A/N: Hey guys, translotusx here. My second time ever posting a fanfic of any sort.
Now to begin with I am not a writer by any means, I do not think I am but I do have my thoughts and opinions on some topics.
Oregairu being one of them, after reading some fanfics that have inspired me to write my own I want to put my thoughts onto paper.
I'm going to be completely forward here, I did not write this for the purpose of entertaining you guys, it was more or less for my own personal enjoyment as dumb as that sounds so if you do find issues with it, it's not going to matter to me too much.
I will accept any criticism negative or good and would like your opinions on the story.
The story itself is hard to read even for myself. I wrote it in one sitting so I hope there are no errors or major plotholes that pop up after. There are many flashbacks and Hikigaya's thoughts are scattered everywhere.
I apologize if the characters are OOC, though I have tried my very best to do so. Most of the story is vague ramblings and I mean very vague. Names are rarely used so if that's not your thing, I don't recommend reading it.
Nevertheless, I have taken up a lot of your time already and apologize for that, but if you are still here and want to read the story I won't bother you anymore. Enjoy, I guess...?
Edit: Sorry again, rereading it now I came across some small grammatical errors that I'll fix later on if anyone cares, but I'm here to say that I'm going to be using [] to signify a hint or reference to something, just little details that I hope someone got :).
Change.
You could say it's one of the things that people really dislike.
You could say it's the beginning or even the end of something new, whether or not that new something is subjectively good or bad.
You could say all these things and you would still be correct.
These thoughts strike me randomly without any real flow to them and I can't help but wonder what that change could entail under other circumstances. The ending as if it were from a certain video game.
The hero lives or dies based on the actions from the decisions the player. Each action has an effect that brings about some form of change.
Change being that final bridge between the choices/decisions and the cause of the effects of what follows.
Whether or not that so called 'ending' of what we considered as precious and constant was really just that. After all, things aren't usually what they appear.
It's strange isn't it? How we as people tend to perceive the world around us and still grab on to that possibility of the constant, as if it were a guaranteed ledge that we all struggle to grab onto in an attempt to escape the ever changing darkness below us. The same constant as that friend we may have had in grade school and the grade school days in our pure youth.
The constant that we can at first glance appear to rely on but on future notice isn't all that constant as we had initially made it out to be. The constant that we label as an a means to escape from change itself.
Still it's evident that the world isn't that kind to us, however hopeful we are, hope itself isn't sufficient enough for that constant to not be swallowed up entirely by the vast void below that edge.
I've noticed many people throughout my short existence on this earth all either seemingly blissfully unaware of that same void or in a desperate attempt to remain constant, choose to ignore it.
A certain blonde haired, popular, all around perfect guy and the clique that he's commonly with appears to be aware of the possibility of how unstable their situation amongst one another really is.
A simple change could negatively impact their constant atmosphere they've all grown accustomed to and as a result they are, in their own selfish ways, more or less ignoring it and trying to evade it entirely.
The fear of taking that final action/decision is something no one want's to take on, after all it's so much easier to just act as if it doesn't exist in the first place.
Yet... I know that's not possible no matter how strong the desire to remain in the same grey routine may be. I know this first hand.
After all, it was my own attempt to keep what we had constant that ultimately made me realize that change happens whether or not we attempt to deny it.
Looking back now, I can see the obscured selfish intents under the surface level of pathetic excuses I gave myself in a desperate situation to escape from the reality of the situation...
Hey, what is it called when your mind wanders about in it's thoughts and your own eyes appear to be staring off into nothingness?
It's something that happens regularly to me and I know the tip of the word is on my tongue as my thoughts begin to wander aimlessly again.
My inner monologue turns on just as my consciousness begins to ignore my eyes. The words pass by in my mind giving off a vague sense of meaning and I can almost see something.
A faint image of the imaginary but concrete connotations of the very words I myself repeatedly pop up inside my head. A mere second passes, time freezing as my brain works in overdrive.
Ah, I'm doing it again. I really need to focus on the present. Dwelling on the past does nothing for me given my current situation.
Willing myself with a determination that rivals a certain hobbit, I tear myself away from my mind and the hazy, unfocused, atmosphere of it all and attempt to focus on the present.
My senses return to as I bring my gaze to the dimly lit computer screen in front of me. On the overly bright screen reflecting it's own wall of text back at me, I can see a faint reflection of myself.
I look slightly rougher than before, my hair grown out a bit more, and definitely more mature. The face of a hard working member of society. Certainly not something she could shoot me down for.
