Lily Potter was only nineteen years old. Sure, she'd be 20 in three months, but that was in January and this was November, and right now nineteen year old Lily Potter was at least three weeks pregnant. At least she assumed it was three weeks; counting back to the last time she and her husband had been, err, alone.
Oh, yeah, and there was also a giant war going on. A war that was specifically targeting her kind. A war that she was fighting on the front lines of. A war against an evil man who wanted to eradicate all of her blood. An evil man who she and her husband James had angered by getting married – a muggle born and a pureblood, the shame! – despite his outright ban on such unions.
And she was only nineteen years old.
She had to tell James, of course. But how? When? When was the right time to tell him that they were going to bring a baby into this war torn world? What if he wasn't happy? What if…well, what if he didn't want to keep it?
It had occurred to Lily, naturally, that the best thing to do was to terminate the pregnancy. It wasn't safe to try to carry the baby to term. If she didn't end up a casualty in war, there was still the possibility that James might. She just couldn't raise this baby without him.
The thing was, though, that she didn't want to. Terminate the pregnancy, that is. Lily had always wanted a family. She particularly wanted one with James. What if this was their only chance? But, Merlin, they were so young.
There was a knock at the door to the flat then: two soft raps and one hard knock, just like she and James had agreed on. Wiping her watery eyes Lily gripped her wand and made her way to the door, hand on the knob and wand at the ready. "James?" she asked.
"It's me," was his muffled reply.
"Where was our first kiss?" She asked, ear pressed to the door.
"Detention," James answered, not able to keep the slight laughter out of his voice. "I was in for flooding the second floor girl's bathroom and getting a rise out of Myrtle. You stopped by to give me my Charms essay. You wore a green barrette in your hair. It matched your eyes."
She couldn't help but smile, remembering the innocence of it. It had all been so easy back at Hogwarts, before they joined the Order, before they rushed into marriage because they didn't know if they'd live long enough to wait for it.
"What did I whisper to you at our wedding, right before I kissed you?"
Lily looked down at her stomach, still flat but not for long. Soon it would be the size of pumpkin. She placed a shaky hand to it and answered "You told me that you were terrified by how much you loved me." she then lowered her wand, opening the door.
James stood before her, tall and sure, his black hair messy and his glasses askew. He walked past her, into the flat, waiting until she closed, locked, and charmed the door before sweeping her into an embrace. "I missed you," he breathed into her hair. "Remind me to ever take a week long mission for the Order again." He pulled back, looking down at her. "It was torture, not being able to check on you. I had to rely on Sirius and our mirrors to find out if you were safe."
"You know I can take care of myself." Lily assured him. "I was the one who was at my wits end. You could've died on that mission and I wouldn't even have known for days. I kept waiting, scared that every message I received was going to be about your death."
It was true. She had had Marlene McKinnon stay over as they worked brewing potions for the Order. It wasn't safe for Lily to walk the streets anymore since she was registered as a 'mudblood', so she could hardly go out to take her mind off of her husband's peril.
She couldn't do anything to take her mind off her pregnancy either.
This wasn't how Lily had imagined it would be like married to James. In all her fantasies they lived in a nice cottage, maybe by the sea or in the woods, with two or three kids. She would work at the Daily Prophet and he, of course, would be a famous Quidditch player or maybe an auror. They weren't supposed to be hiding in a dreary flat in London, flying under the radar, their separate tasks for the order keeping them from ever seeing each other.
"James," she began, detangling herself from his arms. "I have to tell you something."
He looked down at her, his eyebrows drawn with concern. "What is it, Lils?"
"You might want to sit down," she suggested, ushering him to the kitchen chair behind him. "It might not be easy for you to hear. It sure isn't easy for me to say this." She began pacing, wringing her hands nervously. When had she broken out in this cold sweat? "Well, James, I'm – no, we're – well, we're pregnant, James. You and I, I mean. We are pregnant." Oh, for Merlin's sake, she was babbling. "There is a baby in me and you are the father. It's small and it'll get bigger, which means I'll get bigger, and eventually it will come out and be a baby. Well, it won't come out on its own; I imagine I'll have to push it out, if those medical dramas Petunia likes so much are anything to go by. Anyway, we are having a baby, and it's likely going to be tiny and fragile and completely dependent on us and – "
"Lily! Lily!" James, who had up until that moment still been trying to process the information, jumped up and exclaimed, stopping his wife mid-step. "We're going to have a baby?" He asked, his expression unreadable. Was that joy or worry in his hazel eyes? "I'm going to be a father?"
"Well, yes, I suppose that if I'm going to be a mother then you are, in fact, going to be a father." Lily felt his grip on her shoulders tighten. Was he angry? What he did next surprised her. James let out a bark of joyous laughter, pulling his wife into a tight embrace.
"We're going to be parents, Lils!" he said, his voice muffled in her hair. "I can't believe. I mean, how did this happen? Well, I mean, I know how it happened, but-" James broke off again, pulling away to look down at his wife's face. "I am so happy, Lily." He said, brushing her hair from her forehead and cupping her face with his hands. "This is the best news. I can't even believe it. We're going to have a daughter or a son, or anything our child chooses to be. We're going to be parents, Lils."
She never imagined he would be so happy. She hated to ruin it. "But James," she said, reaching up to touch his face. "We're in the middle of a war."
"I don't care about that," James said earnestly. "I want you. I want to be married to you. I want to have a family with you. Admittedly, the timing isn't the greatest, but it's the time that we have. We can do it. In the midst of all this fighting and death, we can do it. We can bring some peace. We can bring a life into this world, and we can make this world a better place for out child's future." He kissed her then, tear streaming down his face. "I love you, Lils." He whispered against her lips. "And I love our child."
She started crying too, clinging to him, kissing him. James was right. This was the only time they had. They could do it. Even if they died, their child would grow up knowing their parents died trying to make the world a better place for them. That their parent's died because they loved them so much. "I love you too, James. I love our child too."