Quote The Hawk: Give Me More
Note: I wanted to do this one first as a way of rekindling the Animorph spirit (or whatever you call it).
If you remember, this is the one where Tobias goes on a sugar rush, so watch out! Remember to read and review! (Note: Don't be confused by the name change. I am still Ultra Mike, just powered up now).
(Scene: Tobias is in his meadow at night, asleep. Then we see inside his dreams to find the Animorph chasing after a mouse).
Tobias: Come on, Mousie! Don't be afraid! All I'm going to do is tear your guts out and eat em! Hahahahaha! (Suddenly, a female red tailm hawk is on a branch).
Female Hawk: Keerrow! Keerrrrrow! {Translation: Hey, Handsome, what's up?}.
Tobias: (Stops focusing on the mouse and on the female. Eyes pop up and says:) Keerow Keerow Keerow Ke- {Translation: How about you and me-} (The screen then starts to fall about and into a blue background). Hey! I was about to score. (Ellimist seen form appaers).
Ellmist: (In Darth Vader voice) Luke, uh Tobias, I am your father!
Tobias: What the... Hey wait a minute! That is a lie! My father is much prettier then you.
Ellmist: (In normal voice) Then I am your mother.
Tobias: No, you're not.
Ellmist: (In normal voice) So what's your point?
Tobias: It is easy to forget that you are one of the strongest beings in the universe sometimes.
Ellmist: Well, excuse me, Mr. KnowitHawk, but I will be the one asking the Questions around here because I am your father!
Tobias: For the last time, you are not my father. And what do you want? I was about to score!
Ellmist: Uh, I forgot. But watch me do a magic trick (A cape and hat appears on him along with a table. The back of the cape says The Great Ellmisti).
Tobias: Can you leave me alone?
Ellmist: Let's see... I need a volunteer (looks around area for one, finally spots Tobias). About you litttle girl?
Tobias: I'm no girl! Can you not see I am a male red tail hawk! And you already know my name. You said it a minute ago.
Ellmist: What? Susanna! That is a pretty name! And what a pretty dress you have on.
Tobias: Whatever (Flies toward Ellmist).
Ellmist: Now Susanna, step in this box
Tobias: What box? (Box appears on stage) This is getting a little too freaky for me!
Ellmist: Nonsense, Susanna, this box is perfectly safe. The only thing wrong with the Crasto Cybe is that it brought 234,678 people to fates worse then death.
Tobias: I am so out of here! (Starts to fly away, but Ellmist throws him in there). You better have a good lawyer if as much as a feather is harmed on my body.
Ellmist: Don't worry Susanna, I'm a professional.
Tobias: And my name is not Susanna.
Ellmist: Be a good girl and I'll give you some candy. Now for the magic words. Yaja Gasa Timmo Rasta, chip chip chip, Esa Faga Hala Naga zip zip zip. (Box fills with a huge amount of smoke and Tobias walks out).
Tobias: You didn't do any- hey, where's my thought speak?
Ellmist: What?
Tobias: You know what I mean!
Ellmist: Why don't you look at yoursef, Susanna. (Shows him mirror of himself. Instead of regular Tobias, the image is of a tall gorgeous 21 year old woman, with make up, a full red length dress, pantyhose, and high heeled shoes on. Also the breast's are exceptionally large).
Tobias: What the hell did you do to me?!
Ellmist: I only showed what you would look like in 16 years Susannna!
Tobias: You are so dead! (Demorphs to regular form, then aquires the ellmist).
Ellmist: This feels good. Just like in nam 67 with peace love and flowers. (Tobias then morphs to Ellmist multi powerful form in 2 seconds flat (The anger helps)).
Tobias: Now for your death! (Picks up ellmist with a cloud arm and throws him about 3 billon light years across the universe)
(Meanwhile 3 billon light years across the universe), Cyrak is waiting in his Throne Room for Something).
Cyrak: Where is that little blue man? We need to start our game of bridge soon. (Drode walks in).
Drode: Maybe he's out picking up some hot chicks.
Cyrak: He wouldn't do that without me!
Drode: Well you are the ugliest creature in this dimension.
Cyrak: Says who?
Drode: They made a poll about it look (Shows him poll with :Dimensions Ugliest People he is the highest with 98% of the vote).
Cyrak: Who's Idea was this? Was this yours?
Drode: (very scared) No lord and master! It wasan't mine. Don't beat on me (Cyrak transforms into a human like creature with powerful claws and arms. Starts beating on the Drode with a huge punch and kick comibnation, causing the drode to scream out for his metallic momy. Then the ellmist crashes through the roof and lands hard on the floor).
Ellmist: I am here... again.
Cyrak: Hey there Ellmist! (Stops beating up drode) Did you get our fourth in bridge?
Ellmist: No.
Cyrak: No? How could you not? I gave you a full proof plan.
Ellmist: You mean called them your father, make them susanna and brainwash them with a pair or underwear.
Cyrak: I did not say that. It was make them a bother, kick them to Montanna and brainwash them with a pair of underwear.
Ellmist: Whoops! But that is what the Drode told me.
