She is in a strange room in a strange place and she feels nothing.
• • •
They tell her that District 12 is gone. To everyone's surprise, she starts laughing, shrieking hysterically. When they leave, she silently falls to her knees.
District 12 is gone.
• • •
No one tells her that Peeta is taken. Instead she learns the truth from a Capitol propo being broadcasted from every screen. The greatest shock isn't knowing that he is alive, the greatest shock is just how much he looks like Snow up there.
When the screen goes black, no one looks at her, instead choosing to stare at the ground. Silently, she stands and leaves the room.
• • •
She asks to go see Finnick and to her surprise, they let her.
She wishes that they hadn't.
His hair is matted and dull and his face unshaven, like if he hasn't bothered picking up a brush or a razor. What worries her most is the lack of emotion on his face. He looks like a shell.
"Finn," she starts.
"Annie is dead." His voice cracks.
Gentle Annie, mad Annie, who would never hurt anyone, is dead.
The air escapes her lungs, but somehow she manages to wheeze out a single word. "How?"
She watches in horror as his face doesn't change as he tells her how she had died. He tells her of strangulation and torture, of a dead body placed carefully among blindingly white roses. His face shows nothing, his voice gives away everything.
• • •
My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am the victor of the 74th Hunger Games. District Twelve is gone. Peeta has been taken and Annie is dead. Finnick may have gone mad. President Snow will suffer.
• • •
She visits his room everyday after that. Sometimes they speak, sometimes they don't. One day, she begin counting the days they've been there. She tells him and he tells her that he's kept a running count of how many days Annie has been dead.
He doesn't speak for a week after that.
• • •
On her forty-fifth day in District 13, she brings him eleven inches of rope. He takes it from her with a sad look in his eyes, knowing it's so short because they both don't trust him to not hang himself with it.
On her sixty-third day, she brings him a bag of stolen sugar cubes and watches as a smile steals across his face.
On her eighty-first day, she hears him laugh for the first time. She stares at him, shocked, before he breaks the silence.
"You don't have to look so surprised," he teases, smiling slightly.
"Oh, shut up." She turns away in an attempt to hide her own smile.
• • •
Her eighteenth birthday is a solemn affair.
Most people forget it entirely, focusing instead on how to take down the Capitol.
Gale gives her a faint smile, while Haymitch gives her a clap on the shoulder and glass of booze.
She's sitting on her bed when he comes in with a smile that looks nearly obscene in their current setting.
She frowns. "What're you so happy about?"
He comes to sit next to her. "It's your birthday, isn't it?"
"You realize we have more important things going on besides my birthday?"
"Ridiculous," he cries before lying back.
She allows a small smile to steal across her face before she lies down next to him. They don't speak and she feels close to whole.
• • •
It's been a year since she last saw Peeta in person, she notes as she approaches him slowly. A year and 37 days.
She touches his shoulder gently but before she can say anything, his hands wrap around her throat and they both fall to the floor.
She stares up at him in horror and feels something in her die when she sees the hatred in his eyes. He's saying something but she can't hear and the world is fading to black and she can't breathe what happened to all the air—
Suddenly, the weight is ripped off of her and as she gasps for air, she sees a doctor sedate Peeta out of the corner of her eye. Quickly, the doctor drags him out of the room, leaving her alone.
Later that night, she slips into Finnick's room. He's staring at her with something close to pity in his eyes and he knows. She turns away to face the wall.
"I'd rather see him dead than ever see him like that again," she says flatly.
"Katniss–"
"No, I mean it." And it's true, she realizes, blinking back against the tears threatening to spill over.
They say nothing else.
• • •
Katniss knows something strange is happening when Coin calls both of them into her office; she knows something is wrong when Coin asks her to shut the door behind her.
She takes a seat tentatively, tense and ready to leap up if she needs to. She turns her head and sees Finnick pacing and twisting something in his hands. Rope, she realizes. Swallowing against the lump in her throat, she turns back to the woman in front of them. "Why did you call us here," she demands.
Coin eyes both of them with something close to curiosity before sitting up straight. "I want you two to get married for a propo."
Finnick stops pacing. Katniss hears someone laugh, confused until she realizes that the laughter is spilling out from her. Abruptly, she stops.
