Title: For Blue Skies
Author: Steffie
Category: One Tree Hill
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Forgiveness is always the hardest gift to give, but also the most precious
Pairing: Hailey/Nathan
Notes: This song was used in the end montage on the 9th episode of the 3rd season. My version of what happened after Nathan and Hailey had sex that night.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and/or songs mentioned in this story. Sue me, and all you get is a bunch of rotten coconuts.
It's been a long year since we last spoke
Hows your halo?
Just between you and I. You and me and the satellites
I never believed you, I only wanted to before all of this
Soft moans, gentle touches, sweet kisses, pure emotion.
Love.
A soft smile crossed her features as she replayed the entire night in her mind. Everything she felt, gave and got in return replayed in her mind. Shivers swept up her spine as she could still feel the linger of his lips on hers, a feeling she hoped wouldn't vanish anytime soon. Her skin was still warm, as if he was still touching her, her breath still a little caught in her throat as if he was still taking her breath away. Her heart still racing as if they were still making love.
Taking a deep breath, Hailey closed her eyes, trying to savor the moment as long as possible. They had finished hours ago and he was soundly asleep, but she couldn't get herself to fall into a slumber. Partly because she still couldn't get her nerves to relax, and partly because she was afraid that when she woke up she would realize that it could have only been a dream. Shifting slightly in her position, she turned to her side to face him. A smile crossed again at the sight of her beloved, though estranged husband.
Propping her elbow on her pillow, her head resting in her hand, she studied his features as she had done many nights before, but this time it was different. She knew that she did this often, but she also knew that this could possible be the last time she was given such an opportunity. Granted, they had sex, but that didn't mean their troubles were over. And she accepted that, even if it broke her heart, she accepted it.
"I missed you," she whispered. She traced a fingertip along his hairline. It felt a bit odd, as she was used to Nathan having more hair. Still, it suited him, but she would rather have him with his old do. Her finger trailed down to his jaw line, and she frowned when she realized it felt a bit tense. She knew he slept with a tight jaw when he was angry or harboring resentful feelings. Not that she could blame him, but it still hurt.
Her fingers trailed further over his lips. Those soft kissable lips. His lips were always the biggest turn on to her. So luscious and expertly used. Hesitating for a moment, she leaned forward and softly kissed him, just lightly as not to wake him. Closing her eyes, she pressed her own lips together, trying to remember the feel of them. "Perfect," she whispered. Taking a deep breath, she sat back again, still looking at him. A tear slipped from her eye, trailing down her cheek and then onto the bed.
She had missed him so much, so much that not only her heart, but her body would ache. As much as she loved her music, her music was nothing without Nathan. Nathan was her inspiration, her drive, her hopes and dreams. Nathan was her muse, and without him she couldn't be a musician. Without him she couldn't be a good person. Frankly, without him, she couldn't be anything, not even herself. She wanted to come back to him, come back to what she wanted, what she needed, and it seems as if she was losing him. It seemed that she was losing her lover, it seemed she was losing herself.
Another tear slipped out of her eye, and she realized that she was about to cry. Slipping out of the bed, she headed to the balcony.
What did I miss? Do you ever get homesick?
I can't get used to it
I'll never get used to it
I'm under that night. I'm under those same stars
We're in a red car. You asleep at my side
Going in and out of the headlights
Could I have saved you?
Would that've betrayed you?
Clad in the little white tank top she was wearing, and a pair of Nathan's oversized sweat pants, she climbed up and the banister. Leaning again the wall, she raised her knees to her chest, resting her chin atop her kneecaps. It had to be well after midnight, as the sky was pitch black decorated with bright shining stars and a full moon. The air was full of the season's scent, albeit a bit colder then usual. Chilly it was, but Hailey didn't seem to care, or notice for that matter. And even if she did, the thought of Nathan was keeping her warm.
Almost instinctively, she looked up at the sky and after a few seconds she gave an embarrassed giggle. Ever since that meteor shower she and Nathan had experienced a few months back, she kept looking up at the sky in hopes of another one. "Memories," she thought, placing her chin atop her knees.
