Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon. I am a disgustingly poor graduate student, so don't sue me.

Summary: Hino Rei was forced to grow up far too early. Now, she struggles to find happiness and love, and desperately wants to find a place where she fits with her peers. Becoming a Sailor Senshi has many ups and down, but can she, with the help of her friends, find the place where she truly belongs?

This Chapter: Mamoru and Rei's relationship is blossoming into a deep and understanding love, when Rei has a vision of Mamoru as Tuxedo Kamen and Usagi as the Moon Princess. How will she balance her feelings for Mamoru with her destiny as a Sailor Senshi?

Warnings: (This chapter :) There are none really, a bit of angst and a mildly depressing storyline. This chapter is heavy on Mamoru/Rei, but not in the 'she stole Usagi's man!' kind of way. This chapter is set just before episode 33 (29 in the dub): The Last Sailor Warrior, Sailor Venus Appears (Sailor V Makes the Scene).

.O.

Esprit d'Incendie

A Sailor Moon Fanfiction

By Flutterby Ashes

Chapter 1: A Destined Love Reborn

.O.

Mamoru sighed, feeling stressed at the level of difficulty of his assignment. Not for the first time, he wished that he'd wanted to be something other than a doctor. He'd been in school for what seemed like forever, and every week's assignments were more daunting than the last. He glanced to his right to see his girlfriend, Hino Rei, staring furiously down at her calculus homework, looking about as confused as he felt. He wondered why the girl was even taking calculus. Sure, she was smart, and her school was one of the more academically rigorous institutions around, but she had taken as an elective. 'Who willingly takes calculus?' he groaned inwardly, wishing that she wasn't working on homework as well; he could use a distraction.

"Why are you even in that class?" he asked, causing her to look up at him. She groaned.

"My father," was her simple reply, and he nodded sympathetically.

Hino Takashi was not a compassionate man. He was a politician, a congressman, and one of the best in Japan at that. It was rumored that the only thing he'd ever loved more than his career was his late wife, Mariko. She'd passed away in a tragic accident many years ago, when she'd slipped and fell while chasing her five year old daughter around her father's temple. It was something Takashi had never forgiven his daughter for. He'd blamed her the night that he had to pull his wife off of life support, declaring that he'd never wanted children, but his wife had insisted on at least having one and he'd relented. After Mariko died, he grew to detest his young daughter, mostly because of how much she resembled her mother. Just a few short weeks after her death, Takashi had shipped his daughter off to live with her grandfather at the very temple that had taken his beloved wife's life.

Not wanting to soil his political image, he made sure to dine out with Rei at least once a month for lunch, always at some place public enough that a wandering photographer or newscaster would catch them and then write a report about how he was doing such a fantastic job as a career man and a doting single father. He had insisted that Rei attend a rigorous, all-girls Catholic school, known for their high standards and the obscenely large number of girls that went on to attend university. He planned all of her course schedules, determining what classes she would take to ensure that she looked like the model child. Rei threw herself into those near impossible courses with all of the vigor she could muster, slaving over her homework assignments, and spending hours every night working to ensure that she would still get high marks. She always held on to the small hope that one afternoon, her father would see her report card and smile, or maybe even call her to tell her that she had done a good job, that he was proud of her.

He was in awe of her work ethic; he knew she had to work hard to keep up with everything that she had going on. She went to school, taking advanced classes all the way, came home to work at the temple most school nights and at least one day each weekend, and spent hours at home working on school assignments. He wondered if she ever slept, and asked her the question.

"What?" she said, bringing her head up to look at him. "Of course I sleep; it's kind of a basic need of life, Mamo-chan."

He laughed then, realizing how ridiculous his question had sounded. "Rei, I didn't mean it so literally. That calculus is really starting to get to you; it's killing your sense of humor!" She glared at him then, but he could see the smile in her eyes. "You work too hard. How much sleep do you get each night?" he asked, a softer tone in his voice. "Oh," she whispered. "I don't know, maybe four or five hours during the week? I can never sleep any longer than that, to be honest, and napping is usually impossible for me."

