Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story, nor am I making any profit from it. Lost Odyssey belongs to Mistwalker, Hironobu Sakaguchi and all of those wonderful people.
I think Jansen should have been given some more emotional scenes in the game so hopefully this seems fitting of his personality. Please enjoy :D
Lost
Kaim stood silently outside the Burning Cave, gazing at the tunnel that led under ground into the stifling heat. A light, joyful mood hung in the air as the others frolicked about in the snow some feet away, the children making snow angels whilst Sarah and Ming chatted happily in the background. They had finally been reunited, the group once again whole.
Not only that but their numbers seemed to have grown. Now they had Sed among them, Seth's pirate son who was laughing and telling bawdy jokes with her at that very moment whilst Tolten hung behind them both like a shadow, a slightly bewildered look on his face.
It was the first time he had ever seen Seth smile so warmly, her hands in animated motion as she turned between the two men in playful conversation. It seemed she was finally free from the melancholy which had somehow been infused in her spirit before. Kaim couldn't help but wonder how this unusual trio had been formed, two pirates and the young King of Uhra, but oddly it worked.
Yet even surrounded by laughter there was a strange feeling somehow, lingering just behind the happiness and almost completely imperceptible. If he hadn't been around long enough to have developed a deep intuition Kaim felt that he himself would not have noticed it. But it was definitely there.
He turned to survey the landscape, his eyes searching the drifts of snow that moved off in every direction. The view was marred occasionally by shrapnel from the train wreck, bits of metal sticking up menacingly from the frozen ground with jagged teeth. This was all the work of Gongora; evil, heartless and cruel. If he had had his way, all of them would be dead in one way or another, strewn across the world and unable to find each other again. It was some kind of miracle that they had managed to regroup; Kaim was thankful that Gongora was unable to predict the nature of the strange fate that seemed to protect them all.
His eyes roamed again and again but could not turn up what he was looking for. Jansen was missing and had been for some time.
Glancing back at the group for one last time, Kaim let out a sigh and began striding back into the depths of the cave.
Holding his hand up to his face, Kaim wandered through the steamy cavern with his eyes narrowed. Jets of boiling water rose into the air around him as he walked, sometimes leaving him with a road that was more than slightly precarious to navigate. Even through his thick boots he could feel the heat from the ground, the soles of his feet burning as he continued on.
In the distance he could see a poisonous green mist lurking, beasts hiding in its depths. Why anybody would want to go in on their own was a mystery to him, especially a mage who was unable to protect themselves. Yet he had to be in there somewhere… he hoped.
Scrambling up a slime covered slope Kaim took a sigh of relief at the sight of a familiar figure sitting not far away. Standing and dusting himself off he walked quickly towards the lone man, stopping behind him and folding his arms.
Jansen was silent and still, his body slumped forward at an odd angle. Kaim waited, raising an eyebrow impatiently. Mortals were always quite dramatic, or so he had found in his experiences with them.
However, there was something odd about this, especially since Jansen was never usually able to keep his mouth shut for any long amount of time.
Kneeling down, Kaim peered around at his face and recoiled a little at what he saw. There was a large cut on the side of his head, blood flowing down his neck and soaking into the green scarf and shirt. His brown eyes were half lidded and watering, flickering vacantly now and again whilst his face grew increasingly ashen even as Kaim looked at him.
"Damn…" he hissed, placing his hand firmly on the mans shoulder and shaking him. "What happened to you?"
To his great surprise Jansen turned to look at him, a weak smile passing over his lips. Kaim could see now that his chest and throat were also deeply scratched and his right sleeve was stained with blood. Pulling a potion from his pocket, he looked up in shock at the sharp tug on his hand.
"No. Don't use it."
Kaim shook his head, bewildered by the strange request. He clasped the bottle firmly but placed in back in its place.
"If I don't use it, you'll die." He lowered his voice to a soothing tone, "you shouldn't be in here alone, it's dangerous…"
Jansen laughed then in a way that was almost menacing and Kaim moved back slightly, ready to stand and fight if anything untoward were to happen. This was very unlike him and he couldn't help wondering if something might have led him in there alone on purpose.
"I know! I'm so weak it's ridiculous. I get attacked by one beast, just one… and this happens. It's pretty pathethic… scratch that… it's incredibly pathetic that I can't take just one on my own…"
Kaim shook his head, unsure of what he could say that might make the situation any better. There wasn't much, after all the mages were all much weaker than him, which was simply the way it worked.
"You know I don't even remember coming back here. I was so happy to get you back buddy, I thought we lost you. Honestly!"
Jansen was inching around to face him now, his eyes wide and panicked. Kaim reached again for the potion but his hand was knocked away.
"No. No, it's not worth it to waste it on me."
Kaim's mouth tightened as he pulled the potion forcefully from his pocket and yanked the top off it.
"Will you stop? I'm not interested in your drama. Are you going to take this or do I have to give it to you myself?"