Memories.
The only thing that seemed to calm her aching heart at the moment. Granted she deserved the treatment she was getting, nobody deserves to have their heart tortured this way. Especially not by the man she gave possession of her most fragile organ too.
But still, the memories seemed to lessen the pain, even if it was momentarily. The memories of their wedding used to be her main fix, but ever since having the knowledge that their wedding site had been demolished, she moved on to other memories. Her main fix was now the memory of her and Nathan making love on their balcony in the rain. Any other day she would have blushed at the memory, but now it gave her a contented feeling, a feeling she also experienced hours prior.
More than anything she would love to experience them again and again every time it rained, but she knew it was impossible. Nathan seemed pretty convinced that their marriage was over he didn't have faith in rekindling what they once had. She felt horrible knowing that she was fully responsible for the ridge between them, but she felt even worse knowing that there wasn't anything she could do to fix it. More tears came pouring down her cheeks and pretty soon she started to sob.
"Nathan, I am so sorry," she choked before burying her face in her hands, sobbing as silent as she could while the love of her life lay asleep in his bed.
I wanna burn this film
You alone with those pills
What you couldn't do I will
I forgive you
I'll forgive you
I'll forgive you
I forgive you
Nathan stirred for a moment. Opening his eyes, he waited for them to adjust before turning to the nightstand. It was 5:33 am. Turning to the side, he reached out to the other side of the bed, searching for a warm body. He seemed slightly confused when he realized that the bed was no longer occupied by his wife. "Hailey," he softly called out. He wondered if she left. Did she get up in the middle of the night and go home? But that thought quickly disappeared when he saw that her baby blue jacket and jeans was still on the floor.
Sitting up, he looked around and realized that the balcony door was open. He could make out her form when the curtain blew up from the wind. Getting up, he grabbed a shirt and headed right to her. The air was still rather chilly. Being over the typical overprotected husband that he was, he quickly realized that she was shaking, most probably by the chill in the air.
"Hailey, what are you doing out here? Its freezing," he softly said. Taking a long sleeve shirt from the room, he placed it over her shoulders, and she smiled. "Thanks," she softly replied. She looked at him momentarily and then turned her gaze back to the sky. There was a moment of silence before Nathan decided to break it. "How long have you been out here?" he asked, though he already knew it was a while. "A little while," she confirmed. Another uncomfortable silence fell between them. Nathan leaned against the banister, looking at his feet.
"Look Hailey, about what just happened….," he began, but she quickly cut him off. "You don't have to say anything Nate, I know that this doesn't change anything. I know what I did was wrong and that it is going to take time. I accept that," she whispered in a slightly hoarse tone. The scratchy tone confused him and he looked up in her eyes, and to his dismay he realized that she must have been crying for quite a while, as her eyes were extremely red and puffy.
"Hailey wait," he tried again, but she would have none of it. "But just know that I love you, and whatever happens, happens. I can only pray that things happen the way I would like them to," she softly concluded. He nodded, knowing that what she said was right. Its not that he expected for them to have sex, it happened. Things were getting better between them, but they were still a long way from being even remotely fine. He was just relieved that she seemed to realize that.
Still, the look of her face was breaking her heart. She must have been crying for a while, and her skin was probably numb from the cold. But what was worse that she had a distant look in her eyes, an empty look he know she had when she felt utterly and completely empty.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, and she merely shrugged. "Nothing," she whispered. Nathan looked over the horizon and realized the sun was going to come up soon, as the skies were starting to turn orange. He also noticed the shooting star that just passed. Knowing that Hailey just closed her eyes to make a wish, he closed his eyes to make a wish of his own. After he opened his eyes, he realized that she again had that empty look on her face.
"What did you wish for?" he asked, and a small sad smile crossed her features.
"For Blue Skies."
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
For blue, blue skies
I'll forgive you
The End.