He shook his head, half wanting to scold her for not taking better care of herself, but he knew it would be in vain. She was, as far as he knew, a perfectly healthy individual, and, as stubborn as she was, any arguments he made to the contrary were certain to fall upon deaf ears. "Why?" she asked, her homework seemingly forgotten. He shrugged, saying, "No reason. It's just amazing how you're able to do all of the stuff that you do. Don't you ever want time to yourself?" She laughed lightly, and to Mamoru it sounded almost sad. "Mamo-Chan, I am by myself most of the time, remember? Especially at the temple."

He regretted asking her that as soon as she'd responded. He knew that she didn't have many friends, and most of the other girls at her school were intimidated by her Shinto beliefs. There were a few that practically adored her, but they were too scared to actually approach her. He knew that she was lonely.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, sliding his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close to him. He felt her shake her head against his chest as she murmured, "It's fine."

On a whim, he reached down to tilt her chin up, leaning down to brush his lips against hers. She seemed surprised by his actions, but she kissed him back, granting him entrance as his tongue slid along her lower lip. He brought his free hand up to tangle in her hair, weaving his fingers through the soft ebony strands.

He loved this girl; she was beautiful, smart, funny, and complicated. He wanted to figure her out, to make her spill all of her secrets to him, and to kiss her tears away whenever she was sad. His feelings for her had crept in unexpectedly. When they'd started dating, he was only interested in finding someone with similar interests to spend time with, but now he was interested in all of her.

He pushed her to the floor gently, not breaking their kiss, and pulled her body against his, tangling their legs together. One hand roamed across her back, feeling the smooth but powerful muscles underneath. His hand yearned to slide lower, to cup the curve of her backside and claim that flesh as his own, but he knew better than to do that. She was too young for him to take her body, and they both knew it.

It was so easy for him to forget her age; she had been like him, forced to grow up at a young age and take on responsibilities that most other children would never dream of having to do. It would be so easy for him to lose control, and he wasn't completely confident that she would stop him if he did. After several long moments, he reluctantly pulled his lips from hers, moving to kiss her cheek, her nose, and finally her forehead, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close. "I love you," he whispered into her hair, glad that he couldn't see her face, knowing what emotions would be brewing in her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered.

She never said it, and he understood why. Love was something, possibly one of the only things, that truly scared her. She had already lost too many people that she had loved, and she was reluctant to show affection to her own grandfather. Yet, those who knew her could understand her confliction. He remembered what she'd whispered to him after he'd declared his affections, as she tried to explain why she didn't know if she would ever be able to admit that she returned them. "If you love someone, then you can lose them," she'd said, her voice thick with tears. "I don't want to lose anyone else." He'd tried to explain to her that what she said wouldn't change how she felt in her heart, and that it would still hurt just the same if she lost someone whether or not she told them how she felt, but she refused to see his point of view. He understood though, and still held on to the hope that one day she would be able to let go of her fears and be honest with herself. He hated seeing the conflict in her eyes when he said it; being able to see the love and the fear brewing together always tore at him, but he thought it was important that she knew just how important she was to him, so he told her anyway.

They lay together like that for some time, with his hand twirling idly through her hair, relaxing in one another's company and thinking about nothing in particular. Finally, he broke the silence, asking, "Do you want help?" She turned her head to look up and him, and he was surprised to see how tired she looked. "What?" she asked, confused. "With your homework," he replied easily, leaning his head down to catch her in a quick kiss. "Oh," she murmured. "Sure, that would be great." He pulled her up with him, moving to sit behind her with his arms and legs wrapped around her.

"Oh, Mamo-Chan!" she gasped, noticing his own, unfinished assignment on the table. "No, you need to finish your work too." He shook his head. "That's not due for a while, Rei. I have plenty of time. Besides, I'd rather help you with this."

