Sitting alone at your table you sigh softly, your thumb brushing over your husband's cheek on the photo in your hand. It's the photo from the day of your wedding, Jimmy in a black tux, his slightly muscular body visible under his shirt, his dress pants hugging his firm thighs perfectly, and you standing in his arms, head resting against his shoulder, wearing a beautiful white wedding dress, showing off your curves.
It was the happiest day of your life. The day he proposed to you you started crying in joy when he started talking, and you realized what he was doing. He presented you the most beautiful ring you have ever seen. The thought of soon being called (y/n) Novak just made you giddy and excited.
Mrs. (y/n) Novak...
That's what you are being called now, but it doesn't seem to matter anymore. Almost 3 weeks ago Jimmy left for work and never came back. You don't know what happened to him. Of course you went to the police, but they never found evidence that he got abducted. That's good, of course, though it means he left on his own. Did he not want to be with you anymore? He never showed a sign of being unhappy... you are happily married since you were 22. You knew him all your life, started a relationship with 16... and now... it's as if he never existed.
You wipe away another tear that rolls down your cheek.
No matter what happened to your husband, you know you will never be able to love another man. Never are you going to be with anyone else. Not just because you don't want anyone else, but also because you don't just want to replace the father of your children with another.
The first day you met him was in elementary-school. You were getting ready, eager to finally be in school, when a boy with dark brown, almost black hair entered the classroom. His hair was sticking out wildly in every direction, and when his piercing blue, but kind big eyes met yours you knew you wanted to befriend him. You quickly waved him over, and even though he was confused as to why some girl he didn't know wanted him to come over, he did so.
"Hello, I am (y/n)!" you said, eager and excited. His lips stretched into a wide smile.
"I'm James, but you can call me Jimmy." he replied with a grin, his blue eyes sparkling.
On that day you met your best friend. During the years you just got closer to each other, telling each other everything. Every secret, every argument you had with your parents... And when you hit puberty you started to feel more than friendship. You fell hard for the boy you called your best friend, he was kind and funny, and it didn't help that the cute kid you knew turned into a handsome boy.
Even though it always made you joyful when you were around him, somehow it also made you sad, frustrated you. Because you knew, or rather thought, you could never be more than friends. Especially on the day where you cotinued to ask him why he is acting so strangely, and he finally admitted to you he had a crush on a girl.
After that day he started to ask you questions, about how it would be best to approach a girl and tell her about his feelings, how to ask her out on a date or what kind of date he should take her to.
You kept telling him what you'd like for a date, since you don't know about the girl's interests.
"A homemade dinner would be nice. You can ask her to come to your place for a movie date and surprise her with a nice dinner, and after a movie night."
Of course you were sad, because you were sure, no matter who the girl was, she would gladly go on a date with him, but you were also happy to help, because you wanted Jimmy to be happy.
About a week later you were at school again. It was Friday and it wasn't unusual for him to ask you to come to his place. You of course agreed, telling him you will be there in the evening. Back at home you did your homework and changed, getting ready to meet Jimmy.
Once you were standing on his porch you knocked, and when Jimmy opened the door you could see some things were different than usual. His hair was neatly combed, and instead of wearing his usual t-shirt he was wearing a plaid shirt paired with his neatest pair of Jeans.
When he asked you to come in you could hear he was a little nervous. You took off your shoes and he led you into the dinning room.
There, the table was set for two, a little vase with a few roses in the middle. He picked up a bouquet of flowers from a chair, handing it to you with a shy smile.
"Mom said girls like flowers..." he explained, rubbing the back of his neck with his now free hand, while you were now holding the flowers carefully, inhaling the scent, sweet and natural, a smile growing on your lips. "Thank you. These are wonderful."
The evening went on with a nice dinner. You knew before that, even though he didn't cook that often, he was a great cook, and this wonderful dinner just proved it. You talked about different things, of course you practically knew everything about each other, but that didn't stop you.
After that you sat on the sofa, where he already prepared your favourite movies, ready to be put into the dvd player.
It was comfortable, and the longer you watched, the closer you moved together, until you were laying in each other's arms, your head resting on top of Jimmy's chest.
The best thing about this evening was the kiss though. At the end of the last movie you knew you couldn't wait any longer. You had to go home soon... so you kissed him. Gently, your lips pressed against his. You could feel how soft they were, how warm. It was much better than you ever could have imagined. His lips were pressing back against yours, and soon your innocent kiss turned into a make-out session, his hands on your back and in your hair, while yours rested on his cheeks.
You had to wait for too long to do this with him, and he was just as hungry for you as you were for him. You didn't hold back, still kissing long after the movie ended.
But when it was time for you to leave it was hard for both of you to part.
On the porch you were ready to leave when he took your hand to stop you. "Wait a second... I can't let you go alone."
And with that he got ready too, and hand in hand he walked you home. In front of your frontdoor you kissed again, and he didn't leave before you were safely inside.
The next days were mostly spent with kissing, whatever you did, no matter if you were watching movies, doing homework, went shopping or swimming.
Both your parents were happy, his parents saying that they are glad you are his girlfriend because you are such a lovely girl.
Your friends were happy too, though teasing you both that they are glad that finally the extreme secret crushing is over. It seemed, the only one's oblivious to the others feelings have been you and Jimmy.