Thinking back about our back and forth conversations makes me slightly reminiscent.
I almost can't believe it but time seems to slow down when you space out. Ah, so that was the word. The solid numbers on the bottom right of the screen in front of me show a 5:24 p.m. I had initially hoped time would pass faster if I zoned out in thought but upon realizing that only a mere 5 minutes had passed, that realization caused the gravity of the situation to press down upon me.
I gave a sigh and adjusted my posture on the chair below me. It was a leather one, pretty fancy if I was being honest but I couldn't tell if it was real leather or not. My guess was that it was fake because of how cold it appeared to be despite me sitting on it the entire time.
Even so, I could appreciate a company who at leasts gives the thought of working conditions in this hard pressed economy. The computer in front of me was another telltale sign of that as well. If they were willing to at least do that for me, the least I could do was attempt to do my job appropriately. I just couldn't help but to zone out occasionally. After all, it was today...
I had been editing and staring at this document for a while now and I could the strain in my eyes and hands. Glancing away from the screen for a moment, I let my eyes adjust to the sudden change.
The faint hint of ash and coffee hung limply in the air, another sign that it was a common workplace with hard working corporate slave running almost entirely off the energy boost of coffee and the occasional smoker, not that I smoked myself. I could never kill my own body despite how I wanted to commit social suicide back then.
My dear sister of course tells me all the time that drinking it only causes me momentary happiness and the disastrous effects come in afterwards but to that I always respond with how my body has accustomed to it now.
Many years of ingesting said drink has made my body become more efficient with it. It also helps that it tastes amazing. She also tells me it's just coffee with overloaded sugar but I say she can't appreciate how long it has taken to balance the two , it has been done, if I dare say, to perfection. Simple sugary heaven. I am talking of Maxx -
I'm broken out of my own thoughts again, the sounds of a can resonating on my work table. I raise my head to the direction and greeted with the face of Tanaka, my fellow colleague and coworker.
Tanaka had a kind face, the bright blue color of his suit matching his outgoing appearance nicely. I had met him working here a few months before I had started. We had grown to be more than mere acquaintances and he was quite the friendly guy.
I never looked too much into him more, but I could read from his expressions that he was similar to me, just working and making the best of the situation. I conclude my thoughts of Tanaka.
"Ne Hikigaya. What do you say we go out to drink afterwards," asked Tanaka, his face breaking out into a slight grin.
I don't know how Tanaka appears to have the energy to even have the idea of going out until I see the can in his hand and the can on my desk. The bright yellow packaging on the can appears to glow and contrast perfectly to the dark bold letters that say MAX Coffee.
I raise my head again to Tanaka and see him awaiting my response.
"A bunch of my friends and Hiroyoshis' are coming as well," he continued on in his attempt to persuade me.
I briefly consider the option before shutting it down entirely. I'm too tired to be engaging in long conversations right now and I just want to get out of here as soon as possible. I'm certainly not looking forward to the possibility of having to engage in conversations with strangers later.
Even so, I'm already convinced of my verdict long before I had given myself reasons to decline the invitation. Wanting to end the conversation quickly, I nod towards him but avoid his eyes.
"I'm busy tonight," I respond after a brief moment of silence.
"Thanks for the coffee though". If there was one thing I truly loved almost more than my own bed, it was free food. Especially when that free food just so happens to be my favorite drink and something I certainly needed now.
I'm about to move towards the can and grab it when Tanaka pops into view again, his face bearing the looks of surprise.
"Eh? Busy with what?" he exclaims a little too loudly given our current circumstance. His loud voice echoing about the place, I see some heads turning into our general direction.
"Oi, keep it down, will you?" I whisper back to him.
His sheepish face tells me he at leasts has the logical awareness of his action.
"Sorry...So what are you busy with exactly?" he replies back pressing for another answer.
I sigh internally and lean back in my chair slightly, the comfortable back stand of the chair pressing against me. I guess in my own attempt to quickly break down the situation, I have just opened it up to further questioning. Making up my mind I decide to answer him with a half-truth or a half-lie, however you decide to see it.
"I have somewhere to be." I respond vaguely with my eyes closed. Opening them again, I am greeted with the bright shining lights of the ceiling. It momentarily blinds me, the white light striking me as oddly familiar. I can't seem to get a definite answer although it seems to be something I've seen before. It passes as quickly as it comes and I'm pulled out of my thoughts yet again.
"Well, I guess so," Tanaka states, rubbing his chin. "If you can eventually make it we're going to be at BAR until pretty so late so drop by if you can, alright?"