"It'd send a message to not only the Capitol, but all of Panem. I'd planned on you and Mr. Meelark being the ones in the propo but given his current state, I trust you can see why that's not an option," she says wryly.
"And if we refuse," Finnick asks.
Coin leans back in her chair, something awful gleaming in her eyes, but before she can answer, Katniss speaks.
"I'll do it."
• • •
They watch as it airs on the screen. In different circumstances, it would've been Peeta standing in Finnick's place, or Annie standing in hers. She hears his breathing hitch and knows he's thinking along the same lines. Her hand finds his and she feels something in her come together when he squeezes it gently.
• • •
Something changes between them.
She can sense that much, but she can't put a name to it. She knows it has something to do with how Gale looks at them with something close to resignation, or how she chooses to spend nearly all of her time with him, but there's something different between them and it scares her.
• • •
She watches in horror as the mutts attack and feels a scream build up in her throat. Quickly she bites her tongue, swallowing back the blood that fills her mouth. A mutt leaps at Finnick and this time, she can't hold back her scream. As if he'd heard her, he flinches.
He flinches and the mutt that had been inches away from tearing off his head collides with another one, ripping it apart.
She turns and calls for a rope, tying one end to the pole next to her as soon as it's shoved in her hands. She throws the rest down the hole and screams for Finnick to grab on. When she feels weight added to the rope, she pulls. Gale comes to help her and together they pull a bloody Finnick out of the hole.
"Nightlock," she whispers before turning to the golden-haired boy. He opens his mouth to say something but she wraps her arms around him before he gets the chance to speak. She can hear the rapid beat of his heart, can hear the explosions coming from the Holo that he'd been in less than three minutes ago.
He is alive.
• • •
"What are you going to do when this is all over," she asks him. They are camped out somewhere just outside of the Capitol and the others are asleep.
"I might not even be alive when it's all over."
She turns and looks at him straight on. "You're not going to die," she says quietly.
"Katniss–"
"Let's go outside." She walks out into the cool night air, leaving him with no option but to follow her.
He tries to explain again but she kisses him, hard and angry. She pulls away and glares at him. "You're not going to die, okay?" He blinks at her, once, twice. She fists her hand into his shirt. "I will never forgive you if you die, Odair."
She watches as he turns and stares at the building across from them. "Alright," he says.
• • •
"I'm going to kill Coin," she whispers, "and then I'll kill Snow."
"We might have to flip a coin for Snow," he says. She looks at him and remembers his clients.
"That's fine with me." They stare at each other with grim resolution.
• • •
They slip through the crowd, silent as ghosts and stare up at the platform.
"Ready?" He doesn't turn to face her.
"Of course." Out of the corner of her eye, she sees the corners of his lips quirk up.
Quickly, she strings her bow and watches as an arrow sinks itself into Coin's temple. Almost instantly, she crumples to the floor.
She feels detached as she releases another arrow, feels as if she's watching herself from someone else's perspective. The kind, merciful part of her hopes that she misses Snow's heart.
The larger, rage-filled part of her knows it wouldn't matter even if she did miss: jutting out of Snow's throat, just inches above the arrow in his chest, is a large, gleaming trident.
• • •
Haymitch gives them a clap on their backs.
• • •
She is standing in the doorway, watching him tie knots. She knows that he knows she's there and he doesn't pause.
Quietly, she walks over to where he's seated on the bed but doesn't sit with him. Instead she stands and from her angle, can see how the light reflects off his golden hair.
"What are you going to do now?" she asks.
He pauses, puts the rope down. "I don't know." He has no more clients, no more secrets to gain.
His eyes look so green in the light, she notes.
"Neither do I." She has no more tours, no more Prim or Peeta to anchor her.
He slides his arms around her waist and slowly, she lets her arms loop around his shoulders.
"I really do have no fucking clue," he admits, still looking up at her with those green eyes.
She bends down and presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "We could figure that out together."
He stares.
Heat rushes up to her face. "If you'd like, I mean. You could do it yourself if you want to."
A smirk slides across his face, transforming back into the boy who'd once asked her if she had any secrets. "We can do it your way."
• • •
My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am the victor of the 74th Hunger Games. I am eighteen years old. There is a boy with green eyes and a future filled with uncertainties and somehow that is enough.