Drode: You just had to say that didn't you? (gets beat up by Cyrak for about an hour).
Cyrak: That made me feel better. But what about our game?
Ellmist: Is it the fate of all time and space one or the one that decides the championship?
Cyrak: The most important one.
Ellmist: The championship game of course.
Cyrak: I guess were calling to have to call Fafal (Note: This the name for the being mentioned in book 26. The one more powerful then both the Ellmist and the Cyrak. I do not know the name of it, so I'm calling him Fafal okay?).
Ellmist: But we haven't called him for 5,980,000 years.
Cyrak: That is because you forgot to pay the phone bill.
Ellmist: Can't we just go to his house?
Cyrak: I forgot where he lives.
Ellmist: That's okay. I forgot how to blow up planets. (accidently fires an energy blast at mars and completley destroys it) Or maybe not.
Cyrak: It's either him or Visser 1, and I am not picking up his Andalite droppings.
Drode: Have you both forgot that you are nearly all poweful beings?
Ellmist: What does that have to do with it?
Drode: Duh. Just use your powers to repay the phone bill and call this guy. I mean anyone with half a dust particle of a brain could have figured that one up. (Gets kneed by the Ellmist several times then whacked in the head by Cyrak. Both then kick him hard in the stomach and give him several elbows in the ribs. They finish the attack with a double punch to the face. Cyrak is basically parazlyed and near death) But you two are dumbasses.
Cyrak: At least we know that 5+2=123.
Ellmist: I thought it was something like 124.
Cyrak: Whatever. Now let's go to Fafal's house (Both run out of room and fly opposite direction of where Fafal's house actually is).
(Back to Tobias, he has finally awoke from his dream).
Tobias: That is at least the eight time he screwed up my dream this month. I hope some comet crashes into his cardboard moon. (Meanwhile, we see two guys on a tree right next to Tobias. They have 10 pounds of sugar, one huge slingshot, and very goofy looking hats).
Guy 1: Dude, got the sugar ready?
Guy 2: Yeah, but why are we doing it again.
Guy 1: I told you a thousand times.
Guy 2: That was what we are doing. You never said why we are doing this. The only time you said something close to an explationwas a whispered murmer cut off by you blowing a whistle. So tell me WHY we are doing this?
Guy 1: Is it not obvious? To build new homes for kids in Africa.
Guy 2: What? That makes no sense.
Guy 1: Shut up man, it will be cool.
Guy 2: It will not be cool.
Guy 1: It will so, now watch and uhhh... watch and ummmm.. watch some more. (Puts sugar in slingshot and fires it at Tobias, who is now flying).
Tobias: (Singing badly and offkey) oh, I'm flyyyying, over the rainnboow, with sooooome finnnne hoo- (is hit by sugar and falls down do the ground).
Guy 2: I told you that would be so uncool.
Guy 1: Well... lets play with a glow in the dark slinkie.
Guy 2: Fine. (Both jump off tree and walk off).
Tobias: (Laying on the ground) What the... I feel like Cahrles Dickens from Batman and Robin, or was that Magic Johnson? Oh no sugar rush! Zippy Wee wee wee hahahha I am Mr Winky la la la la and I love eggs (While he is saying the last sentance, he is flying in a totally unpredictable pattern at over 2,000 miles an hour. Then he runs into a tree) Just like mama brown used to make. (Morphs into Ellmist) Now for some fun. (Blows up tree). Cool, now to use my powers for mayhem and more sugar. (Flies up, randomly blowing something up every 100 feet).
(Meanwhile, the animorphs are in a barn. One thing diffrent is that Jake is on a podium and is speaking into a Microphone).
Jake: Hello? Testing 1,2,3...
Marco: We here you dude, and would you shut off that thing? It's way too loud.
Jake: Shut up, fool. I am the supreme leader the master of all he surveys and... (Static feedback is heard).
Rachel: (Covering her ears) Why did we vote for him as supreme leader?
Cassie: (Also covering ears like everyone except Jake) What?
Rachel: (Louder) I said why-
Marco: What?
Rachel: (Much louder and angrier) I SAID-
Ax: What, What What What What Wh-
Rachel: SAY WHAT ONE MORE TIME AND I'LL RIP ALL 4 YOUR HEARTS OUT!
Ax: (Quitley) What?
Rachel: AHHHHHHHHHH! (Goes over and balsts Jake microphone with a bazooka that suddenly appeared).
Marco: Thanks dude. Jake, why the hell did you need one of those anyway?
Jake: Because I am Supreme Leader.
Cassie: Since when?
Rachel: That's waht I said.
Jake: What?
Rachel: Are you guys even listening to me?
Ax: What?
Rachel: If you guys don't listen to me I'll... (Looks out window to Fred River) I'll jump aff the Fred bridge!
Marco: What?
Rachel: AHHHHHHHHHH.... again (runs out barn and to bridge. Animorphs look and realize that Rachel is not there).
Cassie: Where is Rachel?
Ax: Who cares? I never liked that bitch anyways.
Marco: Dude, when you learn to curse like that?
Jake: Helloooo! Sumpreme Leader talking here, listen or I'll excecute the lot of ye.
