I do not own The Outsiders, SE Hinton does. Copyright 1967, Speak Press.
It was ten o'clock at night when I pulled the truck into our driveway after work. I was exhausted after having to lug heavy boxes around the warehouse all night. How could Dad do this every day? I thought when I can barely do it myself? I wiped away the tears forming in my eyes and swallowed the lump forming in my throat so that Sodapop and Ponyboy wouldn't see me crying. I needed to be strong for them. I walked inside and hung my toolbelt on the hook inside the closet door before slumping down in Dad's armchair. God, how I wanted a cold beer! But I couldn't have one no matter how bad I wanted it. It would look pretty freaking bad to social services if they found out from one of our neighbours that I was drinking even if it was only one beer. I ran a hand through my hair not even wanting to think about that right now. My eyes felt heavy and before I knew it I had fallen asleep in the armchair. I woke up to the screen door banging shut for what was probably the thousandth time. For heaven's sake, I thought, can't they just shut the door properly for once? I looked up to see Sodapop flinging off his shoes and taking off his jacket.
"Don't throw your coat on the floor," I yawned. "What time is it Soda?"
"It's one o'clock in the morning, Darry" Soda answered.
"What?!" I was awake now. "Where's Ponyboy?!"
"Relax, Dar he probably didn't want to wake you and is bed already" Soda soothed, "I'll go check"
Soda was gone for less than a minute before he came running back with a look of panic on his face.
"Dar, he isn't home yet" Soda said worriedly.
"No," I said and could feel the panic rising inside of me.
"Darry, maybe he's just late getting in from the movies. He's with Two-Bit and Johnny so they probably just got caught up or something"
"I highly doubt it Soda," I snapped worriedly, "If that was the case he'd only be a half hour late at the most. I think we should call the cops"
I reached for the phone when I felt Soda's hand grab my wrist. I whipped around and looked at Soda,
"What the heck are you doing Soda?!" I shouted.
"Darry, think for a second" Soda protested "If you called the cops they would probably report back to social services that Ponyboy is missing and once he's found the two of us would get thrown in a boy's home"
"You're right, Soda," I agreed, "I'll call our neighbours and Mrs. Mathews and see if they've seen him anywhere."
I picked up the phone and called around the neighbourhood for the next half hour and there was still no sign of Ponyboy. I sat in the armchair again and pinched the bridge of my nose and thought, oh God, Ponyboy, where are you? I decided to sit out on the armchair and read the newspaper to calm my nerves. Soda offered to keep watch with me.
"You don't have to do that, Soda" I sighed, "Just go to bed and I'll deal with him"
"It's ok, Darry" Soda assured me, "You shouldn't be out here alone, I'll sit on the couch"
"Ok, fine, but if you get tired go on to bed" I ordered.
I kept looking at the same page in the newspaper, wishing that Ponyboy would just come home. I hoped to God he wasn't beaten to death by the socs and lying in a gutter somewhere. What would Mom and Dad say if they were alive? The phone ringing snapped me out of my thoughts. It was Mrs. Mathews.
"Hi Darrel, Keith just came home and said he left Ponyboy and Johnny close to your place so they can't be too far." Mrs. Mathews informed me.
"Thanks, Mrs. Mathews." I looked over at the couch and saw Sodapop was fast asleep and shook my head.
"You're welcome dear, I hope he comes home soon"
"I hope so too," I breathed. "Thanks again, Mrs. Mathews, goodbye"
"Anytime dear, goodbye"
Almost as soon as I hung up the phone I heard the gate creak and saw Ponyboy sneaking up to the house. Oh thank God, I thought, he's alright. The front door opened and Ponyboy snuck in hoping to evade me. Oh no you don't I thought looking over at the clock and seeing that it was two in the morning. I stood up fast and threw aside the newspaper.
"Where the heck have you been?! Do you know what time it is?!" I screamed.
Ponyboy just stood there shaking his head wordlessly and I wanted to throttle an answer out of him.
"Well, it's two o'clock in the morning kiddo!" I shouted, "Another hour and I would have had the police out after you!"
I kept screaming, beyond caring what the neighbours thought of me right now, "Where were you Ponyboy?!" I could feel my voice rising "Where in the gosh almighty universe were you?!"
"I-I went to sleep in the lot," he stammered nervously.
"You what?!" I screamed, waking up Soda.
"Hey Ponyboy," he mumbled sleepily, "Where ya been?"
I ignored Soda for the moment and focused on the incredibly thoughtless kid in front of me.
"I didn't mean to," Ponyboy was pleading now, "I was talking to Johnny and we both dropped off…"
At this point I didn't want to hear it and hollered:
"I reckon it never occurred to you that your brothers might be worrying their heads off and afraid to call the police because something like that could get you thrown into a boy's home so fast it'd make your head spin." I was seething now and beyond angry. "And you fell asleep in the lot?! Ponyboy, what on Earth is the matter with you?! Can't you use your head?! You haven't even got a coat on!"
"I said I didn't mean to…" Ponyboy yelled, tears falling down his face.
I could have cared less that he was crying right now. I was beyond sympathy and tired of him spewing the same old bull out of his mouth.
"I didn't mean to!" I roared. "I didn't think! I forgot! That's all I ever hear out of you! Can't you think of anything?!"
"Darry…" Sodapop was starting up now too defending Ponyboy and belittling my authority just like he always fucking does.
"You shut up!" I bellowed at Sodapop. "I'm sick and tired of hearin' you stick up for him!"
"You don't yell at him!" I heard Ponyboy shout.
At that moment, I was so sick and tired of Sodapop, Ponyboy and all of this bullshit that I became engulfed by a white hot rage. I wheeled around and slapped Ponyboy as hard as I could across the face and it knocked him against the door. I couldn't breathe for a moment and looked down and my hand where it had turned red and then up at Ponyboy's face where a bright red handprint shaped welt had started to form.
"Ponyboy…" I pleaded, but it was too late.
Ponyboy sprang up and ran out the door as fast as his feet could carry him. I ran after him and called pleadingly,
"Pony, I didn't mean to!"
It was too late though and he was gone. Besides, why would he believe the same tired old "I didn't mean to" excuse he always used? No one in our family had ever hit him before. Now, I had gone and done just that to him. He must think I'm a goddamn monster.
"Oh, Sodapop," I moaned, covering my face with my hands, "What the fuck have I done?"