Card Capital was no stranger to strange and unusual events. Cardfighting ninjas? A typical Tuesday. Bloody-eyed fighters trying to reverse the whole world? Someone slap Takuto, he left his fridge open again. Ren doing obscene things to pumpkins? That's… a story for another day.

But today was a day unlike any other. Hell had frozen over! Pigs were flying! Marvel had stopped publishing Tumbler fanfictions! Or, all this should be happening. Because, for the first time that anyone could remember, Toshiki Kai was exhibiting emotions other than emo indifference. He was shaking, quivering in fear and rage, curled up in a ball on his favorite seat. Not even Misaki's world-famous coffee could shake him out of his shell.

"Kai-kun?" the sentient cinnamon roll formerly known as Aichi Sendou knit his brow in worry. "Kai-kun, it's me Aichi. W-what's wrong? Did someone die? Is Dragonic Overlord banned? Speak to me!"

Finally, Kai looked up weakly, then pulled out his phone and handed it over to Aichi.

"Read." He croaked meekly. Aichi took the phone, and slowly read the text displayed on the sceen. Exactly one minute later an inhuman scream of terror erupted from his mouth.

"Aichi-oniisan? W-What? What was it?" Kamui leaped forward just in time to keep Aichi from collapsing to the floor. "Aichi? Aichi?" the blue boy did not respond, only muttering something about Kai, bondage, carrots and oobleck.

"Kai…What…what did he…?"

Kai looked up with a dark glare. "It appeared on the internet last night…. a fanfic writer by the name of Fluffy49. Hour after hour he posted fanfics about me doing… unspeakable things. Nothing I did would deter him… and worse, people on the site actually enjoyed this…this….monstrostity!"

"Well…it is the internet." Kamui gently set Aichi down as he babbled away in and incoherent mess. Not even the Neon Messiah could repair his sanity now. "But… how do we solve this problem?"

"How? HOW? I'll tell you how!" Gaillard stepped forward and snatched Kai's phone off the table.

"I'll contact le honorless scum and challenge him to a Cardfight! And, once I Legion him into oblivion, I'll force him delete all of le fanfics from ze internet!" The Frenchboy began typing furiously on the phone.

"That's, Erm, sweet Gaillard but…. Your plan has a few….flaws." Misaki slid a cup of coffee over to Aichi, feebly hoping that the scent of caffeine would heal his mind. "First of all, we don't even know who the writer is, and-"

DODODALLLALAL~DOLA~DOlA~DODODALLALA...

The shopgoers whipped around towards the source of the sudden and strangely catchy music. It was coming from the pocket of one Miwa "I made Leon streak" Taishi. One hand was frozen halfway into his pocket, a phone clenched in his fingers.

"Oh, Miwa…what was that?"

"Oh, well…hehe…that was my ringtone for when someone emails me."

"How strange… I had just sent an email to zat uncultured cur who wrote these horrid fanfics and…." Gaillard stopped as though Ezel had just given him a revelation, and then slowly turned toward Miwa. "Mon ami….I believe I would like to see you phone."

"G-Gaillard…wait! I-I can explain…"

"Ze phone! Now!"

"AAAAHHHHHGGGGHH!"

Kai and Aichi's sanity eventually returned, thru a combination of love, patience, and many readings of " The Little Nova Grappler that Could." Misaki continued to serve coffee, having found a simple pleasure in the preparation of caffeinated drinks. As for Miwa….

"Please! Gaillard! I said I was sorry! Please, make it stop!"

"No Miwa… after what you put le two greatest men in the world through, you deserve no mercy. Now…. Where do I put le carrot THIS time?"