Roughly an hour later they'd finished, and Rei sighed heavily. "I can't wait until this semester is over; I'll never have to take math again!" Mamoru laughed gently. "Don't you have entrance exams next semester?" She shook her head, smiling brightly. "My school is on a graduated system; all I have to do is pass this year and I move on to the high school." He nodded his understanding. "Makes sense," he murmured, "Your school's pretty selective to begin with."

She glanced up at the clock, noticing that it was a quarter to ten, and shot up, wriggling her way out of Mamoru's arms. "Oh, no!" she exclaimed. "I'm going to miss my bus! Grandpa's going to kill me if I miss curfew again." He stood up behind her, putting a comforting arm on her shoulder. "Relax, Rei. There's no way I'd let you take a bus home by yourself this late anyway. I'll drive you." She smiled at him gratefully, and he took her hand to lead her out of the apartment.

.O.

Mamoru didn't live far from the temple, and she was climbing up the stairs just as ten o'clock arrived. Yuichirou was still up, sweeping down the veranda to clear it of all of the leaves that had fallen that evening. "Ohayo, Rei-san!" he greeted as she approached, and she'd smiled. "Ohayo, Yuichirou. Is there anything you need me to help with?" He shook his head. "Grandpa wanted to talk to you about something, but he didn't say what it was. Did you want me to start a fire for a bath for you?" he offered, but she shook her head. "It's okay," she said quietly, resisting the urge to yawn. "I'll take care of it. Goodnight, Yuichirou!" she called as she headed into the main house. "Goodnight, Rei-san," he murmured, mildly concerned about the fatigue that was evident on her pretty face.

'No, Yuichirou,' she scolded himself. 'You fell on your ass because of a woman; you don't need to go chasing after another one now.' He sighed, resuming his sweeping and trying to disperse the thoughts of the school girl from his mind.

"Grandpa?" she called, heading into the hallway that housed their bedrooms. The man poked his head out of his own room, regarding her suspiciously. "In here, now," he demanded, and she blanched, wondering what it was that he could be acting so serious about. He gestured for her to sit at the table in the middle of the room, and she obliged, curling her legs underneath herself. He wasted no time. "Were you with that boy again, Rei?" he asked, his voice sounding tired. She furrowed her brow; he had always like Mamoru. "I was," she said slowly. "He was helping me with some calculus homework." The old man nodded, but his face still looked concerned. "The fire showed me…oh, never mind." Her curiosity piqued, she prodded him for more information. "The fire showed you what, Grandpa? And don't you lie to me; I'll ask it myself." He sighed, knowing that she was right. The fire did tend to reveal more to her than it did to him anyway.

"Something is going to happen, Rei, between you and this boy. I saw you, and you were sad, because of it, but you kept saying that it was destiny and that you had to let go."

Rei suddenly found her hands very interesting and studied them intensely. "Oh," she whispered. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, bringing his head to rest by hers. "The fire always tells you more than it does me. You should ask it tomorrow." He kissed her cheek lightly. "Not tonight though, you need your rest, and if I know you you'll sit in front of that fire for hours and won't get a wink of sleep." He laughed lightly, releasing his hold on her. "Now go on," he said, "I need to get my beauty sleep." She headed toward the door, pausing before she slid it shut again. "Thank you, Grandpa," she whispered, and he nodded. It made him sad to see his granddaughter look so down, but he knew she had a right to no. 'The fire wouldn't have shown that to me if it didn't want me to warn her,' he thought to himself.

.O.

Rei glanced at the clock, glaring at the fluorescent numbers that told her it was 2:14 in the morning. After her conversation with her grandfather, she'd taken a quick bath before going back to her room to try and get some more homework done. At around one, she'd decided that she was tired enough to go to sleep, but despite her physical fatigue she'd been unable to fall asleep. Her mind was reeling with the information that he grandfather had given her, and she was understandably worried about it. Hopefully he would let her meditate as soon as she got home from school instead of having her sell charms and fortunes with Yuichirou so she could uncover the meaning of his vision.

