A/N: Don't own anything.
She opened the book and began to write. She wasn't sure what would come spilling out, but in that moment, she needed to write.
'It's amazing to think how things can change so much. How things can go from something you wanted most in the world to something you least want for fear of upsetting people. I've never really understood the concept of falling out of love. How could you ever fall out of love? It's a confusing thing, love. Not sure how to define it, what to call it, how to explain it. Because there are so many different sides to it, so many different situations you can be in and so much that can go wrong, yet much that can go right. People often give up on love because they focus on the things that go wrong and up until quite recently, I was one of those people who didn't do anything but focus on the good things. Yup. I was hopelessly, blindly optimistic. Before I carry on, it'd be a good idea to tell you that I have a tendency to start talking about one thing and end up on something completely different. My intention right now is to talk about optimism; I guess we'll see how well I do at keeping things on topic.
So, optimism. I used to see the bright side of every situation and the silver lining in every grey cloud that came my way. It was easy for me to do. Easy for me to believe in the good in others. I failed to see how people could be so pessimistic. How they could have no hope for the future. How they would 'Oh, I can't be bothered' or 'Nothing's worth it.' But I understood that at times, things got too much. I understood that people get disheartened, certain situations in life get you down and sometimes you can't see a way out. I guess I was rather lucky to be able to see such brightness and happiness in all things. I was lucky to be able to just get up and carry on. But that doesn't mean that if you don't necessarily see the bright side of things, that it's anything bad. It doesn't mean you have to start being optimistic, or anything. That's just me. Of course you could be sitting there nodding along to every word and agreeing with every letter that passes in front of your eyes. In which case, carry on nodding!
But anyway, I'm going off track. I did warn you! So, where was I? Oh yes, not being able to see how people could be depressed for so long. I don't mean that I never felt depressed, or sad. But I did want to, after a few days of being depressed and sad, go back to trying to see the bright side of things. The wanting to be sad or wanting to wallow in self pity wasn't anything that confused me. It was how people just kept being depressed and stayed depressed for so long, when it was evident that there were so many things to actually be happy about that I didn't get. I didn't understand how day after day, people didn't get tired of being sad. Being so deadbeat about things, always wanting to focus on the negatives.
Because there's so much else going on in the world, that after a bit, you get tired of being sad. You get tired of feeling depressed. You want to listen to upbeat songs and see the good things in life and focus on how your life actually, isn't all that bad. You're not dying, you're not being tortured. Your freedom of speech isn't being taken away from you and you're not living in poverty. Your country hasn't been ravaged by war. You haven't seen your loved ones die in front of your eyes. And there are so many more atrocities that go on in the world that people are unaware of. So many more topics that would take me forever to list. And it's funny, because I started writing this with the intention of saying that I was one of those people who was optimistic but have turned pessimistic. The funny thing is, whilst I was writing this, I realised, well, pretty much everything that I just wrote. I realised I'm not having such a hard time after all. I'm really not.
But that doesn't mean that my problems aren't important. Often, we all feel our problems are incredibly important and to others, they might not seem so important. But just because other people might not find your problems important, it doesn't mean they aren't important. One person's worry about grades may be something not even worth worrying about in the mind of someone with relationship problems. Someone having arguments in their family might not think much of the problems that someone has with their girl/boyfriend. My point is, we all have different problems, different ideas. But in the end, we recognise that there are bigger things out there, bigger problems, and we actually are pretty blessed.
What I'm trying to say is, if you're feeling down, then take the time to wallow in your misery because sometimes you need it. But please don't forget to pick yourself up after a bit and focus on the good things in life. If you're currently focusing on the good things in life, here's hoping that things carry on going well and you don't feel the need to slump into the 'needing a few days away from the world to be sad' phase. And if you're in neither of these states of mind, or rather, you fluctuate between the two, then take comfort in the fact that you are not alone and that there are people out there who feel pretty much the same way. Chances are, whatever you're feeling, someone else out there is feeling too. So focus on the bright side of things. Look for the silver lining. Use a million other clichés if you feel like it. Cause life's too short to focus on the negatives.
And in terms of looking at positives, I managed to sort of stick to my point! Well actually, I managed to go from talking about things changing, to love, to optimism, to pessimism, to focusing on the bright side of life, to saying that you should focus on the bright side of life. Apologies if that was all a little hard to follow. I guess that's just my train of thought.'
She closed the book, satisfied. She didn't know what was going on, or how she felt, or what she felt. But the few pages of text she had just written, random as they may have been, were the first steps on her road to finding herself.