A/N: So, browsing through the YMMV page of TV Tropes for Power Rangers Megaforce's Alternate Character Interpretations was actually the inspiration for this little…experiment shall we say. It's totally cracky, but I hope it's at least entertaining enough crack to get maybe a giggle.
Onwards with the torture-er, happy reading!
[Future sight chip activates, showing a huge brawl of evil minions fighting a whole bunch of power rangers from various seasons. Really, it's awesome and all, which makes it suck that after all the buildup it's nothing more than a giant cocktease. Anyway, last shot is of Drunken Robot-no, it's not Bender-when suddenly everything flashes out and the future sight chip deactivates, revealing…]
[A bus pulling up to a school. What a let-down]
Bus driver: Hey kid, wake up! I'm paid by the hour so get off!
[Troybot's systems start up]: Sleep mode interrupted; processing surroundings: school. Mission: make parents proud.
Bus driver: You're one of those androids? Damn parents, with their new age fancy robot kids.
[Troybot walks off bus, and cut to science class, where Psycho Emma is sitting next to Gia Sue, but across from the generic other students is Noah Robolove, sitting in front of Jake, The Creep. They are being taught by Mr. Burley-But-Not-Really-Burly-Conspiracy-Theorist, who addresses himself as such to the class]
Psycho Emma {timidly}: That must be a real pain for your licenses.
Mr. Burley: Yes, but I shortened it to Burley so the government won't know about it. Which is why I decided to teach a government science class; plain sight and all that.
Noah Robolove: This is just science.
Mr. Burley {angrily}: This is government science! [notices Troybot enter the room] Oh, looks like a plot device has arrived. Class, this is Troybot Plot Device; you can laugh at him because as a machine he doesn't have any feelings.
[Troybot sits at his desk]: Emotional chip activated: sob, sob, sob.
[Cut to after class, where Gia Sue flounces out of class, light shining around her as the wind blow her hair, yet remaining perfect despite how that long hair should be all tangled and dishevelled. Gia Sue's faithful follower stares so adoringly at her that she accidently drops her books in awe, causing Gia Sue to catch them perfectly and hand them back to Psycho Emma, who is a still adoring and all that]
Gia Sue {valley girl accent}: Omg, did you totally check out that latest model? I'm like, so gonna have him wrapped around my finger just like everyone else here. Heehee!
Psycho Emma {smiles demurely}: Yes, you will. If he doesn't fall to your perfect graces then he should be dismantled. Though if he tries to get into your graces I'll kill him! {smiles passively once more}
[Gia Sue smiles back, which is dazzling]: Like, meet me at the mall; we'll totally get more clothes, and then we can so hatch more ideas for my world domination plan. It'll be totally coolio.
Psycho Emma {softly apologetic}: It pains me to leave your side, but I must search out a rare orange monarch for you, even though that's just a regular monarch butterfly.
Gia Sue {with a frowny face}: Like, totally uncoolio, but fine; I'll come up with ideas on my own. Thanks for nothing, you call yourself a follower? Hmph!
[Psycho Emma looks adoringly at Gia Sue as she leaves the school backwards as not to miss a moment of her mistress' amazingness, while Gia Sues flounces off down another hall, wind still blowing her hair dramatically]
[Shortened theme song plays]
[The shot is cut to outer space, where the Warstar ship is seen floating into sight. Inside, Admiral Malkontent talks with one of his minions, Steve]
Admiral Malkontent {very loudly}: HOW IS THE PROGRESS GOING?
Steve: Not good Admiral, I have analysed the data gathered, and found that there is an overwhelming force already here. Also, I think you just blew out one of my eardrums.
Admiral Malkontent {ignores that last bit}: WHAT? ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THIS PLANET IS ALREADY BEING CONQUERED?
Steve: Yes sir, I have come to the conclusion that this planet has a Mary Sue, all the data backs it up.
Admiral Malkontent: THOSE DAMN SUES, ALWAYS INVADING PLACES THEY DON'T BELONG! FINE, WE'LL FIND THE SUE, KILL IT, GO OUT FOR CELEBRATORY MILKSHAKES, AND THEN WE'LL TAKE OVER THIS PLANET!
Steve: Very good Admiral Malkor.
Admiral Malkontent: STOP CALLING ME THAT, DAMN IT! MY NAME IS 'MALKONTENT'. GET IT RIGHT, STEVE!
Steve: For the last time, my name is Vrak.
Admiral Malkontent: SURE IT IS, AND THE UNIVERSE IS OUT OF BALANCE BECAUSE OF THE SUE.
Steve: But it is! Canon must be restored, as I will not have us being the good guys!
Admiral Malkontent: SILENCE, STEVE! I SHALL DECIDE WHAT TO DO, AND WHAT WE WILL DO IS SEND OUT A MINION! THE SUE IS FINISHED! [he lets out an evil laugh, as power ranger villains are wont to do]
[The scene is shifted to the mall, where Noah Robolove and Jake, The Creep are walking into Ernie Ice Cream's ice cream shop. Hey, they can't all be creative nicknames. Anyway, they pass by Gia Sue, who is plotting world domination, as is the Sue way. Both boys walk up to Ernie Ice Cream.]
