My dear wayward son

Disclaimer : I own nothing.

So, this is the letter Seiryu decides to write to Nakago after being concerned over the latter's behavioral problems. Takes place sometimes after that fateful encounter with Miaka in a tent at Hokkan. Read on..

My dear wayward son,

Hope this letter finds you in the best of spirits. (No really, I especially asked Miboshi to deliver this letter to you after you've met with Soi for the night.)

Well anyway, I write to you, with a heavy heart. While many might consider me to be a neglectful parent, I wish to let you know, that I care for you and the rest of my seishi, from the bottom of my heart. Therefore, I hope you can recognize my undying love for you when I say :

STOP FUCKING WITH THE SUZAKU SEISHI !

Ahem. Ayuru, my boy, I know you have had a tough childhood and I know growing up hasn't been any better. But I ask you to persevere. Mostly, because I , being the omnipotent Godhead that I am, can see my own future and yours, either of which does not look too bright, thanks to you.

So, in this letter, I will try to address your various grievances in a rational manner, in the hopes that you will see light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

Starting with your birth. Well seriously, it's not my fault your overeager ( and dearly departed) parents did not stop to think about contraceptives and you were born out of wedlock. Can you blame them though? Look at how many times you bother Soi during any given week. And either way, the ones who ostracized you and your mother all died soon enough. (Yes, I know your mother perished alongside, but I will be subtle and tactful enough to not bring up whose fault that was, in particular). But like I said, they are all dead, so next time you complain to the Heavens for having given you a hellish existence, do keep in mind we have done our best to spread said hellish existence equally and impartially to a lot of others who just died quietly and without fuss.

So far as the emperor is concerned, I know you are going to kill him one of these days. Actually, I know the exact time and date as well, being omnipotent and all that, but that's besides the point. Well go ahead. Not like you're going to listen to me. But I can't help but say that killing the Emperor will just throw the country into irreparable political turmoil and that sort of defeats the purpose of calling me. Not that I don't know what you plan to use the wishes for.

In any event, I tried to make amends for all that by giving you a family. Five brothers and a..- well you and Soi screwed up your chances to have a sister. But whose fault is it that they are all ending up in dire situations even as we speak.

Let's start with the poor, rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth adorable little carnivorous wolf-boy. Did you get him from the circus/pet-store just so you could whip the daylights out of him? And don't give me crap about him being ill-behaved. I do remember giving you the divine scroll on puppy care, which my heavenly sources tell me, has ended up in the trash can in your study. (Return that scroll, by the way, as without it taking care of Byakko is a bigger headache than we had anticipated. Apparently, there's only the one scroll on taking care of all four legged nuisances.)

And then you sent the poor malnourished creature to Hokkan without vaccinations. Suzaku spent the whole of yesterday whining about the loss of his only cross-dresser seishi, who was apparently mauled to death by your brother. While personally, I couldn't give a shyt about that pink chicken or his effeminate seishi , but honestly thanks to you, it is a huge fiasco going up here. No one can set foot out of their rooms without fear of being eaten by that ill-mannered tiger. And Suzaku has taken up drinking to drown the sorrow of the failed love stories of his various seishi. But Byakko refuses to eat Suzaku unless we provide a grill to barbeque that wretched chicken in. What a useless animal. I suspect the only reason I haven't heard anything from Genbu yet about Tomo's misadventures with the Suzaku priestess in his dessert terrain , is because that turtle is too lazy to get out of his pond and come and discuss how incompetent seishi are, in general. Not that, that's any reflection on you, my dear boy, you were always the paragon of over-achievement, right from the beginning.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about your social skills. Which brings me to my next question : Why was it necessary to screw around with the Suzaku priestess? How dare you complain about how you were treated as a child if you were going to mete out the same treatment to some other underage kid. And pretending is just as bad as actually doing it. Here's a little prophetic hint . That boyfriend of hers is going to make you regret it soon enough. (Well in another twenty episodes or so.)

I had no complaints about Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum. That is, till they met you. On a side note, feel free to whip Amiboshi back to his senses. That little Suzaku loving screwball. I guess, it is my fault for giving him the flute. But I had no idea, that instead of bringing in death and despair with his music, he was going to use it to serenade the enemy. #$%

Suboshi is a willful brat. You know how they are. At his age, you committed patricide. So yeah, see if you can instill some discipline into him. But whatever you do, keep him away from the priestess. I can't pretend I am terribly fond of her and if Suboshi dares to play my meal before the summoning, I will be even less inclined to touch her and you can then forget your three wishes.

And Miboshi. Well, what can I say, that one is totally my fault. Next time, I will definitely do a background check on all interested applicants for his role. Make do with him for now, he's going to kick the bucket very soon.

Tomo surprises me, honestly. And his sense of color is atrocious. But well, I am expecting him, any day now. On that note, the twins were my biggest failed investment ever. Can't wait for Tamahome to do the needful.

I like Soi. She's very loyal to you. I don't think she gives a damn about anything else, including my own divine self. But oh well. I also think that girl has suicidal tendencies. Keep her away from shiny, sharp objects if you know what's good for you.

By the by, I know you secretly summon Tenkou in my temple. I will pretend to let that slide because we are so short-staffed at the moment. Ask him what he does to his hair though. My scales are beginning to look lackluster, what with all the hypertension I have to deal with, because of you.

Honestly, raising seishi seems so much trouble these days, we will just do lucky draws next time around. Pick three wishes at random and get it over with, you know. Less hassle.

Well off you go. Your mother has asked me to remind you, to bring back her blue earrings on your way up.

If for some reason, you are consigned to a warmer climate postmortem, courier it.

Here's to wishing for your long and healthy life ( #LIELIELIE )

Sincerely,

Your very loving parent who is going to kick your butt to yesterday if you don't clean up your act soon.

Sorry, I desperately wanted to write a parody. But this didn't turn out even half as funny as I hoped =(

Oh well. Review?

I am also really working on Acceptance, expect an update within the next few days.