After another hour of not being able to attain sleep, she relented, crawling out of her bed and walking as silently as possible down the hallway. The sacred fire was calm when she entered, resting peacefully in its grate, but it leapt to life at her entrance, like an excited puppy pleased to see their master return home. She knelt in front of it, closing her eyes and relaxing her mind. When she was ready, she chanted "Rin, Pyou, Tou, Sha, Kai, Jin, Retsu, Zai, Zen!" opening her eyes on the completion of the nine syllables to see what the fire had to offer her.

She saw Mamoru and Usagi riding in an elevator of a building that looked to be completely taken over by the Negaverse. Four Sailor Senshi, herself, Jupiter, Mercury, and a girl with long blond hair who she assumed to be Venus attempted to break into the building. She gasped as she saw Mamoru turn into Tuxedo Kamen, and felt tears leap to her eyes as she saw Zoisite wound him. She saw Sailor Moon, kneeling over his still form, as a single tear rolled down her cheek. The tear glowed with a brilliant light, and the seven rainbow crystals rushed forward, fusing with the tear and forming into the brilliant Silver Crystal. The Silver Crystal presented itself to Sailor Moon, and she transformed into the Moon Princess before their stunned eyes. The fire roared toward the ceiling, clearing away the images before falling dormant in its grate.

She couldn't move.

Mamoru was Tuxedo Kamen. Usagi was the Moon Princess. They were destined to be with one another, weren't they? That was what Tuxedo Kamen had said when he explained why he needed the Rainbow Crystals. What about her and Mamoru? Her heart seemed to crumble in her chest. Once they recovered the Silver Crystal, they wouldn't be together anymore. They'd be ripped apart because of destiny. Would Mamoru even care? Tuxedo Kamen had been so adamant about finding the Princess so she could restore his memories. She knew in her heart that once he remembered the Princess, she'd become just a distant memory in his mind; maybe he'd even forget all about her.

She didn't realize when she'd started crying, as lost in her thoughts as she was, but she came crashing back to reality as she felt warm arms wrapping their way around his chest, hearing Yuichirou whisper, "It's going to be alright, Rei-san." She broke then, sobbing quietly against his chest while he held her tightly. "Whatever it is, it'll be alright." She nodded, taking comfort in his embrace, feeling her physical exhaustion catching up to her as she cried herself to sleep. He noticed, and reached down to dry her cheeks. He decided to take her to her bed, and wrapped his arms around her as easily as he could without waking her.

Yuichirou lifted her gently, and then started as he saw her grandfather standing in the doorway. His face was drawn and serious, an expression that he hadn't seen often, and it worried him slightly. The old man sighed, murmuring softly, "I wish she'd stop caring so much for people who only wind up hurting her." The man's eyes focused on the fire intensely. "I wonder what it is that's going to happen. Something she'll never tell us about, I'm sure."

He sighed again, bringing a hand up to rub his temple. "Thank you, Yuichirou," he said quietly, before heading back down toward the rooms. He followed the man, bidding him goodnight as they reached his room. He deposited Rei on her bed gently, reaching underneath her to grab her sheets and cover her with them. He was surprised to see her tired deep violet eyes watching him intensely. "Thank you, Yuichirou," she whispered tiredly, reaching a hand up to cup his cheek. "You're so kind." Her eyes drifted shut, and her hand fell limply down from his face.

He was glad that she had fallen asleep so that she couldn't see how deeply those words made him flush.

.O.

"Hino-san?"

Rei snapped her head up from the work she was attempting. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before, and the sleep that she had gotten left her feeling restless and sore. She met the deep brown eyes of a girl she knew of from the high school, flushing slightly at the fact that she had sought her out specifically.