Noah Robolove: I'd like my usual.
[Jake, The Creep elbows him]: No, we need three, so I can give it to Gia Sue. I just finished memorizing her diary after I snuck into her house and found out she really likes vanilla.
Noah Robolove {incredulous}: You really are a creep.
[The scene shifts to Psycho Emma, who is biking through the forest. When she finds a butterfly, she gets her camera out and snaps a picture of it]
Psycho Emma {with a cat smile}: Gia Sue will be so happy with me! [she sees a large…thing walking around with scythes for hands and her expression morphs into shock] Holy crap, its Godzilla!
[Back at the mall, Ernie Ice Cream hands Noah Robolove and Jake, The Creep their ice cream cones, when suddenly Gia Sue sees herself disappearing]
Gia Sue: No, my plans!
Jake, The Creep: Hey, where'd my lady go? [beside him, Noah Robolove also disappears.] Noah? [he also then proceeds to disappear]
[Scene shifts to a rooftop where Troybot is practicing his martial arts]t: Processing: acquire green belt to earn parental love. [he glares at the water bottle] Statement: hate that thing. Must destroy. [he jumps to kick it when he begins to disappear] Swear: damn.
[The four teens with disturbed personalities all drop into a dark facility, and Alpha Tensou stops by them]
Alpha Tensou {surfer dude}: Robo bro, what up dude?
[Troybot grabs Alpha Tensou]: Brethren, what is this place?
Noah Robolove {with a creepy intensity}: Wow, it's so shiny. [attempts to touch the tiny robot]
Alpha Tensou: Back up and keep your hands off me. [he shocks Noah Robolove and scurries off to get away from him]
[The shelves light up, the ceiling lights flicker on, revealing a row of tiny figurines of every power ranger ever and a tiki head. It's basically a fan's dream come true]
[Troybot walks over to one of the shelves]: Future sight chip: activate. [he watches the battle clip in his mind again, his attention focused on the robot at the end of his vision] {dreamily} Chrome of my dreams, must find.
Gosei: Welcome, humans. My backstory will not get any focus in the show, so let's just ignore it and move right along.
Jake, The Creep: Okay! What are we doing here though?
Gosei: Alien forces have arrived, and you five are screwed up enough to do the job of beating them back.
Gia Sue: Like, bring it!
[Psycho Emma falls into the facility, who quickly looks over at the rest of her classmates]
Psycho Emma: Mistress!
[Gia Sue rushes over to help Psycho Emma up]: Like, what are you doing here? {suddenly whiny} What about the butterflies?
Psycho Emma: I found this giant insect instead; I thought you'd like to have it [she shows them the picture of the giant bug thing with the scythes for hands]
Gia Sue: Ew! [she looks disgustedly up at Gosei] You didn't say they'd be so gross!
Gosei {ignores}: Because of a sudden desire to include all the seasons, you're gonna be rangers, but that importance won't come up until next season. Alpha Tensou, roll the clips.
Alpha Tensou: Huh? Right, totally got distracted by this soft stuff, tiki man. [he moved one wheel through the ice cream on the floor]
Gosei: Psycho Emma, you are not only a great follower, but you are also fanatically devoted to your mistress and will go to great lengths to appease her. You shall burn all those in your way as the pink ranger.
Psycho Emma: Should you really be encouraging my psychotic tendencies?
Gosei: All I'm gonna be good for is cards and vague advice, so moving on; Noah Robolove, your thirst for knowledge is creepy because of your desire to build a perfect companion, but again, inept mentor so I'm going to ignore that. Anyway, your grip will hold your creations with the force of a shark as the blue ranger.
Jake, The Creep, there's no one who's more adept at being slimy than you, so you will stalk and weasel with the stealth of the snake as the black ranger.
Then there is Gia Sue, who as a Mary Sue, hopefully should be a better dictator than those aliens. Perfect in all things, your iron fist will be like a tiger's claws as the yellow ranger.
Finally, Troybot. Cold and logical, your machine body will take damage the others cannot. Your emotional distance will serve you well like the dragon, and as the team's leader.
Troybot: Query: how does this make a good team leader? Mission: make parental units love me, not this.
Gosei: Uh, this will do that. Anyway, [morphers appear in front of the five] take these, and because I'm a dick, I'm not gonna tell you how to activate them.
Troybot: Processing: I hate you. I accept mission though, parental love must be obtained through any means.
[Suddenly, the five of them disappear.]
[Cut to a deserted quarry, as you do, where a giant scarab-crab looking thing is rolling around on a giant plastic hamster ball]
Monster Of The Week {laughing maniacally}: Pathetic humans, cant-wait, why am I in a quarry all of a sudden?! Oh crap, it's the end of the episode, isn't it? I thought there was still ten more minutes of fighting to get through!
[Five screwed-up teenagers with disturbed attitudes appear before him in a V line. Abruptly, Gia Sue scowls and swipes Troybot's morpher]
Gia Sue: You know what I just realized? This is soo not fair! I'm like, the Sue; I should be the leader!