Marco: Two things: When were you supreme leader and what's a ye?
Jake: One; we voted on it last week. Two; I have no Idea.
Ax: I knew I should have voted for Tobias. At least he promised free snacks.
Cassie: Jake promised me something better then that.
Marco: I know money, tickets to Eminem and a swimming pool.
Cassie: Ummm... not exactly.
Ax: Free towels?
Cassie: No it was-
Jake: You fools! None of my promises are valid now since I'm breaking all of them.
Cassie: (Mumbling) Lousy politican.
Marco (Mumbling) Tax and spend Democraat.
Jake: I'm republician.
Marco: (Normal voice) Oh well, screw you.
Jake: Order, Order in the courtroom.
Ax: I'll have a boloney cheese sandwitch with some ham and mayo on the side. (Drums are heard).
Jake: Ax, I order you to kill yourself for saying such a bad joke.
Marco: Woah! Since when could you do that?
Jake: It was a joke (waits around for drums) hey! Where are mine? (Bunch of heavy drums fall on him). I really hate puns.
Cassie: Jake, what about the plot?
Jake: Oh yeah. (gets out from drums and pulls out list) okay time for Roll calll. Albert (no response) Alvin (no response) Andrew... (Five hours later, all Animorphs are sleeping on the floor except Jake) Avaleworfsaron (No response). Ax.
Ax: (Wakes up abruptly) Oh um here.
Marco: I think you have the wrong list.
Jake: You think K.A Applegate will make a book called the wrong list?
Marco: No.
Jake: Get it cause.. you know... a list and stuff (Starts laughing, but no one else is heard except a cricket chirping) well same to you! Oh anyway. (Pulls out real list) Ax.
Ax: I already siad here
Jake: Cassie.
Cassie: (sexually) hey baby.
Jake: (Not hearing her). Marco.
Marco: I'm right in front of you Jake.
Jake: Jake (Waits for name to be heard) If I ever find this guy, remind me to slice his throat open.
Marco: Okay.
Cassie: But Jake, your Jake.Jake: I knew it. It must be evil Jake, my twin brother.
Marco: You don't have a brother.
Jake: Well then... Rachel.
Cassie: I think she went to raid a fridge or something.
Jake: Tobias.
Marco: Hey where is bird boy?
Cassie: (Thoughtfully) Maybe he got captured.
Ax: Mabye he's making it with a Hork-Bajir. (Tobias enters the barn from above, breaking the roof, still in Ellmist morph).
Tobias: Here, on sugar.
Marco: That you Tobias?
Tobias: Maybe, or maybe not. But the point is, a want sugar, lots and lots of sugar.
Cassie: First tells us where have you been.
Tobias: Let's see. First I had a dream about beating down the ellmist. Then I blew up half the forest, killed a lot of french people, caused Russia to start war with America, ignite 12 sentnet planets a blaze and pick up some milk. Now where is my candy?
Marco: Dude, just steal some sugar if you want it so bad.
Ax: Oh, and get one of those tapes with naked women on it.
Cassie: Ax, how could you?
Ax: He's the one doing it (points at Tobias) not me.
Tobias: Off I go (Teleports away. Three seconds later, teleports back) Oh yeah. I also threw rock's at Cassie's Grandma-
Cassie: Not nanna! (Runs out of barn and falls int a whole).
Tobias: And but a bottomless pit in her driveway.
Ax: I never liked that hoe anyway.
Marco: Do you like me?
Ax: Yeah. I only didn't like Cassie and Rachel because they had clothes on.
Jake: Quiet! I am Supreme leader and I say- (gets teleported by Tobias to somwhere).
Tobias: Who made him leader?
Ax: I think it was only in his head.
Tobias: Well, time to get some sugar. (teleports himself, Ax and Marco to the Candy Store).
(Meanwhile, Ellmist and Cyrak miracrousley found their way to Fafal's house).
Cyrak: We should have not made that turn at Alberkan.
Ellmist: Then how would we have gotten to Taco Bell.
Cyrak (munching on Taco). Good point (Rings doorbell).
Fafal: (Open's door. Note: He looks like a five foot blue robot with very big hands and feet) What do you freaks want?
Cyrak: We wanted to know if you wanted to play bridge with us.
Ellmist: It's the championship game.
Fafal: I have better things to do... like watch Gilligan's Island. Oh Ginger, your so hot. (Notices Ellmist and Cyrak looking at him) I mean ruling the Universe.
Ellmist: We have Tacos and T.V.
Fafal: Aren't you idiots supposed to be killing each other.
Cyrak: But then how will we paly bridge?
Fafal: No wonder why I hate you guys (teleports them to Cyrak's Throne Room and finds Jake their along with the near dead Drode).
Ellmist: Want to play bridge?
Jake: Sure.
Drode: But master, he is the one who- (Cyrak gives him the people's elbow. Wild applause is heard).
Cyrak: Now shut your whole before cyrak kicks your candy ass.
Tobias: (Teleports in) Someone say candy?
Drode: I hate my life.
Note: If you want a sequeal to this, put it in the review.
The End