"You're Sato Hikari, right?" she asked, feeling relieved when the girl smiled. "Yes," she said. "I'm so sorry to bother you during study hall," Rei shook her head, showing that she should not be so concerned, "but I was wondering if you would be interested in joining the archery team next year?"

"Archery?" she asked, her voice quiet. "I don't know; I haven't practiced in a long time," she admitted. When she was younger, she had been a junior champion in the sport, with her grandfather's coaching. When she had started at the TA Academy she'd gotten so busy with other things that she hadn't really kept up with you. "Oh," Hikari said, sounded a bit disappointed. "Well, if you're on the fence about it, we're having an open practice next week. It might be worth it to try again and see if you're still any good."

She smiled warmly, and Rei decided that she liked this girl. "Thank you for telling me," she said, honestly. "I'll definitely have to come by." At this, Hikari cracked a huge smile. "Oh, thank you! I don't think you ever really lose your skill; you'll be great! Plus, it'll be so nice to have someone new on the team. Most of us are juniors now, so it's been the same for a while." Rei smiled softly, still fighting the bad mood she was in, and thanked Hikari again. The girl bowed politely before ducking out of the library, apologizing for taking up so much of her time in study hall.

She tried to focus on her school work again and failed miserably. Her thoughts kept drifting to everything she had seen in the fire, and her mind kept painting more and more pictures of Mamoru and Usagi together, one of her closest friends taking the place in Mamoru's heart that she had believed was reserved for her alone.

She was going to end it. Today.

She didn't care how much it hurt her or Mamoru; after all, he would understand once Usagi woke his memories. She couldn't live in a charade. She knew that every touch and kiss would be short lived, and that their true happiness was no longer attainable, so she didn't see the point in dragging the relationship on. In the end, he would be okay. He would be happy with Usagi, wouldn't he? She would be happy one day too, or at least she fervently hoped so.

The rest of the day flew by uneventfully. She'd been unable to focus on her class work throughout the entire day, and several of her teachers had pointed out his peculiar mood. "Hino-san, you're usually such a good student! I won't give you detention this time, but I'd best not catch you dozing off in my class again!" her calculus teacher had yelled, singling her out in front of the entire class and making her blush a deep shade of red. She hated when her teachers called attention to her; it made her feel like a child.

By the time the final bell rang, she was looking forward to the mundane work at the shrine. She hoped that she could spend a little bit of time with Yuichirou and thank him for helping her the night before. He really was a kind man, she mused, but he seemed to know how to push all of her buttons, probably unintentionally. She was convinced that he thought she hated him, but that simply wasn't true. Things around the shrine had been so much better since he had come around. More than anything, she hoped that she could clear her mind of all her negative thoughts and create a solid plan for ending things with Mamoru later that night.

She froze when she walked out into the school yard when she noticed a tall, dark haired man standing at the entrance, causing another student to bump into her roughly. "Geeze, Hino!" the girl yelled. "You'd think you could use your freaky powers to get out of people's way." A few other students chuckled along, and she blushed; she hated feeling embarrassed in front of her peers. As she approached him, Mamoru broke into a wide grin, reaching his hand out to take hers. She blushed deeper as she heard another girl whisper, "THAT'S Hino-san's boyfriend?" She took his hand almost timidly, but he smiled all the same, seemingly oblivious. "Care for a walk home?" he asked, and she nodded; a lump had found it's way into her throat, making it difficult to speak.

As they walked, she was bombarded with images of Mamoru and Usagi. She tried desperately to push them away, growing frustrated when she felt tears pricking at the backs of her eyes. Mamoru must have noticed her distress, because he steered her into a nearby park, guiding her to a bench when they sat for a while in silence.

"What is it?" he ventured quietly. "Did you have a rough day at school?" She'd nodded at that, knowing that it was true. He lifted his arm to wrap it around her shoulders, but she flinched at his touch and pulled away from him gently. "Mamoru," she whispered, her voice cracking in the way that she absolutely hated. He winced at her use of his full name instead of her nickname for him, hearing the crack in her voice that he knew came from unshed tears. "Look at me," he whispered, cupping her chin gently to guide her face toward his.

