Jim has a crisis of faith after the Narada
"What if I'm not good enough? What if… everything that happened, the drill, Nero, the warp core. What if that is all just some big string of flukes?" Jim was pressed against the edge of his bed, handle of whiskey still slung between his fingers. McCoy sat next to him, eyeing the bottle with a dizzying gaze. He leaned into Jim's shoulder to snag the bottle, the alcohol's haze blurring the lines of physical contact more thoroughly than their friendship already had.
"What I don get," McCoy muttered huskily, taking a long drawn swig of the alcohol. The burn had faded a bottle ago, the two men drinking like the fishes their pasts had made them to be. "Is how tha many accidents makes you think that you're one. When we both know every single damn time you put yourself out there in those damn dangerous scenes, and danger follows you Jim. It wants you bad. So bad sometimes I think you're steps from saying yes just cause it has seduced you as much as you seduced it."
Jim snorted, resting his cheek on McCoy's shoulder. He reached across their bodies for the bottle. "It's a comfort."
"You're a comfort," McCoy growled as the bottle was taken from him. Jim winked at him sluggishly as he inhaled another gulp of liquor. McCoy stared, watching as Jim let loose his held breath a gasp of relief, and remembered the occasions where Jim Kirk had breathed like it was his last breath. "You're entire life is an accident, Jim. Everything is just chance; a chance that didn't have to happen but did and you better than anyone, roll with the dice that were cast. That's why danger makes you act like a kid chasing skirts."
"Whater you saying?" Jim grumbled, the bottle sitting in his lap as he twirled it by its spout. McCoy sighed and pulled Jim into his side, pressing his forehead to the young captain's temple.
"It doesn't matter if you are good enough, Jim," Bones whispered, his breathing evening out as slumber drew him. He felt Jim relax into the brace, still awake and listening, but blinks away from sleep. "It matters if you can make all the bad come out good. That's what… I'm saying."
So I haven't uploaded anything in a very long long long time. School sucks.; it sucks out your motivation and inspiration but somehow I managed to write this. Maybe it's a come back.