School went by, you both started working and finally got your own flat when you were 18. Once all the furniture was inside, the first thing you did was 'inaugurating' the flat. On the new bed, the sofa, the shower, the kitchentable, against the wall. Practically wherever it was possible.
It was one of the most exciting times you ever had. It was almost a whole week just spent having sex. You've never known him like this. He as loving, kind, somewhat shy and a little reserved sometimes, but during that week he was almost animalistic, taking and giving whenever he could.
Though you can't say he wasn't good before. Sure, the first times were somewhat insecure, both of you having lost your virginity to each other, but that made it all the more special.
The next years were spent saving for your own house, both of you having decided you want to raise your children in a house with a beautiful garden for them to play in.
Finally on your 22nd birthday he gave you one of the best surprises, one of the best presents.
When you came home after work the smell of your favourite food filled your nostrils and you made your way into the kitchen. There you were met with a familiar sight, one you still remember from your first date.
Dinner prepared, flowers and candles on the table, and Jimmy handed you a wonderful bouquet with your favourite flowers.
By now you were used to him wearing suits and a tie, usually with his trenchcoat on, but that piece of cloth was missing. You actually loved this trenchcoat, even though it looked out of place in this century, he managed to pull off the look pretty well. You don't know how he's doing it, but since the first day he looked adorable and handsome with that coat.
"Happy birthday, love." he smiled at you and led you to the table, pulling out the chair for you.
You started celebrating both your birthdays on the weekend of the following week with your family, so it would be just the two of you on that special day.
Both you were chattering away during the meal, though you could see and feel how nervous he was right then. It was somewhat confusing; you knew he has always been shy, though around you he usually wasn't anymore.
"Jimmy, is there something wrong?" you finally couldn't take it anymore. You were getting worried that there is something bad going on. Maybe he had some bad news and was nervous about telling you about it.
He quickly looked up from his now empty plate, shaking his head. "No, no there isn't. Why would there be something wrong?"
"I just...you seem so nervous. It's starting to worry me, is all." you explained. He just smiled at you softly in return.
He hesitated for a moment, then you can see his arm moving, his hand beneath the table (no he isn't jacking off).
His hand was in the pocket of his trousers, playing with something hidden inside. He removes his hand again, getting up from the table and taking your hand to pull you up as well.
He led you out of the kitchen, along the little hall, though before you enter the living room he covers your eyes with his hand.
"Jimmy, what are you-...?" "Shush, just trust me, dear." he whispered, and you could hear the smile in his voice, though still the nervous wavering as well.
He led you into the room, careful so you don't trip. "Okay... I... I wanted to make this special for you."
He removed his hand from your eyes, and you are met with a sight you didn't expect. All over the room were baloons in your favourite color on the ceiling, though what was stunning you were the photos and little notes wich were attatched to every single one of them with strings. You steped over to the first one, reading the small note attatched to it.
'reasons why I love you: You dazzle me with your smile'
The picture attatched to it was a photo of both of you, smiling happily into the camera. You can remember the day. You were in a bad mood, there was a storm going on outside, you were still living with your parents. It was already getting dark outside, and when you heard a knock on the door you went to open it. You were met with the sight of a rain-drenched Jimmy, holding a bag in his hand. You had just texted him how bad you were feeling right now, and without thinking about it he just got up, packed a few things and came over, in the middle of a storm, just to make you feel better.
You went into your bedroom, out of the bag he pulled a blanket, a few candles and some snacks, sandwiches and fruits. You prepared an inside picknic together.
On the photo you could see the candles lighting up your room.
You looked back at Jimmy, who gave you a shy smile. You felt tears of joy stinging in your eyes and went on to the next balloon.
'You make me feel proud to be your man.'
To this one there was a photo of you in a park, sitting on a bench in front of a little pond. You wanted to feed the ducks there and talked until it got dark.
You went on, reading every note, looking at every photo the balloons offer you.
'You are my lover and best friend at the same time.'
'You taught me how to love not only you but also myself.'
'I love it when you fix my hair or my tie when it is crooked.'
'You don't treat me as your option, I am always your number one priority.'
'I am not perfect but I know you love me'
'With you I can be me- without pretentions.'
'You appreciate me in every way.'
'You have adorable, crazy morning hair.'
You wnt on and on, covering your mouth with your hand as tears of happiness ran down your cheeks. Once you were finally finished with the last balloon you turned to Jimmy, kissing him passionately, kept him close to your body. His arms wrapped around you as his lips moved back against yours.
"(Y/n)... now you know how much I love you. Though, just calling you my girlfriend isn't ennough for me anymore." he whispered against your lips, then he pulled away after another quick peck to your lips.
"I want everyone to see that I am your's, and that you are mine."
He pulls out a small ring from his pocket, and you let out a little gasp.
"(Y/n).. will you make me the happiest man on earth and be my wife?"
For a moment you were stunned. Jimmy, the love of your life, was proposing to you. Your biggest dream of marrying him finally will become true.
"Oh, Jimmy... Of course I want to.!" you cried out happily. You lifted your hand so he could slip the ring onto your finger. Your eyes watered again as you looked down at it, and again you hugged him, almost throwing yourself into his arms.
That night was one of your most passionate ones you ever had. Including honey-moon.
And now...all of it doesn't seem to matter anymore. He is gone. All of it seems as if it was just a dream you woke up from.