He sighed, seeing the swirls of emotions in her eyes. She was holding back tears, and he knew that as soon as she blinked again, a few of the crystalline drops would fall. Love, hope, fear, sadness all swirled in her eyes, and it was a strange blend of emotions that he had never seen on her before. "What is it, Rei?" She closed her eyes, and, as expected, a few tears leaked out. He reached forward to brush them away.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"What?" he asked in surprise, pulling away from her, studying her face carefully. "You're serious," he observed, feeling his heart lurch when she opened her eyes to look at him again. "I'm sorry," was all she managed to whisper out, and the words felt like a stake through Mamoru's heart. "Why?" he asked simply, not believing what she was doing. She looked away then, and he knew it was because she was crying now. "You'll understand eventually, Mamoru, I promise. You'll be okay," she whispered.

He sighed heavily, feeling tears coming to his eyes. This was certainly unexpected. "I want to understand now." She groaned. "Mamoru, I need you to trust me. We're not destined to be together, and you'll understand why soon. I wouldn't lie to you," her voice dropped to a whisper. "Not about this."

Mamoru brought his hand up to his forehead, rubbing his temples as he became suddenly angry with her. "How would I know if you lied or not?" he practically hissed, the drastic change in his tone startling her. "You always keep you secrets from me. I should have known somewhere along the line that they would come between us."

"Mamoru!" she gasped. "It's not like that," she began, but he angrily cut her off. "Thank you for reminding me that I don't need to spend my time talking to children, Rei-san." She winced at the honorific, feeling her heart shatter to pieces in her chest. "Mamoru, please," she whispered, and he couldn't take that broken tone in her voice anymore. He stood abruptly and left, leaving Rei rooted to the bench behind him. She could only watch him as he left, silent tears sliding down her cheeks.

It took every ounce of her strength to not jump off that bench to follow him, to kiss him and tell him she was sorry for hurting him, to tell him that she loved him, whispering those words she knew he wanted to hear. The memory of Usagi as the Moon Princess smiling happily at her love, was enough to seal her resolve.

"It has to be this way. It's fate," she whispered to herself, desperately wanting those words to be true.

.O.

Once he'd gotten out of her sight, Mamoru heaved a sigh and sat at a nearby bench. 'Why is she doing this?' he thought angrily. He knew that she was scared to get too close to people, but she'd also said something about destiny. 'How does she know who we're destined to be? Ugh, Mamoru, this is why you need to stay away from little girls. So flighty and irresponsible; she could never have loved you.'

He flinched as he thought those things, knowing in his heart that they weren't true. Rei was nothing if not honest, occasionally brutally so, and she had never given him a reason not to trust her. She did have her fair amount of secrets, but he couldn't blame her for that either, knowing the exact reasons why she strove to keep her heart so guarded. She had alluded to having some psychic abilities with that blasted fire he was too afraid to get close too, so maybe she did know something about destiny. Why had he gotten so angry with her, anyway? She was obviously hurting, and he just had to go and throw all of her insecurities in her face. He would have to go and apologize sometime soon; maybe tomorrow, he mused.

He groaned, grinding the heels of his hands into his eyes in an effort to make sense of all the information jumbling around in his brain.

"Alright, Rei," he murmured into the wind. "I'll trust you."

.O.

AN: A lovely plot bunny that popped into my head while grading papers has become much more than I imagined. I've been on a SM kick lately, re-watching all of the episodes, and I can't believe how much I miss this fandom! Please read and review and leave comments about the story if you'd like. Your comments keep me improving! I always find a thousand errors immediately after I upload, so I might be editing this in the near future; it's been a long time since I wrote anything Sailor Moon or Japanese related. :) Thanks!