Noah Robolove: I'm pretty sure that's not how it works-[Psycho Emma glares at him, a wreath of flames appearing around her]-and I'm pretty sure there's a Phoenix joke in there, but I'm going to shut up before you toast me.
[Psycho Emma smirks psychotically]
[Gia Sue grinned and held out the tiki morpher]: Now, my minions-Go Go Sue Force!
[Noah opens his mouth, but Psycho Emma glares him into submission once again]: {terrified}:Go Go Sue Force.
[Both Troybot and Jake, The Creep follow suit, the latter enthusiastically while the former only did so blankly]
MOTW: Now that everything's back on track, let's-
Troybot: Wait, error, error. Query: why does uniform have a skirt?
Noah Robolove: Because that's how this thing works?
[Troybot begins twitching]: Negative. Statement: tight skirts are a fighting hazard. For that matter, why do the pink and yellow suits have skirts at all? Observation: uniforms meant to be uniform. [sparks start flying out from under the helmet and the others back away] Error, error![head starts spinning, sparks flying off more wildly]
Gia Sue: Like, I know just what to do! [she grabs Troybot and shoves him towards the MOTW, who screams as they both explode in an agonising blaze] Now that's what I call a 'logic bomb'.
[Psycho Emma grins at the sight of the flaming heap]: Burn, burn for the mistress! [laughs maniacally]
[Noah Robolove stares incredulously at Gia Sue while Jake, The Creep smiles adoringly at her]
[Cut to Warstar, where Admiral Malkontent, Steve, and the scythe creature finally dubbed Cree-Pox-On-You stare at the giant television screen. Don't ask where they got it, just roll with it. They look at the smoking remains of the MOTW and the 'yellow ranger', and then at each other]
[Steve slowly lowers his head into his hands]: Where do I even begin to describe what was wrong with that?
Admiral Malkontent {celebratory}: WHO CARES, ONE RANGER IS DEAD AND GONE. ONE LESS ANNOYANCE TO DEAL WITH!
Steve: {still incredulous} do you not understand what this means? The Sue is gaining power! She has usurped the red ranger's position, changed the name to Sue Force and has reached sociopathic levels of Sueness! Besides, that ranger was a robot; they're really easy to replace.
[Cut to the home of the Plot Device's, where Mrs. Plot Device is looking at the tiny chip which was salvaged from the smoking remains of the Troybot]
Mrs. Plot Device {skeptically}: So you're saying that Troybot got hit by a water balloon, then got electrocuted, then got run over by a bus and finally blew up? [The four teens nod. Mrs. Plot Device smiled brightly] That's okay, accidents happen. You would not believe how easy it is to blow these things up. Why, our last Troybot blew up by just turning on the T.V [shakes head] Real shame. This is our fifth one this week alone.
Noah Robolove: Anyone ever tell you maybe you shouldn't have kids?
Mrs. Plot Device: Yeah, our adoption worker after they saw how many Troybot's we went through.
[Cut back to Warstar command center]
Steve: See-wait a minute. [stares down at T.V remote he's holding] This thing can show us anything? We can locate the Sue's house and blow it up! Canon will then be restored!
Admiral Malkontent: NO.
Steve: What?! My idea is strategically sound; it's the quickest way to achieve victory. In fact, we should use this MacGuffin to find all their houses and kill them-with our bombs. Or lasers, or anything that will make sure they're dead!
Admiral Malkontent: NO, STEVE; WE WILL WAIT FOR ABOUT FIFTEEN OR SO EPISODES BEFORE I GO OUT AND GET DESTROYED FIGHTING THEM. THAT IS THE SUPERVILLAIN WAY.
Steve: No, that's the stupid way.
Admiral Malkontent: SHUT UP, STEVE! CREE-POX-ON-YOU, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
Cree-Pox-On-You: {lets out Godzilla screech}
Admiral Malkontent: {nods} THEN IT IS SETTLED, WE WAIT.
Steve: But-but-we can't understand what he's saying! It was all gibberish.
Admiral Malkontent: SHAME ON YOU, STEVE. CREE-POX-ON-YOU HAS A SPEECH IMPEDIMENT. TO THE CORNER WITH YOU!
Steve: You can't do that, I am a prince!
Admiral Malkontent: NOW!
Steve {throwing up his hands, exasperated}: Everyone in this world has gone crazy. There is absolutely nothing worse that could happen-[freezes] Crud. [he shifts around, looking for any sign of punishment for having made the most fate tempting statement of all. Nothing happens] {is relieved} That was close-
[And then Steve was a zombie]
Zombie!Steve: WHAT?! How does this even make sense?
[In the background, Admiral Malkonent and Cree-Pox-On-You watch Zombie!Steve yelling at thin air, and though they wonder just how he became a zombie so fast, there was a more pressing matter to deal with]
Admiral Malkonent: HE HAS LOST IT.
[Cree-Pox-On-You nods in agreement.]
(So, how will the Sue Rangers fair? Will Steve continued to be tortured for daring to be one of the few who still has a brain cell left? Will Gia Sue succeed in her attempts at world domination? To all of the above, I don't know since I ain't got enough time of the day. Decide for yourselves)