugged, not saying a word. A massive hangover in the morning was just what he needed. Any other pain he could bare. He just needed to keep the pain in his heart from tearing him apart. Anything to keep his mind off of...her. He glanced over at his friends, glad that they did not notice his lack of response. They were all too busy ordering other drinks. Except for Paine. When his aqua eyes met her red ones, he felt a shiver go through him. The look on her face told him that she knew. She knew why he was doing this. She knew why he was trying to drown his sorrow.

"Okay! Who wants to act like idiots on the dance floor?" Riku asked, briefly ruffling his silver hair. Thoughts of "her" were coming back. He needed another distraction. He needed to forget.

"Not me," Sora grimaced, "I'll end up injuring someone. My dancing is atrocious..."

"Maybe in a few more shots, I'll join you," Yuffie said, grinning, "I'm not quite drunk enough yet."

"I don't dance," Leon looked off to the side.

"I'd go, but I don't want you grinding on me like you did the last time," Lea laughed, "apparently your sexual preferences become a little more fluid when you're wasted."

"Aww, come on!" Riku looked disappointed, "I don't want to go out there by myself. What if I get felt up by some pervert?"

"You know you'd like it," Sora snickered.

"I'll go with you," Paine said, standing up from her stool, "the dj's actually playing good music right now."

"Yes! Thanks, Paine," Riku smiled. He knew she would be up for it. She always was. He held out his hand in a rather gentlemanly fashion, and Paine laughed, placing her hand in his.

"Hey! Don't get too grabby out there," Leon frowned, concern clear in his steel-blue eyes, "you're touchy when you're buzzed."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry, Leon, your sister's in good hands," Riku said before practically dragging Paine out onto the dance floor. They made their way into the center of the throng of bodies, and there Riku let himself get lost in the music. Paine was right, the dj's selection was nice tonight. He held his friend close as he swayed and moved, closing his eyes and letting himself go. No thoughts in his head, no worries, no heartache. Just the pounding of the beat in his chest and the bodily contact of those around him. Paine wrapped her arms around Riku's neck and murmured something in his ear, but he did not hear what she said.

Nor did he care as she pressed her lips to his neck. She kissed and sucked on his pale skin as she ground her hips into his. The drinks she had consumed were now clearly getting to her, otherwise she would not have been acting this way. Riku was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol as well. He lolled his head back, allowing Paine to bite his adam's apple. He felt his body heat up from the kisses, and that made him a little dizzy, but he did not care. He felt so good right now and he did not want the feeling to stop. He felt good being with her. His hands roamed up and down Paine's sides and the small of her back, his fingers tingling at the sensation of the bare skin of her midriff. He opened his eyes and looked down at her, and she stared back. She reached up and caressed his bottom lip with her thumb, and he leaned in. Before Riku knew it he was kissing her, bringing her closer to himself.

To hell with Leon. Paine had done this with him before, on two occasions when it was just the two of them hanging out and getting wasted. She did not have to say anything to him, and he never had to tell her a thing. She knew what Riku was going through right now, and that was why she was doing what she was doing. She wanted to comfort him. Riku needed all of the comfort in the worlds right now, even if it only lasted a moment.

Paine released Riku's neck, only to slide her hands up under his black, v-neck shirt. She reached around under the garment and pressed her palms flat on his back, her hands moving upwards as she caressed his soft skin. Riku migrated his lips from Paine's mouth down to her neck, and his hands lowered to grab her backside. He could just barely hear her moan, but that sound caused a spark of arousal in him. He wanted her. He needed her.

"Let's go get another drink," he said in her ear. She nodded, and Riku grabbed Paine's hand, leading the dark haired beauty out of the crowd and back over to the bar where his friends still were.

That was how a better part of the night went. Riku and Paine would drink, then go out on the dance floor together, occasionally accompanied by one or two of their group, only to be back at the bar soon after. It all blended together in Riku's mind, the night's events. But before long, Paine and he were off by themselves in one of the darkened hallways of the club, away from the noise. He had her pressed against the wall, hands in the back pockets of her black skinny jeans as he held her hips close to his. He kissed her passionately, nipping at her lower lip before slipping his tongue inside of her mouth. She sighed in pleasure, again wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her fingers in his silver hair. She tilted her head when Riku again moved his lips down to her neck, biting and sucking on her skin. She gasped when he bit down particularly hard.

"Hey...Riku..." Paine moaned, "it's gettin' late...wanna go back to your place...?"

Riku pulled away, looking at his friend. He studied her. Paine's face looked so much like...hers. But her hair was not long and red. Her eyes were not lavender, and they did not have that same playful sparkle. Yet, she was close to him and willing to be his comfort. He could not go home alone tonight. He needed her right then, and she knew it.

"Yeah..." He leaned down, kissing her again.

"Let's go."

