Find someone to carry you.

Erwin is at work when he hears.

The Headteacher's PA at his school is a blonde haired, blue eyed young man, moderately tall and slender, and Erwin finds his eyes straying to him often enough to make him guilty whenever his Husband asks him how his day has been. On this particular day, the PA enters the paper-filled, old mug-haunted office and stands in front of Erwin's desk, a large IKEA affair, taking up one wall of the, admittedly large, room.

'Mr Smith?' Comes the nervous voice.

'Mr Arlert.' Erwin replies, not glancing up from the pile of reports he is commenting on and signing.

'I received a phone call a few minutes ago from your home phone number.'

There is silence for a few moments and the hand that is holding Erwin's pen is now gripping so tightly that his knuckles are white with red around the edges, but his face and voice are perfectly calm when he looks up at Mr Arlert.

'Did you speak to Mr Smith or the carer?'

'The Carer, Mr Smith. She wants you to come home, she didn't say why.'

'I see.' Mr Arlert watches as Erwin carefully caps his pen and lays it aside, gathering up his papers and sliding them carefully into his briefcase. 'I will be taking the rest of the day, please inform the governors and let Mr Zacharias know that he is acting in my stead.' He's not moving particularly quickly, and Mr Arlert has seen him pause, going through piles of papers to find what he is looking for, but everything is packed up and ready to go before he has finished his sentence. Carefully, he makes his way to the door and drops the pile of school reports into Mr Arlert's waiting arms on the way past.

'I hope everything is alright, Mr Smith.' Mr Arlert offers desperately, this is the third time in as many weeks that the Headteacher has been called home by his husband's carer.

Erwin turns and regards Mr Arlert carefully, his expression neutral. 'I thank you for your concern.' Before striding through the school's front door and down the path towards the staff car park. Mr Arlert watches his steps speed up for a good minute before he breaks into a sprint.

...

Erwin is perfectly aware of the law.

He is also aware of speeding driver fatality statistics, he has given several assemblies on it, being the headmaster of a combined secondary school and sixth form centre.

However that doesn't stop him flooring the accelerator and doing a speed that he doesn't really want to think about in a thirty zone. He has no excuse, he's not panicking about getting home, it's just a stress release but it's another thing to make him feel guilty, along with his secret attraction to his shy, young PA and his bone deep weariness and frustration with the situation he finds himself in.

Just to increase the feeling of freedom, he doesn't slow down when he reaches the car park underneath his block of flats, choosing to stamp on the brake at the last moment and nearly fling himself though the windscreen.

Composing himself after parking at seventy, he walks up the stairs and stops outside his door, taking a breath and allowing his shoulders to slump for a second as he thinks about everything that he might find when he opens it. After his split second of weakness, he straightens his back and opens the door.

Mrs Maguire is on the other side, giving him the sort of look one reserves for puppy drowners.

'You took your time.'

'I'm afraid I had a few things to sort out at work before I could leave Mrs Maguire.' He says smoothly, because no matter how much this woman tries to out bitch him, she will not succeed while he still draws breath. 'Is there something you wanted me for?' He dreads the answer.

Her expression changes, becoming almost kind as she catches the flicker of defeated fear in his eyes, before his walls go back up and the blue eyes become cold once more.

'Mr Smith had a seizure about an hour ago, lost consciousness and vomited several times.'

'Did you call an ambulance?'

'I didn't need to, the seizure only lasted four minutes and he only had one.'

Erwin bites back his frustration and then swallows the guilt that follows in quick succession.

'Lovely case notes, Mrs Maguire, but it's nothing new and nothing you can't handle.' He says, dropping his briefcase and shrugging off his suit jacket.

The sympathetic demeanour drops and she scowls at him 'If you'd let me finish, I'd explain!'

Erwin rolls his eyes inwardly and opens the fridge, reaching around his husband's bottles of medication for a bottle of water. 'I do apologise, Mrs Maguire, do go on.'

