This was all her fault. Before her he was a cool, Zen guy who was too busy not caring to worry about anything at all. But he was worried this time. He never worried. Once he moved in with the Forman's, he had no reason to. Then along came Jackie Burkhart…with, with her mismatched eyes, and her bouncy chocolate curls, and…see this is part of the problem! She has him thinking these embarrassing things that he would never say out loud, and that annoyed her. It annoyed her that he couldn't express his feelings like a girl like Kelso, Fez, or Eric could. He was terrified that she was eventually going to go back to Kelso to get this.
He didn't really think Brooke was hot, ok well he did, but he thought Jackie was the hottest they go. He thought she knew that. It was no doubt not the smartest thing to say when they had just gotten back together. He glanced at himself in his mirror, disgusted with himself. Why did he have to go and say that? Especially since tonight was their first date since the break up. Hopefully she wouldn't bring it up tonight, but knowing Jackie, she will.
He dabbed a bit of cologne on his neck, and then put on his sunglasses. He was ready. His thoughts were interrupted by a soft yet obnoxious tapping at his door. That was how he knew it was Jackie. He opened the door, ready as he'll ever be.
"Hey Jackie, you rea-" He stopped, the door swinging shut behind him. "Ready. " She was standing there in a tight, strapless purple dress and silver high heel that gave her and extra three inches. She always looked nice on their dates but she had really out done herself this time.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" She practically giggled, smoothing her out her dress and picking at her teeth as if she had something in them.
"You look beautiful." He stated honestly. She looked up, obviously surprised at the compliment. She smiled giddily.
"Thank you. So…" She began, linking her arm with his own. "Shall we?"
Normally he would say something smart-ass, but her joyful glow made him happy just to respond "We shall."
Hyde had made reservations to this fancy restaurant Jackie really liked, something he rarely did except for on her birthday or Valentine's Day or something. But tonight felt important. He opened the door for her to the El Camino and she stepped in, smiling at him in thanks. He put the car in drive and drove off. It would take a while to get to the restaurant. She started blabbing on about her school-work, and what she wanted to do after high school. He would be lying if he said he had been paying attention, but he had a good reason. She kept distracting him. Her soft skin was just there, out in the open, and begging to be touched. He wondered what she would do if he just reached over, brushed her curls behind her shoulder and kissed her neck. Oh how amazing that would be.
"Steven? Steven! Are you even listening to me?" Jackie snapped.
"Of course I am." Steven lied.
"Okay, well then what did I just say?" Jackie shot back.
He sighed. She caught him. "I don't know." Jackie rolled her eyes and began to say something, but before she had the chance, Hyde held up his hand to her soft lips. She was silent. "I don't know what you were saying," he began. "But I do know what I was thinking. I was thinking about how great it is to be right here, with you. You are much more beautiful than Brooke will ever be and I…I'm sorry." He slowly lowered his hand from her lips, both mesmerized by each other that neither of them saw the light had turned green.
A horn honked from behind and Hyde pressed on the gas. Jackie started giggling, and soon he too was laughing. She scooted over in her seat and rested her head on Hyde's shoulder. He turned towards the window so she wouldn't see his smile get bigger and then he wrapped his arm around her and placed a kiss on her head.
"You smell nice." She muffled into his jacket.
He smirked to himself. Although he would never admit this, he had bought it just for her. She was always going on about how sexy she thought cologne was and how even though she liked it, it would be nice for him to smell like something other than marijuana every once in a while. They pulled in to the restaurant and a pretty boy in fancy clothes showed them to their seats.
"Steven! I love this place! It reminds me of when I was little, and my nanny couldn't take care of me, and my parents would have to take me to their business dinners. I told myself I would be the one at the business meetings with my husband." Jackie reminisced wistfully. Then she got a sad look in her eyes. "I wanted to be just like my mom."
She looked down and without even thinking about it, he reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. He knew how hard her mom being gone was on her, even if she never said it out loud. She looked up and smiled genuinely at him. She knew that he really was really trying to make her feel better, even if he didn't act like it all the time. But she longed for the moments where he stopped being Hyde and started being Steven, or even more so, the ones where he stopped being Steven and started being her Steven. That's why she would never really want him to be like this all the time, even though she acted like it.
The ordered their food and they just sat there for about ten minutes in silence, simply taking in their surroundings. She made a squeaking sound with her lips and he just nodded silently.
"This is the best date ever." She joked, breaking the tension. They laughed, both knowing exactly what she was referring to. Soon, they were talking about all sorts of things. Joking about his burn daily burn on Eric, laughing about whatever ridiculous thing they had heard Fez say, and somehow the topic of Kelso being a dad turned serious.
"What would you do if that happened to us?" She asked curiously. He swallowed hard, and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. I mean, as scary as this thought was, it wasn't entirely impossible. But it was unlikely.
"Are you trying to tell me something Jackie?" He half joked. Jackie just rolled her eyes.
"Of course not but Steven I'm being serious!" She whined, giving him her best puppy dog face. He sighed, running a hand through his curls.