It was three-thirty in the morning, and Riku was still awake. He laid in his bed. Paine was beside him, naked under the covers and passed out, laying next to him with an arm rested on his stomach. She slept deeply, unaware of the outside world. He looked down at her as he stroked her arm. Her ashen hair was messy, and her eyeliner was slightly smudged.

The two of them had sex.

Again.

It had ended up this way the past two times he had been out drinking with her, but it was the first time they had split off from their friends to engage in their explicit activities. They had not ditched them. They still had enough sense to let the group know where they were going before they left the club. They had walked back to Riku's apartment, holding hands and laughing at the stupid things that spilled unfiltered from their drunken mouths. Then they were in Riku's bedroom, and suddenly saying stupid things was not as appealing as taking each other's clothes off.

Once again, before Riku knew it, their bodies were intertwined, sliding against each other under the sheets. Paine moaned, and writhed, and gasped. She held him tight as he was beside her, on top of her. She did everything he needed her to do, and was everything he needed her to be...but somehow in Riku's heart, it was still not enough. Not tonight. Afterwards, Paine had drifted off to sleep in Riku's embrace, but the silveret could not let his dreams take him.

It was all Kairi's fault.

He pictured the young woman. He pictured her shining, lavender eyes, her cherry red hair that reached her chest, her soft, pale skin, her kind and loving smile. He pictured her waking him up in the morning with a surprise breakfast, and cuddling in his lap as they watched movies in the living room late at night. He pictured her laying underneath him in bed, biting her rosy lower lip as a blush graced her cheeks. He pictured her crying as he bent down on one knee to present to her not only a paopu fruit, but a ring as well. He pictured her, as perfect and beautiful he remembered her...

Riku felt tears well up in his eyes, and he closed his lids in an attempt to keep them from falling. When he felt the burning sensation go away, he opened them again. He sighed.

I need a smoke...

Riku sat up slowly so he would not get dizzy and reached down for his pants and boxers. He put them both on, then kneeled down where Paine's jeans laid on the floor. Out of one of the pockets he retrieved a metal case of cigarettes, and from another, a lighter. He knew Paine would not mind. He was not a habitual smoker, but right now his nerves were bad and he needed a nicotine fix. He walked out of his bedroom and over to the balcony door, sliding it open and stepping outside. He took out a cigarette from the case and lit up, inhaling the smoke to allow the nicotine to enter through his lungs. He exhaled a shaky breath and placed the lighter and case down on one of the chairs next to him. He looked up at the moon in the clear sky.

It had been two-and-a-half months since his fiance died in a fatal car accident, and Riku was still not over it. He could remember going to her funeral and staring down at her casket. Kairi had looked so peaceful, nothing in her face to indicate her violent demise. He remembered hearing her last words to him. She had said, "I love you." He would always remember holding her at the hospital as she died in his arms.

He remembered everything, the good and the bad, and the memories were tearing him to shreds. No matter how much he drank, how much he partied, or how much he slept around, he could not forget her. She was everything to him. When would the agony end? When would he get any semblance of peace? When would Kairi's memory stop haunting him?

She was too good to die, especially at her age. Twenty-one was too young to go. Riku missed her so much, and there was no way to numb the hurt. Even when he was with Paine, the anguish still lingered. She would try her best to comfort him, but it only ever worked for a little while. He felt so alone...

Riku felt the tears well up again, but this time he did not fight them. They spilled down his cheeks, unrestrained. He fell back against the balcony door and slid down to the floor, burying his face in his hands. No sounds came out of his mouth, but his tears flowed freely, running down his cheeks and dripping down from his chin. The pain in his heart was unbearable, and it was all he could do to not start screaming at the top of his lungs. After a minute of silently crying, he looked back up at the sky, his silver bangs hiding the pained expression of his aquamarine eyes. He brought his trembling hand up to his mouth and took another long drag of his cigarette, exhaling a few seconds later.

What was the point of going on if Kairi was not there with him...?

Riku sat in silence, smoking his cigarette as he let himself get lost in the dark forest that was his thoughts. He finished off his cancer stick with one more drag, then stood up and flicked the butt into the air. He watched with a dazed expression as it dropped to the street below. He went back inside, closing the sliding door behind him. Suddenly, he was very, very tired. He slowly walked to his bedroom, removing his pants and climbing back into bed. Paine was still asleep, laying on her side and now facing away from Riku. The sheets were low on her hips, revealing the curves of her figure. Riku got under the covers and pressed his body against hers, throwing an arm around her waist. Her body heat comforted him, but only a little.

Riku looked over her shoulder at a picture on his nightstand. It was of Kairi. It looked like the picture had been taken while she was laughing, for a genuine grin was on her lips, livening up her face. It was the last picture ever taken of her before she died, and Riku had taken it himself. He stared at it, unblinking.

There was just no forgetting her.

"I'll always love you, Kairi..." He whispered. He closed his eyes and relaxed. It was not long before he was asleep, finally letting his dreams take him away from his pain.

~End.