'As soon as Mr Smith woke up, he started asking for you. He wouldn't settle or take his medication until he saw you, god help me, I made the mistake of letting him see the state of your bathroom and now he won't stop cleaning, except to ask if you're home yet.'

Erwin raised a thick eyebrow 'He hasn't taken any medication?'

Mrs Maguire shakes her head as he takes off down the corridor. 'The bathroom!' She shouts after him.

Erwin bursts through the bathroom door and curses himself silently when the man on his hands and knees scrubbing at the floor looks at him in confusion. Erwin drops to his knees beside him.

'Hello, Levi.' No reply 'What are you doing?'

'What does it look like I'm doing arsewipe?' Erwin visibly flinches, Levi's sassy retorts had all but disappeared over the past few months, but had apparently come back with a vengeance. But Levi seems to be only feigning annoyance, as he fists a hand in Erwin's shirt and plants a shy kiss on his cheek.

Levi rolls his eyes at Erwin's expression of surprise. 'Some little shit threw up on my bathroom floor, clearly, I am trying to clean it up.' He says slowly, as one might to a child, waving the container of carpet cleaner and the scrubbing brush.

'Really? How inconsiderate.' Erwin says lightly, because concentrating on his husband aggressively cleaning up his own vomit makes his heart hurt.

'Instead of making stupid observations, you could help me clean this up.' Levi says sourly.

Despite the insults, it seems to be a good day for Levi. Sometimes this happens, Levi has a seizure and it clears his head for a few hours, relieving the crippling ache behind his eyes and allowing him to walk a few yards without falling over. Full of hope, and forgetting his frustration, doubt and lust, Erwin slides his fingers under Levi's chin and makes him look in his eyes. Levi steel grey eyes harden and go cold, like they always have when he is angry.

'Levi, what's my name?'

Levi opens his mouth confidently and Erwin waits for the two syllables to fall. A few seconds pass and the confident looks on both men's faces disappear. Levi furrows his brow, a look of confusion coming across his face.

'Levi-' Erwin starts, worry in his tone.

'I don't remember.' Levi says, quietly, looking him directly in the eye. 'I can't remember your name.'

Both men kneel on the bathroom floor, silently staring at one another, until Levi slowly begins to crawl into Erwin's lap, burying his face in Erwin's shoulder. Erwin carefully pulls him into his arms and begins to rub his back gently. Levi's not crying, they're both beyond crying.

'It's alright.' Erwin says quietly, kneading the back of Levi's neck. 'I've got you. When you can't walk, I'll carry you.'

...

It is later, much later. Levi is curled up in the bedroom/living room, watching Erwin, sat at his desk working. He hasn't even taken off his waistcoat, Levi notices. Suddenly, he sees the lines on Erwin's face, the signs of worry that weren't there before and the soul wrenching boredom sitting there.

'Arsewipe.' He says, as affectionately as he can.

Erwin doesn't even look up, but he does lower his reading glasses to the end of his nose. 'I assume you are referring to me.'

Levi smirks, despite the hammering pain in his head 'Always so prim and proper headmaster, are you going to punish me for my bad grammar?'

'I can't exactly give you a detention now, ca-'

'Are you bored?'

'Excuse me?'

'You heard me, old man, I've got a brain tumour not laryngitis.' The last part is spiteful and Levi knows it, as he watches Erwin flinch slightly.

'I am... weary. I am finding this situation hard to deal with and you, however much I love you, are making it no easier.'

'So... It's me?' Asks Levi, voicing the question that has been buzzing in his head for weeks. Erwin stands up and crosses to Levi so quickly it makes his head spin. He wraps his arms around Levi and presses his face into Erwin's shoulder.

'Didn't I just tell you that I love you? When you can't walk, I will carry you.'

Levi closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Erwin, breathing in his scent.

'You're squashing me, Old man. Have some respect for a dying man.'

Erwin hid a smile in Levi's hair and planted a kiss there. 'You're not going to die Levi, you're going to outlive God, trying to have the last word.'

'You got that right.' He heard coming from his shoulder.

And for that moment in time, they could both believe that it was true.