Clearing the Air
This is a complete fan fiction. I don't own Avatar: the Last Airbender. This is intended as humorous. It probably fails.
Warning: Mild profanity
The Mood: Tense, angst-ridden, oppressive, anxious...you get the picture...
Toph: Alright! Enough already! All your friggin' heartbeats are giving me a headache! We gotta clear the air.
Katara: What ever do you mean, Toph? I feel as light as a feath-
Toph: Stow it, lady! There's enough moody emo crap around here for a goth-vampire funeral in winter.
Aang : So, what are we supposed to do?
Toph: Stop lying! Or denying! For crissake, I haven't had a full night's sleep in months! If one of you takes another "midnight stroll to think things out", I'm gonna go POSTAL!
Sokka: What if we don't want to-
Toph: Then we're all gonna have ulcers before we're old enough to drink!
Katara: YOU want to talk? Go ahead!
Toph: Fine! Hey! Boomerang boy!
Sokka: Huh?
Toph: Yeah, YOU. I gotta crush. Big time. On you. Whaddya think?
Sokka: I...I don't know what t-
Toph: Just be honest! Spit it out!
Sokka: Okay! I like you as a friend, or a sister, or something. To be honest, you come off like a dude, with the burping and punching and stuff. And you're kinda young...
Toph: Get girly and grow. Got it. Next!
Aang: I...I kinda have a "thing" for Katara.
Sokka: What?!
Toph:(mumbling) Biiiig shock.
Katara: Oh, Aang! That's so sweet! I know, given time, our love-
Aang: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa. Love? Didn't say that.
Katara: But you said-
Aang: A "thing". Not love. C'mon! What did you expect was gonna happen after all the hugging and kissing you do?
Katara: What!? So, I'm just a sex object? You bald little PERV!
Aang: Hey! I'm freakin' TWELVE!! You want a "mature" relationship, you gotta wait a few years. We splash around together in nothing but our underwear! You gotta know you're smokin' hot. What the hell did you THINK?
Toph: He's got a point. You DO put it out there.
Katara: Oh, now "Little Miss Dirtbag" is jumping in? (imitates Toph) 'Ohh, I'm so tough! I curse and spit and punch and roll around in the dirt! I want Sokka to like me, what can I do?' It's called "soap"--NOT a tough concept!
Sokka: Look, "Mom", no one wants to hear another one of your lectures! And you DO put out the signals.
Katara: I do NOT!
Sokka: I'll prove it. Hey! (calls out to figures in background) Mustache Guy!
Haru: Yeah?
Sokka: Talking crushes over here. Whaddya got?
Haru: Put me down for a "Katara"
Sokka: Gotcha! (turning back) See? You're a tease and you don't even know it.
Katara: Okay, "EW". But I have to keep playing "Mom" 'cause you're such a friggin' dope!
Sokka: What?
Katara: For all your "manly man" talk, you are the biggest "him-bo" out there. You drink cactus juice, go out of your mind, then stick a glob of vulturebee honey in your mouth! I swear, you'd lick an electric socket, if we had them. And who ever said you were "God's gift" to women?
Sokka: Suki seemed to like-
Toph: She lived on an island where all the warriors were girls! Jeez, there's probably so many feebs there, she woulda jumped the little guy's bones! (jerks thumb at Aang)
Aang: Easy on the "little" cracks, "Stumpy"!
Sokka: What about Yue?
Katara: What about her? Her big plans for the future were marrying someone she didn't like, and dying. The only question was what came first. Hell, she probably would've knocked boots with a platypusbear for a distraction!
Toph: That was cold.
Aang: See what I mean? Perfect fantasy, until she starts talking.
Katara: CAN it, "Glow-worm"! I COULD'VE used my oasis water on the hot fire guy. You have any idea how much hotter he'd be if I healed him? We'd STILL be in those caverns!
Sokka: Too bad he prefers the "unemotional, non-responsive" type.
Toph: Wonder if he even notices if she's conscious or not...
Aang: Or cares...
Katara: Bleh! Hadn't thought of that... (shivers)
A few moments of silence pass. Strangely, everyone feels better, lighter. Hearts are resting easier. Someone coughs, and then...
Sokka: Well, I'm gonna go scrounge up some food.
Aang: And I'm gonna...uh...
Katara: "Brush the bison"?
Toph: "Pet the Lemur"?
Katara: Or whatever you're calling it now?
Aang: (walking away, muttering) Effin' women! Those two can go...oooh...lemme think about this...
Katara: I feel dirty, I'm going to wash up. Just gotta make sure "arrow" and "mustache" aren't around. What're you gonna do?
Toph: You kiddin'? Now I can FINALLY sleep! (yawns)