It's just like him to leave it so open ended despite my own responses. I don't mind it however, it seems strange to willingly do so every time. I can't help but think he's gone out of his way to consider me. I fidget slightly before opening my mouth
"Sorry about that, I – I attempt to apologize for the situation but am quickly cut off by Tanaka.
"Hikigaya, it's fine. Don't worry about it," he quickly shoots.
I'm not sure what else to say at this but when I see Tanaka grinning at me, I'm convinced. I give him a subtle nod and watch his receding form away from me.
Turning myself so I'm facing my computer screen again, I crack open the can of heaven before me, the satisfying pop of the aluminum top ringing out and the powerful fragrance of sweetened coffee rises. I take a drink and perk up immediately. Glancing towards the text, I reread the last couple sentences to regain my footing.
It's perplexing how quickly things can fade out of your memory. Just a couple minutes ago I was focused on reading this paragraph and now I only have a small hint of what details and nuances the document contained.
I catch myself rereading the same sentences sometimes just to make sure what I'm viewing is consciously analyzed into actual meaning
Although my job is to be an editor, I've also occasionally written in my free time as well. As such, I'm no novice when it comes to dealing with the so called writer's block.
Reading the paper in front of me, is remindful of my own writing and the struggles that come with it.
Writing can be a scary thing, you're presenting your own ideas and the attempt to communicate your thoughts effectively is a difficult one.
This same fear of being judged poorly is one I'm familiar with as well. I've since overcome it after experiencing it initially.
I quickly realized I don't have the time to be mindful of what other's think of me. It's now how I get through it myself. I force myself to be aware of the decisions I make and ignore the voice inside me telling me otherwise.
I consider myself to be much more reasonable and open to other suggestions than my former self, to the point where some might say, "I'm gone against my ideals", yet I'm still Hikigaya…
I grip the handle of the door in front of me and exit the building with a pull. The cold air outside cutting through the toasty office mood, the two contrasting each other.
The warm office atmosphere that I had grown somewhat familiarized with was cut out and replaced with a cool, chilled one.
My footsteps echoing slightly, the almost peaceful emptiness of the street reminded me of how slow reality might feel. I walk through the parking lot, making my way towards the bike rack. I'm aware of the dull battering against my leg from my bag but ignore it as it doesn't annoy me too much.
Despite the thought of how still it appears to be, the rushing sounds of traffic and vivid lights of shops down the street quickly shatter the image of nothingness and I'm almost wistful of the thought of the still void. It passes by shortly after I unlock my bicycle and begin to pedal away.
I pull out my phone and glance at the time, 6:11 P.M. After many days of riding my bicycle, I have become proficient in the arts of skilled bicycle riding, after all I am now able to effortlessly maneuver my bicycle with no hands, a skill I'm now glad to have learned.
Pocketing my phone, I make way towards my apartment somewhat aware of my surroundings as I do so. I'm more lost in thought, the golden-orangish light bellowing out in front of me [1]
It's skewed light appearing to stretch out infinitesimally, drowned by the horizon and the faint trace of a small clouds create an array of exploding colors. Something out a book...
Her back to us, she begins to talk softly about it. About herself and about us but the trace of something more lingers in air.
The weather is cold as expected, the snow falls around me. Something I've not noticed before, the golden horizon before her especially stands out.
A questioning statement is brought out and yet we all really know what she's asking. The general statements being thrown back and forth only serve as a false image to the real meanings underneath.
Although the statements are vague, I understand what's really being stated. I can feel the reflexive nature to avoid the situation rearing it's ugly head. I struggle to keep it down.
All of us there however understand this all too well. We all know it's general to be general, we know the indirectness of the situation serves as what it appears to be because we all know the alternative to this.
This feeling running through me must be similar if not the same to a clique I just so happened to constantly internally criticize and judge.
When in fact, I as a victim of my own judgements. Knowing what could happen otherwise, we all dance around the issue at hand and grab onto the ledge as if we were hoping for it to not come crumbling down.
It's when she drops the bomb, that I let go of that edge. Of course the vague direction in which it's brought up is another attempt to defuse the actual intentions underneath but I know we can all see through it. I know she does as well. I know she knows that we know and yet we all still struggle to avoid it.
I can see in her eyes the lengths at which she wants to go to meet her proposal but I can't bring myself to run against my own ideas when it's all I've ever stood for.
It's nothing more that an illusion, the same superficial relationships that all resemble one another, the same grey routine.
If I were to let the proposal go through and accept it, it would certainly be the easiest way out of the uncomfortable situation we've come to.