"I don't know, doll" He answered honestly, "I guess we'd just have to get through it." That was too scary a thought to be seriously thinking about. What was even scarier was that when he pictured them sitting on a porch with her belly out to God knows where or a baby in her arms, it didn't seem quite so bad.
Shaking this from his thoughts, he focused on getting the check. Hand in hand, he led her back to car.
"Thank you for a lovely dinner Steven." She gushed happily. "So. What are we going to do now?"
"Well" he started, "I'm not opposed to doing it." She giggled. T
"No. I was thinking we could go to the reservoir?" She suggested shyly, as if she was embarrassed to be suggesting they do something sentimental. "Kind of like our first date." She added on.
"Okay" he agreed surprisingly. He wasn't stupid. He knows it was hard on her to take him back. Especially since her mom was gone, and she had no one to turn to for comfort other than Donna, and Donna wasn't that great at it. He needed to let her know he needed her, wanted her, hell couldn't breathe without her! And if breaking his Zen every once in a while was what he needed to do, he would do it.
They pulled into the reservoir and Hyde helped her out of the car. She sat down on the hood of his car and when expected to find him next to her, instead she found him reaching into the El Camino. He finally pulled out and by then music was circulating in the air. He walked up to her slowly.
"Wanna dance?" He asked sheepishly, holding his hand out for her. A smile slowly spread on her face and she slipped out of her heels and joined him on the grass. They started to dance and then something strange occurred to Jackie.
"Steven, this is Frank Sinatra." She stated, even though it sounded more like a question.
"What's your point?" He shot back.
"It's Sinatra." She said again, as if it were obvious, which is totally was.
"Look do you want to keep dancing?" He teased. She just rolled her eyes, and rested her head on his shoulder. Their dancing slowed a bit and then Jackie asked the question he knew he was going to hear at least once tonight.
"Did you mean it?" She asked quietly. "Or were you just saying that because you wanted to get back together?" He sighed. Normally he'd refuse to answer a question like this.
"Jackie, I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it." He was prepared for her to ask him to say it, because he was more than certain she would. Here it comes he thought. She lifted her head up.
"Okay." She simply said, and she laid her head back down. He was left stunned and with an unfamiliar sinking of his heart. Had he possibly wanted her to ask him to say it? No. Well? If he said it without her asking, he would be on her good side for weeks and we would certainly be getting lucky tonight. Oddly enough, this only occurred to him for merely a few seconds. He wanted to tell her. He felt that way, why shouldn't she get to know.
"Jackie?"
"Hmm?" She answered softly.
"I love you." He admitted honestly. She stopped and looked up at him in total shock. He expected her to jump up and down at the rare expression of his feelings, but she didn't. Then he almost expected her to jump him, because she was so happy. She didn't do that either. Instead, she reached up and softly stroked his sideburns, happy tears filling her eyes, and kissed him. It was…soft and passionate and tender. Her head was tilted sideways and she kept her soft hands on the sides of his face. He brought his right hand up to her face and circled his thumb behind her ear.
They eventually broke apart, but they still had their foreheads pressed together, holding each other in a tight embrace. He kissed her forehead softly and continued to sway to the music.
He's never been as satisfied as he was that night. He was hoping that when he married Sam, that would change, but still nothing can replace the feeling of being so completely content to tell her exactly how she felt.
Hyde heard the basement door open to find Jackie standing there. She awkwardly walked in and sat on the couch.
"Hey" He said weirdly.
"Hey" She responded weakly. She sat there, fidgeting with her hands. "Do you mind if I turn on the TV?" He gestured towards the TV, as if to say "be my guest". She had been like this since Sam got here. Timid. It was as if he being here sucked the fiery power out of her. Hopefully this will change now that Sam was gone. Wait, Jackie probably doesn't know that yet!
"Sam left." He told her. He waited for her to reply. She just nodded and muttered "cool". He sunk in his chair, confused at how something could have no effect on her at all, when it would have made her so happy a few months together. "I thought you would have been happy." She still had no real reaction; she just sat there with her head down. Then he realized, she was crying.
He quickly went to the couch, completely confused about why she was crying. Shouldn't she be happy? She hated Sam. Rubbing her back when she wouldn't let him hold her, he sighed and looked at the TV. Then the dots connected and realization kicked in.
It was "The Price is Right." His heart tore and he hung his head in his hands. Then he skillfully pulled Jackie to him and she finally wrapped her arms around him and cried into his chest. Every tear she cried was killing him. He was the one that did this to her. He'd never felt so ashamed in his entire life. She quit crying and looked up at him, and giggled nervously. She sniffled and wiped her eyes as she headed to leave.
"Well, I better get going. I'm very sorry Steven about Samantha, I really am."
"Jackie, wait. I'm sorry." She turned around to face him. She slapped her hands on her thighs.
"Why?" She asked, exasperated.
"Look Jackie, I'm sorry that things between us didn't work out the way you...the way we wanted them to." He said sincerely "I can't believe I let you go. You were the first person in my entire life that made me feel happy to be…Steven." She nodded.
"It's okay. I guess it was my fault." She said. She quickly turned and left the basement, slamming the door softly behind her.
He fell back into his chair wondering how she had gotten to the point where she had convinced herself, that it was her fault.