Jansen recoiled a little at the sharp sound of his voice, raising his hand to his head and touching it tentatively. Kaim could see pain registering on his face for what seemed like the first time.
"Man, I really got beat up… I thought… it was only a little scratch… Man… I…"
Kaim watched him carefully, moving forward just in time to catch him as he fell backwards, unconscious.
"Why do you do these stupid things?" he murmured, taking the bottle and pouring it carefully into his mouth. A little of the light blue liquid trickled down the side of his face, turning an odd colour when it mingled with the blood on his clothing. For some time there was no reaction but just as Kaim was about to turn and shout for help, Jansen spluttered and opened his eyes.
"I told you not to." He said groggily, looking about the place with a perplexed expression. "Why did you?"
Kaim remained silent, waiting for Jansen to regain his strength before carefully helping him back into a sitting position.
"Do you actually think I would let you die? You might think I'm cold, but I do actually have a conscience you know."
"Could have fooled me…" Jansen muttered under his breath, crossing his arms and staring down into his reflection in the warm pool below.
"Is that so…" Kaim pondered, moving to dangle his feet over the side of the ledge.
For a moment they sat there, both gazing down into the water and watching their reflections ripple and flow away. Turning his attention away from his own reflection, Kaim found it hard to believe what he was seeing. Jansen was crying, his face creased with a sadness he had never expected of him.
"Stop watching me… I can see you you know…" he said quietly, wiping his face with the fold of his shirt and looking at the red distastefully. "I don't want you to think I'm more stupid than you already do so just turn away will you?"
Kaim nodded, turning so that his back was facing the water and preoccupying himself with looking at the dirt below him.
"It's okay… I don't think you're stupid for crying. Maybe for most of the other stuff, but crying is just human…"
"Well I care. I'm pretty manly, I'm not supposed to cry."
"I would be a little worried if you didn't ever cry… don't you ever get sad?"
Jansen turned around to look at him then, his large eyes still wet. It was strange seeing him like that, almost other worldly. He was so used to seeing them bloodshot with drink that he could hardly imagine many other emotions.
"Do you get sad? I mean… you're immortal right? You've been around for a thousand years! That's a really long time. Don't you just… get completely used to it? All this human stuff, all the dying and bad things that can happen?"
Kaim opened his mouth to speak but closed it again when he found no words would come out. The question was a little startling and slightly offensive, even if it wasn't intended that way.
"I might be old but I'm still a person…" he laughed bitterly, watching Jansen's face progressively gain colour until it was beat red.
"Woah, sorry. I didn't mean that you're an alien or anything!"
Kaim found himself laughing truly then, unable to contain himself. It was somehow such an innocent response that it made him forget the question for a brief moment.
"It's alright… you just made me think that's all, and I'm still not sure if I like thinking very deeply. But you remember when we found Sarah right? Or…Lirum."
Jansen nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"Well I cried then didn't I? I still have emotions, even after they've been abused by living with mortals for so long. Gongora is so obsessed by emotions, he wants to be infected by them. I found that strange and always wanted to push emotions away, but somehow I ended up wanting them too. I wonder, what would the world be like without emotions… I can't even remember."
Jansen seemed to consider something for a moment before speaking. "Much, much less confusing… Emotions can lead you to doing really stupid things, like falling in love with people you really shouldn't and sitting in caves crying."
Kaim looked at him curiously, thrown off by his response.
"You fell in love with someone you really shouldn't?"
Jansen turned away quickly, occupying himself with the intricate pattern of his sleeve.
"N-No! No way! You think I could fall in love? I was just giving an example… geez, don't get carried away there."
Kaim smiled knowingly, thinking back to what had happened when he and Sarah had first been rescued. Something had definitely happened between him and Ming since they had split up and whatever it was had seriously confused him.
"Well since there's obviously nothing more to say on that subject, how about telling me why you didn't want me to heal you?"
Jansen was stuttering now, fiddling with his neck tie and hair. It was a trait Kaim had come to recognise which only ever showed up when he was put on the spot.
"Did I actually say that?" he laughed nervously. "No way."
"You did. You told me you weren't worth it."
Jansen shook his head, standing up and testing his balance warily. He wobbled a little but then straightened out and began walking purposefully for the exit.
"I really don't know why I would say that… it was probably the toxins from that beast. Don't think too much into it."
Rising to his feet, Kaim watched the other man retreating before following him as quickly as possible.
"Ow! Stop it!"
Kaim exited the cave in time to see Cooke giving Jansen a mighty kick in the shin, bringing him to kneel in the snow as Mack ran over to defend him.
"Would you stop that? You've already made it quite clear that we don't get along you brat!"
Mack watched them soulfully, stepping into the argument and looking up at Cooke.
"You should stop doing that… it really does hurt you know."
Cooke crossed her arms angrily, glaring at the two of them with her lips set in a tight line.