This is not the so called change that I would welcome. Ultimately it is a change that would be nothing but deceit. A change that questions our own morals. It would certainly be easy to let this go by, acting is if it's no big deal. I had done it before but however, if I were to accept this change in this situation, it wouldn't be genuine, it'd be lying to myself and to her...
This is the reason why I ultimately decide to reject her proposal. I follow it with my own justification through my clenched teeth and balled fists.
"She needs to be independent enough to solve her own problems". After all, it's nothing but fake appearances. I try to contain the overflowing emotions swirling in my throat and glance at the sight before me.
I briefly turn away from the heavy situation, the stark contrast between the golden light and the dark clouds above me almost seem to laugh at me.
I'm now aware of just how agitated I was getting. I take a puff of the crisp air, the scent drawing me into its weightlessness similar to the snow falling around us. I loosen the grip in my hands and relax my posture, the tension slipping away from me.
They both turn to face me now, but I am living this brief moment of suspension. After it passes I find myself wishing it wouldn't.
They await me to continue but I'm not sure what else to say. I just try to put into words my own feelings despite how hard it may be.
Yuigahama Yui was a nice girl as I so selfishly labeled and Yukino Yukinoshita was a strong woman, the pedestal in which I placed her upon.
A painful choke resonates in my throat but I swallow it and continue…
I arrived at my apartment shortly after, breathing slightly heavier after pedaling up the steep hill at the last leg of the journey home.
The black gate seems to stare at me quietly, as if it were going to suddenly move. Punching in the security code into the pad before me I notice some of its buttons are worn out.
The 1 and 9 appear to be more faded than usual with black traces showing frequent use. Just a keypad whose sole purpose is to be used and then tossed away when it has expired its use. Nothing more, nothing less.
Life wears me down too buddy I joke at it.
A quiet buzzer hums and the light flashes signifying the gate is unlocked. Just in case you were wondering, nothing fancy happens if you incorrectly entered the code into the keypad. No ninjas or men in black suit waiting for you to slip up.
I quickly find myself locking the bicycle up onto the rack.
It was placed off to the side of the large open square I was standing. The apartment structure enclosing the area and the gate that gave access to the space before me.
There was only a small amount of trees and plants, enough to liven up the area. I finish locking up my bicycle shortly after.
Although theft was not a prominent issue around here, I can appreciate having a place to lock my bicycle up.
Its one of the reasons I decided to rent this apartment. That and the convenience of being close enough to bike to work instead of having to drive.
Not that I hate driving in particular, I just find it to be nothing more than unnecessary energy spent worrying about the possibility of coming across careless drivers. One mishap, even if it wasn't your fault could ruin your entire day.
As a result, I have opted for the more convenient style of transportation, my trusty bicycle.
Besides I have become quite accustomed to the pleasant feeling of enjoying a nice bike ride through town even if the goal was to get home as quickly as possible.
I simply liked the peaceful feeling of it. It's something that just appeals to me despite my pessimistic albeit slightly lessened outlook on life. I can't exactly pin why I regard it so, but I guess the toasty feeling and the pleasant atmosphere of it serves a brief reminder to then. I do get the occasional feeling of longing, perhaps it was my own desire for it to be so.
Making my way up the stairs to the 2nd floor, I am greeted with the sight of my plain door. A small rug on the floor beneath with the words, "No place like home".
I could not remember exactly where I had gotten and before I could let my mind wander again I opened the door to my apartment, sliding the door across.
The sliding of that door with many stickers on the tag above it would one day no longer reveal what I had expected. [2]
Then again, can I really say that it wasn't expected? Surely, It must have passed onto my mind at least once or twice, the obvious signs were present as well.
The path I eventually chose when I could no longer delay the inevitable was one that brought mixed emotions.
One of genuity and the other path obscured by false nothings but somehow real to me…
Damn I really need to stop doing that. Snapping myself back to reality, I drop my bag off and walk the hall to my room in order to change.
Grabbing a fresh pair of clothes, I step into my shower and let the water fall onto me.
It's always the initial shock of the cold water hitting my body that reminds me I'm in the present.
The shower water slowly begins to heat up and fall quicker, the droplets of water strike the shower floor randomly.
Pit. Pat.
My feet stand in the pooling recess of water as I observe the swirling wisps of steam rising. They form random shapes and figures and dissipate just as quickly. I briefly consider of making the thought of how these imaginative that are all subjective come and go relative to our life but I drop it.
