Insanity 505 – Star Trek meets Rebecca Angelheart!
By TempestXtreme
Disclaimer: I own only Rebecca Angelheart ^_^ Glad I own her too!
Rebecca was pondering just what she would make for supper (she was the queen and had her own personal chefs, but she loved to cook so she hardly ever used him), when Q appeared.
"I think I'll play a game with you," he said, grinning.
Rebecca calmly picked up a frying pan and slammed it over Q's head, giving him a concussion. "No."
Q, being the super-being that he is, didn't care about the concussion and continued to bug Rebecca. "But it'll be fun!" he said. "Well, for me at least."
Rebecca ignored him and went back to her cooking. Q, however, continued to bug her about this little game. "It's nothing too dangerous," he said. "I'll just pit you against the Borg!"
Rebecca calmly put the cookbook that she was reading down and looked at him just as calmly. Then, without ever losing her temper (if she had done that the castle would be levelled in seconds), she calmly fireballed him.
"No." With that, she went back to her cooking.
Q, however, decided that he would just play his game anyway. With a snap of his fingers, he caused Rebecca to disappear and reappear in the middle of a war zone.
"Great…" Rebecca said, before pulling a book out of a portal and sitting down in the middle of the battlefield and reading – yes, reading – her favourite fantasy novel: Dragonlance – Draconian Measures. She was almost done reading when a Borg Drone walked up behind her and stated in a deadpan voice:
"Resistance is futile!"
Sighing, Rebecca calmly closed her book, stood up and turned to the Drone. "Oh really?" she asked. "FIREBALL!"
Once the Drone was singed and twitching on the ground, Rebecca sat down again and started to read again. She had just finished the book and had put it into a sub space storage portal and was about to walk off of the battlefield when a couple of dozen more Borg Drones surrounded her. Oh great. "Let me guess: Resistance is futile?" Rebecca asked. She was actually getting quite annoyed now. When the Drones started to close in on her, Rebecca sighed raised her hands. "You asked for it. Darkness beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows. Buried in the flow of time... In thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness! Let the fools who stand before us be destroyed by the power you and I possess! Dragon Slave!"
Rebecca calmly stepped over all of the crisp-a-fied bodies and walked through the battlefield, fireballing any Borg that tried to attack her.
Finally, a single Borg Drone attacked her from behind. Now thoroughly pissed off, she picked up the remains of what appeared to be a tank of some sort and slammed it over the Borg's head, hard.
*-*-*-*
Meanwhile, on the Starship Enterprise…
"Uh, Captain, I am picking up a single life sign on that planet," Data said. "That planet is currently under attack by the Borg."
"Can you get a lock on that life sign?" Picard asked.
"Yes, Captain."
Picard pressed that weird little communications unit on his uniform and contacted the Transporter Room. "Picard to Transporter Room Three. We've locked onto a life sign and we need to beam it up."
"Affirmative, Captain," came the reply. "Energising now."
*-*-*-*
Poor, poor 'O Brian, he never saw it coming. Then again, Rebecca was kind of shocked when she was suddenly transported into a strange room with a strange man staring at her. So, she acted on her reflexes…
"FIREBALL!"
BOOM!
"Whoops."
Worf, who had been waiting with a security team, acted quickly. "Get her!"
"ACK!!" Rebecca suddenly found herself confronted by six armed security guards. "Whaaaat? I didn't mean to fireball him!"
When they aimed those phasers at her, she glared at them. "Point those things somewhere else! I haven't had a good day! First that idiot Q sends me onto the middle of a battlefield where the Borg attacked me, and now I'm confronted by a bunch of sci-fi REJECTS!!!"
"Picard to Lieutenant Worf. What's going on?! The entire ship just shook!!"
Worf blinked. "I think we may have a problem, sir."
"What kind of problem?"
"…A psychotic human female."
"…Damn."
"'Psychotic human female'?!" now Rebecca was pissed. "Source of all power, light which burns beyond crimson, let thy power gather in my hand! Fireball!"
She tossed the full-power fireball at the shocked security team, sending them all out of the room, singed and blackened. Then, she stepped over the twitching security team.
*-*-*-*
"Oh…a holodeck!" Rebecca grinned evilly as she programmed the computer and then went inside to wait…
*-*-*-*
"She's in holodeck three!" Worf said. He entered the holodeck and just stopped. "What is this?!"
They had stepped into what appeared to be a room full of mother in laws.
They all ran off screaming.
"Computer, halt program."
The simulation ended and Rebecca stood in a corner, cackling like a madwoman. "What a bunch of wusses."
She walked out of the room and went to the turbo lift and got on. "Bridge."
The computer acknowledged and took her to the bridge. She stepped out of the turbo lift and looked at the bridge – and at the large Borg Cube that was on screen. "Ooh…fun!" Rebecca cackled as she opened a portal to the area where the space suits were kept, suited up and went outside. "THIS IS FOR ATTACKING ME!!" she raised her hands, an aura of power surrounding her. "Darkest night, reddest blood, deepest void! I call upon thee, oh powerful Lord of Nightmares! Grant thy awesome power in my hands! Grant me the power to vanquish our foes!! OMEGA SLAVE!!!"
The entire Borg Cube was hit by the spell of mass destruction (that Rebecca created by combining the powers of the Dragon Slave and the Giga Slave) and blasted apart.
"Ha! Never mess with the Shamaness!" Rebecca did a little victory dance on top of the ship.
*-*-*-*
Picard stared at the screen. "What happened to the Cube?!!"
"Captain, sensors are picking something up on top of the ship," Data said.
"Well, somebody get up there and see what it is!"
*-*-*-*-*
Rebecca halted her victory dance when she saw Worf walking up to her in a space suit. "Hi Worf!" she grinned and waved at him. "What are you doing up here?"
Worf glared at her. "YOU!!"
Rebecca plastered an innocent smile on her face. "Me? What about me?" she asked, smiling innocently.
He twitched. "You've been nothing but trouble ever since we beamed you aboard!" he said.
"Your point being?" Rebecca grinned at him. "You can blame Q. He's the one that planted me in this dimension."
"Q?!"
Rebecca grinned at his rather catatonic state. "Might as well get him inside," she said as she opened a portal underneath the Klingon, sending him directly to the bridge. She grinned as she followed him, and she burst out laughing when she saw just whom the catatonic Klingon had landed on.
"So Picard!" she said with an evil grin, "when's the wedding?"
Before Picard could answer, Rebecca vanished.
"Where did that woman go?" he asked.
"She does not appear to be on the ship," Data replied.
"Well, where else could she be?!"
"I do not know sir."
"Oh, just forget about it. Mister Crusher, get us out of here."
"Yes, Captain."
*-*-*-*-*
"Now, Rebecca…" Q began. "Wait! No!! Put that…"
POW! SMASH! WHAM!!
Now that Q was unconscious on the floor, Rebecca calmly put the motorcycle down and went into the kitchen and finished making dinner. Tempest walked in and gave her a hug from behind.
"So, anything interesting happen to you today, Becca?" he asked.
"Nah…" Rebecca replied. "Nothing out of the ordinary…"
The End…for now! BWAHAHA!!