"He made Aunt Ming worried! She was just about to go into that cave all on her own! I don't even get it but it makes me so angry."
The group fell silent as Ming stepped forward, taking Cooke's hand and pulling her away gently. Jansen's face held a look of pure horror as he looked around at everyone.
"Well, he seems to be just fine so there's no need for that. You don't have to worry about me now."
"Aunt Ming, he's not fine. Look." Mack reached out to take hold of Jansen's scarf, holding it for her to see. "It's bloody, and his coat is bloody too… he must have gotten hurt in the cave!"
Taking a hold of his small fist Jansen prised the fingers open carefully, freeing himself and standing up. His gaze came to rest on Ming for a second before darting away to look at just about anything else.
"Don't worry kiddo, I was just fighting my way out when your grand… er… Kaim… well, when he came in to get me."
Kaim nodded in agreement, stepping forward and patting Mack on the head.
"That's right, he fought off a monster and I found him at the entrance of the cave."
Cooke looked at them scathingly, raising her eyebrow when Jansen nodded enthusiastically.
"Oh really… so that's why he has a potion stain on his clothes and it took you a long time to get back out here?"
Ming laughed, eyeing the two men wisely before turning back to the snow man they had begun building.
"You should finish this soon children. I think it's time to go."
Kneeling on the ground, Jansen packed the remaining food haphazardly into his backpack. Everyone else had already set off but his bag seemed to have had a major malfunction and spilt everywhere. The malfunction probably being about 4 foot tall and having short brown hair.
Kneeling beside him, Kaim began picking up the last of the things and handing them to him. Usually curiosity didn't bother him but he still wondered why Jansen had said those strange things to him in the cave.
Jansen eyed him suspiciously, taking a bottle of drink and sipping it before offering it to him.
"I know what you want… you want me to tell you what I was babbling about in there don't you?"
Kaim smirked, holding up his hands.
"Guilty as charged. I can't say I'm not curious."
Jansen glanced at the retreating crowd to make sure that everybody was a sufficient distance away before turning to answer him with a sigh.
"Fine, but don't blame me if I get all emotional on you."
Taking in a deep breath he opened his mouth to speak, closing it and then opening again. He was muttering something under his breath and once again his hand rose to smooth down his hair, just as before.
" I feel useless… there, I said it. It's actually completely pointless having me in your little group and if I'm honest, which I am, the others aren't much use to you either. I'm a mage, but so is Ming, Sarah, Cooke, Mack… seriously, there's a lot of us. I can't help thinking that you don't need me… so I end up hanging around, making everybody angry and getting beaten up by ten year olds!"
"You must have a lot of bruises…" Kaim mused playfully.
"Well, yeah… I actually do." Jansen pulled a face, seemingly unsure of what to make of that comment. "It's just… my whole life I've been that same useless, annoying nobody that people really don't want around. Don't you wonder why I pay women to sleep with me? It's not out of the goodness of my heart if you would ever think that. People do rather enjoy telling me how they wish I would just go away… I don't think many people in my entire life have told me they want me around. And now that somebody has it's a Queen! I mean… what the hell is that? I'm dawdling along wishing I could go home and then a Queen is hitting on me."
"She does seem to have taken a shine to you." Kaim nodded in agreement, thinking back to the many tense moments they had been in together.
"Yeah, a big shine… a really huge shine, like a sun. She told me that her memories were unlocked again because of me… I didn't even do anything, I mean I just sat there and that was it and then I'm unlocking memories? I don't really know what to say to that. The worst thing is, I like her too… I mean, I actually love her… and I can never have her, and I don't know what I should say or do about it. Basically she's immortal and I'm clearly not and she's a Queen and I'm really not anybody… so to sum it up I'm weak, useless and completely lost and I thought it would be better if I just took the opportunity to just… go."
Shifting his bag onto his back, Jansen turned to look at him directly. It was somehow a little sad to hear him being so honest about things. Reaching out his hand, Kaim patted him on the shoulder.
"Everybody gets lost sometimes. Even me… an immortal. Everybody has times when they don't know what to do, or what use they are to anybody but you should try not to dwell on these things. The thing is you're really not as useless as you seem to think you are. If you hadn't been with Ming she might have been unable to find us and Cooke and Mack wouldn't be here. Sarah and I might also have been trapped for a long time… those are a few times when you've been a good person to have around. As for love… the only thing you can do is go along with it… it might seem hard but that's sometimes the way it has to be."
Kaim cleared his throat, taking his arm away and shaking his head.
"Wow…" Jansen laughed. "I think that may be the most amount of words I have ever heard you speak."
"Don't get used to it. Now come on…"
Jansen nodded, pulling the bloody scarf from around his neck and stuffing it into his pocket as he walked alongside him. In the distance Ming and Sarah had stopped to wait for them.
"Don't tell anybody about this okay? You might know I lost my man card in there but nobody else does and I'd like to keep it that way."