I stand still and soak it all in. I can feel my body relaxing, the strength to will it otherwise leaving me, my body unwilling to give this up.
I force myself to finish the shower quickly and step out. I'm not one to take 30 minute showers even though I can understand how good it feels to just relish in the moment. However that moment eventually passes so instead of waiting for it, I tend to just end it myself.
Some might view this as a strange course of action, but I can only say that it's much better to bring about some change in a way you have control over it rather than letting change occur itself.
Helplessness is one of, if not the worst, feeling one could have. The sensation of not being able to do anything but watch as everything unravels. Your influence meaning nothing at all…
This feeling really struck me on that fated day. It gripped me with a terrible vice, choking out my voice despite my desire to voice my thoughts.
She and I stared at each other for a moment before I lowered my head.
"That's just like you, Hikigaya. You stayed completely resolute in your beliefs all the way through." she said. Her face was harsh but her tone soft.
I understood perfectly what she was referring to, I always had. I was sure she did too.
I disagreed though. I had certainly changed the way I thought about things even if just a bit. She would never realize just how much she had affected me.
"I-..." I struggled to get the words out, the dark void below me suddenly seemingly larger than ever before threatening to swallow me whole.
If I could just voice my thoughts, why was this so hard for me. Another memory flashed before me but I dismissed it, the gravity of both situations were entirely different and the consequences thereof were also much greater.
My thoughts jump back to the events this morning before the ceremony.
I had arrived earlier than usual that morning, the glimpses of the sun just starting to peek up so it was more of a surprise when I saw her seemingly waiting for me to show up.
I make my way over to her and notice the tinge of rose on her cheeks. What's with this situation…
I fidget slightly and force myself to calm down
"Good morning, why are you here so early". I speak forwardly, the end of my sentence hinting it towards a question.
"She responds back with her greetings, "Good morning Hikki, I was just- I just had the feeling to be ready today, I'm pretty excited you know? What about you?
"I always try to come relatively early, Komachi just happened to forget to feed Kamakura this morning so I was assaulted by that puffball earlier."
"Eh? Your cat woke you up?" She laughs a bit at the thought of this as I grumble for a moment.
From there, the conversation jumped into everyday topics from there and I tried to engage in conversation the best of my ability, after all there was nothing else to be done for a while.
I could go to sleep but doing that would later force me to return to the harsh reality with no safety bell.
We talked about this and that and as a few early students began to pop up here and there, I turned to make my way towards the gathering area but was stopped by a hand pulling on the cuff of my sleeve.
I turned around and raised my gaze to her and gave her a questioning look. She had the slight nervous look on her face and shaking here and there.
"Ne Hikki, could you listen to me for a moment."
"..." I pause in my steps and turn to fully face her as she begins to really speak. About why she's here this early, why she was appearing to have been waiting for me and the reason behind her nervous look now.
I almost gave in to it after the realization of how easy it would be to do so. The thought of would could have been, but under it all I could tell it wasn't what I was looking for. It was that one thing I wanted.
Needless to say, it wasn't that much of a surprise, after all it was expected. And just like her question, the answer to that question and the change that could have been was just that as well, expected…
"I-..." Cut off again by the throbbing images in my head, a voice inside my head spoke to me. Patronizing me, screamed at me not to let her in. To not break down the walls I built up after what happened last time.
I fought it for as long as I could but my self destructive nature and way of thinking only contributed against my efforts.
I could not form a logical reason strong enough to follow through. The monster of logic, that's what they called me. Funny how I too became a victim to it.
My heart exploding with the mixture of emotions bottled itself up in an attempt to dodge the situation. That's what I always did when faced with a task I could not reason through. Avoid it entirely, that's all I've been doing.
"I don't know what you mean…" My voice rings out pathetically in the courtyard, the wind around me, picking up slightly, carried away my words into the pale golden light stretching as far as the eye could see.
A lie. A pathetic one. One meant to avoid the direct change of what could be. One that erased nearly all that could have been. One that I had decided to make. Dodging to the left instead of the right, my hero gets hit and drops to the floor, the red hp bar completely empty.
As such I could not look her directly in the eye, I force myself to find something interesting on the ground below me.
"I see…" She whispers, the wind almost completely blocking out her voice but I can somehow make out her voice. She closes her once and opens them again, the light's shining in them with a renewed vigor.
She stares at me, her eyes piercing through me and for a brief moment I wonder if this was to be expected.
With the trees shaking around, the last of the leaves falling to the ground now a crisp brown, the almost chilly wind tossed her hair about. I glance at the individual strands all branching out providing a stark comparison to the powerful eyes that seemed to demand attention, I could confirm that it was a scene out of a dream.
"Well Hikigaya, as much as I would like to stay here and converse, I have somewhere to be so I'm going to cut this short." She glanced at me her blue eyes twinkling with a faint smile.
"Thank you… and goodbye Hikigaya". She concludes. The echoing sounds of her footsteps grow smaller and smaller and soon I'm left alone in the school courtyard…
Now Yukinoshita Yukino was truly an independent woman.
I'm broken out of my thoughts by the sound of the intercom turning on briefly. Announcing the stations and flight numbers before repeating it for anyone not currently listening or passing by it the first time.
I had just driven here after finishing my shower and having a quick snack. At my table at home I had received an anonymous text from a certain older sister. I find myself walking towards the cafe in the general exit area where there were many people just getting off.
They all pass me by quickly and I can't help but note that's just how meaningless it really is.
The reality of the situation that I had finally grasped after all this time. It doesn't matter in the least.
I learned that are too many things in life to focus on one thing if it doesn't always go your way.
Looking back to my high school self, I could now see how pathetic I truly was. My stubborn way of thinking that ultimately caused might have caused more hurt to others.
I'm always reminded of how weak minded I was and that I was grabbing onto that ledge, hoping for the constant.
Hoping for the same sight to be shown to me every time I opened that door. Trying to escape from the darkness below me, the void of change. Something I now hope to influence.
Remove the feelings of helplessness and the inability to do anything and replace it with a determination to cause change. I had finally learned that in order to overcome change you had to be willing to face the possibility of it.
It was went we all went through back then, the difference between us being that I wasn't willing to do that.
I had struggled to stay on that ledge despite it crumbling down around me and I could blame no one else but myself when I realized that it would all come crashing down and that I would inevitably be swallowed up as well.
I had always looked for that one thing, but was granted with only sights of things that were fake.
The one chance I had to face it, I backed down. I was too scared, chained by the reliability of the status quo and the judgement of the past.
One could say it was real, one could say it was fake. Even so, it doesn't matter now.
As I sit there in that cafe and my eyes catch sight of a certain someone, only a couple feet from me, her long black hair flowing smoothly behind as usual,her eyes, the color of snow, still the piercing blue it was. She still looked almost the same as back then only some parts had certainly, ahem, matured. Her suitcase trailing behind her as she looked at her phone and I could almost certainly guess what she was doing.
Her eyes scanned the place and back to her phone multiple times before I call out to her. I didn't need to shout since we were so close but I made sure she would hear me.
"Yo…" My voice rang out in the cafe.
She turned towards me and the surprise was evident in her gleaming eyes.
"Hikigaya-kun" her flowy voice is soft and yet in all the noise around us I was able to zone it all out. I was sitting down on the table and she was standing there. Just the two of us there in our bubble despite the constant commotion and shuffling of others boarding their flights.
I take a sip from the brown mug before me, a gift, etched with white colors resembling that of a dancing bear and the bitter taste of it brings me back again to reality.[3]
I had made up my mind, I shut down the inner voice inside me threatening to show itself again. Not this time.
I would welcome the change this time.
As I looked at her face, the soft features convincing me, I was no longer scared, no longer scared to welcome the possibility of change, the growing void below me, I let go of that edge and stepped into the light of the future.
From that one day, I had been thinking of it constantly.
The lies and false nothings that were spoken in order to keep it constant. The fakeness of it all was disgusting. Instead of standing by and letting it crumble I intended to break the wall by own actions this time.
Although I'm no longer worrying about real or fake, although I hope it could be that one thing I wanted, something genuine, truthfully I no longer really care, the important thing is the opportunity has been given to me once again.
The same feelings that I get every time I slide open that door and marvel at the sight before it, rise from the dark corners of my heart and swell up. I could never get bored of that sight, as if it were from a dream.
Instead of thinking about the past and what could have been, what might have been,
I find myself thinking of something else now.
What could be.
Our situations reversed, I feel the hint of a smile tug at me lips as I say, "Would you like some tea, Yukinoshita?"
A/N: Thanks for taking the time to read this, I appreciate it.
If you have any questions regarding the story and what it really meant/what happened. Shoot me a PM, it's the easiest way for me to get back to you unless you want an essay as a review XD.
If you are wondering about the continuation of this, I'm sorry to say but it's most likely not going to have any sequels. It was meant to be a one-shot and to be honest, I've ran out of ideas for the meantime...Thanks again.